FOR DAYS, I SUNK INTO THE DEPTS OF MY THOUGHTS. NOTHING HAPPENED THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE. THAT DAY, I DIDN'T ACCOMPLISH MY MISSION. NOTHING WAS SO CERTAIN TO ME ANYMORE. I COULDN'T STAND IT.

GREY RAINDROPS DARKENED THE DRIVEWAY AS I OPENED THE DOOR TO MY RED TRUCK. I BACKED OUT AND DROVE. DROVE TO WHERE I HAD NEVER BEEN BEFORE; DROVE WITHOUT A THOUGHT. FOR ONCE, I HAD NOTHING TO SAY, BUT IF THERE WAS ONE THING LEFT THAT I KNEW, THAT WAS THAT GRAVESEND WAS NO LONGER MY HOME. THE MEMORIES OF RUNNING UPHILL WITH BICYCLES, OF HITTING THAT FATED BASEBALL, OF WRITING IN THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER, AND OF TALKING TO JOHN DISAPPEARED THE MOMENT THAT GRENADE DENOTED IN JOHN'S HANDS AND NOT MINE.

I PASSED THE MARBLE SLAB NEAR THE LAKE. THE TERRAIN CHANGED AS I THEN MOVED ON TO THE VICTORIANS AND WHERE TRIMMED LAWNS CEDED, THEN TO ROTTING SHACKS AND WHERE BURLY FORESTS BRUSHED OVER THE TOP OF MY TRUCK. THE SUNSET GREETED ME AS I LEFT MY BARREN HOME, WAVING A SOFT GOODBYE AS THE MOONLIGHT CREPT IN.

IT WAS LATE INTO THE TRIP WHEN MY LEFT HEADLIGHT FLICKERED AND FINALLY DIMMED. MY LEFT VIEW DARKENED. THE RIGHT HEADLIGHT DIDN'T FLICKER, BUT TEASED ME GIVING ME VIGOROUS SHOTS OF BEAMING LIGHT FOLLOWED BY LONGER PAUSES OF DARKNESS. TWO HOURS PASSED; MY VISION FADED TO BLACK.

THE LACK OF LIGHT DIDN'T BOTHER ME AT ALL; I CONTINUED TO DRIVE AND RELIED ON THE MOONLIGHT TO ILLUMINATE THE ROAD AHEAD. EVENTUALLY, THE SMOOTH PAVEMENT GAVE WAY TO ROUGH, PEBBLE-FILLED GRAVEL WHICH EVENTUALLY DIMINISHED INTO A DIRT PATH.

THE RED GLARE OF THE CLOCK LIT THE CAR'S INTERIOR. IT WAS TEN FIFTY-FIVE. LOOKING AWAY FROM IT, I COCKED HIS HEAD TO THE OPEN WINDOW, SQUINTING AT WHAT WAS AHEAD.

AN OVERSIZED BIRCH TREE STOOD AT THE MIDDLE OF THE PATH, DIVIDING THE ROAD IN TWO. AND THERE WERE MARKINGS ON THE TRUNK, BUT IT WAS TOO DARK TO SEE WHAT THEY WERE. THE BIRCH'S THICKLY LEAVED BRANCHES WERE LIKE OUTSTRETCHING ARMS THAT BLOCKED THE MOONLIGHT, MAKING THE LIGHT THAT PASSED THROUGH LOOK LIKE THAT OF BRIGHT STARS.

THE ENGINE SOFTLY CHOKED WHEN I WHISPERED, "TELL ME WHICH ONE."

BUT GOD DID NOTHING. THE WORLD WAS QUIET. THE EARTH WAS QUIET. THE AIR WAS SILENT. IT WAS AS IF THEY IGNORED MY VOICE, AS IF THEY IGNORED MY EXISTANCE. AND I FELT ALONE.

LOUDER, I DEMANDED, "TELL ME WHICH ROAD TO PICK!"

STILL, THERE WAS NOTHING.

I SIGNALED RIGHT AND MOVED FORWARDS UNTIL I SAW THE SKY AND THE WATER TOUCH. THE NATURAL LINE THAT SPLIT THE LAKE AND SKY THINNED OUT TO NOTHINGNESS. I SAW NOTHING. NOTHING BUT A BARREN LAKE THAT NURTURED NO FISH, BUT WELCOMED THE MOONLIGHT AS IT BATHED IN THE REFLECTIVE WATERS.

"ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU, ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR COUNTRY. BUT I'VE DONE EVERYTHING FOR THIS COUNTRY. I JOINED THE ARMY. I ASKED FOR RE-ASSIGNMENT. I HELPED THE VIETNAMESE CHILDREN. AND WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE HELP THEIR COUNTRY? PEOPLE DIE. PEOPLE DIE BECAUSE OF THIS GOD DAMNED COUNTRY."

I SLAMMED THE CAR DOOR AND WALKED TOWARDS THE SHORELINE.

WITH A FINGER POINTING TOWARDS THE SKY, I SCREAMED, "I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING FOR YOU. I FOLLOWED YOUR INSTRUCTIONS. I KILLED. I SAVED. BUT WHY AM I HERE? IF YOU WERE THERE, WHY DID YOU TAKE JOHN?"

"IF YOU TRULY ARE A MIRACLE WORKER, YOU WOULD NOT LET ME DIE. YOU WILL NOT LET YOUR SON DROWN." TEARING MY SHOES OFF OF MY FEET, I SPRINTED INTO THE DEPTS OF THE WATER. I STOPPED FOR A SECOND, THEN GLIDED FROM WHERE THE WATER WASHED OVER MY FEET TO WHERE IT HIT ME ABOVE MY WAIST. I KICKED AND SWAM TOWARDS THE CENTER OF THE LAKE, ALMOST HYPNOTIZED BY THE ENDLESS DIVIDE OF THE WATER AND THE SKY. MEMORIES OF SWIMMING IN MY FATHER'S QUARRY POOLS WITH OTHER KIDS AROSE. I REMEMBERED HOW THEIR LAUGHING CEDED TO SILENCE WHEN I DIDN'T RESURFACE. THEY LET ME DIE. AND HE WOULD LET ME DIE. IT WAS QUIET NOW. I WAITED FOR MY SAVIOR.

"HAIL THE HEAVEN-BORN PRINCE OF PEACE!

HAIL THE SUN OF RIGHTEOUSNESS!

LIGHT AND LIFE TO ALL HE BRINGS,

RISEN WITH HEALING IN HIS WINGS.

MILD HE LAYS HIS GLORY BY,

BORN THAT WE NO MORE MAY DIE,

BORN TO RAISE US FROM THE EARTH,

BORN TO GIVE US SECOND BIRTH.

HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING,

'GLORY TO THE NEW BORN KING!'"