Anna
By: MusketeerAdventure
Summary: 'Tis a fearful thing to love what death can touch. – Yehude HaLevi
Panting, soaked through with sweat and scared out of her mind, Anna sat up with effort and reached for Mary Agnes. Her sister by way of marriage; and more so by way of choice – came to her side quickly; gently grabbed her by the shoulders and laid her back down to the pillow.
Searching intently for an answer, she knew that Maggie's body language spoke to her of weary patience….her face a mask of confidence; her hands a well of strength. But it was her eyes that told her everything. All she needed to know. It was that steady, penetrating gaze which struck the blow that pained her heart, and almost made her weep.
Almost.
Mary Agnes could do that you know. Speak volumes; tell you the truth of things without saying a word. Such sorrowful things, like right now in this moment; that cut to the quick and drained her soul. Sighing deeply Anna grabbed hold of her life line and squeezed her hand hard. Maggie squeezed back and softly urged, "Take a rest now Anna." then sat down beside her.
Nodding, Anna did just that and looked about gratefully to the three other women in the room but silently wished her momma could be here with her now. She needed her soothing solace. Because no one had told her it could be like this. This was too hard, beyond torture and devastating.
Her first baby had come easy enough. In the middle of baking bread, her water broke. She had just made it to her bed, lay down, and pulled up her skirts. An hour later William slipped out wailing for attention.
By the time Bill showed up with Mary Agnes, the hard part was over. "There's a boy here Bill." She had murmured as he ran to her side and wiped frothy foam from the baby's head. She remembered now how he had kissed her forehead, and whispered, "I love you Anna."
Other than the day he asked for her hand in marriage, it was that moment she cherished…always.
Moaning, visions of the past flitted away and she groaned from some place deep down as pressure around her pelvis increased. The days, hours, minutes seemed to drag on for an eternity. And the pain was almost unbearable. The joy she had eagerly anticipated, not just a week ago, was now a distant memory….lost to her in a haze of stifling heat and unwelcome never ending torment.
Somehow, she should have known it could be this way. Pieced it all together. The birthing room was not a foreign place. It had been an integral part of her girlhood. When she could understand, she watched momma bring four babies into this world; was a witness to countless neighbor's deliveries and even assisted strangers in nearby communities.
She should have known.
For three days she had been in labor. Tired and spent. When she doubted her strength – the ladies encouraged; Mary Agnes goaded; and the sound of her boy's footsteps running around the yard beneath her window, kept her going.
Over by the door, she could just make out Bill – worry and fear etched on his face. His usually calm, open demeanor – closed off; replaced by hard edges. The hard edges he tried to hide from her that made him such a good law man.
She didn't like to see him this way; especially now. Now that she needed his bull headedness and tenacity. Needed him to be strong in the face of what was to come next…for their children. But mostly she needed his love and reassurances.
A wave of pain hit hard, and without warning she croaked out a scream and shared the agony of childbirth with the women of Labelle here with her and anyone else outside these walls who could hear it. She was going to have this baby come hell or high water. The child would survive this day.
Anna could feel it. This child wanted to live; and was ready to come. Building up her strength she leaned forward on the small bed, pressed down hard and screamed again; ready for the final leg of this tortuous race.
Beside her, Mary Agnes squeezed her hand and yelled over her anguished, determined cries, "Push Anna, push dammit!" She then pointed at Bill to move away from the door, telling him, in no uncertain terms to, "Go find something to do with yourself."
Only, she wanted Bill to stay, to come in the room; to sit beside her and push the hair from out of her eyes – whisper words of endearments he was so good at spouting. She was sure it would comfort her if he spoke ever so softly in her ear the very words that made her fall in love with him; and follow him out here to Labelle; share a home and bear his children.
But Charlotte closed the door, and she hadn't the extra strength to give in order to protest. Instead she concentrated all her efforts on this baby. The baby he so wanted and asked for. The one she went ahead and agreed to – hoping for him the child was the girl he wanted.
Taking his boy by the hand Bill began the long walk out the door; away from the pain of childbirth and the screams within. The smell of urine, blood, bowels and sickness followed him out of their home; down the street and to the outskirts of town.
The cool breeze and fresh air did not release the stench. He knew what was coming. Maggie so much as told him with one look.
When William was born, he had missed out on it all. Anna had sent him out of the house to fetch his sister to spend the week and when they returned, the child was already born. A healthy, wailing energetic baby was their waiting.
But this was different. Dangerous thoughts seeped in and he felt the real possibility that he could lose both his Anna and the baby. A sort of insidious anxiety crept in and seized his lungs, making it hard to breathe.
His vision swam and around the edges a surreal darkness encroached, attempting to steal his sight.
A small hand tugged at him to stop, and when he let go William sat down amidst tall grass, deep purple bluebonnets and crimson primrose. Looking around now, he could see they had come upon Anna's favorite spot.
She loved to sit here. Together they would lounge side by side surrounded by the sweet smells of nature and watch the sun go down in the evening. This is where Anna liked to predict the future; see them old, surrounded by grandchildren – happy and content. This was her special place.
Slowly, he began to collect her favorite flowers and watched as his son stood up to join him. Together they gathered up quite a few and when they were done William announced sadly with a hint of pride, "These are for momma." His voice cracking and eyes wet with unshed tears.
Bill swallowed hard as they headed back toward home. Not able to talk to his boy; find the words – prepare him for what may await them.
When they entered the house, father and son, arms full of blue bonnets and primrose – Mary Agnes greeted them with the newborn in her arms; wrapped in one of the many blankets Anna had spent months knitting.
"Here then is your baby girl Bill." she introduced, voice quivering with emotion. Then turning to the boy said,"and your sister William." When he could not respond around the lump in his throat, and William only stared on, she continued. "This is Trudy." and extended her arms out for him to embrace her.
Handing the flowers over to his sister, and taking the child to hold carefully in his arms, Bill studied the tiny body, feet and face. She was the mirror image of his Anna. Her nose prim, mouth wide, the curve of her ears, eyes blue – all his Anna. She even had her wisps of golden hair. All just as he had imagined it.
The quiet stillness of her made him pause, so he leaned down close until he felt small puffs of air caress his cheeks. She was a wonder. And in that moment loved her greatly; but could not forgive her. Looking to his sister, voice trembling, he asked softly, "And Anna?"
"She's waited for you Bill. You too William. Waited to see her family before going on."
At his side, Bill heard William gasp in a sob and saw that his boy's tears now ran free; his shoulders quaking as he clutched flowers close to his heart.
"Come on then son", he announced, and handed Trudy over to his sister; leading the way to say goodbye to his love, his life, his soul mate….his heart already broken.
Thank you for reading. Please leave a review and let me know what you think. I thought a lot about Anna while watching Godless.