Disclaimer: This is a fictional story, I don't own any of the characters, unfortunately.

This is my take on how Season 8 will begin on Thursday. (Uh, it's Monday already, yay!)

I have been working on it for a while but I just got it halfway done. I decided to post it anyway, maybe speed up the process later when every loose end will be tied. There will be weekly updates at the most, but since I'll start university soon it's all a big question.

So, my take here has been inspired by double malt, "I Can See Clearly Now" when a poem had been used all throughout the story. I decided to use a song instead and be inspired by that. It just came randomly, so I hope you'll like this idea. I chose Everything by Alanis Morissette and the song will guide you through the story.

It won't be a long story, like 12 chapters + eplogue or something around that, but I'll try to make it as much complete as possible.

It picks up a little while after the finale and we'll move a bit from Derek's side of things and Meredith's.

I'll be glad to hear your opinion, at least at first, since I'm still a bit doubtful about posting this, having other stories in progress, but this just begs to be published (in my very messed up head) so I surrender.

The whole lyrics can be found everywhere on the Internet, just like the song. There won't be songtitles in chapters for this reason, I know it's odd for me, but bear with it.

After this long -and boring- prologue, I'll let you enjoy the story!

Chapter 1

"I can be an asshole of the grandest kind

I can withhold like it's going out of style"

New York was bright. And chaotic. And smelly.

It didn't felt like home at all anymore. It didn't felt like space either.

Meredith was everywhere: the petite woman passing him by, the engulfing smell of lavender when the door of a shop opened suddenly, the similar voice of a woman talking on the phone, the hundreds of Chucks his eyes met staring at the dirty pavement.

He thought that running back to where he came from could give him clarity, it could somehow sort the huge mess his head was at the moment, but it resulted in nothing. Utterly nothing. Even the coffee reminded him of Meredith.

Still, he couldn't forgive her.

"Oh my gosh, Derek Shepherd!" he heard an annoying voice calling his name. He seemed to recognize it, but he couldn't pinpoint how or where. He looked up and saw a man of about his age, his salt and pepper hair going along perfectly with his hazel eyes. Steve Brewer, Kathleen's husband.

"Hey Steve, what a coincidence" he mumbled, wishing for every possible distraction to pull him out of this awkward moment. They hadn't spoken in three years and meeting him right outside JFK didn't helped.

"Long time no see" he smiled brightly, pulling him in a hug and slapping his back. He groaned.

"I've been busy"

"We know, believe me." he snickered "What brings you here?"

"Things happened and I needed a break, you know, missing the busy life in New York and stuff" he lied. Being around Meredith proved him to be a good liar.

Damn, Meredith again. Why couldn't she stay out of his head for a single freaking minute?

"Where's the intern?"

Oh, perfect way to not think about her "She's a resident now and no, Meredith is not here, she couldn't get off work and we have still a few things going on with the new house. She couldn't leave" she doesn't even know I left.

"So you sneaked out of Seattle" he grinned widely, like it was Christmas morning and he was under the tree, staring at his pile of huge, colorful presents.

"Kind of, yeah" it was easier to go along with him than explain why he was here and not with...not in Seattle.

"Are you going home to Mom?"

"Yeah, just looking around to rent a car or something"

"I can give you a lift there, I have to pick up Zach and Beth anyway. There's still your old car there"

"Oh, okay"

He didn't want to spend his ride talking with his long lost brother-in-law, but it seemed even weirder to refuse his offer.

"I parked down the block" he repeated, sounding almost excited at the prospect of a half-hour ride with him. Why couldn't he find a quiet place, away from his sister's husband and Meredith?

The ride was filled with small talk and pointless information shared. Derek asked about his nieces and nephews to avoid talking about his own life and actually think about Meredith. Because she was still completely in his head. Every time Steve mentioned his kids, he couldn't help but wonder how their own children would look like. If they will ever have children. Maybe it was better if they never will. It still hurts though knowing that the only woman he wanted to build a family with won't be the mother of his children. It hurts knowing that maybe he'll never be a father, the only thing he always wanted to be since his own father died.

"Are you okay, Derek?" Steve asked after a pause too long to not have been noticed

"Yeah, a long flight, a long week at work"

"Are you still Chief?"

"No, I stepped down as soon as I was back. It was too much paperwork and too few surgeries." he replied with a small smile. Giving up Chief was the only thing he was proud of lately. I should have had listened to Meredith when she didn't agreed to that, maybe we wouldn't have been here, at this point.

"I guess action is better" he smiled "Kate always complains that she sits around all day"

"It was her choice to be a shrink" he finally smiled in return. "I told her to be a surgeon"

Both men laughed and then his mother's house appeared at the end of the road. It was a big house, Dad had built it a few years before dying when they began growing in number and everybody wanted his -well, her- own room. Maybe if he wouldn't have been killed he might have had a couple of other siblings as well. His parents definitely wanted a big family. The windows were all open to let the sun come in, the bright warm sunlight created such a contrast with his foul mood.

He still remembered every little detail of the house and as the door flung open, it finally felt like home again.

"Daddy!" two voice squealed from the kitchen and his heart ached at the idea of never hearing those words come out of his children's mouths.

"I brought you a present" Steve said to nobody before two small figures appeared out of the kitchen running quickly to greet him. They stopped dead in their tracks until they finally recognized him and squealed "Uncle Derek!" almost in unison.

He had the kids around him before he could greet back and they enveloped him in a choking hug.

"Hey munchkins, how are you doing?"

"We missed you Uncle Derek" Beth said as soon as they let him go, with her eyes full of everything, only like children's eyes could be. She was the youngest of Kathleen's bunch of seven and she was barely five. Zach instead was going to be seven in a few months and he had grown incredibly since the last time he had seen him. A pang of guilt enveloped him at the thought.

"Derek?" He had missed that voice.

His mother stood dumbfounded at the doorframe of the kitchen, staring at him like he was a ghost.

"Mom" he replied, before he walked closer and hugged her tightly. He breathed in her familiar scent of cinnamon and mother. It felt like being ten again, before the world crumbled on his shoulders.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'll tell you later. I'm here though" he forced out a smile that seemed almost realistic and for a moment he thought he had fooled her, but her smile back confirmed that she knew him too well to be fooled.

"We are going instead" piped up Steve, before hugging her too, thanking her and kissing her cheek. The kids hugged her as well and after a wave and a very happy "Bye, Nana" the door was closed again and they were alone in the big house of his childhood.

"So..." she began, looking at him softly

"How are you doing Mom?"

"I'm good. I'm glad you are here sweetheart" she smiled softly, motherly "I didn't know you were in town"

"It wasn't planned"

"Is Meredith here too?"

He swallowed thickly and she didn't failed to notice "No, she's in Seattle. She couldn't get off work"

Carolyn looked at him very carefully, knowing that there was something that he wasn't telling, but she decided to let go of it.

"Oh, I was looking forward to see her again"

"I'll bring her with me next time" will we have a next time?

They both sat at the kitchen table where she offered him a cup of coffee

"So, why exactly are you here?" Carolyn inquired

"I..." he looked away, out of the window. He had been on this seat hundreds of times, looking away while he avoided telling his mother the latest mischief with Mark or the worst prank to one of his sisters, but never he thought it could feel the same when he was adult.

"Derek, I know something happened"

"It's rough Mom, I need time to think things trough so I came here. I just needed space"

"Why couldn't you solve things in the same house? I used to fight all the time with your father, but have you ever seen him walk away?"

He felt guilty as soon as she mentioned his father, because he couldn't be even half of the man his father was. He would have been so disappointed, he was sure of that.

"I'm not good at this Mom, I screw up, I have a temper, I'm just not good. Meredith deserves a lot better" he said, then stood up, leaving the steaming mug on the table and walked upstairs.

Carolyn watched his son trudge on the stairs and she knew that she had to know what happened back in Seattle to make him this miserable.

AN: Is it really horrible? Did Derek took a little bit too much space? [Yes, but I needed this ;)]

Meredith will appear in the next chapter, don't worry!

I wanted to publish it before the show actually began, but I still hope I can finish it. I had to get this out of my chest, you know?

Well, opinions, critics and stuff like that are highly appreciated, I hope you'll bear with me until the end of this, even if it might take a while.