Caving in
I can't carry on like this because it's too hard. It feels like everything is resting on my shoulders, and it's getting too heavy. I was never an easy or untroubled person but being friends with you made it seem distant or even like someone was 100% interested in what I had to say. Now that's gone as I'm lost; I don't know how to go back to things before you came into my life.
I sit and cry a lot now, but I wouldn't say I'm anymore depressed, but there's no one bur too fight these demons now. I miss you but I can go back now because to do that would be a betrayal to a number of people. What hurts is that even if I could go back now it'd never be the same and after all we had that scares me. Losing you was like having someone close to you die because although it was down to me, it was a loss of someone I loved.
The thing that hurts most above all else is knowing that you've replaced me. Technically that shouldn't bother me because I'm no longer in your life, but it still gets. Here I am suffering from the loss and I know that although you're miles away, you won't be feeling like I do. I know that you still have the others.
Losing you has meat losing all motivation and now I can't bring myself to get out of bed. I want to sit and be miserable but realistically it isn't going to make me feel any better or any more normal.
Everyone used to look to me as the strong one and then when you were around you let me think I was the strong one yet here I am falling apart all over again, the only difference is this time you aren't here to patch it up and fix it for me.
When I manage to get up, I always regret it, simple things remind me of you. It could be a word you said that sounded funny or something that for some reason my brain links to you or even something that we did.
When I told you what was happening I was sure you'd feel the same as I do but the fact you don't leaves me with an emptiness; an ache.
Despite all of my pain I hope you know how much I miss you and what we had and how badly I ache with you gone.