Just a bit of fun in ficlet form, between chapters on my regular fic. This doesn't fit with the bigger WIP but I couldn't resist.
As far as Jane is concerned, beaches aren't all that great. First, there's the ass-ache of traffic on the way there, and then crowds once you arrive. You get sand in tender places that makes everything itch. You have to stare at other people's privates and pretend the thin bit of material separating you isn't disturbing as hell.
If you're dating Maura Isles, she makes it so you can't even complain. Because she takes you to a private beach. And so you have no excuse.
"I feel stupid."
"There's no one else here, Jane."
"I don't care, the seagulls are laughing at me."
"They are not. The only other species with observable laughter similar to humans are mammals."
Jane groans.
"Ok. Then the horses are."
"Horses are not anatomically capable of that."
"This one's looking at me funny."
"I distinctly remember that you wanted a horse as a child."
"There's nothing child-friendly about this day you have planned, Maur."
Maura tilts her head, and smiles wryly. Jane raises her eyebrows and shakes her head, so Maura sighs.
"Fine, I'll go first."
Maura has already removed her shoes, but she unzips her skirt, and pulls it down over her hips. She lets it fall on the pile of things they'd brought. The bag with towels and lotion, and an assortment of things to eat. She slides her top off next, and is about to remove her bra and panties.
"Ok, ok," Jane says, groaning as she kicks off her shoes, and begins to undress. "How did I even say yes to this?"
Maura smiles, all innocent, as if the answer is a mystery. She seems pleased by the way Jane fumbles and struggles with her pants, her eyes settling on Maura's chest instead of on the buttons that need undoing.
"You really did this in college?"
Maura nods, but she is raking her eyes over Jane's abdominal muscles, her thighs, the line of her leg. She meets Jane's eyes.
"All of it."
"Oh come on, I'm in my underwear. Isn't that enough?"
Maura crosses her arms, depriving Jane of the view of her chest. Jane groans.
"You are so bossy."
"Bra," Maura orders. And Jane rolls her eyes, fiddling with the clasp and flinging it to the ground when she is done.
"Happy?"
"I will be once you stop making that face."
"I'm not making a face."
"This is romantic."
"It isn't," Jane says. "It's a hygiene violation."
"Don't make me strip the panties off you, Jane."
"I'd like to see you try."
Maura smiles, as if she is up to the challenge. Jane sighs and removes the last piece of her clothing.
"I'm gonna get sand up in everything."
"Sand is actually a natural exfoliant, so you'll survive."
"I don't know how you wash, Maur, but I don't exfoliate my coochie."
"I can't understand why you are so incapable of using the correct anatomical names."
"Right, because correct anatomy naming is never, ever a turn-off. Next thing you'll want me to call sex intercoursing."
"You don't need to over-qualify a word that is already a verb, even if it's an irregular one."
"What?"
"Just get on the damn horse, Jane."