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Copyright 7/13 Kirby's Cowgirl
Doughnut Poll
He was going to murder the man. He wondered if they'd execute him by firing squad, or send him to Leavenworth. That would kill his mother. He stuffed another doughnut in his mouth. If Major Brown didn't shut up, one of them was going to die. Saunders was afraid it might be him.
He was so sick of lectures on combat procedures, given by a West Point boy who'd never seen enemy fire. Alex West would probably have already emptied several BAR mags into the man. He was exactly the kind of know it all officer she hated. Littlejohn's tiny sweet wife would have murdered the man if she'd heard him. The thought of Alex and Mavis attacking the Major brought a half smile to his lips. He stuffed another doughnut in his mouth.
He knew there was a poll going on the base. They were all betting on what was going to happen first. Him murdering Major Brown or dying from a stroke for eating so many doughnuts. The time he'd eaten twelve doughnuts at a sitting, they'd started another poll, count for the day.
As they filed out of the briefing room, Pete Salmon hissed at him, "You ate sixteen this morning! Chip, you're gonna die!"
It was pouring rain. It was Saturday morning. Saunders groaned. Thought about burrowing back under the covers. He had to get up and run. The days of being half starved in France were long behind him. And if he didn't quit eating doughnuts, he was going to weigh four hundred pounds.
He did some stretching exercises in the kitchen. That bucket full of purple hearts haunted him every time there was damp weather. Gritting his teeth, he jogged out the door. He ran two miles, six mornings a week. Most evenings he went to the gym. He'd been in a hurry to find someplace to live, and he hadn't reconned the area well enough. If he had, he'd have realized that the huge old oak trees came with too big a price. An entire neighborhood of War widows who wanted husbands. And their children who wanted their daddies back. Most of the kids he just felt sorry for. He'd always been responsible for his own younger brothers and THE BRAT.
He'd had some vague notion that Alex West was a pushy woman. Alex was a complete and total lady compared to some of the women he now dealt with on a daily basis. They had no qualms about showing up on his doorstep any hour of the day or night. Sometimes they were emergencies. Like the time one of the toddlers had locked themselves in the bathroom. It had taken Chip twenty minutes to take the door off the hinges. But most of the time, they were things they should have called the landlord for. Stopped up toilets, stuck windows, a stove that wouldn't work… And anytime one of them had car troubles…
He should have settled for the smaller apartments four blocks over with no trees. Pete lived there, and most of them were occupied by older, working couples.
Now he had to plan his days out, to make sure he didn't spend much time at home.
He wasn't the only fool out in the rain. Somebody was trying to make it over the wall on the obstacle course. He slowed down, then jogged in place as he watched. If the kid fell, he could be out there all weekend with a broken leg, or worse. He didn't know if he admired his tenacity, or thought he was a fool.
The kid finally made it to the top of the wall, and Saunders raised a hand in greeting as he ran on. The kid waved back. And then Saunders realized he'd made a mistake. A mistake that could have cost him his life in France. The kid was a woman.
"Uncle Chip, Baby's stuck in the tree again." the little girl said.
He finished tightening the drain plug and slid out from under the car. "What did I tell you last time, sweetheart?" Thinking, "No way in hell am I going up a tree after that damn cat again!"
"But Cass went up to get him and they're both stuck now."
Saunders groaned, wiped his hands off on a rag, and said, "Ok. Let me grab a sweat shirt." His shoulder had just healed from the last time the infernal cat had clawed him and he had said "No more!"
The tree, in full bloom, hid the kid from below, and he started shinnying up. Just maybe, it would be one of the smaller kids that the blasted cat liked. He could just toss them over his shoulder and they could hold the cat. Then nobody would have earned a purple heart by the time they got down.
"Infernal cat!" that was a woman's voice.
"Are you scared to climb down?" Saunders asked.
"No, I am not scared to climb down! I thought I was coming up to get a kitten!"
Saunders stopped, just below her. "Hello, Baby." he said.
"Excuse me?"
"Baby is the cat. We are well acquainted." he glared at the sixteen pound tomcat who was firmly anchored in the woman's shoulder, wincing at the blood he saw dripping thru her shirt.
"I can't move my arm." she groaned. "Every time I try, he just digs in harder."
Saunders crawled up another branch, and thumped Baby in the nose. Baby spit at him and snarled. "Ok. Be that way." Lightning fast, he grabbed the cat by the scruff of the neck. Baby turned loose of the woman and he snatched him clear of her shoulder.
Saunders started climbing down as best he could, swearing to himself that this was the absolute last damn time this was happening. Next time, if it was President Truman himself stuck in the tree, they could call the fire dept. Being shot at by Germans was less hazardous to his health than one infernal tom cat and a gaggle of children.
Baby was yowling at the top of his lungs, and Saunders figured that if he managed to get the two of them to the ground in one piece, he'd have to go back up and get the woman down. He just wanted five minutes of peace and quiet where he could sit down and read the sports page and drink a beer. Maybe he should go live with Kirby and his wife Alex. Their constant bickering would be nothing compared to this.
"Don't hurt him Uncle Chip!" Bobbie Jo called from below. From above, he heard the woman laughing. He was going to strangle her once he turned loose of this infernal cat. He would just leave her in the tree, and she could spend the night there.
"Chip! Just drop him!" Bobbie Jo's mother called from under the tree. He looked down. All the Mom's from the neighborhood were holding a bedspread out. The crazy women probably thought it would hold him and the cat if they fell. Well, she had told him to drop the cat. Baby had surely used up all of his nine lives by now. He had certainly gotten on Saunders last nerve. He held the cat as far away from himself as he could, and let go, figuring the cat was going to launch himself back and claw him to pieces. But Baby fell, yowling, right into the middle of the bedspread.
"Poor Baby!" Bobbie Jo was wailing. "Uncle Chip! You dropped him!"
More laughter from above. He was going to climb up and strangle her. He looked right at her for the first time, and stopped thinking. This had to be the woman a couple of the guys on the base thought was his sister. Tousled curly blond hair, blue eyes, face scraped and slightly bleeding from the tree trunk. She was beautiful, and she was laughing at him.
"Would you really leave poor President Truman in the tree?"
He hadn't realized he'd said it out loud, and the look on his face made her laugh again.
Then, "I know you! You wait every morning to make sure I don't fall."
The woman from the obstacle course! Why had it never registered with him how pretty she was?
"Can I buy you dinner?" he asked.
"Are we going to eat in the tree?"
He had decided that there would never be another woman after Anne Tinsley. * All the guys thought he was tough. He could take getting shanked or shot, or even tortured by a sadistic SS officer. But he would never ever risk giving his heart to another woman. He was going to climb back up and grab that woman and kiss that silly grin off her face. He was going to kiss her until both of them -
"Blondie, I have never tried that in a tree." she laughed just like Alex did. "And while it's not without possibilities, we have an audience. Are you afraid to climb down?"
"No ma'am." Saunders said, thinking, "I'll show you just what I'm not afraid of."
"I hear that new drive in has really good fried chicken."
"What?" he had no idea what she was talking about.
"And I could really go for a beer about now." she stopped climbing down, her foot a few inches from his hand. "Blondie, you just asked me to dinner. I would like some fried chicken, french fries, and corn on the cob. And a couple of beers. And if you're really really sweet, you just might get some dessert." she winked at him.
He lost his hold on the tree trunk. She was right there, with her arms around him instantly, like she was strong enough to hold both of them. "Lady, you do not proposition a man when you're fifteen feet up." he growled, thinking he should just strangle her and be done with it.
She growled back at him, showing her teeth. "You started it, Tony."
He looked at her confused. "My name is Chip."
"Yes, I know. Captain Chip Saunders. Future husband of Bobbie Wilson." she was grinning at him.
"Did she tell you that?"
"She has told everyone in town. Even threatened poor little Pam with a broken nose for making you a meatloaf sandwich."
He didn't like that at all. And he would set that infernal woman, with her daughter, and the blasted tomcat straight. "What did she threaten you with?"
"Nothing." the woman was still grinning."I told her that if she touched Pam, I would break her face."
"Are you sure you can get down?" he asked her. She was still behind him, with one arm anchored around his waist, and the other firmly around the branch.
"My husband was a Ranger. All the wives used to train on the weekends until the brass put a stop to it. I think I can manage to climb down a tree now that you removed that thing from my arm." she laughed again.
"I have to finish changing the oil in my car before we can eat." he was saying it more to remind himself than anything.
"Would you like me to help?" Then, "Oh. If you don't want to go to -" she looked disappointed. Maybe she'd scared him off.
"If you don't take your hands off me," Saunders said thru clenched teeth, "we might just find out exactly what you can do in a tree."
"Maybe we could just have dessert."
"I want to take you to dinner." he stopped, unsure. "Did you lose your husband in the War?" he knew more than a few guys who'd managed to make it home, only to discover they couldn't live with their wives anymore.
"He died in Africa."
"I'm sorry." Saunders said, thinking, "Damn, she's just as confused as I am." He'd never been inept with women. This one was just too important.
"Are you alright up there?" Bobbie called from below, "I'm coming up!"
"We're busy!" the woman called down, laughing. Then she leaned over and kissed Saunders on the nose playfully, and scampered down the tree.
Bobbie was glaring at the woman when he reached the ground. Damn, he thought he was in love with her, and he hadn't asked her name. She just slid her arm thru his, and they headed for his car.
"Do you want some help?" she asked.
"You scraped your face." he said gently, "You might want to put something on it. And your shoulders still bleeding." He wanted to volunteer to do it, but figured if he did, they might miss dinner, breakfast, and lunch. He couldn't actually be afraid to touch her, could he? God help him, he thought he was.
"Okay, I'll be right back. Watch out for the dragon." she winked at him, ruffling Ricky Payson's head as she walked by.
"Is there a dragon?" the kid looked around, half excited, and half fearful.
"She was just kidding." Saunders gestured, "You want to help me?" Ricky was the only boy in the neighborhood, and he adored Chip. His mother Pam was shy and hardly ever said a word. Chip didn't think he'd ever seen her smile. She worked long shifts at the diner a few blocks away. He sometimes wondered if she and Ricky had enough to eat. He'd grilled hamburgers for them a couple times. Ricky reminded him of his younger brothers. Saunders had thought that if he ever did decide to get married, it would be to a quiet woman like her. And then that blonde had come out of nowhere.
He jammed the spout in the oil can, picked Ricky up and helped him pour it in the crank case, answering the kid's thousand questions patiently. Cass came out with Pam while he was under the car checking for leaks, and from the conversation, it seemed like Ricky was now included in their dinner plans.
"You've been at work since seven this morning." Cass said. She was mad.
"Cass, I can't afford to lose my job." Pam sounded like she was going to start crying. "I'm not smart like you, I can't get another one. I'll ask Bobbie -"
"I'm not mad at you." Cass said. "Your boss takes advantage of you."
"You can't take Ricky on your date -"
"We're going to the drive in to eat chicken. Ricky is perfectly welcome." the look she shot Saunders said that he had better be.
"Sure." Chip said instantly, "Just let me scrub this oil off my hands. Pam, do you need a ride back to work?"
She shook her head. "Thanks, Chip. I'm really sorry."
"And if anybody threatens to break your nose again, I want to hear about it."
"Okay." she said quietly.
Saunders could not have said what he had to eat. Ricky was thrilled that their waitress thought they were a family, and chattered nonstop thru the entire meal. The sweet, sad look that Cass had given him melted Chip's heart. He figured that she had loved her husband very much, and that he had been a lucky guy.
The phone started ringing, and he wondered why in the world he was doing this. He could just hang up. He wanted to ask Alex West, Kirby's crazy wife, for advice about his love life. Only because she had been a WAC herself, and she was a tough as nails, no nonsense type woman, he told himself. Maybe the fact that she and Kirby were so happy together had a little something to do with it.
"West Ranch." Alex herself answered the phone.
"Hey, Alex."
"Hey, Blondie! What's up?" When he didn't immediately answer, "Chip, what's wrong? Are you sick? Are you -"
She had never called him Chip before. "I'm fine, Alex. Nothing's wrong. I just -"
"Oh!" she said, understanding instantly. " It's about time! What's her name?"
"I forgot." He could not be in love with a woman, and not even remember her name. Could he?
"Chip, stop pulling your hair."
How in the world had she known he was raking his hand thru his hair? She was worse than his mother.
"Well where did you meet her?" Alex was trying not to laugh.
"On the obstacle course. No," he corrected himself. "In a tree."
"Good thing I decided I didn't need to be a Ranger if you have to climb trees now."
"Alex, do I growl at people?"
"Did you scare your girlfriend?"
"No, she growled back at me and called me Tony. Who's Tony?"
"Blondie, don't you listen to the radio? It's a funny new commercial for cereal. Tony the Tiger is their spokesperson." **
"Okaaay..." Saunders said, drawing out the word.
"You wanted to talk to Cage, didn't you?"
"No, Alex, I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to ask you what to do about this woman who's driving me nuts." If he said that out loud, she'd be on the next train. "How is tall, gorgeous, with guts?" using Alex's nickname for Cage.
"He left. He said he's not ever coming back." she sighed.
"Ruthie again?"
"I swear, if I knew Kirby came with an annoying brat of a sister, I would have married McCall."
"I thought he had a wife."
"Well, I think he's man enough for two, don't you?"
Saunders laughed, in spite of himself. "Where's Kirby?"
"Oh, Mom just took a banana pudding out of the oven. I wish you were here to have some. Kirby wouldn't notice if an 88 fell in the front yard."
"Who ya talkin' to, honey?" Kirby's voice.
"My lover." Alex said.
Saunders could hear them fighting over the phone, and started chuckling in spite of himself. He had never thought he would actually miss hearing the two of them bicker.
Kirby had evidently won in the battle over the phone. "Look, McCall, " he said, "I don't know what you've got goin' on with my wife, and I really don't have time to come to England and kick your butt. You've got your own woman now -"
He could hear Alex laughing. "Kirby -" he started.
"Sarge! Oh, god, Sarge, you didn't need to hear that!" Then, "Alex, I am going to kill you." Then, "Damn! She took my puddin'!"
Saunders thought if he ever made it to the rank of General, that Kirby would still call him "Sarge." "What's wrong Kirby?"
"McCall called Alex twice last week. You got any idea how much an overseas call costs? And she cried. What if she really is sorry she married me?"
"Kirby, if I know anything, it's that Alex loves you. You sure it wasn't McCall's wife that called? I thought she and Alex were good friends?"
"I don't know, Sarge. Ruthie's made everybody crazy. I know she loves Cage, but she made him mad, and I don't think he'll come back. And I don't think we can manage without him."
"Is it that bad?"
"You know how I used to brag about living in a house full of beautiful women? It's awful. They fight all the time. My life was easier when I had Krauts shootin' at me. I swear, Sarge, we should have sent these women to France. The Germans would have surrendered in two weeks."
He heard a crash, several women screaming, and Kirby said, "Oh, hell! Not again! I got to go, Sarge." And the phone went dead.
Saunders just stood in the phone booth and laughed. He laughed all the way back to his office. "Cass!" was her name. Why in the world could he not remember it!
He glanced in Pete's office as he passed, and his heart sank. Cass was sitting on the corner of Pete's desk, and she had her hand on his forearm and they were deep in conversation, their heads close. She had been just playing with him. He should have known. No wonder she ran the obstacle course alone. Pete was partially disabled, and there was no way he could help her. She probably didn't want him to feel bad that he couldn't keep up with her.
After dinner, Kirby went out to the garage to work on a truck. Not because it had to be done, but because he wanted to get away from fighting women. He'd had enough. He was going to call his Mother and tell her Ruthie was acting like a spoiled brat, and if she couldn't straighten her out, well, he'd take his little sister to the train station in the morning. She was disrupting the entire ranch and causing trouble between him and Alex. She could find herself someplace else to live.
He headed back to the kitchen, and heard somebody sobbing. "Jesus, not again." He yanked the storm door open, and realized it was Alex crying. She was sitting at the table with her head in her hands and Kate was patting on her on the shoulder. Ruthie and Candace were squared off in opposite corners of the kitchen, and Kirby figured they were about to start throwing punches. "OUT!" he told the two of them. When he saw the frightened look on Kate's face, he smiled at her. "I'll take care of it, I promise."
She nodded, patted Alex on the shoulder again, and left.
"Al, honey, you know I'm an idiot. You have to tell me what's wrong. Do you really wish you'd married McCall instead of me?" he'd heard her say that to the Sarge, and though he was pretty sure she didn't mean it, he did know she loved McCall. A LOT.
"Danny and Blue are gonna have a baby."
"Well that's great!"
She shook her head, starting to cry again.
"Is something wrong with the baby? Do you need to go to England and help? Candace will probably kill me, but she and I can manage for awhile -"
She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Blue lost their first baby. When that idiot came and told her Danny was dead. She almost died. And she doesn't want Danny to know, and she made me promise not to tell him."
"I know she lost the baby, she told me."
"And McCall knows anyway. I don't know who told him, but he's all torn up because he's afraid for Blue and he loves her so much, and they really want this baby - And god, Kirby, haven't they been thru enough?"
"Alex, honey, you can't fix the whole world." Kirby sat down and pulled her onto his lap.
"And what is wrong with your idiot sister? I know she loves Cage. Does she not know everybody's scared? Every time you go to Vegas, I'm afraid you won't come back."
"Alex, I would never leave you." Kirby said, shocked.
"I know that. I'm afraid you're going to get shanked."
He laughed. "Next time you can go with me and watch my back. You can wear that blue dress I bought you." She looked like a demure little school teacher in it. He had thought half the guys at church were going to drop their teeth the first time she'd worn it.
"Why in the world did you buy me that dress anyway?" She never wore anything like that, it was always her cowgirl clothes.
"Because it's so much fun to take it off." He said, winking at her. When she started laughing, he knew they were ok.
All the men started jumping up and coming to attention, and Saunders wondered what treat they were in for this morning. Another idiot like Major Brown who didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground, going on and on about combat probably. But then he realized, nobody was saluting.
And Cass wheeled an overhead projector to the front of the room, and gave her presentation. Everybody paid attention, though they were probably all looking at her pretty legs. Saunders didn't have a clue what she said. When she finished, she pushed the projector to the side of the room, and sat down between Chip and Pete.
Major Brown started droning on again, and Chip grabbed a doughnut off the plate, took a bite, and felt Cass's fingernails in his leg. He put it down, and she picked it up, and daintily ate it. Then she reached for his coffee, and the face she made almost made him laugh out loud. Then he wondered what the heck she was doing. Shouldn't she be eating Pete's food and messing with him? He was not going to be played for a fool.
Then he felt Cass stiffen. He had learned to just shut Brown out and not listen to him. She jumped up, and Pete tried to grab her, but she pushed him off.
"Acceptable losses of enlisted men!" she screamed at Brown. "Acceptable losses of enlisted men! My husband was an enlisted man! He and every man in his squad had more guts in their toenails than you - you bastard!"
Saunders jumped up, thinking she was going for the Major's throat. He didn't care if she clawed the man's eyes out, but if Brown touched her, he was going to kill him. She actually thought about it, but then she turned and ran out of the room. Pete tried half heartedly to stop her, but she ignored him.
Most of the men in the room were on their feet, and Saunders just headed for the hallway. Cass was running toward the far end, and he remembered they'd put in a ladies rest room for General Taggart's civilian secretary.
Dick Prescott, who he'd known in Africa, stopped by Saunders, and lit his own cigarette. "Ten." He said, watching the far end of the hall. "Nine. Eight. Seven -"
General Taggart's door crashed open into the wall, and glass shattered. "Not again." They heard a female voice say.
"Dick, how long has this bull shit been goin' on?" the General roared.
"What do you expect from a West Point boy?" Prescott said, idly, as the General stomped into the briefing room. Saunders was not surprised when Brown was flung out in the hallway. He and Prescott just stepped back out of the way.
"What in the hell is wrong with you?" Taggart roared. "Did your mother not teach you how to behave in front of a lady?" His foot connected with Brown's butt with a solid thunk.
Two days later
Saunders had not seen Cass out on the obstacle course, and he was surprised at how much he missed her. Even if she was Pete's girl friend, she was a tough gutsy lady, and he liked her.
When he entered the gym, Pete was punching the heck out of a boxing bag.
"How's Cass?" Chip asked.
"She went home with General Taggart's secretary and I haven't seen her." Pete shrugged. "I knew she was still in love with her husband, but -"
Chip nodded, and the kid who worked at the gym helped him put on his own gloves. 'Wanta spar a little?"
The kid shook his head. "You're too good for me. Why don't you and Pete go a couple rounds?"
Chip knew he looked surprised, but the kid grinned."Pete's really good."
They touched gloves, and squared off. Chip sighed. He should ask for a transfer. He had hoped that this assignment would lead to a job at the Pentagon, but he knew now it wasn't worth it. He just didn't want to be around Cass if he couldn't have her. He could transfer somewhere closer to his Mom and THE BRAT. Which would also be near Alex and Kirby. He started to grin. The punch seemed to come out of nowhere, and he nearly went down.
"Damn, Chip! You alright?" Pete looked at him worriedly.
His cheekbone was split open and his eye was already starting to swell shut. It hurt like hell. He felt great. "Sorry, Pete. I wasn't paying attention." Then when he saw the look on Pete's face, he realized that he thought he couldn't box because of his injured arm. "I think I'm gonna put in for a transfer. Those women are driving me nuts."
"You could just move."
"I think they'd chase me unless I put a couple states in between us."
Pete looked at him, and started to laugh. "Wanta grab a beer?"
"Sure. I can't go home."
The kid was laughing as he untied Saunders gloves. "Just get married. It solves everything." He looked like a baby.
"How old are you?" Chip asked him.
"Nineteen."
They'd just ordered their second beer when Saunders saw Pete glance at his watch. "Got somewhere to be?"
"Got something I've got to do." Pete shook his head. "I can't keep putting it off, or it's gonna be too late."
"I'm gonna put in for a transfer tomorrow." Saunders looked down at his beer mug. "I'll just go back to Illinois. I can help my Mom and keep an eye on my sister. One of the guys who was in my squad lives in Missouri with his wife. I swore he drove me nuts in France. I thought if the damn War was ever over, that I never wanted to see him again. Now if I go more than a couple weeks without talking to him, I just feel like I'm missing something."
As Saunders turned onto the street, he saw the ambulance and the fire truck and heard Cass screaming, as he ran from the car. Ricky was strapped to a stretcher, his left leg twisted at an awkward angle and his head bloody and bandaged.
"Chip!" she ran to him.
Saunders caught her arms, seeing the grateful look the emergency crew gave him. "Cass. Calm down." he ordered.
"I have to get Pam. Can you go -"
"I'll get Pam. You go with Ricky."
Saunders entered the diner. Pete was sitting with a cup of coffee at one of Pam's tables, and the way he was watching her -
"Hey, Chip." Pam said, seeing him. Then she saw his expression. "Oh, god! How bad is he hurt?"
Pete had his arm around her before Saunders could get to her. He just needed to get her to the hospital to Ricky. He didn't have time to sort out a love triangle. Pete was in love with Pam. And poor Cass was in love with him.
They left Pete and Pam at the hospital with Ricky, and Cass cried all the way home. Saunders wasn't sure which apartment was hers, and he didn't think she needed to be by herself anyway. He could be a gentleman and sleep on the couch. But then, he decided the hell with it, and just carried her to his bed, and held her while she cried.
He had forgotten that he'd set the alarm clock, and he grabbed for it and turned it off.
"I'm sorry, Chip." Cass said tiredly. "I guess the hospital didn't call, is that good?"
"I don't know."
"Poor Pete. He was going to ask Pam out tonight. I told him if he didn't, I would do it for him."
"I thought -" Saunders stopped, but she understood.
"I've been encouraging him. His wife divorced him because of his arm and he doesn't get to see his little boy."
"I might have done some damage to your reputation."
He felt her shake her head in the dark. "When my husband's squad died, all the wives pretty much decided that we'd sleep our way thru the entire army."
"You must have missed me, because I wouldn't have let you go."
"There's more." He felt her sigh. "I got a dishonorable discharge from the ATS." ***
"Why?" he kissed the top of her head, an image of Alex shanking the officer who made the mistake of putting his hands on her popping into his head.
"I beat a senior officer half to death because he told me that my husband had been blown to bits and there was nothing left to bury."
"Oh, Cass. I'm sorry." he hesitated. "I lost someone in the War too. And I guess I've just been making time since then."
"There's never been anybody that mattered since Patrick died, until you -" she stopped. "I'm just scared. I don't know what to do."
"We'll just take our time and see how it goes." Chip said, kissing the top of her head again.
Six weeks later they were married, with Pete and Pam in attendance, and an ecstatic Ricky as best man.
The Furlough
** I know Frosted Flakes didn't come out until 1951, and I meant for this to be taking place around 1948.
*** Basically the British equivalent of the WAC's