My mind is stronger than ever and all I can think about is how amazing my life had been while I'd been able to live it. I think about every small, irritating detail that most paid no mind to, like the varying colors of wildflowers growing along Pacific Coast Highway or the way I could skip a stone across a stream that lay still in the early evening. Most of all, I think about him - my greatest and only love. He's here with me. I can feel his fingers curled in between mine. There's a quiet hum from the breathing machine and I wish someone would turn it off so I can hear him breathing instead.
I can't talk but I'm okay just existing in the silence for as long as possible. I've come to terms with everything and I'm not angry.
A few tears rain down on my hand and I wish that he wouldn't cry. The feeling of the wet drops against my skin make me think about he and I, they make me feel alive…chasing one another in the orange surf along the beach as the sun dropped slowly to light the other side of the world. I remember immediately the taste of the salt water against my lips, which is an odd thing to think of. His beautiful face is forefront in my mind, those sky blue eyes burning into mine. The kisses. The touches. The magnetic pull that starts in my heart and radiates outward like rays of sun, warming me from the inside.
You see, I'm dying. My life is slowly leaving this vessel that I once called home and, though I have fought valiantly, my time is upon us whether we like it or not.
Perhaps you can never be ready to let someone go fully. When my dad passed I remember wondering if he was upset to leave my mom and I. I kept him tucked away in my heart since that day and today I find myself hoping that my love will do the same. I hope, with great effort, that I have made an imprint on his soul that no one can pave over. Let someone else make their own imprint, but let mine go untouched because that is how it should be.
"I love you," he murmurs.
"I know," I think as loudly as I can.
My mind is wandering suddenly but it goes right for happy times. He often told me that I was put in his path to wake him up a little, to make him see what was right in front of him. I disagree. I think he was put in my path so I would know what it is truly like to love someone so completely that it seems ridiculous.
And so it began…
The sidewalk in Venice Beach was crowded. I watched in wonder as tourists washed by in groups, staring at the odd inhabitants and buying the goods being sold along the beach. My mother and I were owners of a numbered block where we'd been selling handmade jewelry for two years. Venice wasn't supposed to be our final stop but after years of excuses, I knew my mother was never leaving. Sure, it was an odd life we led but it was ours and it just never occurred to me that there was any other way to exist.
Miranda, my mother, was an amazing woman with smiles for everyone and hair the color of the sky as the sun set over the Pacific Ocean. People stared at her but one radiating grin and they smiled back. They almost always bought something from our table. When money got really tight I would read palms or tell fortunes. It paid the rent and I had the talent, passed down from three generations before me. "I love watching the people stroll by and wondering what each individual person's story is," my mother wondered aloud.
A couple was headed in our direction so I took a stab. "They're a couple. They aren't holding hands or even leaning toward one another but they're together. He's unsure about something and she's pissed because he hasn't asked her to marry him yet."
"She looks like a piece of work. You know what they say - even the ugliest creation is still considered art."
I suppressed a laugh as the couple crossed the pavement and headed right toward our little booth. I took the opportunity to study the two people from behind the safety of my dark glasses. He had dark hair, the bluest eyes I'd ever seen and was extremely fit…nothing like any man I would ever date. She was visually his perfect match…medium height, natural brunette and a cute little manicure and pedicure to top it all off.
"Do you actually read palms?" The man asked motioning toward my handwritten sign. The disgusted look on the woman's face did not go unnoticed.
"Of course. Would you like to try your luck?" My brow rose in challenge.
His girlfriend looked unsure and backed away a little. He simply grinned and tossed a ten down on the table. "I'd like to know a few things."
"Alright then, step into my office." I led him behind the clapboard divider that held our longer necklaces and instructed him to take a seat. I adjusted the umbrella. My mother was telling his girlfriend all about our bracelets out front.
"Give me your hand," I instructed before moving my sunglasses up on top of my head.
"What's your name?" He asked me suddenly. It sounded like he was nervous.
"Elena." His question didn't throw me off one bit.
He started to say something else but I shushed him with one finger to my lips. If he wanted to know whether or not he would marry Mrs. Malibu then that was a big negative. His marriage line was broken in half which meant he wouldn't be getting married anytime soon. He cleared his throat and my eyes lifted to his. "What do you see? Anything horrible?"
I shook my head slowly before glancing up to meet his gaze. "This line here," I drag my fingertip down the side of his hand, "...means you're destined for big things. It's an unusual line. I've never seen anything like it."
"Big things?"
"Absolutely, friend. Oh and…you shouldn't marry your lady out front there," I added in the best whisper I could manage, not that I actually could read that in his palm.
He chuckled and flexed his hand. "So when you say big things…you don't mean like getting arrested kind of big things, right?"
"Why? Have you done something illegal?" I asked with a full laugh. I grabbed his hand and ran my fingers lightly down the middle of his palm once more. "I just mean that in some big way you are going to change your life or someone else's. I don't have any details but what fun would it be if I did?"
"Are you just fucking with me because I paid you ten bucks?"
I sighed and released my grip on his appendage. "Seeing is not always believing. Believing is feeling like it could happen and being open to the possibility." I stood and replaced my sunglasses. "If it makes you feel any better, this was on the house."
He caught the ten I balled up and threw back at him. "I'll be back next weekend and I'm buying something."
I pitied him because he felt guilty. "A kind gesture is just that. You don't owe me a thing."
"You're an interesting person Elena - thanks."
"Just don't marry that one," I jerked my finger toward his girlfriend who was waiting impatiently, "and I'll call it even."
He laughed and started to walk away backwards. "It's a deal. I wasn't planning on it anyway."
I gave him two thumbs up and then he was gone.
"What was his name?" My mother asked me when I sat down next to her once again. "I feel like I've seen his face somewhere."
"No clue. I didn't ask but, I do know that he's an actor. I've seen him on a magazine cover."
"How did the reading go?"
"Mom, he is going to make someone very happy someday. That much I know for certain." Conveniently, I left out the fact that my conclusion hadn't been drawn from his palm.
"Elena, have I ever told you that you're the light of my life?" I smiled over at her and nodded. She told me frequently just how much I meant to her. There wasn't a day I could remember where she nor my father didn't come right out and express how special I was. Of course, she told me twice a day since my dad passed on just to make up for his absence.
We carried on with the rest of our day and when the sun began to set I packed up the tables and loaded them into the back of our ancient van. The thing was three faded shades of blue but it got us to and from the beach which was more than we could hope for. We had a small house just about three blocks away. It was a one bedroom place and the central air didn't always work but it was home.
After dinner I sat out on the porch and let my skin soak up the moonlight. There was something about the nighttime that made me feel free. Free of my body and its constraints, not to mention free of the politics and rules of society that made it so hard to survive.
The next weekend, my mother stayed home to relax. Our week had been unusually busy and thanks to that we could breathe easier for a little while. I didn't mind sitting alone in our little painted square one bit. It allowed me time to think and watch the different people pass by. The lady next to us, Myrna, did henna tattoos like I'd never seen and on the other side was a light pole. It was a prime spot.
"Looks like your GQ model's come back for more," Myrna called over her waist high wall. She winked, though I couldn't tell if it was for good luck or the tiniest bit of envy.
I looked down the cement walkway and sure enough, he was rollerblading toward me at an even speed. He was definitely alone and, who rollerbladed anymore? "I thought we were clear on our last transaction," I said with a smile as he approached the table. "Or do people in the 90's have something against favors?" A gesture to the skates earned me an eye roll.
"We were, we were. I just realized I never introduced myself and in my book that's pretty rude. Even though you technically just insulted me."
I took his outstretched hand. "Well, I'm Elena, but you knew that already and let's be honest, you walked right into that one...or rollerbladed, actually."
"Elena, I'm Damon Salvatore. It's nice to meet you…" He laughed and nodded, accepting defeat on the rollerblade front and removed them.
"Damon. Also a good name. I'm a fan of good strong names."
"Good thing I'm not a John or a Bruce."
"Where's tall and manicured?"
Damon shrugged but neglected to put his all into the action. "She's off getting something waxed or painted with her girlfriends." A mother and daughter stopped to admire the rings on my table. The girl looked sideways at Damon which made him slightly uneasy.
"Well, I have to…" I motioned toward the two customers and he smiled.
"Sure, yeah. I have to get back and take my dog out before he plans an escape. I'll see you around Elena."
"See ya around," I called as he walked away, blades in hand.
I could feel Myrna and the girl staring at me simultaneously. I wasn't stupid, I knew why. Damon wasn't just any guy. My mom looked him up online the very same day we'd first met and filled me in, despite my protests. He was a popular man because of a vampire movie that I'd never seen. None of those things meant anything to me though, because I liked to focus on the small stuff no one ever seemed to notice. I preferred to focus on the little things in life.
The next few weeks passed quieter than usual. My mother and I went about our normal routine. I hadn't thought much about Damon because there was no way a girl like me would so much as register with a guy like him, so I was shocked when he showed up as I was packing things away one Friday night.
"Hey, long time no see," I called as he approached me slowly. He looked almost as hesitant as I felt. "Damon? Are you okay?"
He chuckled and stepped closer, into the light with a grin and stuck both hands in the pockets of his board shorts. "I'm wonderful actually."
"Yeah, creeping up on people slowly in the shadows while wearing an unsure frown clearly tells me you're peachy." I rolled my eyes and stacked the plastic containers of jewelry.
"I know I'm sorry. Occupational hazard." He paused when I laughed, realizing I did in fact know who he was and what he did for a living. "I've been busy and I wanted to ask you out for dinner but I lost the nerve under the faulty street lamp over there." He gestured behind and burst into an amused laugh.
"Seriously? What happened to Miss Malibu?" He was asking me out. It was amazing to me and I would have done a seriously committed happy dance had I actually been looking for someone to date.
Damon watched me a moment before moving to help me roll my containers to the van. "We aren't seeing each other anymore. I couldn't take the pedicures and the name brands anymore. That bullshit is far too superficial for the type of guy I want to be."
"That's heavy stuff." I was avoiding his gaze. There was no doubt that he was waiting for me to answer his poorly asked question.
He lifted my things into the back of the van with ease. "So…are you busy tonight or what?"
I couldn't ignore the grin and those blue eyes that almost glowed, staring at me through the early evening light. Behind us people talked and laughed. People flew past on skateboards and somewhere someone was playing Reggae. I felt alive and in control but looking at Damon, that made me wonder. What would happen if I went out with him one time? There was no rule that said I had to date him; it was only dinner after all. "Alright. I'm up for dinner if you want. Lead the way."
"Excellent," he exclaimed, smacking his hands together.
We fell into step, side by side as we made our way back onto the quickly darkening boardwalk. Our conversation was easy and comfortable the entire trip to the restaurant. We were seated right on the boardwalk under an orange canopy that glowed in the street lights.
"I don't normally date random guys." I winked at him and a smile broke out on his face, bringing two very prominent dimples to the surface.
Damon gestured to himself and leaned back so the server could place our drinks down. "Hey, I am not some random guy. You know all about me remember?"
"Oh right, the palm reading." I looked off across the beach, admiring the moon through the palm trees. "And whatever I can read about you online."
"Hey," Damon said quietly. "Tell me something about yourself."
My head tilted as I filtered through the file cabinet in my brain. "I used to have horses. I love horseback riding."
He made a face. "Oh yeah…I'm not sure I'm so great at horseback riding."
"Oh please. With all those muscles you'd have no problem."
Damon laughed and leaned forward. The candle in the center of the table cast a yellowish light against the contour of his jaw. "You've been admiring my muscles, Elena." His grin was devious and I almost blushed…almost.
"Nice try but my mother told me."
'You're shittin' me. Your mom?"
I shrugged and snatched a fry from my plate that had just arrived. "She googled you, which I find mostly normal."
"Where are you from?" He asked, shaking his head.
"Georgia."
He gave me a look of exasperation. "Elena from Georgia. I don't even know what to say. You're an enigma and it's so annoying."
"Yeah, well, I make it my life's work to annoy the hell out of other people." We laughed over the absurdity of our entire dinner conversation. The whole hour and a half was filled with strange questioning and inappropriate jokes. It was a highlight for me. I hadn't ever come across someone like Damon Salvatore, which was good and bad in so many different ways.
He insisted on paying when the check came and I insisted he let me leave the tip. It was the least I could do, considering I didn't plan on seeing him again. "Do you have anywhere to be right now?" He asked me as we strolled from the restaurant.
I looked up at his face and smiled. He was fun and it radiated from deep inside him somewhere. "The night is ours. What did you have in mind?"
He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the cool sand. "Beach walk. Take off your shoes," he said pointing down to my cowboy boots.
I obliged and followed him down the beach. The sand sifted through my toes and stuck to my ankles that had been covered by my boots all day. Our shadows danced around in front of us as we walked almost parallel to the moon.
"You do know we aren't supposed to be here after dark, right?"
He fell to his ass and pulled me down alongside him. "When the cops come kick us off the beach, we'll leave."
"Brilliant plan. I'm impressed." I rolled my eyes although he couldn't see in the dim lighting.
"I haven't done this in so long,"Damon announced after a few minutes of just our breathing. "I used to come down here a lot and just listen to the surf coming in over and over. It's calming."
I admired him through the corner of my eye. "It's relaxing. I love it here."
"I like you, Elena."
I whipped my head to my right and met his gaze. He looked away but I still stared, suddenly worried about leading him on. "Damon, I…I should tell you I'm not looking for anything serious. I can't really commit to anything."
He gave me a challenging look, his jaw set in determination. "I just want to get to know you. I'm not asking you to marry me." He laughed in disbelief but I did not.
There wasn't any way he could know so it was left for me to tell him. I'd lost many friends due to the reality of my life but my days were numbered and I didn't want a half assed friend anyway. Damon, well…I really liked him and that made my admission so much harder.
"I can't offer you anything outside of friendship because it won't be fair to you when I go." I looked down at the blue tinted sand.
"When you go?"
I nodded slowly. "I'm sick...and I'm not gonna get better. Terminal, is the big bad word all my doctors use."
Damon's breath left him in one big whoosh and I felt guilty. I felt guilty every time I had to tell someone they would eventually lose me but maybe I'd told him soon enough. Maybe I had headed off any future life altering decisions at the pass by laying it all out there.
"You...wait, I-" He stumbled over his words for a beat before recovering. "Is that why you're pushing me away?"
"Who knows how long I have. Trust me, this isn't something you want to burden yourself with, Damon." I felt detached from the conversation and it made everything seem less real. "I'm sorry."
He stood and brushed the sand from his legs and shorts. I watched as he stretched his arms and clasped them behind his head. "I'm sorry? Really? You can't tell me you're dying and then say I'm sorry like knowing you despite all of this would be an inconvenience. I don't know what else to say, Elena. I'm in shock."
"Can you try to see my side of things here? We don't know one another and I'm trying to save you the time and effort of trying."
"I'm not angry but I'm upset." His finger pointed at me and then toward the sand. "That's my choice to make, just so you know." With that, he turned and walked off toward the surf. I watched his back as he went. The loose sand flew up from the heels of his feet with each determined step he took.
This story is a complete departure from the usual. I wrote this so long ago but recently redeveloped it for Damon and Elena because I love this story, and I love them. Either way, I hope you all feel the same. Thanks for letting me share it with you. It's gonna be a bumpy ride. 3