Cyborgs vs Walpurgis

by Bathduck monster

The second holiday story from CC, this time seeing the Cassano and Loeb fratelli involved with Walpurgis.

Prologue

[We see Davina sleeping in her cot. After struggling to breathe, perhaps from a nightmare, or some problem with her lungs, she wakes up.]

Davina: Hmm, i-i-it was a dream…

[However, after a few moments of breathing, in an attempt to stretch her limbs, she can't.]

Davina: Huh? I can't move. [grunts] No good. Huh? Wait, could it be that I'm caught in kanashibari?* Is it kanashibari? Huh? W-w-w-w-what's this? Is this a… g-g-g-g-g-ghost's doing? [chuckles] No way, I-I-I-I don't believe in anything like that… no way ghosts exist! No way! I'm not scared. Even like this, I'm a future protagonist of a story! I've even saved Christmas alongside Jay-bee, Jim, Alpha and Santa! Like I'm scared of ghosts… heh, no way! [laughs]

Heeeey, Jamiebel-! Wait, no voice coming out? I'm speaking, but I have no voice… heeeey! Heeeeey! [pants, almost choking sounds] I'm choking… getting kinda hard to breathe. Is it really a ghost? For real? Then I take back what I said – I believe in ghosts now; they do exist!

Oi, is someone there? Hey, Mr. Ghost, are you there? If you can understand me: please, unbind me! I beg you... no, I beseech of thee! Please… help me! SOMEONE, PLEASE SAVE ME!

For some unknown reason, Davina is caught in kanashibari and is unable to move. Is it really the doing of a ghost? And when – if at all – will she be released from this?

This prologue is a homage, brought to you by the creators of Gintama. Gintama - be forever yoruzuya! Or in Japanese, 'Yorozuya yo eien nare!'

Much thanks to Tomokazu Sugita, the voice of Gintoki Sakata, who was also caught in kanashibari in episode 47 of the first series of the anime! Also, all credit goes to Asami Imai (or Erin Fitzgerald, if you're picturing this with English voices) for playing Davina!

[After commercials, cut to the next morning. Davina is still stuck in bed.]

Davina: Oh, jeez… morning has come… and I'm still unable to move. Is it possible that the caption was right – I could stay on like this? Mr. Ghost, answer me! Mr. Ghost, Mr. Ghost, Mr. Ghost!

[Sound of a door opening. It's Jim, but in the off.]

Jim: Good morning!

Davina: Oh, thank God, that's Jim! Jim, please help me! Jim, Jim, Jim-! And still no voice comes out! I'm talking, but there's still no voice coming out!

[Sound of a girl yawning. It's Jamiebel, also in the off. Davina is speaking over her and Jim]

Jamiebel: Good morning, Jim.

Jim: [chuckles] Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.

Davina: Jamiebel! Anyone, help me! Help me! Please! Help me!

Jamiebel: Where's Dee-jae? Is she still asleep?

Davina: That's right! Deej's caught in kanashibari right here!

Jim: Probably.

Jamiebel: Should I wake her up?

Davina: Come here! Hurry!

Jim: Oh, no, don't worry too much – Davina is in kanashibari right now.

[Yes, much to Davina's surprise – and ire – Jim knew all along.]

Davina: Whaaaaaat?! How do you know that? How the hell do you know that?! And why won't you help me, then?!

Jamiebel: Kanashibari? That's new – what's kanashibari?

Jim: Kanashibari, you see, happens when you're awake, but you can't move. It's a way for anime creators and story writers to have a break.

Jamiebel: A break? As if the writers haven't had enough of that, already…

Jim: Yeah, I heard the anime staff and seiyuu are going to the Kinugawa Spa, and the story writers are heading to Anime Expo, so they're making this 30-minute episode called, "Davina Gets Caught in Kanashibari."

Davina: Ehhhhhhh?!

Episode 80: Davina Gets Caught in Kanashibari

[The eldest Angkahan sibling leaps from the bed in shock and anger!]

Davina: LIKE HELL THAT'S TRUE! [gasps] Ah! Yes, finally! I'm released from kanashibari!

[She then looks over at the readers, and points towards them (like they were the staff), angered beyond all belief.]

Davina: Hey, anime staff, seiyuu and story writers! Do you think slacking off is allowed?! DO THIS MORE SERIOUSLY-!

[cut to titles.]

*Kanashibari = Bounded and paralyzed by a ghost.

April 30 - the day known as Walpurgis' Night. Known as another version of Halloween, it has been rumored that this night was the last chance for witches and their nefarious cohorts to stir up trouble before Spring reawakened the land. They were said to congregate on Brocken, the highest peak in the Harz Mountains in Germany - a tradition that comes from Goethe's Faust.

It is also a time when the barrier between our world and the "supernatural" is more easily crossed. Legend tells of a powerful witch that appears in our world every century intent on making our world its "stage" - Layman's terms: this witch plans on destroying the world. Its name is the German for the holiday it is named after: Walpurgisnacht.

However, every century, a woman of the Kammer bloodline has stepped up to combat Walpurgisnacht. Come the defeat of the witch, the Kammer relative must take their bow and shoot a magic arrow into the sky at midnight, where the spread of magic will protect the land from witches. Their soul is then used to seal away the evil witch for another century… legend also tells that even though Walpurgisnacht has been sealed away, she has yet to be laid to rest. She will not stop until the world is hers or a Kammer strikes the bow through her chest.

"Sounds terrible... good thing something like that doesn't exist," Nicia commented.

"That looks like an opening to another alternate universe story. Since the Night of Walpurgis is coming up, it must be for that. I declined to do this story, so I'll leave it to you," Santa told her.

"Leave what? Why should we do anything about something that doesn't exist?"

"Not yet, anyway; we're not doing anything, because the witch Walpurgisnacht has yet to appear," Jamiebel noted. "Hey, Santa, Nicia. Happy Witches' Night!"

"Thank you, but please leave me out of it. I said last time I wouldn't help; doing Christmas is already plenty," Santa complained.

"I know. I'm just making sure you get a cameo in this, before we advance the plot."

"Thanks, I'm going to find Enzo and see what's happening around town. See you later."

"He's probably with Jim and Frédéric at the food court!" Jamiebel called out as Santa left.

"Thanks."

"By the way, of course the 'witch' hasn't appeared; it doesn't exist," Nicia told Jamiebel.

Jamiebel bit into an apple she has bought from one of the merchants of the farmers' market. "I wouldn't rule it out, but I feel as though you're right."

"Of course I'm right. Nobody has ever seen something like that outside of a TV."

"What, outside of that anime, Puella Magi Madoka Magica?"

"Whichever show it was."

Walking into a hotel, Jamiebel and Nicia headed to their room. Jamiebel looked out the window, while Nicia lay on the bed.

"Now, I'm just saying this as a theoretical idea, but what if Walpurgisnacht were real? Would you help me defeat her?"

"Of course; she'd be a threat to Santa if I didn't," Nicia answered, matter-of-factly.

"She'd be a threat to the entire world, if we didn't stop her, not just Santa," Jamiebel chuckled. "But it's rather nice to know you'd help me if that happened - obviously not for my sake, anyway."

"Of course not; I have no interest in other people besides Santa."

"...Odd, you kinda sound like that girl who is only interested in time-travelers, espers, aliens or anything weird and occult-y when you say that… are you interested in those things?"

"If you're interested in that, have you heard the story about the witch Walpurgis?"

A young lady with brown hair and wearing a blue dress and habit came up to them.

"I'm not interested; I'm going to find something to do."

*Nicia exits, Crystal enters*

"Well, that answers my question." Jamiebel said, before raising an eyebrow at the nun before her. "Oh? What is this story about?"

Before Nacht could begin, a tiny girl with a pair of used jeans, one leg sleeve cut off, a red shirt, a pair of fingerless gloves and a green flat-cap walked towards the room.

"Oi, narrator," the girl said curtly, "don't be callin' me tiny or some crap like that, yeah? I may be five-foot tall - and proud of it - but I ain't that tiny." She turned over to the nun and Jamiebel.

Sorry, a flea-sized ultra-shrimp who was barely big enough to be seen entered the room.

"OI!... forget it, on with the scene… coming through, Jay-bee, Blue Nun - Crystal Evans is making her appearance in this story, yeah? I hear you got an interesting thread to spin… I'll be over there. Jay-bee, call me over when it's time."

"Oh, hey, Crystal," Jamiebel chuckled, impressed by her ability to make an entrance and break the fourth wall at the same time… and so quickly. "Anyway, continue... Ms. Nun."

"According to the story, every hundred years, including this year, a powerful witch appears and puts on a great play. The ladies of the Kammer family are often cast as co-leads and the event is highly popular."

"Where does this play occur?"

"The legend says it happens across the world, but in reality we have a large stage on the roof," The lady explained.

"I see… what about where the witch appears?"

"The legend doesn't specify a beginning or ending location and seems to take place in all locations simultaneously. As for our performance, it limits itself to the roof."

"Interesting. Is there a dress the Kammer family wears?"

"Traditionally, it has been a pink and white skirt. There is a picture of this year's design in the lobby."

Jamiebel nodded, and bowed. "Thank you, madame. I'll head there right now… thank you for the riveting tale."

"You are very welcome. Also, you may call me Nacht."

"Nacht… a very interesting name." Jamiebel replied.

"'Nacht?' That's the Krauts' way of sayin' 'night,' innit? It might be safe to say that this play takes place in 'der Nacht,' if you know what I mean" Crystal heckled, referring to the nun.

Jamiebel let out a little laugh. "Fair point. Anyway, Crystal, I'm heading to the lobby. Wanna come with?"

"Beats sittin' here all day. Besides, I wanna get in on some of the action later on, maybe save the day, jus' like you did last holiday story with Jim-bo and the Pikey, yeah?"

Once the pair arrived at the lobby, there was a picture standing in front of the receptionist's desk. As described by Nacht, the skirt had a pink torso with a crème section taking up the front along with pink buttons and triangles over the white skirt portion. The shoulders were white with pink edges while the shoes were nearly red. The costume was finished by white socks and gloves, a pink jewel hanging from a red ribbon around the neck, and two pink ribbons to hold up hair on opposite sides of the wearer's head.

"It's beautiful," Jamiebel said in a trance-like tone, gazing at the details of the dress.

"I know, right? I figured you would look beautiful in that dress," a familiar female voice replied, teasingly.

Crystal looked over her shoulder, and couldn't quite believe her eyes - apart from the girl's eyes, which were blue as the ocean and her chest, which was about a size-and-a-half larger, every detail about her was identical to Jamiebel.

The strawberry-blonde rubbed her eyes, then made a few double-takes. "What the? Jay-bee, did ya put somethin' in my morning pint? 'Cause what I'm seein' right now is two - count 'em - two... of you."

"Two of…?" Jamiebel turned around to find the 'Jamiebel-doppelganger' a few feet away from her. "Charlotte? It's been a while! How are you?"

"Doing awesome, as always," she chuckled. "And wearing your awesome Neptune costume you gave me for Christmas last year. So adorable."

"OI! Jay-bee, you know this bird?"

"Long story short, Crystal - this is Charlotte Haywood, met her on a mission in England, lesbian in love with me, we're now friends-with-benefits. Anyway, I knew you'd look cute in that dress, Charli." Jamiebel replied with a wink. "So, what brings you here?"

"Vacation and the feast at midnight here. I never figured you'd be here, Jay-bee!"

"I'm here on official business, so we may have some time to hang out later, Charli. I'll see you soon!"

"Bye!" She waved Jamiebel and Crystal away, as they headed out of the hotel.

"We haven't gone that far into your and Jim's story, and you're already unveilin' her?" Crystal asked Jamiebel.

"Nobody minds," Jamiebel said simply. "Besides, she showed up in a cameo in the Christmas story."

[elsewhere]

"What is there to do?" Nicia wondered after leaving Jamiebel. "Maybe I'll invite Santa to this."

She looked at a large poster advertising a play on the roof at midnight.

"Are you interested in attending that?" a deep voice came from behind her.

The voice belonged to a tall, sturdy-looking man with wavy black hair and wearing formal dark clothing.

"Yeah, I bet my sister would love something like this."

"It is a grand event with a long history that makes people want to continue the play and witness it. However, if you do choose to attend, please take caution... records from previous centennial performances show that the play has... unfortunate deaths linked to them."

"Are there any similarities between the deaths?"

"The witch in the play has been recorded as being the lead perpetrator in previous years, though no mentions have been made of her methods - beyond saying that 'she imposes her nature on the victims.'"

"Right, we'll be careful. Thanks for the warning."

"You are welcome. Now, please excuse me, for I intend to be the first to have a centennial play proceed... without incident."

[...]

Jamiebel walked down a street, gazing at the windows for souvenirs to take back home with her. However, her mind was still on the Kammer dress and the story that Nacht had told her. Something in her gut made her think she was somehow about to be involved in all of this.

"See something you like?" a lady came out of one of the stores when she stopped to look at a dress.

Jamiebel looked over at the lady. "Oh, um, I was looking at this dress, and I had to know something: is this the famed Kammer dress for this year?"

"I made it to resemble that one. Thanks to the play, the Kammer dress this year won't be reproduced."

"I see. What is the Kammer family like, by the way? I've heard quite a bit about the family, but I don't know who it consists of."

"Currently, the main bloodline's family has three members - the parents, and a young son who's super adorable. The dad is amicable and relaxed, while the mom is enthusiastic and a workaholic."

"Ahh. How do you know the Kammer family - are you relatives of theirs? Have your families known each other for centuries?"

"Traditionally, our company has been the one to produce the Kammer dress each year, so we've had to work together often."

"I see. Is there a family tree I can look at? I want to see all of the Kammer family members from years past."

"You'd probably have to ask the family themselves for that, I think the hotel has a list of the ones who have starred in the play though, along with whoever is doing it this year."

"Alright… by the way, my name is Jamiebel. Nice to meet you."

"Have a good day."

Jamiebel made a mental note to herself. "I must buy that costume before I leave."

"Why do you want that thing?" Crystal asked. "It's not really that special, and I don't think it suits you. You're not that girly, as far as I remember, and that thing is über-girly. So, what's the train of thought?"

"Well, I-"

"Wait, wait, don't tell me…" The Cockney-Brit paced around Jamiebel for a few moments, looking her up and down. "...you want a ménage-à-trois with Jim-bo and that clone of you, Charlotte, yeah?"

Jamiebel's face went instantly beet-red. "No! I-I'm u-using it f-for c-co-cos-cos-cosplay! Wh-wha-what m-makes you s-say that?!" she squeaked in embarrassment. This caused Crystal to grin like the Cheshire Cat.

"Ohhh, I get it now… you want to show Jim and Charli that you have a girly side underneath that tomboyish exterior." She paused for a second, glancing at Jamiebel's cheeks, now puffed out accompanying her red face. "So, let's sort this out - Jim is a huge fan of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, so I expect him to cosplay as that gentlemanly giant, Jonathan Joestar. Meanwhile, Charlotte, from what I can gather, is a Neptunia sommelier - much like yourself - and judging by her figure, I presume she'll be cosplaying as Purple Heart, the more… mature, shall we say… alter-ego of the childish Neptune. Finally, you'll have that dress on you, playing the innocent Madoka of Madoka Magica… and when you want to charm both of them… you tease Charli, then Jim… and finally-" Crystal stopped herself, snickering to the reaction in three… two… one-

"...Shut up... shut up, just shut up, shut up, shut up, shuttity up-up-up… SHUT UP, YOU TART!" Jamiebel screamed, causing the strawberry-blonde to laugh harder. In fact, her screaming could have probably been heard by even Jim, Frédéric, Enzo and Santa.

"Oh, God, Jay-bee, your reaction is so classic! I can tease you all day long like this, and it'll never get old!" At this point, don't be too surprised to see Crystal hyperventilating.

"WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'M GONNA-!"

However, that train of teasing was a tad interrupted when someone she didn't know - a girl with short blue hair and what seemed to be the local school uniform - recognized her.

"Ah, wait, miss!" she called out. Jamiebel and Crystal turned around to see the girl head towards them. "I think I saw your name on the cast list for tonight's play! I read up on the Kammer bloodline - you and a friend of mine are part of that family… well, at least you're here - I'm not sure what happened to my friend-"

Jamiebel held up her index finger, motioning her to stop for a second. "Wait… I'm part of that bloodline? Where did you see that?"

"I studied up on the Kammer family, just like my family has from generations past. You and my friend are the two most recent and able generations…" The blue-haired girl chuckled, folding her arms behind her head with a chuckle, before extending her right arm out. "I forgot my manners… my name's Sayaka."

"Oh, God, are you the daughter of Chris Chandler or something - Sonic the Hedgehog's sister, maybe? Your hair looks like it," Crystal chuckled, finally starting to calm down. "Soz 'bout that… name's Crystal Evans. You into punk music?"

"Oh, all kinds of music," Sayaka replied, "punk-rock, classic, pop, rap, you name it."

"Jamiebel." She shook Sayaka's hand. "So, who is this friend of yours, by the way?"

"Her name is Madoka Kaname, and she goes to the same school as I do… or did, for that matter. Anyway, I can't wait to see you on the rooftop for the play tonight, Jamiebel! Good luck!" With that, Sayaka ran off, only to leave the pair in shock.

"Oi… Jay-bee, did you hear what that Sayaka lass said just now…?"

"...Me? A Kammer?"

[...]

Meanwhile, at a picnic park, Enzo Cassano and Frédéric Loeb, alongside Jim Eligino, were having a rather peaceful lunch.

"I hope Nicia isn't getting into any trouble. She probably doesn't have much compatibility with comedy stories." Enzo worried

"She'd be the ultimate straight-man, when you think about it - and she hasn't really seen the Christmas story, has she?" Frédéric quipped.

"Who are you thinking of? Nicia is a young lady and the only person she's interested in is Santa. So she's definitely not a man and who knows if she's straight or not."

"He's thinking of the 'tsukkomi' role," Jim noted. "Come to think of it, has Nicia seen the Christmas story, Enzo?"

"How should I know? I'm only her handler. If she has, it's amazing she hasn't done something terrible to you guys for teaming up with Santa."

"Let alone me, making that comparison of her and Jamiebel as sisters - she'd kill me for that."

"I don't think you need to worry about that. She'd probably prefer to torture you forever instead."

"No, I think Jamiebel would be in that role… especially for the epilogue."

"Even if she is, I doubt either of our writers actually want to write (or imply) that scene, so it'll probably never happen."

"Agreed, and good." Jim took a bite into his Frankfurter. "After all, I think Nicia and Jamiebel working together to protect Santa and the rest of us - Santa moreso - from whatever the world throws at us. They should be fine."

"Speaking of her, unless we avoid her we're not going to get the chance to do anything. If we meet up with her she'll invite us to do non-action stuff and prevent us from participating."

Jim shrugged. "In case if they do get in trouble, I'll put on my costume from the Christmas mission and use The World to aid them."

"Don't bother, the narrative will probably prevent us from getting anywhere near either of them until we aren't needed any more to make sure they get their story in the spotlight."

"I know, I said, 'just in case.' Let Nicia, Crystal and Jamiebel tell the story; we'll be coming in when needed."

"It probably won't happen; if it were, we'd be interacting with them and doing things instead of sitting here talking and eating hotdogs."

"Bah, you're too pessimistic. I'm just looking between the lines - speaking of, I'm gonna get more food." Jim got up and walked to the food truck. "I'd like to order more weißwürste and weißbier (white sausage and wheat beer), please."

"Yes, coming right up." the attendant responded

"Thank you. By the way, your food is the best in the world."

[...]

Jamiebel and Crystal headed back to the hotel with rather befuddled looks. How come Jamiebel never knew she was one of the Kammer family? Would that mean she was partaking in tonight's play? She'd have to ask either Nicia or Nacht for this, because Crystal was well out of the loop too.

"Stupid records, stupid corn-kneel." Nicia came into the room, muttering.

"Records? Corn-kneel?" Jamiebel asked.

"Nicia, what's this about a corn kneelin', yeah?" Crystal added.

"Heard the hundred-year anniversary plays have deaths associated with them, so I went to security, hoping they could tell me more about them. They didn't have anything useful and Corn-whateverhisnamewas was annoying."

"Cornelius," Jamiebel chuckled. "So the plays involve deaths… did you find out who - or what - in general caused them?"

"The witch." She grinned like she'd heard something funny, "In the play."

"Okay... that's clearly off, based on what Nacht, that nun, told me - she told me every hundred years, a powerful witch appears to put on a play, and said play casts ladies of the Kammer family. I'm starting to think our blue nun may have led me astray…"

"Doesn't seem too hard to me. Only thing is... why would a witch bother to pick out one family to be her enemies anyway?"

That's when the realization hit Jamiebel. "Didn't you say that legend we read earlier was just a load of hokey?"

"Yep... still is, too."

Crystal shrugged. "Sorry, Jay-bee, I'm with Nicia - this Wall-purge-is-nog bollocks ain't real; and if she ain't from Jolly Ol', she's crap."

"I'm starting to think that legend is true… my guess is that the Kammers were the protectors from the evil supernaturals - why else would Walpurgisnacht target a family? Because her plans to destroy the world were foiled by the Kammer daughters for two millennia."

"Maybe their brains were filled with crap, like yours is. That sort of explanation doesn't make sense, when applied to reality."

"Oh? Would you like to guess who the next in line to battle the witch is?"

"A Kammer."

Jamiebel grinned. "And you're looking at that Kammer."

"Great, you can participate in the play and see how crap your theory is."

"Oh, no, you don't - you and Crystal are coming with me. There is no way I am stopping Walpurgisnacht by myself - after all, remember what the legend said: Walpurgisnacht plans on destroying the world - and I'm pretty sure Santa Cassano is part of the world."

"Not my world, she ain't."

"Crystal, come on - you owe me one for that mission in Ireland." Jamiebel stuck her tongue out.

"No, I don't!"

"Yes, you do."

"You mind fittin' to give the details on that, eh?"

Jamiebel whispered said details of the mission in Crystal's ear, which would take too long to transcribe; short-word form, Jamiebel saved Crystal from an IRA ambush, and got her back to the safehouse.

"An' I told you I could handle meself, yeah. You an' Jim-bo bargin' on through like a coupl'a wreckers done wrecked me master plan. Bollocks to that though, water under Chelsea and all that. I'm in a right fine mood to kick a few skulls in anyway."

"Good. And as for Nicia-"

"But I'm not going to have to protect her from a non-existent magic user, even if we are there."

"But don't you want to protect Santa, no matter what? What if we fail, and she dies? Then what? Her death would be on your head, because you didn't think the legend existed."

"If that happens I'll become a saint and try to make friends like she does." Nicia responded as she headed back out the door.

Jamiebel and Crystal followed Nicia to the lobby. "You just weren't trying hard enough, that's why," the former said.

[...]

"This seems like a bit overkill for preparation, don't you think?" Jamiebel asked one of the play's staff, as she was fitted into the costume.

"Not at all. You're going to be doing a lot of moving in this so it needs to be done well."

"But… ah, forget it, you're right," she sighed. The costume was a bit of a tight fit - if she knew she was in the leading role of some play, she'd probably work out first. This was a bit last minute, and the play was due to be on in a few hours.

At least the bows and hair preparation weren't that bad; all they had to do was fold a pair of locks of Jamiebel's hair into two stubs, then tie the ribbons around them. By all means, she thought she looked cute.

Meanwhile, Crystal was lightly steaming. Due to Jamiebel's insistence, she was cosplaying as Homura Akemi - minus the bow on her dress.

"You owe me, big-time, Jay-bee," Crystal said to the girl in pink next to her.

"Serves you right…" Jamiebel chuckled. "I hope some alternate me dressed up as Homura Akemi won't appear… then I'd be reliving Madoka Magica in real life," she then sighed to herself, reading over the script. "I have enough struggles with one time-stopping entity, thank you very much."

[...]

"Souren, is there a place that could use an additional pair of hands." Nicia asked the wavy-haired security chief she'd met earlier while displaying credentials that would allow her to work security.

"With these, you can best display your abilities here helping with coordination."

"Got it." she moved over to a station and put on a headset.

She did a quick familiarization of who she could call and what she could do with her console before probing for more information.

"Hey, Nicia, where are you right now?" called a disfigured (yet familiar) voice.

"Helping out security for the play. Why?"

"Just checking. I'm getting ready for the play - I know you think it's a load of crap, but keep an eye out on the play and anything suspicious. And before you bother to ask, yes, we are mind-reading."

"Break your communicator again?"

"No, this is just an alternate universe… plus, this is more discreet than using those things."

"Are you close with this year's heir? Araya interrupted

"Not exactly, my sister interacts with her more than I do. As far as our interactions go, we merely live at the same place."

"Something likely set up by Italy's Social Welfare Agency then. I understand that the organization supports many young and injured people in being productive."

"It did for us. What about it?"

"It takes what would lead to a pointless death and gives meaning to it by allowing the victims to continue living and act to help others avoid the same fates."

"You're…"

All individuals who are not associated with the Agency, but possess knowledge of it, are to be eliminated.

"Magus, Souren Araya. The one who prepares the stage for Walpurgisnacht."

[...]

"So, this is the bow? It doesn't look that impressive," Jamiebel noted, staring at the weapon before her. Despite the wooden bow being two thousand years old, it appeared like it was crafted as new. There was on the top of the bow, a pink rose that had yet to bloom, flanked by two smaller branches, and moving down, two gems equidistant from the middle. At the bottom was a sole leaf, hanging on the end.

In fact, this bow didn't even look like one… it was more like a staff. A glorified branch, even.

"The legend foretold that the bow can also morph into a staff; in bow mode, there is an invisible string that pulls together the two ends just enough to make the shape of a bow," a staff member said. "As for how it has survived for this long, only the touch of a Kammer can restore and utilize said bow."

"Huh… I never knew that. Two thousand years… and my cousin Madoka can't see me use this. It's rather… depressing, really."

"Hm?"

"I'm the heir apparent to the Kammer bloodline, but I'm a branch of the main family. I didn't even know that I was related to them until now; Madoka's supposed to be doing this… she's supposed to be the one doing this - I'm just stealing her legacy, when you think about it."

"But you aren't. When you think about it, it never specified if you had to be of the main family, or one of the branches. If she were here, I'd think that she would let you take the reins, because of your seniority; she was rather timid in taking the responsibility, but if you refused, she would do so. I'm sure wherever Miss Kaname is, she'll be looking at you, supporting you alongside the rest of the Kammers."

Jamiebel took a deep breath. "If Walpurgisnacht the witch really does appear, then I'll be the one to end her for good tonight," she said with a hint of confidence in her voice, "and end what torture and strain my family has endured for two millennia." Looking over at the staff member, she added, "And miss?"

"Yes?"

"You can believe that."

"I trust you well enough for you to do so. Also, it seems that your necklace has fused into your body, leaving only a gem on your chest."

"What."

Jamiebel stared at the mirror for what seemed like a long while. It was true - the tiny gold chain around the 'soul gem' had disappeared from her neck, and when she pressed the gem into her chest, she felt the pressure.

"Walpurgisnacht…" she growled quietly, the wooden staff now in her right hand. The time for battle was approaching. But first and foremost, the play, and Nicia.

"Nicia, status report."

"I found the culprit - it's Souren. I'm eliminating him, but he's using some kind of ridiculous territory creation ability. He may be able to use it to affect the play."

"First off: I told you the legend was real! And secondly: Wha-?!"

And with that, Nicia hung up in Jamiebel's mental face.

Jamiebel sighed. "And I was about to tell her that thanks to Souren's ability, I just became a Puella Magi… great."

"Miss Angkahan," called out one of the stage-hands, "it's time."

Meanwhile

While filling in the annoyance, she'd received one attack that resembled ropes and managed to shoot it down, at the cost of her primary weapon. Based on how the rings on the ground around Souren had reacted to the first part's destruction, there were two left.

The second effect seemed to be some kind of crushing effect. It was enough to slow her down, but not dangerous on its own.

With Souren's physical ability, the effect was enough to let them fight somewhat on an even ground.

"Why are you doing this? What do you get by helping this witch that doesn't even exist?" Nicia asked, as they fought.

"True wisdom... if I can obtain knowledge about the finality of lives, I can use it to give meaning to all the pointless deaths in the world."

"Your methods are just creating more deaths for a purpose that won't be realized, and wouldn't be worth it, if it could be."

"What about you? If your sister, who is your entire world, is killed, wouldn't you want to find some meaning for it?"

"The possibility of death for Santa alone doesn't exist." She found an opportunity and used it to draw two daggers and put them into Souren's chest and neck.

"Your determination will cause you to be lead astray in the underworld." Souren warned her, reforming the full 3-layered territory and using the strings to slam her into a wall.

'His third layer is back, and I don't have a way to deal with it like last time; he'll use that crushing thing even if I do, and I don't even know what that third part does. Plus, he just took two lethal wounds and is pulling them out like he's some sort of immortal. How do I even defeat someone like this?'

"My origin of Stillness cannot be moved by your meager dedication."

And a hand came out of Nicia's chest, holding a heart.

[...]

Jamiebel had been doing well in the play - no lines messed up, choreography spot-on, and now there was the scene with Nacht. Crystal had accompanied Jamiebel to keep watch over any weird occurrences, and to build the latter's confidence.

"The time has come for me to-" Before she could finish her line, Jamiebel collapsed to her knees, cried out in pain and felt a few painful convulsions in her chest… but how?

Behind the curtain, Crystal merely smirked when Jamiebel collapsed. 'Heh, looks like Jamiebel wasn't ready for primeti-' However, hearing her scream like she did a few moments later did come as a surprise and shock. 'Oi, hang on a tick… unless they had heart problems, nobody with stage fright would do that - and I know Jay-bee's as healthy as they come. What the hell's goin' on - is this some sorta side effect of becoming this 'Puella Magi' thing?'

This couldn't have made sense to either of them, unless…

'Nicia… is she in trouble?' Jamiebel thought, before she glared at the nun before her. It was time to go off-script.

"I know the truth about you now, Nacht," Jamiebel replied sternly. "I know you for what you are, and what my bloodline's purpose is… and tonight, I end the two-thousand-year curse placed upon us!"

The nun merely smirked sadistically. "You are not the first heir to discover the truth before the climax. However, the final scene will conclude - according to script."

"Well, it's about time I created my own final scene, then... twenty times you have been defeated by my ancestors, but not once have they had the nerve to end you. Merely, they decided to lock you away in the mountains… it all ends tonight." Jamiebel pulled out the famed rose bow, shifting its shape back to that of a staff. Grinning, she took up a battle stance. "Now then, shall we dance… Walpurgisnacht?"

"Certainly." Nacht proceeded to float into the air, turn upside down and manifest the rest of her body.

Jamiebel observed as the 'nun' before her show her true - massive - form… she knew that the battle would be arduous, but if anyone could do it, it would be her. However, another person had the same idea…

"VICTORY SLASH!"

Almost instantly, a purple blur charged towards Walpurgisnacht, and slashed at the witch in a 'V' shape, before flying over to a stunned pair of cyborgs. (insert description of HDD-Charlotte)

"Hello, sweetie."

"Cha… Char… Charlotte?!" Jamiebel gasped. "Is that really you?"

"...Oi…" was all that Crystal could muster.

The purple-haired woman - now identified as Charlotte Haywood - nodded. "Before you ask how I knew you'd be here, allow me to say this: I always know when I am needed. And anyway, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you, Jamiebel."

"Bu-bu-bu-bu-but what happened to you? How did you get so… big?" Jamiebel stammered, now blushing a bright red.

"Apparently, Walpurgisnacht has established a 'familiar,' separating us from the bounds of the real world," Charlotte answered, "thus allowing me to bond with the character that I dressed as, and access her powers… so now I am known as CPU Purple Heart. And don't deny that you love my chest… I know you like it…"

At this point, Jamiebel would have fainted, but instead, she looked up at Charlotte. "Later! Right now, we've got a bigger problem on our hands!"

"You're right. Walpurgisnacht first, teasing you second. Hopefully, I'll be able to transform into this form in the real world once this all ends."

[Nicia side]

There was an emerald wand with a gold star inside a circle in her hand when she woke up.

'Saved by the weirdness. Dolphins.' She frowned at the floor where Souren had dropped her, 'Well, no helping it now.'

"Install!" Archer class card - identity: Aya Shameimaru.

The card replaced her damaged clothes with a somewhat plain white shirt with black buttons and edges and a black skirt with white frills. And provided a camera as a primary weapon.

Souren noticed the sudden massive use of magic energy and turned back to her, reforming his three-layered thing and launching the strings.

Using her new ability to fly given by the source heroine Nicia was able to narrowly avoid being entangled and get a shot of Souren trying to catch her.

The picture caused the strings attack to cancel and forced Souren a short distance back.

(Seriously, how does a picture manage to do that?)

It took several more pictures before the layer shattered again and took a large portion of the wall with it, revealing the outside of the building. This guy must be super photography-phobic or something.

Then came the pressure, which this time were used as projectiles instead of a continuous area effect.

"Install change." Caster class card - identity: Iremi.

This card changed her appearance to have red hair, a silver shirt with black arms and purple shoulders, and black leggings with purple at the top. It also got rid of the camera. :)

In favor of a wooden wand with a blue jewel and a red jewel at the top. :(

The jewels in the wand glowed as roots began coming out of the walls, floor, and ceiling to block crushing bolts and attack Souren.

Souren responded to the attacks by crushing large areas of roots and a stalemate developed with neither being able to land hits.

More light came from the jewels in the wand as the building began to shake and large numbers of roots started coming out of the ground at the base of the building.

Steadily a large tree-resembling person formed and was tall enough that the green lights it had for eyes were level with their floor.

The creature stuck its hand into the building and began moving it towards them but Souren detonated the second layer and used the energy to crush the monster.

"Install change." Saber class card - identity: Pray Mayer.

She managed to complete it as Souren nearly teleported to where she was to start attacking directly.

This card replaced the previous clothes with a black dress with a small purple bow under the collar, red eyes with cat-like vertical pupils, restored her hair color, and replaced the wand with a large sword.

*Pray personal skill: blue moon draw* she quickly reacted to Souren's attack.

Even with the card's attack ability, the attack didn't do any damage and she was thrown down the hall and skidded to a stop.

'The last layer is probably crushingly strong physical boost and barrier.' she decided.

Nicia launched a blue energy blast before charging in and using the installed martial ability and strength to trade blows. The card's skill advantage, massive power, and light blasts were absorbed by the final layer's powerful barrier forcing her to soon get some space for a large attack.

*Pray wave skill: pinnacle of blue-lunar shot.* She launched a pumpkin-sized blue sphere.

When Souren closed in, slowed down by moving around the lunar shot she was able to blast him out of the side of the building using *Pray wave skill: pinnacle of red-solar sword.*

'That height won't be enough.' So she jumped out of the side of the building for one final attack.

*Pray wave skill: red-blue resonating skill: universe-destroying heavenly twin dragons.* A simultaneous two melee attacks just as Souren hit the ground, breaking his final defence and allowing the class' large sword to land on him pointy-side first and kill him.

[Team Jamiebel side]

"Is that…?" Crystal muttered weakly.

"No way…" Charlotte whispered breathlessly.

Jamiebel looked to both sides across from her - both Crystal and the Hard-Drive-Divinity Charlotte were downed with barely a scratch on the towering white witch. None of them could take down Walpurgisnacht. It seemed as though that the Kammer bloodline was destined to lose at some point… and that the 'play' would end with the desolation of the world.

"Bow to the mighty Walpurgis, her eternal unhappiness will rule all./She was a fool to become a Mahou Shoujo; she paid the price to fall./Dancing around in despair, her happiness and laughter is sadness and tears./Spinning around in despair, for her story was full of anger," Walpurgisnacht replied mockingly to Jamiebel. "Two millennia of needless bravado, and none of you Kammers would kill me, because of your 'morals…' how pathetic. You try and you try, meeting end after end. Even if you choose to seal me away, I will still emerge. Be a good little girl… and fall into despair."

There was no happy ending told in the legend… just more of the same.

"Well, that's a bit of a bloody downer, innit?"

"Downer?! We're going to die, you tart, and all you can day is 'That's a bit of a bloody downer?!'" Charlotte snapped. "Dammit… we can't land a damn hit on this thing! Why?!"

Jamiebel, meanwhile, was lying face-down, not even bothering to raise her head. "Why can't I beat her…? Even if I keep attacking, she'll brush me off like a bug…"

The raven-haired cyborg could feel her eyes moisten.

"Has it crossed you that we're bloody bollocks at this?"

"Oh, we're bollocks?! Even so, I'm not willing to give up, just because I'm bollocks at it…" Charlotte looked over at Jamiebel. "I can't give up… Jamiebel's the closest person I have, and I'm not letting her die! If you wanna give up, fine, bugger off with ya - but I'll protect her with my life!"

"That legend… was it all a lie I told myself?" Jamiebel thought to herself, as her teammates were arguing. "Everything I do only makes everyone else's fate worse… Jim's, my fratello's, even hers! It's all my fault. I love her so much… but I could not bear to let her go. Even now, as a Puella Magi cyborg, I still love her."

"Then some fucking guns would be nice, yeah? We ain't gon' be 'bout killin nothin spinnin 'round like a lot of fucking fairies!"

"Fat lot of chance that'll do for us! Even if we could get some guns - which we can't - how in the hell will we get past that damn shield of hers?! I bet you that you only care about yourself - you haven't even said one thing about Jamiebel! I bet you she'd want to protect us, if the roles were reversed! You know why?! She gives a bloody damn about us both!"

The pain started up again accompanied by her cries, as Jamiebel's soul gem started to dim and fade to black. The more she despaired, the more Walpurgisnacht would have possession of her soul.

"You think I don't know that her happiness from the separation we have is fake?! But… letting her die… letting her go… would be tantamount to shooting myself in the eye. I cannot live in a world that hasn't been blessed by Charlotte Haywood."

"And while you're spoutin' on and havin' a right good fit of it, Jay-bee's havin' a heart-attack, while beastie over there is gettin' closer-!"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?!" Jamiebel screamed at both of them.

"..." Charlotte inhaled sharply, but nothing came out. The reality settled in. "...you're right. I… I..."
The tears started to form up and streak down her face.

Now on top of her tears, the pain in Jamiebel's chest had been excruciatingly noticeable, as her gem almost became clouded in darkness.

"Madoka… if you can hear me… I'm sorry. After two millennia, Walpurgisnacht has won… I let my family down… I let my bloodline down… I let you down. I'm so sorry. For EVERYTHING!"

The moment that Jamiebel closed her eyes was the beginning. A beginning, however, that didn't signify the end, but rather, a miracle.

[...]

A white room. That's all that Jamiebel could see. Apart from her, the entire room was desolate - not a single soul was in there. It really seemed like she would have died… she could even hear the echoes of some of what she said on past missions...

"Nobody talk to me; Nobody human has anything to say to me today!"

"Why? Why? Why?!"

"You looked inside me, and you saw hatred. That's not victory. Victory would've been joining me in the SWA."

"I tried to talk. I tried to reach out. I tried to understand you, but I think that you understand us perfectly. And I think that you just don't care! [...] I'm sending you all to Hell. Who knows? Some of you may survive the trip. If you do, remember this: You are not welcome here!"

"Fear me... I've killed all of them."

"You hate me! You want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! Kill me!"

Walking over to a corner of the room, Jamiebel sat down, curled up into a ball and began sobbing.

"That's it… I've doomed us all. I couldn't defeat Walpurgisnacht - even if I had tried, no matter what the result, I still would have failed. I didn't even know I was related to this family, let alone involved in this play. If I had known earlier, I would have readied myself for what was to come, instead of finding out who I was, hours before the play… who am I kidding? I couldn't have done the job Madoka could have done… I didn't do the job the Kammers have done before me… at this point, I'm ready to accept my fate. I can't turn back time. I've lost. I'm going to die. We're all going to die. All because I can't defeat Walpurgisnacht under my own strength… I… I'm all alone… I was stupid... so stupid… I'm such an idiot…!"

"Don't lose hope… you're not alone. You never were." A voice came from nowhere, accompanied by a light and a girl in a pink dress descending.

"Why? What are you saying? For me not to cry? For me to suffer more?! With me, everywhere I go, there is no…" Jamiebel paused, before looking up at the girl before her. "...hope? Wait… are you…?"

"Thank you for doing the play in my place. You were better than everyone hoped. And I don't mean only what you were doing here - the rest of your life too."

"...Everyone? And what do you mean, 'the rest of my life?' You mean you've been watching over me, almost like a guardian angel?"

"Something like that." She offered her hand, "Get up, you can still go on. You still have a method of winning."

Jamiebel hesitantly took her 'angel's' hand, still crushed by the reality of her helplessness. "How? I can't win by myself, and even with Crystal and Charlotte's power as Purple Heart, we're still no match for Walpurgisnacht."

"You three may not be enough… but what about the spirits of your ancestors?"

Jamiebel gasped. One by one, a member of the Kammer family that battled Walpurgisnacht - some having blonde hair, some red-haired, some were tall, others were small, but all of them wore that same pink skirt - and they stood beside the girl in pink.

"The thing is about the Kammer family is that of our undying spirit - even when we faced impossible odds, we never quit," spoke one of the red-heads.

"We all may have looked different - heck, we were all different - but that didn't change anything. We all found a way to win and beat the famed witch," added a blonde Kammer.

"And you were right - we didn't end Walpurgisnacht's life, but sealed her away in the mountains, hoping that someday, someone strong-willed enough would make that sacrifice to end her for good," replied a shorter blonde. "In retrospect, we didn't know of how long each seal would last."

"However, when you declared that you wanted to end her, it filled us with that hope, and made the rest of us want to support you, because you are willing to do what none of us in the past could…" noted a brunette. "So, please, Jamiebel - allow us to lend you our combined strength. Together, you, Madoka and we can end Walpurgisnacht and save the world."

Jamiebel's jaw dropped at the mention of the name. "Wait - so that means… the girl in pink is…?!"

"Yep. She's your cousin… Madoka Kaname," replied the first red-head. "The one who originally sacrificed her life to lay Walpurgisnacht - and all witches - down… and in turn, became a goddess - and your guardian angel. She always hoped for you to finish the job."

Madoka nodded. "If someone ever tells me it's a mistake to have hope, well, then, I'll just tell them they're wrong. And I'll keep telling them 'til they believe... no matter how many times it takes!"

"Madoka…" Jamiebel whispered, her voice increasing in volume gradually. "...I never thought in my entire life that it was a mistake to have hope. Even when I died once and was brought back as a cyborg, I never lost hope. When Jim was on the brink of breaking, I never lost hope. When I helped Charlotte break her inner shell and come out, I never lost hope. When I faced Walpurgisnacht right then and now, I lost hope, when I shouldn't have… but not once have I thought it was a mistake to have hope. Hope is what makes the Kammer family… no, everyone... strong - it's why we are here. It's what we fight with when all else is lost! Those of us that thought having hope was a mistake - they were all the true idiots! Even if some damn Incubator were to tell me that hope is a mistake - that it's a mental disorder, I will always believe in hope! I am not an idiot - that's the kind of person I am! And nobody - not Padania, not another cyborg, not a magus, not a witch, not even Walpurgisnacht - nobody will ever deny me that hope!"

Jamiebel's last words echoed throughout the room… and then it hit her. That's what she was missing - hope. She had determination behind her, but no hope to assist it. It was what kept everyone - including Madoka - going to defeat Walpurgisnacht.

And it would be just enough for Jamiebel to keep her going.

Madoka grinned. "You can do it, Jamie-kun. Believe in yourself and your friends."

"Thank you, Madoka… I'm so sorry for despairing so much, when I should have had hope behind me." She gave the pink-haired girl a tight hug. "I love you."

"Next time you see her, say hello to Sayaka-chan for me." Madoka giggled.

Jamiebel wiped her tears away, and grinned at her bloodline. "Of course. For the rest of you: I'll do it. Lend me your strength, your hope… for all of us."

And the white room faded away back to reality.

[...]

"It is time… farewell, heir of the Kammers!" Walpurgisnacht exclaimed triumphantly, as she lifted a small building overhead-

"JAMIEBEL!"

The voice had cried out Jamiebel's name, and this time it was a male one… it seemed to have come to the east of Walpurgisnacht; rotating slowly in that direction, she caught sight of an incoming yellow speck speeding towards her…

... then it was gone. Where did that speck go?

"I will not let you harm her!" the voice yelled out, before (apparently) slamming a steamroller in the witch's face and pounding away with machine-gun speed. Despite it being to no avail, it was enough for Walpurgisnacht to drop the building she was holding. Landing in front of the girls, he looked up at the giant witch.

"You insolent little...?!"

"Call me Jim Eligino," he replied. "You made the wrong decision, trying to go after Jamiebel! If you want her, you'll have to get past me first!"

"You have no right in this business between myself and the heir of the Kammers. Begone!"

She grabbed Jim in mid-air, clenched her fist, and before he could escape, threw him into one of the taller buildings' walls. However, Jim was not one to give up so easily.

"I don't know about this 'heir of the Kammers' you speak of, but Jamiebel is the closest person I have to me! I won't let her die, no matter what happens to me!" He leaped back into the air. "And that includes fighting some oversized clara doll!"

"Try as you might, you will still bow down to the mighty Walpurgisnacht!"

"I bow down for nobody! THE WORLD!"

Instantly, he disappeared... Before reappearing a few seconds later, jabbing repeatedly in front of her once again. The total damage done to the witch was barely visible… not enough to deter Walpurgisnacht.

"Your performance on this stage is as pathetic as the Kammers' - including your beloved 'Jamiebel,'" Walpurgisnacht taunted. "Perhaps you were always born to play the fool in life, just as she was destined to play the tragic heroine."

"The role I play is that of my choosing," Jim shot back, "and whatever I make of it, any choice by Jamiebel or myself, we go at it together - alive or dead!"

"Very well… as you have said yourself, you two will suffer together!"

'I need to buy Jamiebel and the others some time to recover… I'm not sure how long I'll be able to last, but I must make every second count!' Jim thought to himself.

Once again, Jim leaped up and struck the ultimate witch quickly, landing a few more punches.

"How dare you lay your fists on me?! You are but a fool - not even worthy of this stage!" the witch shouted, infuriated.

"You ask how… I have hope… the hope that Jamiebel needs to defeat you! THE WORLD!"

Disappearing again, he reappeared in a few seconds later, this time striking Walpurgisnacht from behind.

Various clumps of beds/chairs/furniture/and bathroom supplies floated up and start to launch themselves at Jim.

'Damnit, now she launches a counterattack?! I just stopped time, and can't do it again for a while…!' he thought to himself, before getting flung back into another wall. Through sheer willpower, however, Jim slowly stood back up. "I'm… not done… yet...!"

Next large clumps of roots were brought up to be thrown at him, not giving any time or room to breath.

"Can't be helped! The World!" Jim unleashed his stand, a humanoid with golden diving equipment, clocks on the backs of its hands, and the heart motifs where Jim's elbows and knees were, and began punching away to try and get his focus back.

While he was KOing the wood a large amount of smashed building came up and managed to remove him from the area.

"Aaargh!" Jim was sent flying forwards back to where the trio of girls had laid; this time, he struggled to get back up, managing to get to his knees.

"Admit your inability. Whether it's the Kammers, their allies, or the audience, there is nothing that can be done to change the ending."

"Heh…" Jim chuckled, before gradually evolving to what seemed to be mad laughter. "You thought I would give up? You thought I was that bad?! I set a distraction and you walked right into it… all of this went down like clockwork, Walpurgisnacht!"

"What?"

"I wasted your big chance by letting myself get beat up!" Jim continued, looking over at the raven black-haired girl, "Remember Jamiebel? I think she found herself a second wind. You were so focused on me, you failed to finish off the one person that could viably end you!" 'Although I didn't really plan it, but thinking I outsmarted her will probably drive Walpurgisnacht nuts!'

"You third-rate!" she once again tried to remove Jim from the battle.

"THE WORLD!"

Jim disappeared, and reappeared a few moments with another steamroller and a manic grin, exclaims, "ROAD ROLLER!" As before, he compacted the steamroller with his fists, before smashing through it into Walpurgisnacht's face. He landed beside Jamiebel.

"What was it you said again?" Jim asked, a smirk on his face. "I was born to play the fool? I'm afraid, for you, the real fool is the one spinning before us."

*HEHEHEHEHAHAHAHA* Walpurgis didn't even bother responding as she brought up everything she could manage to use.

"Jamiebel, I'll cover you! Do what you do best!" Jim looked up as he saw the inevitable debris come forth, "I know you can do this… don't you dare give up. I can't afford to lose you..."

Almost as if she were commanded, Jamiebel slowly stood up, now with renewed confidence. She removed the ribbons from her hair, letting the raven-black strands run freely, and Jim began pounding away at the debris, she whispered a chant…

"I am the blood of my bow./Wood is my body and steel is my bone./I have created over a thousand arrows./Unaware of loss,/Nor aware of gain./Withstood pain to create weapons, waiting for one's arrival!/I have no regrets! This is the only path!/My whole life was Unlimited Starlight Arrow!"

Pulling back on the quiver, she fired a fiery pink arrow towards the white witch, and to both Jim's and her own amazement, sent the debris flying back and Walpurgisnacht reeling backwards. Jamiebel grinned - not only had she stunned the witch, but she bought herself some time to heal Charlotte and Crystal.

Sprinting over to the purple-haired woman, she felt the energizing touch of her bloodline, and brought Charlotte, and soon thereafter, Crystal, to their feet almost instantly.

"Jamiebel… what happened?" she asked her friend with benefits.

"Let's just say… we won't be fighting alone," Jamiebel replied with a wink, motioning to Jim. "I hope you and Jim can play distraction and attack at the same time."

"We'll manage," Jim replied.

"Who do you think I am?" smirked the purple 'Console Patron Unit.' "Neptune does what the other CPU's don't."

Crystal smirked. "Can it make a bottle of suds?"

"Now that's what I wanted to hear. Don't you die on me, you three, or I'll have cousin Madoka scold you for the rest of your life."

"Speaking of Madoka, I can see her - she's standing beside you… although I am the only person that can see her," Charlotte chuckled nervously. "But don't worry, she'll be alongside you."

"So you've all returned to the stage. Even so, this is still the final act, and you do not have enough time or ability to change the conclusion," Walpurgis taunted them.

"That's where you're wrong, Walpurgisnacht - within me is the hopes and dreams of not only my bloodline… but my friends." She looked over at Charlotte, Crystal and Jim with a grin, as she nodded back. "And with my hope, this power and those bonds, I will create a new end - your end!" She pulled back her quiver again, and fired another pink arrow at Walpurgisnacht.

"Hope? With the performance you've displayed, your role is set to be the same as your predecessors'."

"CROSS COMBINATION!"

Walpurgisnacht may have been able to see the arrow coming, but what she didn't see was Charlotte slashing at her multiple times behind her. She then flew over in front of the ultimate witch's face.

"You don't get it, do you?" Charlotte growled. "Jamiebel is different from all of her bloodline - she's one to acknowledge that you can never fight alone. I have hope in her with all my heart, and I will die alongside her, if I need to! And… it's not just me and Crystal that she has now."

It was when Walpurgisnacht looked back at Jamiebel that she saw the truth: Jamiebel was now among spiritual company - not only was Madoka there, but the spirits of the Kammers that defeated her.

"And a little note," added the purple-haired figure, "I also looked up my bloodline… I have blood with an ally of the Kammers, specifically that of the Miki bloodline." She directed her katana to Walpurgisnacht's face. "So if you want to fight Jamiebel… you'll have to fight me as well!"

"Oi, Charli, Jim-bo, let's toast this cunt, yeah? It's eatin' into me quality drinkin' time."

I am the flesh and bone of my sword.

I am the flesh and bone of my bow.

I am the flesh and bone of the stars.

Steel flows through my body, and fire is what courses through my blood.

I have created over a thousand arrows.

Unknown to death.

Nor known to life.

Unaware of the beginning.

Nor aware of the end.

Many times I have withstood enormous pain to create hope for all!

Other times I have endured the limits of my body to create thousands of weapons!

And yet, those hands that have braved so much will never hold anything!

I have no regrets! This is the only path!

So as I pray now, I call thee forth, my only hope - 'Unlimited Shooting Stars!'

The trio of girls pull back and release the arrow, soon scattering itself into a multitude of arrows, raining themselves upon Walpurgisnacht. To Jamiebel's eyes, a window appeared before her - a small one, nonetheless.

"This is it… SAY GOOD NIGHT, WALPURGISNACHT!" Jamiebel screamed, a massive jump towards the fading true form Walpurgisnacht - and the physical form of Nacht.

Walpurgis brings up pieces of rubble to defend with as the group's attack hits her.

"Heads up, Charlotte! We got a shield to break!" Jim called out, as he began knocking back random pieces of rubble.

"You're telling me!" Charlotte responded quickly to aid Jim. Meanwhile, Jamiebel pulled back her bow's string one last time to aim at the source of Walpurgisnacht's power: the spinning gear. Once more using the Shooting Star arrow, the one arrow soon split into many again, destroying the gear and most of the rubble… until one of the pieces of rubble hit Jamiebel and sent her into a collision course with the human Nacht.

The two collide, end up kissing each other, and fall without any style back down to the building.

When Jamiebel opened her eyes, she found herself face-to-face with Nacht. It was over… she won and ended the 'curse,' as she says it was. But that thought didn't cross her mind, because…

"Aaah!" ...she was blushing and stepping away from Nacht from the accidental kiss. She helped Nacht to her feet, and put her arm behind her head. "Sorry about that… I was told by Madoka to save you. It seemed like you were possessed by Walpurgisnacht, so I had to think of a plan."

"Giving one kiss for being freed from being a witch - I think I'm getting the better side of the deal." Nacht laughed.

"I heard a yammer you partied like that." Crystal commented, beside Nacht and Jamiebel

Jamiebel blushed harder. "Hey, it was an accidental kiss, okay?! ...but, Madoka told me to listen into your soul - it felt like it was crying out for help, when nobody would be willing to do so. I could have used Starlight Arrow, but that would have killed you. Shooting Star would destroy Walpurgisnacht, but not you." She looked into Nacht's eyes. "So, I want to know… why did she choose you as her vessel?"

"I always liked the holiday so she somehow got her name from that. As for choosing me..it's a sort of resonance thing with what happened when I was a magical girl. There were a bunch of places where I failed despite being right there and trying and she used that to possess me."

"So you fell into despair… well, with Madoka's blessing, you won't be becoming a witch ever again," Jamiebel smiled. "What will you do now, now that she's gone?"

"I want to stay here. I like this place and need to make up for all the time I spent as a witch."

After dealing with the rubble, Charlotte flew down and transformed back into herself. "Wait, Nacht… do you mind if I help you? I overheard what you and Jamiebel said, and I want to help you too. But… I also want to tell you that it's a big world out there, and you're missing out."

"Even if I am, my strongest connections - positive and negative - are here."

"Then I'll help you build new bonds… stronger ones both here and out there." Charlotte took up Nacht's chin. "Just as well, I wanted to say…" She gave the blue nun a delicate kiss. "...let me be your life partner. I've lived the same life as you - minus the Puella Magi stuff - but I understand what you've been through. I want to help you become a better person as well."

"Then I will look forward to working with you in the future."

The Jamiebel doppelganger shook her head. "No… I want to work with you now. It may take a while, but two sets of hands are better than one, Nacht. Even you know that."

"Let's work well together."

Charlotte smiled. "Indeed. And Nacht? There's one thing I'd like to tell you…"

"Yes?"

The raven-haired girl blushed, but smiled through it. "...I love you." And proceeded to kiss Nacht with a little [read: a lot of] passion.

Meanwhile, Jamiebel and Crystal looked on. "And you thought I was the only one going to have a women-only harem…" the raven-haired cyborg chuckled.

"Still do."

"Maybe one day, you might be part of that harem, Crystal."

"Don't count on it, love. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and I prefer my two eggs with a nice sausage instead of a couple strips of bacon, yeah."

"Geez, you're such a tsundere - and this is coming from a girl whose chest is thinner than a couple strips of bacon… and I know that you, er, went wild with me that one night-"

"Went wild on you, Jay-bee… there's a difference."

Jamiebel laughed. "See, told you."

"Oh, shut up."

[...]

"You all look like crap." Nicia greeted them when they found her on the grass.

"And all the same t' ya," Crystal noted.

"The kettle calls the pot black," Jamiebel added with a chuckle. "Seems like we're even…"

"You must be crazy. I fought an actual villain; you three fought together against something that doesn't even exist in reality, and still look like that. How incompetent are you exactly?"

"None too incompetent," Jim replied, walking towards the four of them. "I figured you would try and refute Jamiebel's claims on how Walpurgisnacht wasn't real… you see, I bought Jamiebel time to battle Walpurgisnacht and I took photos while they were fighting her. All the evidence is right here with me, developed and ready to show you."

"You stood by and watched them get beaten up?"

Jim nodded (even though he was lying to some degree), as he took out the pictures from a manila folder, and showed Nicia the evidence - Walpurgisnacht appeared in every one of them. "Apart from you being wrong about Walpurgisnacht, I am merely a side character in this story; I thought it best Jamiebel should have the spotlight on her for once. In terms of action, she was always the bridesmaid, never the bride… until now."

"And it seems her husband would let her endure massive physical and emotional pain on her important day. Sounds like a lasting relationship."

"I endured my share of physical and emotional pain, and had come out better for it - the same happened for Jamiebel; but it's not like you would understand, anyway." He picked up Jamiebel on his back. "You'll find your true love one day, right, Nicia? Maybe it's Santa."

"Duh, it's Santa. As for stuff happening to us, that will happen eventually." 'The slow bastard.'

"Right… so your own sister is your potential lover… do you know how wrong that sounds?"

"Sounds perfectly natural to me."

Jim blinked. "...Right... because of that weird statement, this conversation is hereby over. I'll pick you up later after I bring Jamiebel over to the handlers." With that, he dashed off to the other handlers and Santa with Jamiebel, then Crystal, and later, with Nicia.

[...]

Charlotte, meanwhile, had worked with Nacht on one of the things she needed to fix. It was a rather arduous job, but she and Nacht had finished before midnight came. Now in Nacht's humble abode, she and the nun sat next to each other, a long silence between the two.

Finally, the Franco-Brit decided to break the silence. "Nacht?"

"Yes?"

"...I want your opinion on something. Do you think a love like ours will be accepted? And if so, when?"

"Our friends and family probably will even if it may take them time. Other people I won't guarantee. I'd like for people to accept it."

Charlotte smiled. "That was exactly what I was thinking… I'll be honest with you, it was hard for me to keep my sexuality's desires down… so much so, that I alone had to move to England where my uncle, Simon Baptiste, lived. It was hard for me to fit in there… until I met Jamiebel. She was the first person to show me that I needn't be afraid of my different tastes - of being weird. I felt so isolated from everyone, and she brought me back into the crowd… today, my brain says that I should still remember Jamiebel - and I will, for good reason - but my heart told me that you and I are destined partners… two outcasts in a cruel world… don't you think?"

"Yes."

"I'm also starting to wonder… when did your love for girls develop? Mine was around teenagerdom."

"It was the same for me. I started questioning who I was interested in at about that period too."

"Hmmm." Charlotte looked at Nacht, took her hand, and held it in hers. "Just know, if you ever feel like you're falling into despair, I will be your ray of hope. I will set you straight again, no matter how many times I need to save you. You are at my forefront, as is Jamiebel, 24/7."

"Thank you. That shouldn't be a problem though - I'm no longer young enough to qualify as a girl."

"I've heard of the tale of the Blue Nun… they say that even as the years pass by, her beauty and youth are still evident - almost as though she never ages. I feel as though you are that nun."

"Well, there is a rather special circumstance in my case. I should age normally from now on."

"Mmm. Still, promise me you'll stay by my side for as long as you live... and I will do the same, Nacht."

"I will."

"Thank you… by the way, I want to know your full name. What is it?"

"Nacht Midas Kromell."

Nodding, Charlotte leaned in close, and kissed Nacht. "Charlotte Bautista Haywood-Baptiste. That is mine… but to some, they call me 'Lady Purple Heart.'"

"Back before I became a witch, it was said that my father would make a deal to turn anything he touched to gold if given the opportunity, so I was called 'Golden Princess' by some people."

"I guess you can figure out how I earned the name 'Purple Heart'; after I received a costume from Jamiebel, it gave me the power to transform into this 'Console Patron Unit.' After I found about it, I decided to become a hero… for fun, but a hero nonetheless. I only use it in times of need, though." She looked at Nacht's eyes. "Beneath the exterior of yours lies a golden heart, Nacht. I know it."

Giving her new girlfriend a kiss, Charlotte smiled mischievously, and spoke the next line in her Purple Heart voice. "Now it's time to see how you are in bed..."

[...]

On the way back, Jim chuckled at Nicia's admittance to Santa being the eye of her charm. "I have to hand it to you, Nicia, you do have guts. Not very many people would have their sister be the one they want to be with forever."

"I don't care about other people. Even if I did, it's not like we would've been related to each other before becoming cyborgs - our appearances are completely different."

"That is a fair point, but allow me to be a bit more serious… when the time comes, do you think Santa will accept your love? And be honest here - I want to get your full opinion on this."

"We both already know that we're each other's most important person. Well, we do have some loyalty to Enzo and the organization, but that's not liking them."

Jim shook his head. "No, that's not what I meant; I know you and Santa have a very close bond, but what if you admit to Santa that you love her in that intimate sense? And also, what if she says no, that she sees you as her most important person, but not that way? What will you do then?"

"Whatever our equivalent of the 'please have babies with me' request is?" Nicia pauses for a moment. "...It's not us. I've never considered it."

Jim let out a little chuckle. "Fair, I don't see it going that far… but what I mean is that you implied earlier that Santa is your one true love. I'm just worried for you if Santa rejects you as a lover, but accepts your more as her 'sister.'"

"Well, the pair our personalities were inspired by did have something like that happen to them...You'll just have to wait for more of SWA to find out what happens to us."

Jim laughed. "I guess you're right… you know, when it comes time, I wish you the best of luck in doing so, Nicia. You might be one of the most stubborn people I know, but when it comes down to it, you can be cool too."

"I don't need your luck, I'm can do whatever I want to without it, and be cooler than you doing it."

"Pfft, you wish," Jim chuckled again. "C'mon, let's head back to Enzo and the others. I hear there's a feast awaiting us."

[...]

At the midnight feast, the Cassano and Loeb fratelli with Crystal and the new pair of Charlotte and Nacht celebrated with the locals, dining on the veritable delicacies the region had to offer - or in Crystal's case, get roaring drunk. Among said conversations were this:

"A magus? Yeah, we meet those kinds of people occasionally. I once met a guy who had a flying dumbbell made out of jello as a pet," replied Enzo.

Jim blinked and looked over to Nicia. "This village is weird, indeed - maybe 'village of the Pudding Brains.' Witches, magi, magical girls… what next, a time-stopping vampire? A hamon-using monk? The ultimate life-form?"

"Another dangerous religious person? Maybe Marisa has a point about them." Nicia speculated out loud.

"In this place, I wouldn't rule it out, dangerous nuns... and for once, I completely agree with you." A quick moment of awkward silence between the pair. "Shall we eat?"

"You guys weren't?"

"I wasn't; I'm still stunned by the weirdness of this village… Jamiebel's like a black hole when it comes to food." He looked over at Nicia. "Happy Witches' Night."

"Well, it is now."

Pre-Epilogue Press Conference

[Scene: Press conference. A crowd of interviewers as well as television news people with cameras are in full force.]

Woman: We're here live at the press conference, where Ms. Charlotte Haywood is about to issue a public apology for the return of the Gunslinger Girl Christmas Story series.

[Silence. Everyone is finding their seats, and waiting patiently.]

Woman: We seem to be running a bit late.

[There is a loud cough to break said silence, but said cough is paid no attention.]

Please watch this press conference in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.

Woman: She doesn't seem to be here yet… oh, there she is!

Caution: cameras flashing.

[Charlotte – the Jamiebel doppelgänger; perhaps a Jamiebel clone? – walks to the desk solemnly, head hung low. She stops to the left of the chair, and appears dressed nicely… albeit cosplaying as Mitsuru Kirijo from Persona 3. Once the cameras stop flashing, Charlotte begins her speech. Her voice sounds more mature than normal, almost akin to Kirijo or even Purple Heart of the Neptunia series.]

Charlotte: Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to be here today. [camera flash] In light of the Gunslinger Girl Christmas story's recent failures… I, Charlotte Haywood, side character, girlfriend of Nacht Kromell and friend-with-benefits of Jamiebel Angkahan, am here to represent all the producers, staff, Japanese and English voice actors and writers of the story in publicly apologizing at this press conference. [another camera flash] Er, first of all, um, for not ending with the one story… we vehemently apologize!

[Charlotte bows, and there are multiple camera flashes about. She takes a seat at the desk, ready for anything.]

Interviewer (Davina): Mind if I ask some questions?

Charlotte: Er, by all means, go ahead.

Interviewer: Firstly, could you tell us a bit about how this happened-?

[Before the interviewer finished her question, Charlotte slams her head against the desk and wails!]

Interviewer: Hey, it's too early to be crying! You haven't said anything yet!

[Refusing to lift her head, Charlotte continues forth with her tear-laden speech]

Charlotte: I was in disbelief that the movie made ¥3.7 billion at the Japanese box office, and $450 million at the American box office! Do you know how much money that is?! That's more money than God! We made more money than God with that one movie! I had no word to express how thankful I was to all our viewers and fans! Also, thank you, Rie Tanaka, for voicing me! I love all your works and cosplays! [sobs] But then, those money mongers in suits started coming for us again, [bangs desk with fist all the while occasionally] and before I knew it, we went from Sunrise to something else entirely! What's more, I'm just a side character who hasn't even appeared yet in "Roundabout Life," because I couldn't stop gushing so much over Jamiebel or my new girlfriend Nacht, and the producer had me cosplay with my Japanese seiyuu for a promotional calendar! And this Gen Urobuchi-like climax in the Walpurgisnacht story, I couldn't handle it for most of the scene… I just burst into tears! Jamiebel's emotions came across as so real to me… I love Puella Magi Madoka Magica [Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica], but I hate Urobuchi-san! I hate him so much! Him and his nihilistic views…! And this skit… it's another Gintama homage! We did one in the prologue already! But the thing is, you people don't understand anything! What could you possibly know about the producer?! What could you possibly know about the writers?!

Interviewer: I have no idea what you're talking about!

Charlotte: [still sobbing, unperturbed] As such, there's something I need to tell you all today, and here's what it is…! [wails. Beat; when she speaks, it's her normal voice - bright tone and all - and not sobbing:] There. We apologized. The Gunslinger Girl Christmas Story sequel will go as planned!

Interviewer: Screw you!

[Charlotte gets hit with a flying folding chair! Her grunt as she's hit:]

Charlotte: Nepu!?

[Multiple camera flashes, as Charlotte falls to the floor from the impact.]

A/N: This skit does not reflect on the views of any anime or creator from the writers or characters.

Epilogue (interview with Jamiebel)

Interviewer (not Davina): And now we come to the part that everyone's been waiting for - the interview with one of the leads from the Walpurgis Collab story - Jamiebel. Thank you for being here.

Jamiebel: Thank you for having me here. It's an honor to be in your presence.

Interviewer: I'm sure some of our viewers think differently. But on to the questions - did you have fun doing this story?

Jamiebel: I did, indeed. It was the first time I actually starred in anything as a main protagonist, and I felt like I had quite a bit to live up to. When I did the Christmas story, I was amazed at how Jim and Santa took so quickly to their roles. Their story is more along the lines of comedy, whereas mine and Nicia's was more akin to Kara no Kyokai and Puella Magi Madoka Magica - almost purely dramatic. It was tough at first, but I was able to nail the "me-as-Madoka" towards the end.

Interviewer: We were all rooting for you the entire time. How was it taking down one of the most powerful witches ever?

Jamiebel: ...Lethargic, actually. Only Madoka has been able to do so, and to repeat that feat… it's mind-boggling. Let me just say this: if I had my CPU self from the Christmas story - Lady White Heart - combined with the power of the the Kammer bloodline, plus Madoka's help from the beginning (waves at Madoka in the audience), I would have barely scratched the surface of Walpurgisnacht. Thank goodness for Nicia. If you're watching, Nicia, thanks a lot.

Interviewer: Now, you and the rest of the GsG OC cast have a compilation of songs that will be released on CD soon… care to tell us what it is?

Jamiebel: Well, it's a compilation of some of the cyborgs' seiyuu doing their songs from other anime; for example - and the CD was released pre-transition - my songs were from "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" (Lost my Music and God Knows), whereas Davina's is more of a mishmash of "Corpse Party" and "Neptunia."

Interviewer: There is also a fighting game on sale right now involving the whole cast, on PS4, XBox One and on Steam. Why not tell us a little bit more about it?

Jamiebel: Well, it's akin to JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Eyes of Heaven and J-Stars Victory Vs., in which you have teams of two or three beat each other up. Thing is, though, we have a 'classic mode' for fans of the side-scrolling fighting games.

Interviewer: You seemed to have changed your English voice actress. What was the motivation behind it, do you think?

Jamiebel: I wouldn't quite say 'changed.' First off, I want to thank this time Wendee Lee has voiced me as her own - I feel as though because of her, I wouldn't be where I am right now; like I said, I loved her works so much. As for the transition to Christine Marie Cabanos, I'd like to call it a "re-birth"; she had a different adaptation and interpretation of me, while sticking close to the original. (insert Jamiebel's opinions on Christine's roles) Something I didn't know, however, was that Ms. Cabanos is part-Filipina, like myself, so that was a massive surprise to me. I'm not sure if this is going to lead me into a Nepgear cosplay to link to Melissa Fahn's Neptune/Charlotte combo - as she has voiced the former, and I love how adorable it is - but I'm ready for anything.

Interviewer: You're the first one in real life time to go on a mission with Nicia, are you going to have bragging rights or anything when you get back to the dorms?

Jamiebel: Not really. At first, Nicia was kind of abrasive, but I started to get used to it all. She may be a tad arrogant, and stubborn as hell, as Jim pointed out - maybe she's a tsundere or dandere? - but she is magnanimous and a good person when you get to know her. If anything, she works as hard as anybody, Davina included. She possibly has that one-in-a-million potential… if only she could work on her people skills, she'd be the face of the SWA in the future.

Interviewer: Thank you for your time - you heard it here people, from CC's collab studio. I'll be back next time a story happens to cover it and give you all the details.

Jamiebel: Be sure to check out the next installment of the SWA Cyborgs Save Christmas series! It'll be more ridiculous than ever, and with more characters too… and pudding! This is Jamiebel Angkahan, voiced by the one and only Christine Marie Cabanos, alongside Mr. Interviewer!

Interviewer (internal): I got a name last time, you know.

Bloopers, Homages and Extra Scenes

Extra Scene 1: The Origin of "Hello, Sweetie!"

[Jamiebel and Santa are standing in front of an old billboard.]

Jamiebel: The writing... the graffiti: Old High Gallifreyan. The lost language of the Time Lords. There were days - there were many days - where these words could burn stars, raise up empires, and topple gods.

Santa: Really? What does this say?

[Jamiebel stares at the billboard for a few moments. She hesitates, then...]

Jamiebel: (exasperatedly) "Hello, sweetie!"

Extra Scene 2: I May be 'Kurisu,' but You are My Assistant

[...]

Crystal: Stop standing there, blathering, Assistant. The book. Now.

Davina: I am not an assistant!

Crystal: Yes, understood; now hurry up and get me that book, assista-

Davina: I said not to call me your assistant!

Crystal: Assis-

Davina: [screaming] I AM NOT YOUR ASSISTANT!

Bloopers:

Jamiebel: I don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. All I know is, right now, more than anything else… I wanna watch some bloopers.

Charlotte: (giggles) Then all you have to say is, "here come the bloopers, bitches".

Jamiebel: Here come the bloopers, bitches!

Charlotte: ...You bitch.

Jim: (enthusiastically) ARE… YOU… READY?!

Jamiebel: (equally enthusiastically) NO!

Jamiebel: April the thirtieth, two thousand years ago... right after Anime Expo!

Jamiebel: *sees Charlotte blushing red* What's wrong, Charlotte?

Charlotte: NOTHING! JUST HORNY!

Frédéric: With this locket's power... I... can... curse... augh... *extremely suspect dying gasping sounds* ...Rosebud.

Nacht: You are very welcome. Also, you may call me Nacht.

Jamiebel: Nacht… welcome to the harem!

Crystal: It's not fair, dammit! It doesn't matter if they're in the Agency or here, it's "Oh, Jamiebel, put it in me! Put it in me!" Sex, sex, sex; that's all these human girls bloody think about when they meet Jamiebel!

Shopkeeper: See something you like?

Jamiebel: I'm looking at her right now.

Crystal: Oi… Jay-bee, did you do what I think you did…?

Jamiebel: ...Contract?

Kyubey: So, if you ever feel like dying for the sake of the universe, call me. I'll be waiting. *disappears*

[beat]

Jamiebel: I'm so unfriending that f***er!

Jamiebel: *Upon arriving at the lobby* It's… beautiful.

Charlotte: Isn't it... KISS ME!

Crystal: Jay-bee! Thank god you're okay and I [drops accent] totally can't do it! Let me try that again!

Walpurgisnacht: I have one piece of information to tell you. Jamiebel… I am your mother.

Jamiebel: …NOOOOOOOO!

Madoka: Thank you for doing the anime in my place. You were better than everyone hoped. And I don't mean only what you were doing here - the rest of your roles too.

Jamiebel: ...Everyone? And what do you mean, 'the rest of my roles?' You mean all those characters that sound like me, even yourself?

Jamiebel: I love you.

Madoka: …I think you have a great ass.

Jamiebel: …You have a cuter one!

Walpurgisnacht: What a surprise...

Jamiebel: Micah...?

Walpurgisnacht: ...the last thing I've expected is a pack of cockroaches in my little bird's cage.

Jim: You gotta be kidding... POOOOST!

Walpurgisnacht: Mmm-mmm. I'd prefer if you didn't call me that name in this show. You should address me as 'The Ultimate Being, LAURA FREAKIN' POST!" *grabs Jim*

Jim: I bow down for nobody! IT'S MOTHERF***ING WORLD TIME, YO!

Jamiebel: WHAT'S UP, BITCHES?! HERE I AM! (Jim crashes) Eh?

Crystal: All righty, then. Let's all pose like in JoJo and look totally sexy!

(cue everybody making their "ready to go" poses)

Nicia: F**king hell, Solusod! Your ass is slow as sh*t!

('Why am I being involved in this exactly?')

(post-credits)

Jamiebel: Charlotte, you're so cool!

Frédéric: ANGKAHAN! REVERSE COWGIRL!

(post-credits)

Jim: Charlotte, you've really done it this time! Look at me! I'm breathing fire! I'm breathing fire! This is the fire of my anger, Charlotte! You've turned the king of the Social Welfare Agency into a dragon! I AM THE DRAGON KING!