Clarke had been pacing in her room for what felt like hours, worrying her lip until she tasted blood. She had spent more time on the Earth then most of her fellow Skaikru, and yet she still found herself constantly surprised at the harshness and reality of life on the ground. There was so much bloodshed, the ground was stained with it. A bloody past and certainly present and still, more blood to come. A shiver ran down Clarke's spine at the thought. She stopped her pacing to lean against a pillar in her posh room in the tower of Polis. She took slow deep breaths, closing her eyes as she relived the events from earlier. Trying not to cry out as Lexa was knocked to the ground, spitting blood and facing a spear to her throat. Clarke had been doing a magnificent job up to that point of keeping herself at a distance, not allowing interactions between herself and the Commander to last more than a few minutes and certainly not alone. She could not afford to be in the presence of a human girl, bearing the weight of her people, of the world on her shoulders. Not when she was supposed to be angry with the girl. Clarke knew that if she considered the Commander in a quiet moment, unguarded, she would have to admit that Lexa made a choice to do what was best for her people at the foot of the mountain that day, even when it was not best for her. Clarke was also finally able to admit to herself that she would have done the same, had the roles been reversed.
Her anger and hatred for the leader of the Grounders had waned since she had arrived in Polis and allowed this realization to settle in her mind. Each day that came and went, each day she immersed herself deeper into the city and worked on gaining a broader knowledge of the Grounders history and customs, she found the anger that once burned hot and bright for Lexa was being replaced by something else hot and bright. She had caught herself stealing glances of the Commander, always seeking her out with her eyes in crowds. In doing so, she also realized the Commander had been stealing her own glances. It pulled at what was left of Clarke's resolve and always seemed to end up settling low in her belly, simmering just below the surface. Every look they held just a little too long, every word exchanged between them seemed to sooth her anger and wrap her in warmth. There was a longing in Lexa's eyes. There was no use pretending it was anything else and Clarke was finding that longing harder to deny with each day that passed.
She had been so scared for Lexa's life today. She watched her bleed and felt cold dread wash over her as Roan raised his spear for the final blow. She clenched her fists, leaning more of her wait against the pillar in her room as the fear of watching Lexa die in front of her became too much. 'Get up, Lexa. Get up!' she had chanted over and over in her mind as she stood helplessly in the crowd of people. And then, Lexa was up and Roan was on the ground. The tables had been turned and as the crowd quieted, waiting for their Heda to end it, the spear was sailing through the air and found its intended target in the chest of the Ice Queen. Clarke was as surprised as the rest of the crowd at the turn of events, but marveled at the genius that was Lexa kom Trikru. In that moment, she took out her greatest opposition within the coalition and bested the Ice Nation's new king in front of her people. Clarke could not help but smile at the brilliance of the move and wondered if it had always been Lexa's plan, or something that occurred to her in the arena. Either way, Lexa had assured her she would be victorious, but how could she know for sure? She was the Commander but she still bled just like the rest of her people.
She was startled from her thoughts when she heard a knock at her door. She wasn't expecting any visitors tonight and so that could only mean one thing, Lexa. She knew the Commander's room was just down the hall from hers and wondered if she would make an appearance before the night was through. Clarke pushed herself off the pillar and ran her hands through her hair, taking a deep steadying breath. She opened the door slowly, trying to capitalize on the few remaining seconds of alone time as she put her Wanheda mask in place. She nearly faltered when she took in the sight of the fierce Commander before her. Lexa was wearing her hair down and out of her usual braids. Her hair was beautiful and smelled of lilacs and the earth. Clarke had to fight the urge to reach out and run her fingers through the long strands. She let her eyes briefly wander down the lithe form standing before her, the thin dress with the thigh high slit up the side leaving little to the imagination. She swallowed as her eyes ran over bare shoulders and an exposed collar bone. She wondered if Lexa had chosen this attire on purpose, hoping to get a reaction out of the her. If that was the case, she had certainly succeeded. Clarke realized she was staring and cleared her throat, fighting off a blush. It was obvious Lexa would not be the first to speak, regardless if she was the one to show up and Clarke's door unannounced.
"Is this I told you so?" Clarke silently cursed her voice for coming out in a deeper timber than usual, the blatant perusal of the Commanders body from a few moments ago still clearly having an effect on her body.
"No, this is thank you." Clarke bit her lip and she watched the girl in front of her bow her head slightly, a light blush in her own cheeks accompanied the whispered thanks. Clarke swallowed thickly and opened the door wider, allowing the older girl space to enter her quarters.
"Come in." Clarke watched the Commander carefully as she entered the room and her eyes were drawn to the red stained bandage covering her hand. She reached out on instinct, grasping the injured hand and carefully turning it over to take a closer look. This brought them dangerously close to one other, the smell of lilacs and trees and sweat stronger now. Clarke did her best to keep from swooning, silently cursing her hormones.
"Sit down. Let me change that for you."
Lexa quietly nodded her head, words seemed to escape her for the most part this evening. It left Clarke feeling anxious and on edge. She was not mentally equipped to handle a submissive Lexa, not when she was looking at her with what could only be described and longing and adoration. Clarke felt her skin burning under the weight of her gaze.
She busied herself with finding suitable bandage materials, doing her best to keep her hands busy in hopes that Lexa had not noticed she was trembling. She ripped a piece of cloth into long shreds as the older girl silently watched. She needed to break the silence, the tension in the room becoming almost unbearable for Clarke.
"That girl that was with Nia, Ontari, what will happen to her?" Clarke loosened the bloody, dirty bandage from Lexa's hand, trying her best to be gentle. The wound was deep and Clarke wondered if Lexa would allow her to use a few stitches to speed up the healing process. She decided against it upon closer inspection, opting instead to wash the wound as best she could and gently patting it dry. It was clotting nicely, much to Clarke's relief. As Clarke tended to her wound, she could feel the Commander watching her every move and hanging on every word. She had been so quiet through their whole interaction, she startled Clarke when she finally broke her silence.
"She won't be back until the conclave after my death." Clarke's head snapped up at the admission, swallowing the lump that immediately formed in her throat. Since she arrived at the capitol and immersed herself in Grounder culture, Clarke had come to realize that Lexa was not just unique for bring peace to the tribes, but also for living longer than any Commander that came before her. It was another piece of information that Clarke could admit had softened her view of the older girl. She was not supposed to live long. Her life had always been forfeit to her people. It saddened Clarke and she found herself fighting the urge to pull the older girl into her arms in hopes she would find shelter and comfort there.
"Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?" Clarke was worried she had over stepped until the Commander's face morphed into a sheepish smile, warming Clarke to the core. Clarke couldn't help the smile growing on her lips as well, it seemed contagious.
"Thank you for backing me…" Clarke watched the smile from moments before drop away as the conversation shifted again.
"I was just doing what was right for my people." Clarke knew that there was more to it than that, but she was not willing to admit that to the older girl just yet.
"Your ambassadors betrayed you. How do you move forward?" Clarke was curious, up to this point it seemed the answer to all confrontations on Earth was bloodshed, and yet at least at that moment, Clarke knew Lexa had executed the dissenters…besides the Queen that is.
"They were doing what they believed was right for their people, too." Clarke nodded her head slightly, she thought she understood, letting her own words wash over her.
In that moment, she realized that she was utterly exhausted. The stress of the events that had occurred over the course of the day, and the resulting emotional roller coaster Clarke had gone through left her feeling tired and anxious. As she finished wrapping the clean bandage around Lexa's wounded hand, she gave the older girl a gentle squeeze to signify she was finished. It was then she realized that somewhere during the conversation, their bodies had unconsciously gravitated towards each other. Clarke looked down at Lexa who was sitting in the chair between her legs, her hand still resting in Clarke's hand, staring up at her as her gaze burned into Clarke's soul. She felt her stomach drop, but not in an unpleasant way, and she knew it was due to her proximity to the seated girl. The temperature in the room seemed to go up several degrees and Clarke licked her lips, taking a step back and dropping the Commander's hand in hopes that creating some distance would calm her rapidly beating heart and hide the blush she knew was creeping back up her cheeks.
She walked to the door, opening it widely, her back now turned toward the Commander allowing her a moment to collect herself and hide her accelerated breathing.
"Reshop, Heda." She hoped that Lexa had not heard the tremble in her voice. She hoped Lexa had missed her bodies reaction to the older girl's presence.
Lexa stood slowly, walking towards the blonde and the exit. As she walked past, Clarke had to stifle a gasp when the Commander's shoulder brushed against her chest. She had to wonder if it was deliberate, if Lexa knew the effect she was having on her. But then she realized it felt good and allowed her one final lungful of lilacs and wood, and so she couldn't bring herself to care.
Lexa stopped at the threshold, turning slightly to bid Wanheda goodnight.
"Goodnight, Ambassador." Clarke's grip on the door knob tightened as she let the husked words of the Commander wash over her. Clarke let her eyes rake up and down the older girls exposed back and muscled form as she continued down the hall and out of her sight. She wanted to call out to her. To tell her to come back and… and… and what Clarke wasn't quite sure. Well that wasn't entirely true. Clarke knew full well what her body wanted to do if Lexa would have still been there with her. But she was not sure if she was emotionally ready, the sting of betrayal still fresh in her mind.
Clarke decided that she should go to bed and perhaps some much needed rest would provide her with a renewed clarity. She made her way to the soft and inviting pile of furs in her quarters. She slipped out of her dress and removed her under garments, opting to sleep in one of the thin, soft sleep shirts she had found neatly folded and stacked in the small dresser at the foot of the make shift bed. The thick material gently rubbed against her breasts, teasing her sensitive skin and causing her nipples to harden. She groaned in frustration, regretting her decision to send the Commander away more and more with each passing second. 'It will complicate things and jeopardize the coalition,' she reminded herself. Yes, she thought. It was best to continue to keep the beautiful Commander at arm's length, at least until the Skaikru were officially part of the coalition. She would not risk her people over her burgeoning feelings for what she hoped would soon be their fearless leader. And with that thought, she rolled onto her side and willed herself to sleep.