SNOGWARTS: Blackmailing McGonagall
By: The Marauder Named Prongs
Assigned by: VerbalKlepto
An Albus Dumbledore/Minerva McGonagall Pairing
"James! Oh, my God! James!" Sirius Black was screaming like a madman, running through the Gryffindor common room. When he did not see the messy-haired marauder he was so desperately seeking, he quickly continued to the staircase leading to the boy's dormitories. His screeching did not cease. He located James lounging graciously across his red-covered bed, playing with that damned snitch he always seemed to carry around.
"James-Bloody-Potter," Sirius wheezed, clutching at the stitch growing in his side, "put that stupid thing away and come with me!" Like the great dog that he was, Sirius bounded over to his best mate in his excitement. James hesitated, not appearing to want to be bothered by Sirius' crazed antics at that particular moment in time.
After much begging, pleading and puppy dog eyes, Sirius successfully coaxed James out of Gryffindor Tower.
"What is this about?" James questioned exasperatedly as Sirius pulled the Marauder's Map from his pocket. Sirius grinned deviously, tapping the map.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he whispered. As ink webbed across the parchment, Sirius directed James' attention to two particular dots labeled "Albus Dumbledore" and "Minerva McGonagall". The dots were very close together and didn't appear to be moving. So the headmaster and deputy headmistress were conversing; James saw absolutely no reason to care.
Until Sirius pointed out one important fact that he seemed to have overlooked.
"Do you see where they're standing, Prongs?" Sirius enthused, as he led them farther in the direction of those two dots.
It only took a moment for James' eyes to widen and his breath to catch in his throat. "The Room of Requirement!" he breathed incredulously.
"Now," Sirius elaborated, "why would ol' Dumby and Minnie be hiding in there?"
James' face broke into a mirror grin to Sirius'. "Oh, my GOD, Padfoot!" he exclaimed, knowing not if he should puke or fall into a fit of hysterics. And so, both boys' minds fell into the same train of thought: sweet, sweet blackmail. James could not be more thankful for his best mate than at that moment. He now felt certain that he and Sirius were going to go down in Hogwarts history as the boys who discovered the affairs of Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall.
"I always knew Minnie dug older men," Sirius stated conversationally as they neared the Room of Requirement. James simply rolled his eyes.
When they could see the entrance to the Room, James stopped. "Are we going to wait for them to leave?" he questioned of his best mate. "Because I don't really fancy seeing Dumbles with his pants around his ankles. I just ate dinner." And indeed, his stomach twisted at the very thought.
It was Sirius' turn to roll his eyes. "I suppose we'll stake them out since Princess James' stomach can't handle the sight of people getting some while he is not."
James felt completely justified to punch Sirius in the arm rather hard after that comment. He just always had to be a goddamn bastard. The minutes ticked by in near silence, with Sirius consulting the Map every few seconds. Their professors were definitely still in there.
Just as James thought about calling it quits, the door to the Room of Requirement creaked open slowly. Both Marauders were suddenly alert, hiding around the corner at the hallway's end. Sure enough, out came Dumbledore and McGonagall with disheveled clothing and hair that could rival James' in messiness. Again, James felt his stomach twist uncomfortably.
"That was lovely, Albus," they heard McGonagall say in the gentlest of voices they had ever heard from her. James made silent mock-retching movements. Sirius had to stifle his laughter.
"Quite," Dumbledore replied, tucking a strand of her unkempt hair behind her ear. "Positively rupturing, Minnie."
McGonagall actually giggled at the comment. James and Sirius both felt as though the world had just turned inside out. McGonagall giggled?! Like a girl! No one was going to believe that.
Several gushing comments later, the pair seemed prepared to leave; but not without a passionate kiss that brought bile even into Sirius' throat. He tried to look away, but he found that he just couldn't. He had never seen old people kiss before. He sickeningly acknowledged how similar their kissing was to ones he had shared. It was all lips and hand and… tongues.
"Oh, dear God," he heard James whisper from behind him. "I'm gonna be sick."
Finally, the couple broke apart and the boys watched Dumbledore round the corner at the opposite end of the corridor, disappearing from sight. McGonagall headed in their direction. Perfect. They backed away from the corner, catching the professor off guard as she turned it and spotted them.
They didn't miss how her face paled.
"Mr. Black, Mr. Potter," she said in the most strained, would-be-calm voice they had ever heard. "It is well past curfew!" And so, she turned back into the authority figure she really was. "That will be ten points from Gryffindor for both of you!"
Sirius smiled mischievously. McGonagall paled further. "I'm not sure how Professor Dumbledore would feel about that, Professor," Sirius said boldly.
"What are you talking about, Mr. Black?" she questioned sharply, her face reddening in either anger or embarrassment.
"Well," Sirius began, his smile never faltering, "We just saw him not two minutes ago."
At that point, James decided to join in. "We could fetch him for you if you'd like," he said, holding in a snicker at the look of dread on his generally composed professor's face. "He just rounded the corner at the other end of the hall."
Clearly catching on, McGonagall decided to nip this problem in the bud. "Boys, I forbid you to speak of what you witnessed tonight." This time, James did snicker. He couldn't help it! Her face was priceless!
"What kind of encouragement to plan to use to ensure we don't speak?" Sirius asked, brushing his hair from his face aristocratically, a clear reminder that blackmail and bargaining were in his blood. McGonagall got the hint.
"I will not take any points from you for being out past curfew," she reasoned. Sirius shook his head.
"Not good enough, Minnie."
"I forbid you to refer to me as thus!"
"Dumbledore does," Sirius rationalized. James was in awe over Sirius' excellent skill. In this situation, there was no way James could match Sirius' determination and smoothness.
"All right!" McGonagall shouted. "You win! I will award you each twenty points to Gryffindor for keeping your mouths shut!"
Sirius' grin broadened, his eyes lighting up. He held out his hand to his professor, stating, "We have reached an understanding. It was wonderful doing business with you." With a shake of McGonagall's hand, Sirius and James disappeared down the corridor, their mirth echoing its way back to Minerva. She shook her head in frustration and continued on her way to her study.
As Sirius and James neared the Gryffindor Tower, their laughter subsided, and James thought to ask, "Why did you even have the map to begin with, Padfoot?"
His best mate grinned in much the same manner as when he had successfully blackmailed McGonagall. "Oh, I was just searching for a certain golden-eyed werewolf," Sirius stated, his eyes twinkling more so than James cared to acknowledge. It reminded him of the way Dumbledore had been looking at McGonagall not too long ago.
"He's in the library," James supplied, grabbing the Map from Sirius and wiping it clean. "He borrowed my cloak to do some extra reading." James shook his head at the very thought of it. It was like a disgrace to his Invisibility cloak to use it for extra studying.
Sirius rolled his eyes and suddenly changed direction. When James inquired as to where he was headed, he declared that he had some studying of his own to do, before vanishing down some secret pathway between corridors.
James shook his head and tried not to think too hard about the incidents of that eventful night as he climbed through the Gryffindor portrait hole.
I'd like to say that came out well, considering I have NEVER even considered writing an MMAD fic before....