A/N: Takes place after S4 E3, "The Wicked Day,"
immediately following Arthur's coronation.
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin
Caged
Chapter 1
"How sadly the bird in his cage
Watches the butterflies."
-Issa-
Merlin walked quietly within the crowd as it followed Arthur out of the assembly hall towards the coronation banquet. As the echoes of "Long live the King" faded, so did Merlin's smile. Merlin had always thought Arthur's coronation would be a day of joy, a day of peace, a day of freedom. And to an extent, it was. But not for him. Merlin had hoped for years, that today would be the day he could finally show Arthur, show his friends, show all of Camelot who he really was—that he would finally be free of the fear he had lived with his entire life.
But it was not to be. Perhaps never to be. And it was his own fault.
Gaius had told him Uther's death was Morgana's doing, that he should look to the future. Gaius had said Arthur's reign would bring peace and stability to the land. And Merlin knew those things, in his mind. But his heart was having trouble believing them.
He did not doubt that Arthur would be a great King, and would bring prosperity to the kingdom that would have been impossible under Uther's hand. Merlin knew that Arthur would be fair and just, and that his reign would be remembered and revered. And Arthur would not only uphold, but also live by his laws. And (as he had already started to do), Arthur would repeal and rewrite all the old, barbaric and unjust laws.
All except one.
And because of that, here would be no peace and stability for magic. No peace and stability for Merlin.
Memories of the past few days resurfaced, and seemed to make the walls close in around him. They trapped him, denied him the comfort of Gaius's counsel and of the promised Albion. Arthur's words along with his own, jumbled and out of order, ran circles in his mind, ripping his hope and his heart to shreds.
"I give you my solemn word, that when I am king, things will be different. You won't have to live in fear."
"Gaius, if it works, I won't have to hide anymore."
"What have you done?"
"I wish there was something I could have done."
"You've killed him … You will die for what you've done!"
"…I am so sorry."
"All I know for sure, is that I've lost both my parents to magic."
"I wish only to show you that magic can be used for good."
"It is pure evil."
"I hope, one day, you will see me in a different light."
"I'll never lose sight of that again."
"He'll never know who I really am."
Merlin felt tears prick his eyes, and he ducked his head to hide them. With his head down, Merlin bumped into someone and stumbled. Gwaine, who happened to be walking behind, grabbed his shoulder to steady him. They kept walking, though Gwaine kept his hand on Merlin's shoulder.
"Alright there, Merlin?" Gwaine smiled, a roguish glint ever present in his eyes.
Merlin responded in kind, and smiled his characteristic grin, covering his face with the familiar mask. "Yeah, I'm fine." But he had forgotten to flick away the small tears that had leaked from the corners of his eyes.
Fortunately, Gwaine mistook Merlin's tears for ones of joy, and looked towards Arthur, at the head of the crowd. "Don't let Princess see you crying, mate. He'd never let you live it down." Merlin huffed out a small, false chuckle, and wiped his face. Gawain squeezed his shoulder affectionately. "The day we all waited for, eh, Merlin?"
"…Yes, it is."
"We always said how things would be different when Arthur's king, and now he is. And finally, things will be."
"Yes." No … they won't.
Gwaine slapped Merlin lightly on the back before running up to join the rest of the Knights of the Round Table, who had made their way through the crowd to walk behind Arthur. Merlin's pace slowed, and then he stopped entirely. A few people bumped into him as they shouldered past. Merlin watched as the crowd flooded down the hallway, sweeping his closest friends further and further away—Arthur, Gwaine, Percival, Leon, Elyan, Gwen, and even Gaius, all walked confidently down the corridor, unknowingly leaving him behind.
After a moment, Merlin turned down the servant hallway, while his friends walked straight into the banquet hall. As he picked up a pitcher of watered wine, Merlin felt something inside him shatter. He tried not to wince as he pictured himself shredding his feet on the shards of his broken dreams. He plastered a smile on his face and made his way to the head table. Though he stood right behind Arthur, Merlin felt as if a chasm separated him from his King—a distance so large, that perhaps not even destiny could bridge the gulf between them.
A/N: Hello everyone, and thanks for the read/like/follow/review—whatever you have chosen to do with this story, I appreciate it. The second chapter should be up soon. Almost all of this story is already mapped out, so I hope update pretty regularly.