"I don't want you here."

If he could have slammed the door shut he would have. Instead he incessantly pressed the little button to make it close, but the insufferable Vulcan was holding it open with his foot and each attempt just made a gentle buzzing sound that was absolutely fucking tearing him apart.

Spock said nothing, but continued to stare at his husband- husband. What a joke.

"I said I don't want you here! Can you not hear me?! How can you be deaf with ears that big?!"

Leonard McCoy was now red in the face, wild-eyed, and about to crack. After the arrival of the science officer, and their brief meeting (in which Leonard had said he was actually happy to see the bastard), he had retreated to his quarters in hopes that they could just complete the damn mission without have to face each other. Jim was already overjoyed that Spock was back, adding him to the crew roster right away and presumably shoving his head so far up the Vulcan's ass that he couldn't even control the ship.

It didn't matter to Jim that Spock had ditched him, both of them, as soon as the five year mission was over. It didn't matter that Leonard spend nearly four years fighting the physical, mental, and emotional illness that plagued him as a side effect of being rejected and abandoned by his mate. Oh no - everything was perfect because the crew was all back together again. Even though Spock was clearly not happy to see any of them. Especially not Leonard.

Spock perked one eyebrow in a sickeningly familiar response and McCoy tried once more to shut the door. "I do not want to see you. What don't you understand?!" His intention was for Spock to go away, but in the next second he was pushing through the door and into the doctor's quarters. "What are you doing?!" he shouted at the other man, but Spock seemingly did not hear. He crossed the floor into a more comfortable place and stopped, absolutely devoid of emotion, and once again set his sights upon Leonard.

"You don't have any right - not one god damned right - to come into my quarters without my permission!"

His words were, once again, greeted by a blank stare and then suddenly a response.

"Our quarters."

Leonard did not think he could get any angrier, but at those words something inside him exploded.
"Don't you fucking dare. Not after what you did to me. I shouldn't even let you on this god damned ship let alone anywhere near MY quarters. You gave up the privilege to come into MY room when you left my ass on Earth to go do your fucking Vulcan rain dance shit!"

Spock again said nothing, but it no longer mattered. Leonard was ready to give him everything he got.

"Do you understand what the distance of interstellar transportation and then four years alone does to your bond mate? Hm? I'll tell you. First you go through fucking withdraw. Like a drug. You feel so empty that you get sick, lose your appetite, get depressed, self-medicate, and have to suffer through every fucking minute of it alone because your body rejects all other company even if it's platonic! And then after you finally get past all of the physical symptoms and your head finally gets used to being alone, you have to put on a happy face when said 'bond mate' comes waltzing back in acting like a complete fucking stranger! Are you aware that what you did to me is illegal on Vulcan? If I had been a Vulcan and you decided 'oh I just don't feel like being bonded anymore' first of all you'd have been made an outcast, second of all, you'd have to either have it removed or something or go to another damn planet, I don't know! It's never happened before!"

"I am aware of the consequences."

"Oh you're aware are you? I don't think you are. How could a decent…decent person do that to another person? You left me alone without any warning you…you tried to destroy all your emotion with that Kh..kol..Vulcan shit."

"Kolinahr."

"Shut up. You tried to erase everything we had. You tried to erase me. No contact. No warning. Nothing. For four years. And suddenly you're back and acting like I don't even exist! And the worst part, the WORST fucking part, is I knew as soon as your little shuttle pulled up near the ship. I FELT you, in my head, I knew you were back. All that work I did to try and forget…all undone. Because YOU decided it was convenient to come back."

"I apologize."

"You don't get to fucking apologize. You don't get anything. I don't care why you're here, I don't care what you have to say, just get out of my room and GET OUT OF MY HEAD."

The bond had grown stronger since they'd been in the same room. He couldn't stop it, though he was desperate to. How could he trust someone like that? Someone who so quickly just dropped him in such a terrible way.

"Please, allow me to explain."

"You don't get to explain."

"Leonard.

"Dr. McCoy."

"Leonard, please."

"Stop it. Just go."

"If you won't let me speak then allow me to show you." Spock began to raise his hand and immediately Leonard took a step back.

"If you even try to touch me I will call security."

Spock froze, arm lifted slightly.

"Then please allow me to speak."

Bones thought he was going to be so strong. He thought he was going to shut Spock up, kick him out, and try never to think about him or his stupid, pointed ears ever again. But there was a burning desire in him to hear what Spock had to say. And Spock knew it too. He could feel everything Leonard was feeling.

Before he could stop himself, he threw his arms up in defeat. "Fine. You have thirty seconds." He set a cold glare right on the Vulcan's face, but that apparently did nothing to deter the man.

"I made a foolish, rash decision to go back to Vulcan."

"Yea, you fucking did."

"Please allow me to finish. I left because I was afraid of the outward emotions I had been displaying since the start of the five year mission. Achieving Kolinahr would completely eliminate any feelings I had and destroy the human part of me."

Leonard knew all this. He knew that Spock chose to leave him, to destroy the part of him that loved his husband, his bond mate, his…everything. Spock didn't want him anymore. That's why he left. Hearing it from him was just making it more difficult to deal with.

"I am aware of all the pain you have been through. I dealt with the same reaction. My body turned against me and my mind searched for you up until the day I returned to this ship. My decision oscillated for four years. Each time I reconsidered the situation I came to the conclusion that it was too late to return to Earth to find you-"

"Bullshit. You could have come back any time."

"Untrue. While I had convinced myself that you would no longer take me back, I was still under the pressure of the Vulcan high priests and priestesses that were overseeing my studies. To leave would have been heavily frowned upon."

"And leaving your mate isn't?"

"No one knew I was bonded to you."

Leonard shut up at this. So not only was he trying to get rid of the bond, he had also been keeping it a secret? From the entire planet?

"The only people aware of the bond on Vulcan were my mother and father, and they both urged me to travel back to Earth to be with you."

This was a bit surprising. While Amanda was a sweet woman, and she and the doctor got along fine, Sarek was a traditional man. He always thought his marriage to Spock would be seen as some sort of sacrilege or something in Sarek's eyes.

"I was foolishly waiting for some sort of sign that would enable me to break free of my studies…which, by the way, were made even more difficult by my constant emotional outcry for your presence. My only hours of peace in the last few years were when I was deep in meditation."

"Is that supposed to impress me?"

"No. When I attended the ceremony to announce that I had officially removed all emotion, I suddenly felt something from far away."

"V'ger."

"No, Leonard. It was you."

The doctor couldn't help but feel his heart skip a beat. "What about me?" he asked, silently cursing himself for being so invested in the story.

"You must have just boarded the enterprise. You were closer to me, physically, and were displaying a lot of emotion. More than usual."

Bones thought back to what he was feeling when he first boarded. First, glad that he was in one piece after the damn transporter beam. Second, mad as hell at Jim who had drafted him in the first place. And third, overwhelmingly happy to be aboard the USS Enterprise again after nearly four years. Although it was a different ship physically, she still felt like home.

Spock continued. "I realized then that if I purged all emotion I would never be able to go back to you again. So I made the decision to return, regardless of if you would take me back or not."

"So you came back even though there was a greater chance of me kicking your ass to the curb?"

"Affirmative."

Well wasn't that cute. "So what you're saying is…a few years ago you made a mistake, and until recently you were too afraid to correct it."

"Yes."

"Bullshit. I don't buy it."

"Vulcans do not lie."

"Were you 'not lying' when you told me 'til death do us part'?"

Spock froze once more and looked, decidedly, guilty. Getting any sort of a reaction from him was a win so Leonard smirked a little.

"Leonard, if you would allow me to show you my thoughts then all of this would be clear. I promise, if after seeing them you still want me to leave, I shall go without argument or hesitation."

That seemed like a decent deal. He knew Spock well enough that there was no threat of him pulling some kind of mind control shit on him.

"Fine. Only for a minute. C'mere."

He motioned for Spock who was by his side in half a second and already reaching for the psy-points on his face. It was different than any meld he'd ever experienced. Instead of a warm, fuzzy feeling, it was jolting. As soon as they touched, there was something akin to an electric shock in his brain, like someone had flipped a switch, and all the memories and feelings and thoughts that he had been trying to block out since the end of the five year mission came streaming back into his head. He realized now that every tear drop, every nightmare, every bad thought, every feeling that he had felt on Earth Spock had felt on Vulcan. Of course, the bond would be stronger with a naturally telepathic creature.

He felt now that Spock really had regretted his decision from the start and had wanted to come back all along. He was being pressured - by society to live up to the standards of a 'good Vulcan', by his professors and leaders to achieve Kolinahr, by his parents to do the right thing for his planet, the federation, and Leonard. He was ripped in a million different directions, but one always pointed back home to his bond mate.

The time went by quickly and when Spock released him he realized he hadn't been breathing. He took a shuddering breath and tried to sort out all that had been in his head. The stubborn part of him was still angry. Angry that Spock left in the first place. Angry that he never came back.

"You could have stayed from the start!" he snapped.

"I was afraid of living a human life," Spock responded quietly.

"You knew! You knew about everything I was going through and you still stayed there! You still…you still stayed away…" He began shouting until Spock took a hold of him firmly around the waist. "Let go! Let go! I don't…I don't trust you…" He tried to push Spock away, but he was far stronger and the Vulcan somehow managed to capture both of the doctor's skinny wrists, one in each green-tinted hand. A memory ran through his head - hands are the most sensitive part of a Vulcan besides the ears. Telepathic bonds are made through the hands. He could feel it. All the work they both put in to destroy their bond was completely erased - it was like they were never apart.

At this point, Leonard started to cry. It was just too much. When Spock left him again he would have to go through all that pain. He didn't think he could handle it. Last time…he almost didn't survive it.

"I will not leave," Spock said sternly.

Leonard silently cursed him for reading his thoughts and shook his head.

"Please, Leonard. You have seen my thoughts you know what I feel. I wish to be with you. I need to be with you. Forgive me, T'hy'la."

Shit. Leonard leaned his head on Spock's collar bone and cried into his uniform. Shit. This was not going how he wanted it to at all. They were back to the way things were. He wanted to stay strong, not go crawling back to the man that wronged him. After a few minutes he stopped crying. It was too much effort.

They didn't speak for a long time. They didn't need to. They could hear each other's thoughts just fine and nothing was going through either one of their heads that warranted the effort of speaking out loud. Spock did move to wrap his arms around the smaller man, to support him in a comforting manner, and then, eventually, to kiss his cheek. The feeling was so warm, so familiar, that Leonard couldn't ignore it anymore. They were back together. 'Til death do us part.

He lifted his head weakly and allowed himself to be kissed. Spock didn't push, it was just a suggestion, but after some time the doctor kissed him back. There was a tiny glimmer of hope in his chest that Spock immediately caught on to and encouraged.

Maybe things were going to be okay.

Yes, t'hy'la.

Things would be back to normal.

Yes.

He got his mate back. Their bond was repaired. They could be happy again, like they planned during the mission.

Yes, I promise. We can live anywhere. Do anything you want.

He kissed back harder. Yes. Things were going to be good. They were finally going to be together. Leonard opened his mouth against Spock's and pulled him tightly so they were flush against one another. This was his mate. He wasn't getting away again. Spock responded in kind, allowing Leonard to dominate him and push him over onto the bed. In his mind he could feel Spock questioning if this was the appropriate time to engage in intercourse, but he shut off his thoughts immediately. Spock owed him this. Four years. Four god damn years of being alone. They needed this right now.

God damn new Starfleet uniform onesies. He tried to find the zipper, but was failing. Spock assisted, peeling the terrible uniform to the floor and remaining in Starfleet issue boxer-briefs until he had allowed his husband to worm his way out of his v-neck medical uniform. A moment later Leonard was on top of him again, grinding into Spock in a way that suggested he'd wanted to do this the minute the Vulcan stepped onto the ship.

They didn't speak, didn't think, barely breathed as they rutted against each other like teenagers. It was Spock who had the sense to stop them, undress them the rest of the way, and to grab medical lubricant from the med-kit in the corner before they were too far gone.

Leonard rolled over onto his back and spread his legs. "C'mon, c'mon," he hissed. Spock nearly grinned as he climbed across the bed to him.

"It has been too long-"

"Shut up and fuck me."

"Yes, sir."

Spock's hands were gentle, but thorough, and he wasted no time in probing a slick finger against Leonard in a way that he had missed all too much. And the doctor was not quiet about it. He moaned and squirmed and pressed down onto the bed, pushing himself down on Spock's fingers, insisting that he hurry up. Spock complied, pressing three fingers deep into his husband. The sensation against his sensitive hands was almost too much and he held onto the covers of Leonard's bed tightly with his free hand to steady himself.

After a few minutes, and a steadily growing pace, Leonard threw his head to the side and let out a frustrated groan.

"Please. Please, Spock."

The words went right to his head and Spock gently removed his fingers and switched his position so he was sitting between Leonard's legs. He was completely hard and Leonard reached down to stroke him a few times before directing him. Spock took a moment to look up at the doctor's face before continuing and saw, not the usual smirk that had become so familiar in these circumstances, but a genuine smile that was so rare from the human. Spock took a deep breath, overwhelmed with emotion, and then pushed in.

The smile left Leonard's face immediately. "Ah! Fuck…" It had been longer than he cared to admit and he wasn't used to the sensation. "Don't stop…no…keep going…keep going." Spock set a slow pace, rocking back and forth lovingly, purposefully allowing himself to slip out every now and again. He wanted his lover to know that this was an act of love, not just intercourse. It wasn't until Leonard's breathing quickened and he begged Spock to go faster that the Vulcan pushed hard and fast into him.

Leonard moved his arms to wrap around Spock's neck and held on tightly, grunting with each thrust. He wasn't going to last long at all, especially not with the overwhelming reminder that their bond was as strong as it was. Not only could he feel Spock inside him, but being able to feel Spock so intimately gave the illusion that he was able to feel himself, as Spock, inside…himself. He always felt a mess toward the end, trying to determine who was feeling what and how they could untangle themselves later, but he decided that just this once he'd give in to all the unfamiliar feelings and tingles and just let go.

As soon as he did that, he felt himself spill over the edge. With a rough sort of shout, he came, covering himself and his partner with cum, and not two seconds later he heard a hitch in Spock's breath and he was coming as well. Good thing about sharing a brain. You almost always came at the same time.

They took a moment to adjust. Not being as young as he once was meant the doctor wasn't as flexible either. He took a couple deep breaths and leaned back into his pillow. "Jesus…" The weight of another body was lifted from him, but he didn't have that empty feeling. Not anymore. Spock was still buzzing in his head. And a moment later he was back with a warm wash cloth cleaning him up. He took special care to clean his stomach, his bum, and any other part that was messy. Then Leonard curled up, rolled over into a ball, and shut his eyes.

Spock crawled in beside him, tucking them both under the Starfleet issue blankets. He cuddled up behind Leonard, spooning him as closely as possible, as if to try and make up for lost time. His nose and mouth landed on the side of the smaller man's neck and he left a small kiss there.

"Swear you'll never leave again," Leonard muttered.

"Ugau-veh," Spock responded quietly.

"I don't know what that means, asshole."

"I promise."