Title: CHOICE OR DESTINY
Author: k3josai
Summary: Chances are… Is it your own choice to make or is it destiny?
Pairing: CLOIS, of course!
Rating: G? Lol! This is a wholesome fic.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the ideas I put in here for this particular story. Characters are owned by DC Comics, CW & WB. Superman created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster.
Themes for this fic are available on my youtube account, k3mylois:
You Are Not Alone (Nick Lachey)
I'll Never Go (Nexxus)
For Love of You (Janno Gibbs)
Author's notes: This was written after the Persuasion episode and with inspiration from Dr. Fate (Absolute Justice). Lol!
THANK YOUs
First of all to my friend Lily aka lilah1986 – one of the most amazing women I know. Thank you so much for always helping me despite of your tight schedule. I understand how hard it is to make one day equivalent to more than twenty four hours, but you managed it. Writing fics like this is our connection to fantasy, that in a short period of time we need forget the real world. Though unreal, it may serve us a link to other people who are suffering from Clois Addiction and reminding us that 'we're not alone'. Awww… That's too corny… But again, maraming salamat (gracias).
To each and everyone who read and/or reviewed my past Clois stories, thank you so much… This is for you…
CHOICE OR DESTINY?
By k3josai
Looking at my watch, my mind felt a bit blurry. Maybe because it was around twelve midnight and I was too exhausted from more than eight hours of work or a week's lack of sleep and too much caffeine in my system. I glanced around the Kent's barn. It was dim except for the flickering lights coming from the television. On the side table were my chick flick DVDs which I'd brought earlier along with the LED TV and DVD player which Smallville and I had purchased a few hours ago. We'd been testing them by having our movie night in the loft. Everything was calm, with the soft sound coming from the TV and the steady breathing of the object of my affection, his head on my right shoulder. It still amazed me that even though I always teased him with the type of movie I wanted for both of us to watch. He stayed and most of the time, he was the one who'd been able to finish and absorb the message of the film. While me, I always fell in a deep slumber after the first hour of film showing and munching all the popcorn and Doritos. But tonight, it was different. At least, it was different from my point of view.
I shifted my gaze on the right side and his dark hair blocked my vision. I touched his face to wake him up.
"Smallville," I whispered.
"Hmmm…"
I rolled my eyes though I hate to admit this. I loved this kind of scenario, to have him beside me and so close to reach.
I lowered the television's volume and tried to concentrate on the last hour of the three-movie-in-a-row marathon, first by Julia Roberts, followed by Sandra Bullock and lastly by Reese Witherspoon. Tomorrow was our day-off and I wanted to spend this serene moment with him. It was I who said about hating uncomfortable silences, but with Clark – this dorky, farm boy turned reporter from Smallville, Kansas, I enjoyed them a lot.
Few minutes later, he surprised me by sliding down from my shoulder to my lap and curled up in a fetal-like position. How could the couch accommodate us?
I understood the reason why he had to be like this. He just arrived from a five-day working assignment from Star City. It was Oliver Queen, one of The Daily Planet's owners and my ex-boyfriend requested him to go there. He was too tired and that was why he needed this kind of rest. I occasionally touched his hair with my eyes on the TV screen, but still my thoughts kept running on the person sleeping on my lap.
"Lois." He mumbled barely above a whisper. I stared down confirming that he was still sleeping. My lips twitched in a smile.
"Smallville, what kind of dreams you have huh?" I said in a slight amusing tone.
He smiled which made my stomach flutter. I didn't know what to call or describe this. Admiration? Nah, more than that. For few moments, I forgot the reason why I was here while watching how naive my Smallville would be while he was sleeping. He was too peaceful judging on how he looked. Every change of expression, too relaxing to contain. Even until we grow old, I'll never get tired of staring at him this way. I just wished I could do that. My heart clenched as I remember that voice in my head.
"The future is uncertain." I said to that voice but he opposed.
"The future is certain Miss Lane, it was written like the lines of the palm of our hands, no matter what you do, how many crossroads and bridges you crossed, destiny will bring you to the path where you belonged."
I looked up, realizing that the movie was about to finish. I focused to Clark. I couldn't stand the fact that we were not meant to be. I thought he was the one; My Jonathan. I didn't know what to think, mostly because it was getting much harder as I spent more time with him. We've known each other for five years but shorter than what Clark and Lana had. Ours was just a small percentage of what they'd shared before. Clark and I had just started. He was a survivor. He survived without Lana. He could continue to exist without me. Maybe he could go on much easier than before, after all she was his first love. Me, I didn't know where I was in his life. He never told me the magic words, so did I?
"Lois?"
"Smallville you're awake." I hid the tears that were about to fall, but they betrayed me. A tear landed on his eyelid.
"You're crying. Sorry I fell asleep." He sat up, his gaze following me.
"Ah yeah. The movie."
He chuckled as he enveloped me in a bear hug. "You seenthem for umpteenth time and you're still crying and crazy about these movies."
"You bet I am." I managed to punch him on his right arm.
"It's late Lo, you wanna stay here or in the house?" He smiled warmly which melted my heart.
"Do you wanna stay here?" I asked back.
"Yeah, I just need to get blankets, comforter and pillows. It'll be a few minutes. Stay here." He stood up and I followed.
"I'll help you." I reached out for his hand which he gladly accepted and held it gently like a crystal ready to break. I would definitely miss him.
--;-- --;----;--
A few minutes later, Clark and I were sitting comfortably on the comforter we settled on the floor of the loft. I laughed while looking at the same pair of helicopter pajamas that we wore.
"What's so funny?" He asked while looking at me in his famous puppy-dog eyes.
"You really find me cute with these clothes." He teased me while smirking.
With an amused tone I replied, "Gorgeous though corny."
"Romantic?" He asked.
"Yeah…" I paused while seeing him holding his breathing. "And…" He cut me off by covering my mouth with his. I was supposed to battle for dominance, but I let him lead the way.
He gently pulled from me then he whispered. "It's almost morning. Today marks our fourth month as a couple."
I swallowed heavily. We were a couple. Yes, we were.
He continued while staring at me. He wanted me to believe him. I really did, but my heart ached for both us. For him. "This thing between us is too new for me and taking this slow, it means so much to me. Like you, I don't want to ruin what we have. I want to preserve our friendship too."
I held his face, not knowing what to say. "Who knew that a certain Clark Kent will make me tongue-tied?" My lips formed a smile while he never took away his gaze at me. I gently tapped his forehead. "Blink some, Smallville!"
He laughed, filling out the barn with the sound of his laughter. Then he seriously said. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do if I lose you. You're always leading me in the right direction."
Unable to answer him, I gave him a chaste kiss and patted the side of the comforter.
"Lois?"
"Clark."
"I mean, we used to sleep in the same house but in a different bed and room. Are you sure about this?" I know he was unsure, but knowing him, he was a perfect gentleman. The Kent's raised him like that. One of Clark's traits that I really admire ever since the first time we met. Though sometimes he seemed so weird, anyway he came from Smallville. Weird was accompanied by the place itself thanks to the after effects of the meteor showers.
"I do." I finally said. "Come on Clarkie, Mrs. Kent is not here and of course we're both adults. We already know all the consequences." I almost burst out laughing while judging the way his eyes bulged out from what I said. "Smallville, are you still a virgin?" Sitting uncomfortably, he turned into a deep crimson.
I held his right hand. "I know we talked about this before. We're not yet ready." I sighed. "Smallville, we're about to sleep together literally, nothing more, nothing less, I promise."
He smiled. That boyish look of his really made me fall more than once. I yawned. Still I saw the hesitance in him.
"Do you trust yourself?"
He nodded.
"Do you trust me?"
"I do." He whispered his blue eyes searching mine.
"Then sleep here with me." I tugged his hand causing him to fall on top of me. We stayed there for few seconds, staring at each other with no words to speak.
He cut the silence by rolling on the right side. "Turn your back, so I can hug you." I followed him and felt his strong arms around me, like he was protecting me from everything.
I whispered, "Goodnight Smallville."
"Night Metropolis," He kissed the exposed part of my neck sending tingles to every bit of me.
He fell asleep few minutes after. I stayed awake thinking that I didn't want to spoil what we already have but I couldn't be greedy. It wasn't right. When the sun comes, everything will change, vastly.
--;-- --;----;--
I woke up the next morning in an empty bed. I thought about last night and played every thought in my mind. They were true and even real. Clark was my reality. Since the first day we've met, I knew he could occupy a special place in my heart though I was too stubborn to admit it aloud. Of course, once upon a time, there was Lana, his childhood sweetheart. He placed her on a pedestal. I witnessed the ups and downs of their relationship since I came to Smallville five years ago. I distanced myself, had my relationships with emotionally unavailable men or men with deep dark secrets. I never paid much attention to what I felt for Clark because I knew back then that there was a zero visibility that something special would happen between us. I was in love with someone else; he was head over heels in love with somebody. We managed to get annoyed with each other's presence every time we talked casually. Who knew about the special connection? Everybody knew except me and Clark. His parents, Chloe, Jimmy and to surprise us a lot… our exes… Oliver and Lana. They had the inklings of what we felt towards each other.
After five long years, we certainly had this chance. We might have never realized when we were younger. Maybe it was better that we'd waited for the right time because we handled this together in a more mature way. I just wished that he would understand my decision. It was too difficult for me, but I had to do this. There was no other way. I couldn't hurt him but I had to do it. Life was all about taking chances, but what if there was only one special chance between two people. And I was letting that one chance between Clark and me. After all we'd been through; I was letting it go so easy.
I prepared myself for everything, I rehearsed them for a week and I needed to be tough. But once I saw him almost running towards me with those apologetic eyes, like today, I would definitely lower all my defenses for him.
"I'm really sorry Lois; I needed to go to Shelby's veterinarian. Sorry it took hours. Have you eaten your breakfast?"
"It's okay Clark, don't worry. How about you?"
He was about to answer but it came again, his faraway looks. "Lo, I forgot something. I forgot to buy a loaf of bread from the bakery. I'll be right back."
All I could do was nod at him. Thirty minutes had passed and he hadn't come back yet. So I decided to eat cornflakes with milk. Shelby joined me while munching his favorite dog food. After washing the dishes, I ruffled Shelby's hair. I'd already taken two allergy pills. Shelby had been my first pet 'because I couldn't stand near hairy mutts without me sneezing too hard. Technically, he wasn't only mine. He was Clark's too. "Shelbs, you want to go with me?" The dog stood on his four feet, accompanying me towards the barn with his tail wagging.
I packed my things while occasionally looking at the photos of the Kent's and me. I would definitely miss this place. I touched his telescope, hoping he wouldn't come back in his brooding scheme. Though, I know there was the possibility I also knew he'd grown up. I settled to watch the morning news while waiting for Clark with Shelby sleeping on the floor right next to my feet.
"Hey Lo."
I turned around to face him. "Hey you." My smile faded upon seeing him in that kind of gesture – the world seemed like on his shoulders.
"Is everything okay?" I asked.
He looked at me and nodded. His facial expression never changed a bit.
"An explosion happened few minutes ago. Thanks to the Blur for taking care of the fire and saving each people who were trapped inside the burning building. Although a 70 year old woman named Rose Daniels didn't make it to the hospital due to a severe heart attack upon seeing her granddaughter screaming on the top floor of the apartment where they live. There was no chance to get the kid out of the building because the fire already occupied the first five floors and the smoke was blocking the firefighters to get through the exit. It was the Blur who was been able to get her, and now the kid is safe. The police authorities stated that the explosion came from a home-made bomb…"
I stared at him; he was too occupied with the news. I touched his shoulder. "It happens most of the time. Sometimes, it's unavoidable." He nodded, and then he shifted his gaze towards my things.
"Are you leaving?" He looked up with brows furrowed.
"Yes… ahm… No…" I slapped myself for not focusing on the right answer. This is it; there was no time to back out. I inhaled the much needed air before I spoke. "Can we talk?"
"We already are." He chuckled.
"I'm… I just wanna say." I struggled to put the right words, but I knew I would fail.
"Clark I know there's something special between us, but… I guess things won't turn out the way we always wanted to happen."
"Lois… I'm not following." Confusion was evident on his face.
"Five years. It took five years before we realize what we have right now. I won't regret every single minute I'm with you. It's just… It doesn't feel…" I choked with my own words. "…right to lead you on."
He focused on my face, trying to comprehend if I wasn't lying.
"Lois if this is all about my lame excuses. I promise I will make up to you." He was deeply hurt, I could see it.
I shook my head. "They're not Clark. It's not about you. It's me." How could I explain the reasons and left him without any bruise while I was hurting at the same time.
"Are we talking about the fast lane? I'll take it much slower." I could see the mist forming in his eyes because I had the same thing. "Did I grasp you too tightly? Did I take so much of your time? I'll adjust myself just for you. Don't do this Lois, please."
Blinking back the tears, I spoke. "Why are you so kind Clark? Please don't make this hard on me… For both of us…" I maintained enough distance. Few more words and I was about to break.
"I need you in my life Lois. I need you because I love you." The words… Yes, the words I waited for him to say, this was the first time he ever said them to me. I wasn't complaining because his actions spoke louder than his words.
Though it would hurt as bad as hell, I had to say these things. "Someone out there… you deserve someone better than me. Someone who can cope up with you… who will love you more than forever… She's not me." I shifted my gaze on the floor taking a batch of strength before I continued. I looked deep into his eyes letting him feel how hard it was to let him go. "You're a good guy Clark. You're the one I hope for to be in my life forever, but I can't be so selfish. I can't make our relationship go deeper when I already know that someday we will not end up together."
"Who gave you that idea? Tell me Lois please. I need to understand." He took a step forward, but I moved two steps back.
I hesitated for a moment and finally gave up from his pleading eyes. "Doctor Fate."
--;-- --;----;--
I wanted to erase everything that he revealed to me. That helmet head or Dr. Fate as Oliver Queen called him gave me all the creepy sayings. I was assigned by Oliver to ask him an exclusive interview a week ago which provided The DPs headline. But still, it scared the hell out of me.
"Your destiny is much bigger than what you expected. He's the savior. He's more powerful than any human being. He's a visitor to this planet but he learnt to love and protect this world of yours and you're one of the reasons. You're the key. His light."
My mouth left open as he touched me and a bright light flashed before me. I saw primary colors… A man standing in the rooftop of the Daily Planet, wearing blue tights, red cape and S shield on the center of his chest. I couldn't see much on his face, as he turned around to face a woman approaching him. She was of the same height and figure as me. I couldn't believe it, but it was me on my office clothes. He kissed her passionately then he carried me. I'd rather say 'her', and then he flew with 'her' in his arms. He's fast… One moment they're at the rooftop… then they were gone. That was a confirmation of the dreams I had about the red cape when I was in high school and then the fortune teller who told me that I was destined to fall for a guy who flies a lot and likes to wear tights.
The bright light disappeared as I gape in what was laid in front of me. I didn't know what to say. I didn't deserve such kind of fate. It was too fairy-tale like. He was like a fantasy rather than a reality.
"He's the Blur." Dr. Fate continued.
"THE BLUR???" I said with my eyes wide open. "How can I end up with him? He's The Blur, the iconic savior of Metropolis. I'm just Lois Lane, a basement reporter."
"Believe it Miss Lane. You need to be with him to help him find his true worth and destiny. If he's lost, you'll be his compass."
He opened the door and left me confused and disturbed.
--;-- --;----;--
"You're giving me up for him… because he has powers I have none?" The sad tone in his voice made me ached even more.
"Clark you know it's not like that. You just don't understand how difficult this it is for me to see you in this kind of state and to talk to you about him and the future."
"Do you love him? Do you love the Blur?" He asked in a firm tone.
"Clark, it's you. You know that. But I have to do this for greater good… I… I don't have a choice. If the situation was reversed, wouldn't you do the same thing?"
My cheeks were wet with tears, as were his. He didn't answer my question. He removed the distance between us and held me tighter than before. It was like his life depended on me and he didn't want to let me go.
He cupped my face, his eyes were on mine. He wasn't hurting, I could see gratitude… Was that even possible?
"Lois… I love you so much. You don't have to go through this kind of pain, because…"
A sudden gust of wind passed through us. Then it hit me. I was alone now in the Kent's living room. I was in the barn seconds ago, wasn't I?
I spun around. "Smallville, where are you?" He didn't answer instead a Bonnie Tyler song hit the airwave. My heart beat aloud, though I wasn't sure if I had to answer it. How kind of person was I? Clark was here. It wasn't right. But my instincts told me to click the answer button.
"Miss Lane."
I cleared my throat upon hearing his deep baritone voice.
"Turn around."
I followed what he told me. I was in big shock seeing the black shoes and then his black coat. There he was standing on the door leading to the kitchen with his back on me. Something was familiar. The built. The height. The way he stood.
"Clark is right by saying you don't have to go through this kind of pain, because…"
He faced me. I didn't realize that I was holding my breath until the truth was standing few steps away from me. The Blur held his gaze on me the same way Clark did few minutes ago. His eyes were searching, trying to read my expression.
"Clark?" I said in a voice inaudible even to me. My phone long forgotten had slipped from my hand to the floor.
"…because I am him." There was his clarification. He moved towards me, his eyes never left my face. Without additional word, he hugged me.
"Wow!" The first word that left my lips.
"I don't know how to explain everything to you. I'm so afraid to lose you. You told me once that you're not good with dual identity thing and you don't want to be left behind. Within my powers and my duty as the Blur and Clark Kent, I can't promise to be with you every time you need me but I'll do anything just to be with you."
His blue eyes met my hazels. "Lois being with you is stronger than me being alone."
I held his face, "Clark you always come back to me, that's the most important thing. You'll never leave me." I took his hand and placed it on my chest where he could feel the beat of my heart. "You're always here with me."
Another unknown reason hit me. "I asked you before if you were him, but you said you were not. You wanted to make sure who I really loved… if it's you or the Blur…"
"Lois, I'm sorry. I want to protect you. I don't want you to get hurt by my enemies."
I rolled my eyes. "Clark it's not your fault if I attract trouble. It's part of our job as investigative journalists."
He eyed me, not convinced by my answer, I surrendered. "Okay, I promise. I'll be careful." I traced the S Shield on his black shirt. "It's kinda…kind of distracting, talking to you wearing this all-black attire."
His brows met. "I'm Clark."
"And you're the Blur." I continued.
"Lo, the Blur is just a part of me. I am Clark."
"I know. It's just really distracting seeing you with these clothes." I whispered in his ear. "Kind of sexy."
He chuckled. "Does this mean you're okay with these?"
"Ah…huh… but I also love your plaid and your red and blue… the dorky farm boy and the nerdy reporter."
He stepped back and changed his apparel with blink of an eye. There he was in his flannel shirt and dark blue jeans.
"And wait…" He sped up again and left me in awe. He returned wearing his eyeglasses. I smiled widely as he displayed his sheepish grin at me.
"How about this?" He handed me fresh lilies.
"You never fail to surprise me, Smallville." I tiptoed to kiss him which he blissfully returned. He whispered between kisses. "There's more."
I eyed him… "More? I think I can handle them."
"I'm not from here…I'm from Krypton." It took a second before it registered.
"Even if you're from Mars, I can dismissed it…" He said the last two words…
"…as an endearing quirk." He smiled widely.
"You memorized my line." I chuckled. "Seriously, you're more human than us. You use your power to help that's the most important. And Clark Kent, I love you because you're you."
He smiled back. We spent hours talking about him and his biological parents. His birth planet. Everything about him. I wanted to thank the fortune-teller, the dreams, and Dr. Fate for giving me glimpses of the future. I knew it would be hard along the way but it didn't matter anymore because someone was here with me. We would face the future together without fear. I squeezed his hand and he did the same. I leaned on his shoulder. This was where I belonged. My choice. My destiny.
FIN
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