So Tatsumi and Morinaga are my new yaoi obsession at the moment so I decided to write a story on them. This story is a little dark but please read it until the end I promise it will be worth it. There are trigger warnings for self-cutting in this story. You have been warned! If you want a little ambiance to the story look up the song Sparrow by Miika Mettiainen it is a song that only has a piano playing but the tune goes well with the story. Enjoy and please review to tell me what you think.
"Idiot get off me!" Senpai hissed in annoyance.
"But Sen-" Tetsuhiro started, but was cut off by the older man.
"I have a lot of homework, I don't need you distracting me" Senpai said, coldly shaking the other man off him.
Tetsuhiro sighed, lately Senpai had been doing this, pushing him away and coming up with reasons why they couldn't do anything. It was starting to get to Tetsuhiro, though for Senpai's sake he didn't let it show. The raven-haired man stood up and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind him as he picked up a razor. The once smooth blade was now lightly stained with what would look like rust to anyone else but was actually the remains of dried blood.
Tetsuhiro rolled up his sleeves and let the blade run across his skin, staring at the trail of blood it left in it's wake, not even flinching at the searing pain. He had never thought he would take up something like cutting, but since it had been many long months since he and Senpai did anything, even cuddling, cutting was the only way he could feel anything real. When he first started out it had hurt like hell, but after awhile Tetsuhiro found that he was cutting deeper and deeper to feel more. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind this was dangerous but he couldn't seem to care anymore.
Tetsuhiro would spend hours locked in the bathroom, slicing away at his skin. Most of the time he was thinking on his and Senpai's relationship, wondering how he could still keep going after all the pushing away the other man did. His mind would sometimes shift to Misaki and wondered if this is what he felt like after being rejected by the one he loved. He often thought what Senpai would do if he just killed himself, part of him hoped that his Senpai would grieve and truly be sad that he was gone. But another part of him, a dark whisper in the back of his mind, told him that no one would care, that Senpai would actually be happy that he was finally gone. It was those thoughts that often drove Tetsuhiro to cut deeper, until his arms were practically covered in blood.
On the darker days that he actually considered letting the blood continue to flow there would always be a knock on the door and Senpai's voice shouting to open the door so he could take a shower or brush his teeth. So Tetsuhiro always stopped the bleeding and cleaned up, hiding his dark secret from the other man.
Despite his best effort to keep his cutting a secret by making sure to not let his blood stain anything and to always wear long sleeves Senpai still discovered his secret.
One night while they were washing dishes Tetsuhiro's sleeve moved up just enough to reveal a few scars on his wrist. Senpai noticed it when the younger man handed him a dish to dry.
"Morinaga…what is that?" Senpai asked, glancing at his wrist.
Tetsuhiro's eyes wondered down to his arm and quickly covered up his exposed skin, "it's nothing."
But Senpai wasn't satisfied, he reached forwarded and forcefully yanked one of Tetsuhiro's arms toward him, pushing up the sleeve as he did. Senpai stared at the dozen cuts that littered Tetsuhiro's arm. It was silent between them for a few moments as Senpai continued to stare. He finally looked up to meet his eyes with Tetsuhiro's and the younger man was shocked to see actual pain in those amber eyes.
"I…I don't understand" Senpai whispered after a few seconds, his voice slightly shaking.
Tetsuhiro was unable to keep looking at the other man. He hadn't wanted him to see the scars or know his dark secret. He hadn't wanted Senpai to know just how painful being around him truly was.
Suddenly Tetsuhiro felt a flash of anger. Why wasn't he allowed to show his scars and angrily shout that it was the older man's fault? Though the anger was burning brightly in him the answer to all his questions came through clearly, 'because I love him.' That answer is what kept him from yelling at his Senpai but it wasn't enough to stop the snapping.
"I told you it's nothing, leave it be" Tetsuhiro snapped.
Senpai looked taken back by the sudden harsh tone, but he kept pressing even if his voice cracked when he spoke, "Am I…"
"I said leave it be!" Tetsuhiro shouted, ripping his arm from out of the other man's grip and sprinting to his room, slamming the door.
After the door was closed Tetsuhiro slid to the floor, tears flooding in his eyes before he could stop them. Why did Senpai show he cared now? After so many months of coldness why show it now? Or was it even caring that he was showing? Senpai did consider them friends more than anything so maybe he was just concerned as a friend and nothing more. So many thoughts ran through Tetsuhiro's mind as he lay there on the floor, shaking and crying like he never had before.
What was he going to do?
So yeah when I said it was dark I meant it but there is a point to all this. I honestly think this fits Morinaga's character well. He depends on attention from Tatsumi, he needs it. And when Tatsumi just refuses him and continues to push him away eventually Morinaga will be at his breaking point. That is what I'm trying to show here, this is his breaking point. If the characters seem OOC please do let me know and if you have the time review my story. This will be a story with multiple chapters but not too many so I hope everyone will be interested and want to read more.