A/N: I know I said I would continue this. But as it stands now it is completed for the most part. I will most likely come back to it though, since I spent like two hours putting together a detailed outline for making this a chaptered fic. I just don't know when. *ducks* I know this story has a lot of potential. So I will really try to come back to it, it maybe a series of one shots, random moments from their lives.
Penny's slender fingers grasped the doorknob and she walked through the door to the guys' apartment just like any other day. However, she didn't want to let go of the cool brass knob because it would cement her purpose for entering. So, she hovered in the doorway just a few moments longer than necessary, taking in the sight of all four men lounging around unfettered by responsibility.
They all sat in their semi-regulated spots. Howard's small frame hunched over in the stuffed chair, madly taping away at the controller tight in his hands. To his left, Raj mimicked his behaviour the only variance that he was shouting for a medipack. It was a request that also quickly died on his lips when he noticed Penny watching from her safe place at the threshold to the residence, a precipice to another chapter, another phase of her life.
Leonard, closest to Penny, set his computer on the coffee table and turned to say, "Hello," with a big smile and squinty eyes. He'd drop everything for her, she was sure of it from the first day she met him and he tried to get her TV back, she didn't know how he would take her news though. The outcome would most likely be favourable, at first, she thought. They'd talked about things like this late into the night, wrapped in each other's arms, well not precisely like this. Deep in her gut, Penny knew those late night talks were nothing more than perfect, wistful dreams; a pretty delusion to gloss over all the wrongs and discomfort of not working out. She gave him a tight smile, sadly, it didn't entirely reach her eyes, but she felt she owed at least the effort it involved.
Sheldon relaxed easily in his spot, the well worn leather of the couch cushion cradling his long limbs like a well-oiled glove. He did not concern himself with maintaining basic social norms, such as 'Hello'. At least, not while in the middle of something. His pale blue eyes moved rapidly along the lines of a science magazine, he did not like interruptions while reading. But, Penny knew she couldn't stand in the doorway that long. Oddly enough, she was most worried about his reaction. He didn't deal well with change; he either ran from it or buried himself in his routines, refusing to concede to disruption. It frightened her to try to think of how he might react to this.
Strangely, these four genius geeks were her family. The people she saw nearly daily, her family away from home. She even loved Howard and Raj in their own special ways. She hoped, no she prayed they would understand a little bit because all four had a place in the future. With hope in her heart, Penny walked towards the couch in measured steps, fingers sliding off the door knob, knowing she could never go back in time and undo her mistakes.
Penny tried to smile and respond in some way to Leonard, as she sank down between Sheldon and him on the couch. But it was too difficult, as she knows what lies ahead. She laughed a little at how fitting it was for this conversation, which has to take place between the three of them that she was between them, as if they were at odds. She supposed they might be afterwards.
It wasn't any other day, obviously. An unusually cool breeze rolled through the windows, it made Penny yearn for Nebraska and the storms that sped across the plains. She had to tell them the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. She could only hope that they would face their truths too. That they could get past this and still accept her because she didn't think she could do this alone. She needed a family to rally around her.
Looking closely her green eyes stood out against her golden skin, greener more so due to the redness that rimmed them. Her cheeks were a little splotchy, her blonde hair a little messy. She cried all day yesterday and last night curled in her bed wishing she had a mother who was there to stroke her hair and tell her everything would be all right. She had no idea, how to do this. How do you ruin the life of a scientist? A scientist that could be great; like fix the world somehow great, a scientist that could very well not want anything to do with what she has to say.
She looked around; everyone seemed occupied. Howard and Raj whispering back and forth about their game, Raj often glowering behind his long, dark lashes because Howard failed to understand his movements. Sheldon still engrossed in the dull looking science magazine, did not even seem to take note of her presence at less then a foot away. Leonard stared at her, his warm brown eyes studying her carefully, memorizing every facet of her face, and trying to figure out what lurked behind her eyes.
She hated when he did that, she realised that she really hated how he loved her. He didn't really care about her; it was more of an infatuation. He liked the idea of her, the idea that she was like a Barbie one who had taken the time to get know him. Like all the other guys she dated, some how he made her feel like a possession, something to show off. She took a deep breath, locked eyes with Leonard and without any preamble, she whispered tightly, "I'm late." Silently, she shed the tears that shined in her eyes, the ones she desperately tried to hold back.
"Late for what?" asked Howard, not taking his eyes from the TV screen.
"Late…" she shuddered a little bit, trying to keep her calm as she watched emotions flitter across Leonard's face. "Late… as in late." She said more meaningfully drawing out the syllables. Penny tore her eyes from the expressions playing on the short man's face after his eyes bugged out. She felt him tense, felt him jump from the couch. She knew this wasn't going to go well.
"Is it mine? Because that shouldn't have happened, w-we were using protection?" he asked impetuously and sighed. "I thought we talked about this stuff, I thought we had a plan. This was years down the road…Is it mine?"
Penny glared though her tears at him; well of course, it should be his. But to be so untrusting of her so soon, she almost thought he might be joyful after all it would have supposedly tied her to him for eternity. It wasn't the reaction she expected of him and it made her regret her decision that night just a little less.
As she started to sniffle, Penny choked out a deafening, "No." It was like a vacuum sucked out any sounds of life, save the rock beat from the xbox meant to highlight the fighting, yet also played to the staccato of Penny's shallow quaking.
They didn't even pause the game they had started. Howard dropped his controller as he and Raj ripped their eyes from the television to see if this was actually happening and not a trick upon their ears. "No way," Raj whispered when he noticed Penny's red face as she used her hands to scrub away some tears. Their eyes darted between the couple and then to Sheldon who was still engrossed in his magazine like nothing major just happened.
"So, whose is it then?" Leonard asked rather harshly crossing his arms against his chest leaning over her almost menacingly. "Do you know? I just want to know whose child you seem to think I'll be raising."
"Oh, there will be no such thing happening. I will raise my child. I have absolutely no confidence in your parenting skills," all eyes were on Sheldon, the implication of what he said so casually hanging in the air, as he lay his magazine down and finally turned to Penny.
"Sheldon?!" Leonard shouted throwing his arms in the air and pointing at the only man in the room to have any grace in this moment. "Sheldon Cooper. Socially inept Sheldon. Anal-retentive to the nth power Sheldon. This is the father? How—How could you both do that me? I thought you were my friend," he pointed to Penny, "I thought you were my girlfriend."
"Excuse Leonard," Sheldon said as he awkwardly rubbed soothing circles on Penny's back, she leaned into the comfort he was offering, she needed it. "He seems to have taken leave of his faculties and reverted to whatever convoluted survival behaviour his Mother was originally conditioning him for. He seems to think this is only about him."
"I'm sorry Leonard, I really am. But this is happening… this… baby," she had not yet referred to the foetus in such a way and it made her cry just a little more. "Remember at the very end of September, I went out with my friends… well I came home and I thought I was in your room. I thought…" She couldn't say any more as she was wracked by another round of shaking sobs.
"You took advantage of Penny?" Leonard asked incredulously, his eyebrows shooting upwards as he stared at Sheldon trying to comfort Penny without much tactile contact.
In the background, Howard smirked and shouted, "Way to go, man!" Watching on as if the conversation was some sort of movie to which one added interjections. It was Raj who reached over and slapped him upside the head as everyone glared as his crassness. When he had the sense to look remorseful, Sheldon and Leonard went back to staring one another down. Penny's eyes nervously darting between the two.
"No, I … Well… I…" No one had ever really seen Sheldon at such a loss for words as he moved his mouth but no sound came out at first. He looked to Penny who gave him a little half smile as if to say, 'its okay go ahead.' "Well… I suppose so. I never expected to be in that situation. Penny and I talked about that night afterwards and we worked though any animosity we may have had on the issue."
Leonard snorted and crossed his arms over his chest again; clearly he was in a very aggressive mood. He directed his question towards Sheldon, "So, what was in it for you?" he asked running a hand through his curly hair.
"Oh Gee, I don't know a Life Tile? The company of a willing woman? I really don't think it's any of your concern, Penny's perhaps. But not yours," he said sarcastically, his blue eyes shining as he realised he got it right. "I think I shall digress to her for the rest of the explanation."
Penny hugged her knees tightly and took a few deep breaths, "I knew okay. I knew! After I got to his room… I just knew. I did mistake him for you at first but then he started to try to talk sense into me and I knew it was him …and I didn't care. Leonard you and I don't work," she took a deep breath and plunged ahead. "This is exactly why, with Sheldon you learn from mistakes. He expects them of a person. That's why there are strikes and a silly lecture or whatever to get them removed. Heck, we aren't even together and I think he understand me a little better than you do, especially right now. But you just hurt yourself and me because you put me on a pedestal that I will always fall off. I will always do something wrong… Always. I'm not perfect. I can't be your Princess Leia or your Rose or even the Zoe to your Wash. We don't work and I know that you've felt that disconnect before, remember the first time we slept together? It should have probably ended then, but no it was something we'd been waiting on for so long we decided to ignore that little red flag."
"But you can be the Nyota to his Spock," Leonard seethed as he paced back and forth.
"It's not even like that!" she shouted. She had half a mind to get up and slap him in the face. "It was an accident—" she started to say, to try to explain herself better.
"I beg to differ. It was an auspicious moment for me. While I didn't know that you would come into my room, I do keep a detailed log of your menstrual cycle and by my calculations that night was just a day before your ovulation period when you were most fertile. I predicted that this was going to happen."
Howard thought it might be time to get out and give them some privacy as the discussion was ever evolving. Raj looked at Howard and used his head to indicate that he thought they should leave too. Silently, as they snuck towards the door, Howard twirled his finger around the room with a crooked smile. Raj nodded in understanding and they disappeared. The place was bugged.
Penny was still gapping at Sheldon; her heaving took over again and the tears streamed more freely down her cheeks she forgot about slapping Leonard. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, "P-p-pregnant on purpose? You let me have sex with when you know this could happen?" she asked in disbelief crawling towards the other end of the couch.
"Well, you were the most viable candidate."
Leonard laughed cruelly in the background, "Well, there's the physicist we all know and love. Still like Spock now?"
Penny turned to her right and gave her best junior rodeo death glare, "Get out! I don't need your crap on top of all this. Consider us broken up because of how utterly selfish your being. Go! I need to talk to Sheldon. At least he seems to be willing to talk and not try and pick a fight every other moment."
"Umm, I hate to disappoint but my apartment," he said pushing his glasses up his nose. "I guess—"
"I hate to correct you, but it is my apartment," Sheldon interjected tersely his eyes narrowing towards Leonard. "You are the roommate. My name is on the lease and I must agree with Penny, we have some things to discuss."
"Whatever," Leonard huffed and he walked toward the door grabbing his keys from the bowl on the way out and disappearing with a slam.
Sheldon and Penny stared at the door for few minutes. Neither one really wanted to break the silence that had settled in the room, filling it with questions neither wanted answers for and answers neither wanted to give.
Sheldon broke first, "I'm sorry." He looked down at his feet like a properly chastised school boy.
"Why me?" Penny asked looking at him. She needed him to answer, something beyond himself and his scientific notions. She needed some sign that he had an emotional range beyond that of a Petri dish; that his little experiment in the human condition was something more than just that. "What is in it for you?"
"Penny, you have what my father always called 'a way about you'." He said this disdainfully like he was frustrated because he couldn't understand the concept. "I can't pinpoint just what it is. I tried. I hypothesized that it had something to do with the way you looked. Your features in your face are near symmetrical; the proportions of your body mimic the Golden Ratio, however, you just have a small dimple in your right cheek. I thought it was perhaps something about your intelligence, if you'll remember that test I gave you months ago. It was an IQ test and you scored 144. So, it isn't in your appearance or your intellect. Both are more than generous and neither explains the feelings I get when I see you with Leonard or what I felt that night."
"I tried to look at what made you different from even just my friends. I found that you meet me head on when I challenge you. You take time to call my mother up and ask for help when you don't understand something about me. You let my eccentric idiosyncrasies fly under the radar when it doesn't matter and call me on them when it does and all with out the aid of God, unlike my mother or the snide comments from the others. Since Christmas, you have been under evaluation as a viable candidate to mate with. In the middle of August you passed when I borrowed Leonard's blanket, it was both very cosy and very practical. As to what is "in it" for me." Yes, he made the air quotes. "I cannot say. I believe I was at the mercy of a biological urge. One, I was not opposed to."
Sheldon Cooper just confessed that he had a thing for Penny. He would not call it love, perhaps just that he had taken notice of her, the first and only female in however many years of his life to earn that honour. Did she feel the same? Did she want the picket fence with him; did she want to keep the baby? Was this the universe's way of trying to make them all see the right way, to put them all back on the path to the right reality?
Penny's heart un-iced just a little, she was still extremely puzzled and couldn't wrap her mind around what he just said. "Okay. That's really kind of sweet. But why didn't you talk to me about it? Why did you just go and decide you were God and get me pregnant?" Penny didn't know whether to run home to Nebraska or just crawl into her bed. Maybe the strange dream would end if she woke up again?
"If you remember I did try to talk you out of that night, I knew I couldn't though. You had your mind made up. You did not seem to care that no contraceptive was involved, so I made the decision that if there were any possible offspring from the union that I would be responsible for it. Admittedly, this is not the way I would have liked to go about it, but I didn't see how I could separate you and Leonard from all the mistakes you both were making. I figured if I had to be a mistake so be it."
"What about me, Sheldon? I'm twenty-three, I'm supposed to be slightly selfish. I want to act, I want to be able to go to Las Vegas on a whim, I want to be spending my money on shoes that break my neck not diapers and cabinet locks, I want a lot of things that will never happen now. It's nice that you think you're ready for this, but what about me? Am I?"
"Yes. I did the math Penny. Biologically, it is better to have offspring when one is younger because there are less risks involved," he replied softly. "If it is a matter of fiscal responsibility I will have no problem providing for the child."
Penny sighed and flipped her blonde hair out of her eyes. "Okay, that isn't really the heart of the issue, but thanks I think… Why did you want a child in the first place?"
Sheldon looked anywhere but Penny's face. He did not know. He couldn't rationalise it. It was something that was just outside the knowledge he processed. A baby would certainly change every routine in his life. As perplexing as it was, for someone like Sheldon, he wanted to have something of legacy outside of the Nobel Prize in science, something his Mom, sisters and Meemaw would be proud of. But how did one verbalise that to Penny so that she would understand? "I wanted a moonpie of my own. I didn't know if that opportunity would present itself again given my nature."
Penny didn't know where any of this would go, but as happy tears slid down her cheeks she didn't really care, because she knew at least one person would be there to help her. And that was enough for now.
A/N: I hope you la-la-la-liked!