The Life And Times Of The FanFic Critic: My Neighbor Is A Dinosaur
It was a normal day at FFC's house. She was reading a bad fanfiction and got so mad at it, that she punched her laptop.
"What's the matter?" said a voice in the room. Meg turned around and Lesbian Jesus stood in front of her.
"I hate it when you do this" said Meg.
Lesbian Jesus smiled, "You human beings are quite interesting. Why should I miss out on the fun?" The FFC sighed; she knew that arguing with her will lead to nowhere.
"So what are you reading?" asked LJ.
The FFC answered "It's just a terrible fanfic about that stupid purple dinosaur Barney. I can't stand him."
"But everybody loved Barney when they were young" said Lesbian Jesus.
"Well I didn't, he's even more annoying than you" replied Meg.
Lesbian Jesus looked somewhat angered and she vanished in front of the FFC.
"Well that's one problem less" thought the FFC and continued to read the fanfic.
Lesbian Jesus meanwhile appeared in front of the FFC's house. She thought "This is not how you treat a goddess. I'll use my powers to have some fun." She raised her hands, murmured a few words and disappeared once again.
The next day FFC's neighbor came to a visit. She said that she decided to move out and that she already found somebody who will move in. Susan and Meg said goodbye to her and couldn't wait to see who will be their new neighbor. A few hours later a taxi arrived. The two cousins came out of the house to greet their new neighbor and when the door of the taxi opened, they were in for a surprise. It was Barney!
"Hello girls, you must be my new super dee-duper neighbors" said the pink dinosaur.
The girls looked confused for a moment. Susan then introduced herself "Well hello, I'm Susan and as you can hear by my Whaleish accent I'm not from here, so you're not going to be the only one in the neighborhood that moved here recently."
The FCC looked shocked; she couldn't say even one word and hold her razor in her hands for comfort.
Susan said"… and this is Meg, her job is to read fanfics. She read too many SpongeBob fanfics and since then she lost it. For some time she tried to kill herself all the time, but since then she made a promise to stop that, because otherwise I will rip her a new asshole. She also can't stand you"
"Aw, you poor thing. Should I sing a song to you? I am sure that the only thing you need is a hug." He went to her and was just about to hug when she snapped.
She took her razor and screamed: "Don't touch me with your paws you obnoxious excuse for kids' entertainment. I hate you, prepare to die! " She was just about to attack him with her razor, but Susan shot her with the phase pistol. Meg fell face first on the sidewalk.
"I told you she can't sand you, you purple dope. You should leave her alone for a few days, so that she calms down".
"But being with friends is the best thing to do, to be happy. I want to be her friend, because I want to be the friend of everyone"
Susan looked annoyed and asked" Do you want that she goes to jail?"
Barney was confused"No, I just want to have fun with her and cheer her up. Let's sing a song to wake her up!"
Susan aimed with the phase pistol at Barney's face "Now listen to me sonny, if she goes insane and kills herself, then you will have the same faith as that creepy guy that used to stalk her and trust me you don't want that to happen."
"I understand" said Barney.
" Well, are you waiting for the seasons to change or will you help me carry her into the house. Unlike what many fanfictions say, I'm not strong enough to carry her bridal style." said Susan
They brought Meg into the house. Susan took care of her and Barney went to his new home.