PART 1
CHAPTER ONE - Ariana's POV
Why was i even still alive? i shouldn't have been here! Being hooked up on all those monitors, lying in a hospital bed and gown. I was being fed all these pills, which i pretend to actually take. Sitting there day by day with my arms crossed, legs extended on the bed, the look of hate all over my face, the vibe of hatred just radiating from my body. Mad at the world…mad at myself. All i would hear all day was the sound of feet up and down the corridor outside my room, the pushing and pulling of beds, monitors and tables, even the occasional freak out by another patient in this so called psych ward was heard.
I had tried to escape various times, each time failing much to my disappointment. Once i made it as far as the end of the drive way in the front parking lot, until Puck (a guard i got to know very well) came and effortlessly chucked my over his shoulder and carried me back inside. I didn't even try to fight him off, i just kinda, hung there. Hell, i even tried to kill myself a few times in my room too, sometimes id fake it just for a laugh at the freak outs, other times were real, i was nuts (or so they thought). In the time i was there, i went through six shrinks until two people finally … stayed. All except the two had left, my friends and family tried to help, then they stopped helping and just showed up, then eventually they just stopped showing.
Normally i would have been able to roam the wards, secretly prank a few people, the really crazy ones were the best people to pull a few over on, Best. Reaction. Ever. However, two days prior to my newest visitors i tried to kill myself, i had saved up every pill from everyday (the ones the nurses thought i was taking) for about 2 months and once i had my daily lunch i grabbed my water and downed all the pills. Unfortunately, just as i was going into sleepy mode, i had doctors and nurses fixing me up and making me … ugh… i guess, functioning again? i wouldn't call it 'alive' 'cause i didn't feel alive, i felt like the living dead. Quite obviously nobody got the picture that i didn't want to be alive anymore, i didn't want my decaying heart to continue its beating.
I heard a knock on the door and one of my nurses walked in, Dianna, she was my favorite, i think she knew it too, even though everyone knew how much they annoyed me, i think Dianna just knew that i felt something towards her, nothing romantic or anything, i just felt safer around her, and she never really gave up, much the opposite of everyone else there, except for Puck, that wall with raccoons tail on its head was a pretty cool fellow. "Hey Ari," Dianna came and sat on the side of my bed and lent over my legs so she could look at me, she already knew i wouldn't make that effort. "You have two new visitors, you've never met them, but I'm sure you will be pleased by them anyway, so i want you to play nice okay?" She pointed her index finger into my lower thigh in a playful manner. "That means, no pranks, no trying to kill yourself around them, fake or not. Also at least to try to acknowledge them, they are nice girls, i really do think you will want them around." She waited a few seconds for me to respond, but i didn't, of course. "Hey! Promise? at least just promise me Ari?" She knew that i trusted her, so obviously these girls arnt too bad, after all, Di never usually brought up my guests, let alone gave me her version of a pep talk, so i figure they have to be worth something. "Whatever" i replied, waving my hand. I still hadn't moved my head towards the door, just kept my sport on the wall in front of me, arms still folded over my chest and legs ceasing to budge.
I began to hear Dianna's footsteps retreat towards the door and made out what she had said to the girls at the door before leaving, "there are two chairs in there for you, just pull them up wherever. I got her word on not playing anything stupid, but good luck, its hard for her to open, Puck and i are the only ones she trusts, not that she would admit it, and she wont even open up to us, so, good luck i guess…" It took a couple of seconds to hear two sets of footsteps get louder as they reached the side of my bed. I still refused to look up, or move, or acknowledge, but i figure ill hear them out, just because they were sent by Dianna. "Uhm, hey, Ariana, mind if we take a seat?" It wasn't hard to hear the shakiness in her voice, the fear. "Whatevs." They both took a seat and adjusted themselves to get comfortable. Her voice sounded familiar, but i couldn't place it, i felt like i knew it so very well, but every face that popped into my head, i ruled out. I moved my left arm out of its fold to find the television remote, I herd them shift in their seats, seeing the scars and fresh wounds on my wrist as i extend my arm, reveling to them that i wasn't just everyday screwed up, i was damaged goods. Glee was about to start, it was the only thing i could stand, aside from Dianna, Puck and Brittana, everything and everyone else was just… shit, waste of time and effort. "Well, you have ten minute to try and fix me, because after that, my program is about to start and i don't like interruptions, i don't care what you do or where you go during, just don't interrupt." Still not able to will myself to meet their eyes. "Your ten minutes begins now, proceed." I wasn't trying to be a bitch or anything, I'm sure they were nice girls, i just didn't intend on getting friendly only to be let down again, so everyday i added a brick to my wall and it was close to being ten bricks thick and ten bricks high. "Uhm…Ugh…ok…so, uhm, what show are you gonna watch?" I could tell it was the other girl talking this time, her voice less raspy. "And why does it matter?" The chick with the raspy voice began this time, "well, we might have something in common?" I snicker, unintentionally of course, it was just a habit to shield myself from all sorts of good company in fear of becoming attached. "Times up." It really, really wasn't but i just didn't want to get myself near the line of trust. Particularly after hearing their wincing at the cuts and scars from scratches up my arm as i pushed up my sleeves. We sat their in silence, they didn't leave, they didn't leave me.
My room was free of small talk and the only sound that filled the air were the stupid ads that the TV felt they needed to play…even making Glee five minutes late. The show began and i was immediately sucked in to the world i wish i knew. Before i could truly lose myself in the five seconds of aired time, i herd the two gasp and they even let out a little giggle. "Something funny?" I kept my eyes focused on the TV, just waiting for the show to really start. "Oh uhm, actually…" Raspy started but the other chica continued, "you might, ugh, wanna see who is sitting in your room…" I could sense the happiness and relief in both their voices, they actually sounded lighter, yep, i have that effect on people. Make them feel like they suck. I was confused, and a little annoyed to be honest, but i thought back to Dianna, i trust her and Puck wouldn't let the weirdo's near me, so i slowly began to turn my head but kept my eyes down, i was actually feeling a little scared. The girls were standing by now, my eyes met their feet first. One in Nike trainers and the other in Converse high tops, i swallowed and slowly lifted my gaze up their legs. The girl in Converse wore red skinny's, the girl in the trainers legs were bare, pale white and endless, or well ended in short shorts. My eyes grazed further up, i found olive skinned arms that finished in the red jean pockets, her top half covered in a white tank top. The pale girl had a lose fitting dark green shirt with a vintage print of a tree on it, very ugh, hippy like i guess? "You know, our eyes a little further up my dear?" I could tell it was the pale girl talking, closed my eyes for a few seconds before meeting their faces. My eyes flickered between theirs, i was shocked, freaking out, confused. They seemed to be waiting, expectantly for something, my reaction.