Rachel braced herself outside of the music room. She wasn't sure if she could sing this. Well, of course she could, literally speaking, sing it, but she wasn't sure that she was emotionally prepared for this. She wasn't even sure if it was a good idea. After all, it had only been a few weeks since prom, and one week since they'd returned from New York. She and Quinn had become friends since the prom debacle, but she wasn't sure where they stood now.
It had been Santana's idea, of course, to sneak out. They'd just placed 3rd at Nationals, which was kind of a huge deal, and they all wanted to celebrate.
Rachel and Santana, being roommates, had had plenty of time to formulate strategies. Though Rachel would normally be against this, she was just as excited as everyone else, and Santana had directly asked her for her help, which was such a rare occurrence that Rachel couldn't possibly say no.
(When Rachel had asked why Santana had picked her, Santana had simply pointed out that she, being a badass, had the ability to appreciate others' badassery. Apparently, there was someone in Glee who appreciated the skill, effort, time, and sneakiness that was necessary for her to put into her actions, both for the club and for her own purposes. Sending Sunshine to the inactive crackhouse on such short notice, breaking into Mr. Schuester's car, and sneaking herself, Mercedes, and Quinn into the Vocal Adrenaline Auditorium (which was no easy task, considering that Mercedes couldn't stay quiet for more than 5 minutes at a time, and pregnant girls aren't exactly known for their stealthiness.) were just a few examples.
She'd then mumbled something that sounded like radar, but Rachel hadn't paid her much attention.)
Anyway, the two had quickly started becoming friends since they'd become roommates, and were able to create a plan fairly easily.
By 12:00am, Santana, Rachel, Brittany, Quinn, Puck, Kurt, Sam, Mercedes, and Finn were at a bar (not a very crowded one-it was more of a lounge than a club), having gotten in with a combination of fake IDs and some flashes of cleavage.
By 1:00, most of them were drunk. Rachel and Quinn sat flush against each other on a sofa, giggling at Brittany and Santana, who were making out on the couch opposite them. "I'm glad they're finally together," Rachel whispered into Quinn's ear, her hot breath on Quinn's neck making the blonde shudder.
"Me too," Quinn whispered back, turning her head to face Rachel. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind Rachel's ear. "They deserve to be happy."
"So do you, Quinn." Their faces were so close. Quinn could feel Rachel's breath against her lips. Rachel's eyes flickered up to meet hers for a second, before moving down again. Her eyes were darker than Quinn had ever seen them.
They didn't know who'd made the first move, but suddenly they were mirroring Brittany and Santana.
Rachel snapped out of her thoughts at the sound of a knock on the door, signaling that they were ready for her to start.
She really hoped that this worked. Quinn hadn't talked to her since the morning after the kiss, and at this point Rachel would do just about anything to have her friend back.
She stepped into the room, and said, "I think this song ought to speak for itself."
She nodded at Puck, forgoing her usual enthusiastic, "hit it." She was too nervous.
He strummed the first few chords, and Rachel took a breath and began to sing.
Beauty queen of only eighteen,
She had some trouble with herself.
The well-known words prompted an "awww," from the clubbers, but she ignored them. Quinn avoided eye contact, like she'd been doing for a week now. Rachel sighed, mentally.
He was always there to help her,
She always belonged to someone else.
If there was one consistent element of their friendship, it was that Rachel was always there for Quinn.
Another consistent element was that Quinn was never hers to be there for.
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door.
The girls in the club started cooing softly, harmonizing with Rachel.
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more.
It should have been enough just to be Quinn's friend. It was, after all, what she'd always wanted. But for some reason, it also never felt like it was enough; especially after kissing Quinn. She desperately wanted Quinn's friendship back, but at the same time, Rachel didn't think she'd ever stop wanting to feel Quinn's lips on her own.
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain.
Look for the girl with the broken smile,
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile.
Rachel took a deep would be the hard part. Quinn hadn't freaked out and left yet, which was a good sign, but if there was ever a line that would send her running, it would be this next one.
And she will be loved
She will be loved.
Quinn didn't move. A tear formed at the corner of one of her eyes, but it didn't spill over. She continued to avoid eye contact.
Tap on my window knock on my door,
I want to make you feel beautiful.
Rachel smiled as she sang this line. She found it both endearing and exasperating that Quinn cared so much about her own beauty. She meant what she'd said at prom; Quinn was truly the most beautiful girl she'd ever met. She knew now that a lot of Quinn's insecurities stemmed from her days as "Lucy Caboosey," but Rachel firmly believed that Quinn would still be the most beautiful girl she'd ever met if she hadn't had the nose job, or dyed her hair, or starved herself.
Quinn was so much more than her looks, but Rachel didn't think Quinn would truly believe that until she felt comfortable with her own looks. And Rachel was willing to do whatever it took to convince Quinn that she really was incredibly beautiful.
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
This, really, was the part that scared Rachel the most. Rachel had always been insecure, especially around Quinn. But for some reason, when it came to Quinn, her insecurities just didn't matter. All that mattered was being there for Quinn.
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
Finally, finally Quinn looked up. Her hazel eyes, filled with unshed tears, connected with Rachel's. Quinn, who was hard to read under normal circumstances, was impossible to read at the moment, especially considering that Rachel was singing.
Rachel decided to just take it as a good sign that Quinn had looked at her for the first time in a week, and to not overanalyze it.
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
Rachel knew Quinn better than anyone else. She always had.
She just hoped that Quinn might actually understand this, now.
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
Well, maybe it was more that Rachel begged Quinn to let her catch her, but still.
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful.
Rachel's voice faded, and the club cheered. Rachel would usually take a moment to appreciate it, but she was kind of distracted by the emotions swirling in Quinn's eyes. Mr. Schuester gave her some generic compliment and dismissed everyone, but Rachel and Quinn stayed still.
Neither of them moved until everyone had left.
Rachel took tentative steps toward Quinn, as if she were a small animal that might run away if frightened. When she was right in front of Quinn, she grabbed a plastic chair and sat, so she was face-to-face with Quinn.
The blonde took a small, shaky breath. In a small voice, she asked, "Did you mean it?"
Rachel looked Quinn in the eyes, every cell in her body emitting sincerity. "Did I mean what?"
In a somehow even smaller voice, she said, "I can come any time I want. Did you mean it?"
Rachel smiled softly. "Of course, Quinn."
"And do you, um, do you really, um..."
Rachel blushed, though her pink cheeks didn't hold a candle to Quinn's bright red ones. "If I said yes, would it make you uncomfortable?"
Quinn ducked her head shyly, then shook her head no.
"In that case, yes. I think I'm falling in love with you, Quinn Fabray."
Quinn didn't raise her head. "You're going to have to be patient. I can't...I can't come out, I can't carry your books, I can't give you what you deserve. Are you sure about this?"
Rachel gently cupped Quinn's chin, lifting her head and forcing her to look Rachel in the eyes. Her hand slid to cup Quinn's cheek, her thumb gently caressing soft skin. "Quinn, I'd do anything for you. To a probably unhealthy extent."
Quinn smiled slightly, and placed her own hand over Rachel's. "I love you too, Rachel. So much. I have since the beginning of last year."
They smiled at each other in silence for what felt like an eternity. Quinn pushed a loose strand of hair behind Rachel's ear. "I'm going to kiss you now, if that's okay."
Rachel nodded slightly, eyes fluttering shut even before their lips touched.
It didn't feel like fireworks, or like safety. It didn't even feel like a new beginning.
When they kissed, it felt like freedom.