A/N: my first story, so please give me guidance on any part that I made a mistake on.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the PoT or Yuushi or Gakuto...But I do own any OCs that appear. As for namings, any names of an existing person or one in history are purely coincidental.

Yuushi stood in the dark. The sky was roaring; the rain hit hard, on the ground, on top of Yuushi. The umbrella was on the grass. He was always here, at this time. The graveyard was emptied of grieving relatives and friends, with the exception of the lone slim figure that stood alone, against the wind that wailed and the violent rustle of the leaves. He stared down, motionless. The deep blue eyes were blank, devoid of emotions: he had cried all his tears; his tear ducts no longer produced those salty, sad, and desperate drops. Now, the sky cried for him. The sky cracked, letting down the explosions of emotions in flashes of lightening. It mirrored the turmoil that was Yuushi's heart.

Each flash lit the Graveyard in a spooky manner. The light casted long shadows, some seemed moving. In fact, most seemed moving. Except the one living being, standing in front of the one and half metre tall stone.

The lightening flashed again. The letters that were carved into the sturdy stone were lit.

Mukahi Gakuto.

15 Years old.

Beloved friend, a loving brother –

For an instant, the words were visible.

The shadows were prominent in the light. The two co-existed with surprising harmony. So did Yuushi, with the ground and resting place of the dead. It wouldn't seem out of place if Yuushi was standing at Hell's Gate.

His face was pale, not white pale, it was a slight grey shade, with tints of blue. His skin was drained of colour, drained of emotion, drained of life. He would have fitted right into the middle of a hoard of zombies. The blue hair was frizzy from long hours in the rain and wind. He was soaked into the skin. The thin black shirt he had on clung onto his skin, his jeans were uncomfortably soaked too. Yuushi didn't care. It had been his fault…

…that Gakuto died.

Flashback

"Cheers!" Glasses, some filled, some partly filled with Château Lafite, clinked, there was a round of laughter, noise. The music played in the background, Mozart's Symphony No.40.

"Yuushi!" The redhead jumped his way to the said boy. "Come here!"

Though it was a formal party – most people turned up in suits, if not tuxedos(Atobe). But Gakuto sought to be different. He was dressed in an orange hoody, with a black and white striped one on top, zip left open. He had deep red ¾ length trousers on, decorated with chains and the like.

Yuushi smiled at his doubles partner. That was on the surface. Deep down, he was smiling at his lover, he lover of two and a half years. They loved each other. Period. No other words can describe it.

Gakuto pulled Yuushi to the stereo, which was playing Mozart's symphony, accompanied by the buzz of conversation and the occasional laughter from some undefined place in this huge ballroom of Atobe's. Gakuto winked at Yuushi. He took the music player that was connected to the stereo, unplugged the USB and plugged in his iPod.

The music came on. Blasting at full volume, it now played Gakuto's favourite dance music. Gakuto took the spotlight in the middle of the vast hall, to Atobe's displeasure.

The party had been a great success, as the captain of the team that won the Nationals, Tezuka had made a speech, Echizen was the centre of the attention. Even Rikkai turned up.

Yuushi winced slightly at the memory. It was painful, for after so many years, that scene was still fresh in his mind:

"Yuushi!" Panic was clear in his voice. "Slow down! You have to slow down!"

Yuushi smirked, he was having fun. "Gaku, don't be such a spoilsport."

Gakuto's eyes widened in terror as the metre hand swung between the 80 and 90 mph mark.

"Yuushi!" Gakuto leaned towards Yuushi, who was stepping way too hard on the gas pedal.

Yuushi ignored his lover, who was panicking. Yuushi had full confidence in his driving skills, he even piloted a helicopter before, and the road they were on was hardly used.

Yuushi took his eyes off the road for a split second glance at his lover. Gakuto gave up. He pouted and slipped back into his seat. Yuushi knew, no matter how scared Gakuto was, he felt safe with Yuushi.

Yuushi couldn't resist. He leaned in. Towards Gakuto. Yuushi smiled gently as Gakuto turned to face him. Yuushi's soft lips met with Gakuto's.

The two of them had been in a world of their own. None of them saw or heard the other vehicle approaching.

"It wasn't your fault," his team had assured him, "while it's true that you were driving at an insane speed and you consumed alcohol but you were sober." Shishido tried to comfort him but his words were wrong.

"It was the black car's fault!" Hiyoshi tried to calm his sempai down. "That driver was drunk, and as the police stated, he was intending on suicide."

Yuushi was not comforted in any way. He had been convinced that it was wholly his fault. Had he have listened to Gakuto and drove normally, this would have never happened.

"It was all my fault…"

End of Flashback

Yuushi couldn't bear it any more. Almost ten years. For ten years, Yuushi had cried, when he still had tears, and wailed for Gakuto's impossible return. Every night, he wished for the touch of Gakuto, for the assurance of both their futures. But one had been lost. Gakuto didn't have a future, no, Yuushi destroyed Gakuto's future.

The sun rose. Yuushi opened the door to his one-bedroomed apartment. It was going to be the last day he was staying there. Tomorrow is the tenth anniversary. And Yuushi really could not bear all the memories that this small space held.

Yuushi had a huge apartment to start with, but as Gakuto came over more and more often, he started complaining about how vast the space was and how uncomfortable it was. So Yuushi moved to a place Gakuto picked. It was cosy, and the neighbours were nice.

Yuushi stepped in. The corridor was dark. Yuushi went straight to his, no, their bedroom. Yuushi sat on the bed. He was lifeless. He never contacted anyone, the only one he had ever contacted for the past almost-decade was Kenya, and even then, it was only on a monthly basis.

He had no choice, he headed to work. He didn't have to work for money, he has plenty. Work was a distraction. When he works, even if it's a little, it occupied his mind. Though it never succeeded in distracting him fully. But it was enough to keep him from falling into that dangerous dark abyss that awaits him.

"Good morning, Oshitari-san." His colleague beamed at him.

Yuushi worked as a Criminal Investigator, so inevitably, he has to work with others. Even if they are not as capable, both mentally and physically as Yuushi.

Yuushi ignored her. He no longer tried to keep the cool mask he had during those fun-filled junior high school years. Yuushi only wanted Gakuto. He didn't interact with any other people unless necessary.

During lunch, Yuushi stayed in his office, reading autopsies. "Oshitari-san?" a knock sounded at his door.

"it's me, Midori." The girl said, hearing no reply. Everyone who worked with Yuushi knew: Yuushi was irresistibly cool and has a dark mysterious atmosphere. But he was not social-able. Nobody got a 'good morning' from him since day one. He was never seen eating lunch, chatting or simply looking at someone. His eyes were dead.

Midori came in. She had a sandwich and a cup of coffee in her hands. She put them on the table. Yuushi didn't so much as look up from the papers. Midori sighed to herself and left.

After a day of stressful work, not that Yuushi cared, Yuushi went home. He changed and dumped his briefcase onto the sofa.

To-night was Gakuto's tenth anniversary. Yuushi walked over to his wardrobe. He put on a dark suit.

Yuushi was always there before sunset. Gakuto had always been afraid of the dark. There was not a single night after his death that Gakuto spent alone: Yuushi was always there. He was always there until sun rise or even noon. Yuushi hardly had any sleep. The black circles that seem to permanently surround his eyes didn't bother him. He was doing whatever he could, to atone for his mistake.

So like always, he was standing in front of the grave as the sun peered over the horizon, dying everything a sinister shade of blood. Yuushi took the bunch of white carnation, orchids and purple irises that he brought with him, and replaced the flowers that he had put into the vase the day before. Yuushi knelt down in front of the stone and closed his eyes.

The maintenance man looked at Yuushi from the back. His name was Kurosawa. He saw Yuushi at that time every day. Of course during winter Yuushi came earlier, but it was always the same. That expression on his face. Kurosawa shook his head. He was an old man and he had seen a lot of lovers who lost their most important person; but Yuushi was a first. He had worked here for more than two decades, and for the past decade, this young man had always stood there. Through rain, hail, snow and storm.

Kurosawa shook his head again, he had tried to persuade Yuushi so many times that he gave up. Kurosawa respected Yuushi a lot. As the only maintenance man in the cemetery, he always thought how hopeless the human kind was when he came upon an untidy and neglected grave. Working in a cemetery for two decades does give you a depressing personality. However, this Mukahi, Kurosawa thought, had to be the luckiest guy in this cemetery, no, in all cemeteries. The flowers were changed daily and Yuushi took extreme care around the grave and he maintained the grave stone in perfect condition.

Kurosawa was a strict man, he knew those two were lovers and he didn't tolerate men's love or anything of the sort, and at the start, he always looked at Yuushi in a superior way. Over the years, that changed, in fact, Kurosawa grew to like this young man, he admired him. There were several occasions that Yuushi would come over to the grave when it stormed and lightning struck, like yesterday. There were times that Yuushi came even though it was day-time. Kurosawa asked him why out of curiosity once, Yuushi replied, with his eyes lingering on the tombstone, he said, "Gakuto always hated thunder." Kurosawa then always left an umbrella by the grave, it was all he could do to help.

Kurosawa knew well what day it was today. And he had a bad feeling. He knew that Yuushi would be at his mental limit. He saw Yuushi as his own son. But there was nothing he could do, except to respect the two lovers with their privacy. Kurosawa left. He locked the gates as he exited. He knew that Yuushi won't be leaving until morning anyway.

Yuushi kissed the top of the tombstone gently. "Gakuto, I love you." He knelt on the earth. Yuushi talked to Gakuto, about his day, his longing for him. How much he regretted.

"Gakuto, I want to see you." Then, as if the sky heard him, thunder sounded and tears poured in pity of the impossible request. Yuushi instinctively looked at the umbrella that Kurosawa-jii-chan left for him, Kurosawa was the only one Yuushi didn't mind talking to other than Kenya. "Arigatou, jii-chan, though I don't deserve it." Yuushi was a murderer. He had killed Gakuto.

As the sky roared on, the time passed. Yuushi heard the faint sounds of the clock striking twelve. He couldn't hold anything in anymore. He howled. And the wind howled with him. He cried blood. The rain sympathized with him.

Yuushi wanted to see Gakuto, he had lived a whole decade, but that wasn't for Yuushi. It was for people like Kenya, Hyotei, and his family, to whom he owe many things. But he had lived a whole decade for them, that's enough, right? Yuushi took the bottle of pills that he had in his pocket out. It would be salvation to him. He'd be able to meet Gakuto on the other side. And hopefully, he won't make the same stupid mistake in their next life. "Gakuto…"

Notes: Please tell me what you think of this. I am leaving its status as incomplete just now, and if nobody likes it, I'll update it as complete. If I've to continue this story, Gakuto would be brought back as a 9-year-old. If you want me to continue the story but have a better idea please PM me. All reviews are appreciated and encouraged. Thank you for reading.