BROKEN WINGS
By: veGie-kun
Breaking through obscure clouds
I descend on tattered wings
Stained with blood of those killed
Bitten, stabbed, frayed, battered
Pitiable sticks of useless feathers
-o-
Broken... Just like my body...
-o-
The battle has been lost
The fight against my demons
Terrors of which only I knew of:
Monsters that never saw day's light
Roaming within the darkness of my soul
-o-
Ugly... Just like my heart...
-o-
I thought I could fly away; escape
Pain, suffering, guilt, screams, tears
Yet they would not permit me peace
Peace is the reward of the innocent
Not this miserable piece of human flesh
-o-
Feeble... Just like my will...
-o-
A fruitless cause from the beginning
I knew and understood all too well
I fought on, knowing I would lose
Maybe it's what I truly desired
A futile attempt against fate
-o-
Pathetic... Just like this life...
-o-
Whatever did coerce me to those battles?
An end? A reason to live? Redemption?
It was justice I sought in battle's fire
Bringing pain to those who dealt pain
Killing to make up for those killed
-o-
Hypocritical... Just like this world...
-o-
Every lost breath draws death closer
I wish I'd done more before this end
To have said "Aishiteru" to you…
I've lived my life without regrets
I will not start now: never
-o-
Stubborn... Just like this war...
-o-
The clouds seem further away
I feel the inevitable approaching
I'll embrace it like I do everything else
This final chapter has come to a close
Death brings peace, a thing denied in life
-o-
Kinda ironic... Just like fate...
-o-
Pain; hot and sharp like burning flames
Senses dull; life fades to heaven or hell
Last visions of serene blue; my love's eyes
Their purpose served, these broken wings
Darkness descends followed by salty rain
-o-
Calm... Just like the waters...
"AAAHHHH!" I wake up gasping for air, eager to swallow as much of it as possible in order to calm my racing heart. In the stillness of the room, I feel at ease. Minutes pass before I am able to regain equilibrium, though my head still swam with dizziness, and I felt the urge the throw up. My hand comes to my forehead and I lean on it for support, adjusting my focus to the nighttime dimness. The room still looks the same, lightly furnished with a dresser, a table complete with a computer, some shelves, decorated sparingly with framed photos and books. The curtain was drawn and I took in the view of the full moon. A ghostly light, it was eerie and I found myself transfixed, following the path of the moon's beam to the body next to mine. The night air is cool against my naked skin; I shiver slightly before turning my attention back onto the ethereal being. This person is a beautiful angel; a savior who took my broken body and heart and mended it with love. "Soft." I whisper, reaching out to delicately touch that velvet skin made alabaster with the moon's glow. I then move to caress shimmering silken hair and lean in close to inhale the scent of spring and relish in the warm heat my angel radiated; love's warmth.
I draw back quickly, suddenly disgusted with myself for having tainted this heavenly apparition who should have been free and innocent instead of chained to my being, soiled by my hands. My arms wrap themselves so tightly around my body, they touch my shoulder blades and I make contact with the two scars from long ago; the scars where my wings once sprouted forth. The memories rush through my mind like a flood, powerful and unrelenting, going faster and faster when I most wanted it to stop. Blood stains my visions and I shut my eyes to block it out even though I knew it was not my eyes but my mind I needed to close. The screams fill my ears and instantly I am brought back to those battles, to the war that would always haunt me in my nightmares. My heart beats faster and my breath comes out in quick, short gasps; sweat trickles down my forehead and I allow it to run all the way down my cheek to drip at my chin.
Back then, I believed the killing would never end, that the bloodshed would continue long after I was dead, young as I was. I even began to expect and eventually looked forward to those mornings where I would get up and smell smoke and death, suffering and sickness, poverty and despair. I knew no hope and welcomed oblivion as one would welcome the sun's rays after a night of below zero temperature. No one would care whether or not I died, but as much as I wanted to, I knew that was not the destiny chosen for me. Eventually, I began to enjoy the blood even as my mind berated me for such thoughts. Soon I gained an enemy of myself; someone who knew me so intimately that secrets were obsolete. I wanted to give myself into the flow of the tide, the tide that everyone seemed swept up in but the last vestige of my conscience would not allow me to do so. I hated the war so much that I just couldn't let myself give up, but fighting it would all prove useless in the end; I was not as strong as others would think me.
I'd given up all hopes at finding peace; peace in this world and peace with myself, but this radiant soul interfered. I found some tranquility in that comforting presence, but in the end, my body had taken its toll, the flood overwhelmed me and I saw myself closer than ever to death. I said my goodbyes to the world as I descended from the sky, leaving behind my bitterness, resentment, pains, confusion, and love, all to drown in the darkness that I was now hesitant to embrace. I lurch slightly forward, remembering the pain that jolted through my body upon impact into those shallow waters. My back tingled and my face crunched with the intense sensation; it was long ago but felt fresh this night. I felt the salty rain in my eyes, running down my cheeks and made ready to say my last goodbye to the brilliant blue sky whose color were the same as those of my love. That was when the shadow towered over my, bending down and engulfing me in warm, welcoming arms, crying tears of both joy and sadness. My heart constricted and I whispered a soft "I'm sorry" to the one who held my heart. The only response I received was a soothing "It doesn't matter" and I fell into that loving embrace; at last, I had found my sanctuary.
That day I gave up my wings. I've never regretted it; I don't regret any actions I take in life. What's the point of brooding over things that can never be altered? I look down again on my love and realize that the heaven sent angel is staring intently at me with those gorgeous, warm blue eyes I never seem to get enough of. "Thank you." I whisper, leaning down to kiss that soft crown of silken strands. My broken wings have served their purpose, bringing me to this divine creature that chased away my fears and turned my hatred into a heart capable of loving all on this world. I owe this angel much, but I can never hope to repay all the kindness given to me. A few moments later, the sun comes out; I'd forgotten what time it was. Its rays match the beauty of the moon's and I see once again that, like the moon's, it hones in on the gentle soul of my love. I am at peace.
-owari-
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are the property of Sotsu, Sunrise, TV Asahi, Bandai, etc. I don't own any part of it and I'm not making any money out of it either. This is purely for entertainment purposes, nothing more and nothing less.
This was a strange one, ne? Well, ya see, the thing was I just wrote that poem one day 'cause I was feeling crappy but when I took a closer look at it I realized that it could apply to Gundam Wing and any other anime that I'm aware of. I didn't want to post it as just a poem so I wrote some more on it and maybe someday I'll make it into a series. If you have a hard time guessing who the two people are, don't get frustrated. I wrote this so that the couple would be ambiguous; the two can be anybody you want so long as one of them has blue eyes. So whatever floats you boat; I don't want to discriminate against any pairing and just because the word 'Aishiteru' is in there, it doesn't mean that it's Heero. I just prefer that saying over 'I love you' cause it flows better. Also, if you're a Final Fantasy Tactics fan like I am you should have caught that little Delita tribute that I made; the statement about being swept up in the tide of war (although it's not the exact wording). That is one of the most memorable lines from that game (to me anyways) and I just wanted to put that in there. If you want this short little ficlet to become something more, just tell me and I'll see what I can do; I'm not promising anything though.