Chapter 1: Breaking Down
My name is Edward Elric. Now, I am eighteen, and still a dog of the military. Sure, the pay is good, and they offer free housing to state alchemists, but I hate having to take orders from them. I didn't need them for library access anymore, Alphonse and I have read everything on the Philosopher's Stone, that's including the classified files. My brother and I recently purchased an apartment close to work rather than living in the apartments on base. I live in Central mostly with my brother Alphonse, my brother, Aunt Pinako, and my childhood friend Winry when I'm in Resembool about once or twice a month. Right now "Führer Fire Farts" doesn't have any useless errands for me to run, or paperwork for me to do, and now that he was recently elected as the new Führer, his ego is bigger than ever. I am currently in Resembool, although I plan on going back to Central for the remainder of my time off. I justified my early departure with my family with the excuse of needing time alone to think, which was partly true. I laid on my bed in Aunt Pinako's home, staring at the ceiling. I'm tired, but unable to sleep. Sad but unable to cry anymore. I wanted to leave, but couldn't find the strength to move from the bed. All I could do was think of how I falsely lead my brother into thinking he and I could be normal again. There was no way I could help him. There is only one way of creating a philosopher stone and that involves a large number of human sacrifices, tolling in the thousands. I have no idea what to do and we haven't made any progress in finding alternatives.
I heard heavy metal clanking, followed by the sound of the front door closing and knew Alphonse had returned from getting groceries with Aunt Pinako. I was in the process of cleaning our room as Aunt Pinako walked in, followed by Winry, "You're leaving now? Are you sure you don't want to stay at least for dinner?" I closed my second suit case and set them both down by the door. As Aunt Pinako and Alphonse unloaded the bags. "I want to spend some time by myself, I need to think somethings through. I'll stay longer next time, I promise." I wasn't lying. There was a lot bothering me and somethings I needed to figure out. "Okay then. We hope you have a safe trip. Call us often, you know we're always here for you Edward." with that, Pinako left. Winry stepped closer to me,"Promise you'll call when you're ready to come back home?" It was more of a demand than a question. I agreed after a life threatening hug and kiss on the cheek from Winry. I grabbed my suit cases and headed out the door, waving to Alphonse who has been awkwardly silent. As soon as I heard the taxi start, I ran to the awaiting vehicle. I had a sad smile on my face. I was relived to be alone at last. I stared out the window, watching the country scenery pass quickly as the car sped up. It felt strange and wrong leaving Al back at Pinako's, but it was necessary.
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I arrived at the train station. I thanked and payed the driver before I boarded the train, moving as quickly as I could. It would be a few hours before I got back to Central, so I began to read notes I wrote a while back that I haven't been over in years. It didn't last long, my mind was distracted... it's all his fault. I tried to ignore it for the past two years, pretending to still hate him, insulting him when I got jealous, why should I be jealous of who he dates? It took me two years to accept and admit I had feelings for a man, not publicly of course. It hurt really, to watch someone you fell in love with eyeballing women and dating someone different every week. He's not even mine and I felt betrayed. I believe it hurts more, because I can't act on these emotions. And not because of the fear or rejection, it's that I feel it would be wrong of me to find happiness before Alphonse could. Unable to feel being touched, kissed, unable to eat or taste, unable to do anything that makes life enjoyable. I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to lose everything like he has. All I lost was an arm and leg, it's possible to live without them and find a way to be happy but Alphonse won't with the way he's living. It was all my fault he was in that metal body, the reason for the loss of my right arm and left leg. I could feel my face grow hot and tears racing down my face. I let my head fall into my hands as I sobbed silently. "I'm so sorry Alphonse..." I whispered to the floorboards below my feet. I continued to stay like this for the rest of the ride. I had myself to blame for falling in love with that Bastard Führer!
I arrived at Central City's train station with a tear stained face, exhausted, and a bad case of the hiccups. My bangs covered most of my face, so no one could see how terrible I looked or the tracks from the now dried tears that I didn't bother to wipe away. I slowly walked out into the streets of Central for almost an hour, and it was nearly another hour walk to my apartment. Lost in my thoughts I didn't realize a car slowed down and was following me. I heard a honk of the horn and nearly jumped out of my skin. I dropped my luggage and watched as the car pulled up to me and stopped. My hiccups stopped too. The backseat window rolled down, and just my luck, it was that bastard Führer. "Where are you off to, pipsqueak?" he asked with a smirk leaning out the window. "None of your business." I took a deep breath and sighed, I was so depressed by that point I didn't even care about the short joke, or the fact that my heart skipped a beat when his deep voice reached my ears. To be honest I wasn't that much shorter than him now. I began to picked up my bags and clothes from the street and walk off. One of the locks broke off one of the cases when I dropped them so I carried it under my arm rather than by the handle. Before his face was out of my sight, his infamous smirk disappeared and was replaced with a look of concern. Once more the car was slowly following me, "Edward, get in the car." was all I heard him say before he stepped out of the car and stopped me with a firm grip on my human arm. I looked up at him with eyes full of tears. I didn't want to be seen by him like this. I felt pathetic, exposed, and weak. "Please. I'll give you a ride home." That word rung in my ears for a moment. It was said with a deep level of worry.
I didn't even argue. This surprised him the most I think. I sat in the car and scooted over to the opposite end so Roy could get in after me. Before he climbed in, I saw him toss my stuff in the trunk. "Fullmetal, whats wrong? I've never seen you like this..." He paused for a moment after closing the car door. He motioned his hand at the driver to roll up the window between the backseat and front of the car. The car began to move and I just stared at him. I didn't know if I should say that I was confused as to why he even cared, tell him how I felt towards him, or how I feel so worthless and weak. "I can't tell you." the words left my lips before they registered in my brain. I felt the tears break through. I looked away quickly and tried my best to collect myself. I vigorously wiped my face and stared out the window. I couldn't hold it back for some reason. My body was shaking and I could hear how pathetic I sounded but I was so angry at him too. The harder I tried to stop, the worse I looked. "Edward." I wiped my eyes again and looked over to him. I didn't want to. I didn't want him to see, but I looked anyway. When I saw the look on Roy's face, my heart sank. He looked so confused and worried. Why did he look like that? "I'm sorry." I wasn't sure how to respond. "I'm sorry..." my heart was pounding, he was so close to my face. The next thing that happened surprised me the most. Roy wrapped his arms around me pulling me close in a tight hug. He laid my head in the crook of his neck and held me tight. I leaned into him, inhaling his sweet scent that was purely Roy, not fully registering what I was doing. "Edward, I don't know what's wrong and you don't have to tell me, but I feel it would be wrong of me to leave you by yourself like this. I would like you to stay with me for a while. That is, if you're okay with that." I looked up at him, tears having stopped flowing a while ago. "Okay." was all I could say before letting my wall crumble completely. I pushed away from him and faced the window crossing my arms trying to compose myself. I couldn't allow myself to be comforted so easily and enjoy it. I couldn't bottle this up anymore. I need to let this out. I need to talk, but at the same time, I couldn't. Eventually, I passed out without realizing it.
I awoke in a bed. I was still very tired and I didn't sleep that well either. I looked around. It was a nice room. Very organized and neat. Most likely a guest room, but it still smelled strongly of Roy. I laid back into the pillows and stayed like that for a while, just to try and relax. I looked around and saw my black jacket and red coat folded neatly on a dresser near the door. I stood up out of the bed, fixing the messed up sheets and cover. My shoes were at the foot of the bed. My hair was down too, my hair band was around my wrist. I may have done that in my sleep... or maybe I didn't. How did I sleep through that? Just the thought of Roy undressing me while I was unconscious made me shiver. I still had my pants, tank top, and socks and such...but even so, it made me wish he hadn't. I didn't need to be taken care of like that. I walked over to the dresser where my suit cases were placed, there was a note pinned to my jacket.
'Edward, I took the liberty of unpacking your things for you. Your clothes are in the wardrobe and dresser. Your books and such are on the second desk in the study downstairs. I had to run a few errands. I should be back in a short while. Please, make yourself at home. ~Roy'.