Author's Notes:
None of this is mine. I don't own any of it, and really I don't think I'd want to.
I mean, there are a lot of fans out there who want to hurt the guy who wrote all of Eva because of what he did in the end.
'course I'm sure he gets a lot of good attention, too. But I hate being the center of attention, so…nope, definitely don't want to own Eva or its characters.
Blah-blah-blah…this was intended to be the start of a big, major, ultra-huge, dramastically-fantabulous thing-a-ma-bob hoob-a-ma-jig, but since I'm lazy and I have way too many other ideas I want to poke at with a fork I'm going to abandon whatever original intents I had for this one and do something entirely different.
Only reason it's being posted is because I thought it would be a waste to delete. I've done so much of that lately it's making me sick.
This whole gig opens up just after the battle with the eighth angel (Sandalphon or volcano for those of you who are too lazy to count) in the hot springs.
I actually half-way proofread this one while playing around with some of the dialogue, but there are still likely some errors. In any event, I don't really care.
For the record this is another one of my "written within a three-hour period" stories that has been sitting in my folder aggravating the hell out of me. I want it out of sight and out of mind so I can finish this other P.O.S. I've started over on six times and I'm FINALLY getting it right.
Springs"Hey, Shinji…"
The tone of the voice surprised me. In the short time I had known her, I had never heard Asuka speak in such a subdued tone. Not that it was really subdued by a normal person's standards, but for the Second Child is was definitely so. Needless to say, it quickly got my attention, and my eyes cracked open and my gaze shifted to the tall bamboo fence that served as a barrier between the men and women's hot springs.
"Asuka?" I asked. Immediately I mentally berated myself for sounding even the slightest bit concerned. Such a display would only invoke the girl's wrath.
Water rippled audibly as a body just on the other side of the wall shifted. When I heard the liquid trickle softly I knew the person on the other side had stood. Incidentally my teenage mind decided to put a mental picture of what the person would look like, and the temperature in my body began to rise—and not because of the bath.
"Back there…"
I kept silent, waiting patiently.
"Why?"
My body slid deeper into the pool, to the point where only my face was above the water. I hadn't really expected a confrontation. More like I expected her to either never mention the event again or even turn the whole story around with her somehow saving my ass. Definitely not this, though.
"I don't know," I admitted somberly. But was that the truth? No. But could I come clean with my feelings? If I bungled things up like I always somehow managed, this could get ugly. Perhaps if I just played dumb I wouldn't have to worry about it.
"Oh," she said, sounding a bit downtrodden.
I didn't like that tone at all. When she spoke like that I couldn't see the tall, proud, and beautiful girl I first saw on the Over The Rainbow only a few weeks before. Obviously she was just as confused about the whole ordeal as I was. When it happened, I hadn't given saving the girl any thought—an unusual trait in myself—and I hadn't waited for an order. I had simply done it. I jumped into an active volcano without any of the special protection that was deemed necessary. It was almost like some sort of instinct.
No, not an instinct. More like a drive to protect her. To keep her close. When she was around, I felt stronger. Ever since I had first laid eyes on her I could see and feel her strength, and when we had taken down the Sixth and Seventh Angels together I knew she was special.
The water splashed lightly again as the lithe body on the other side slinked back into the fluid, and I heard the sounds of a slow swim leading the young woman on the other side away.
Damn, I thought. Screwed up again, Ikari. You're such a coward.
No one was around to tell me otherwise. There never was. At some point or another, I began to believe it.
I dunked my head under the steaming water, closing my eyes tightly as I did so, hoping the hot fluid would absorb me, taking me away from this near-meaningless existence.
In the back seat of Misato's car I pretended to be asleep, my headphones on my ears and the music from my SDAT drifting quietly into the lobes. I kept very still, feeling the rhythm of road as Misato passed over each seam on the concrete pavement. The setting sun basked me in its warm, orange light, warming my skin and filling me with a sense of peace. It was quite pleasant, to be frank.
"Asuka, are you all right?" I heard Misato ask the girl sitting next to her in the front seat.
"Hmph, of course. Why wouldn't I be?" the young German girl spoke in her typical and slightly aloof tone of voice.
"That's right, I forgot who I was talking to," the older woman said with a trace of amusement in her speech. "So have you told Shinji 'thank you' yet?"
"What? Why the hell would I say such a thing to him for?" the redhead spat.
My hand on my SDAT clenched slightly, though not enough to be noticeable. Her words stung me, and I wondered if perhaps I had made the wrong decision.
The humor never left Major's tone. "Well, he did kind of pull your ass out of the fire—literally, I might add."
"Only because you ordered him to," the girl practically pouted. I felt her shift back in her seat and could almost picture her crossing her arms and looking out the window dejectedly.
The older woman chuckled. "You don't honestly think we could have issued an order like that so fast, did you? No sooner had our instruments told us your last lifeline was giving than he jumped in after you. He surprised the hell out of all of us—probably even himself."
Again my hand clenched, though this time not in anger. I made a mental note to do something nice for Misato in the near future.
"You mean he really did it on his own?" the lithe girl asked, a bit perplexed.
"Of course. And he had quite a thorough ass chewing by his father when we returned to base. His father wasn't exactly pleased with his jumping in without the necessary protection and not even clearance. If Shinji weren't as important as he is, I'm pretty sure the Commander would have had him court-martialed today," Misato said quietly.
"I…but…"
"He was only supposed to stand by to assist in recovering the angel once it was out of the volcano. When he abandoned his assigned post, some of the higher-ups went ballistic—Ritsuko and myself included."
Several minutes of silence followed—probably because Asuka suddenly had a great deal on her mind.
Personally, I was quite satisfied with the turn of events. A bit of sleep for the remainder of the trip seemed to be in order, and I relaxed my mind in an effort to acquire the only sanctuary I seemed to have anymore.
I awoke to the sensation of being shaken rather roughly. Groggily I opened my eyes and habitually turned towards my clock to check the time. When I noticed that it was two in the morning I groaned a loud protest at whoever it was that had disturbed my slumber.
"Wake up, stupid!" I heard a vaguely familiar sharp whisper.
Forcefully I opened my eyes, which immediately began to close again, and rolled my line of sight around until it fell on a face masked in darkness. The owner of the face shifted my weight again, and I hissed loudly at the disturbance.
"W…t?" I sort-of said.
"Oh, get up now dammit!" the voice spat. Not three seconds later I felt myself rolled off of the bed and onto the floor, issuing a loud "thud" upon impact.
"Let me sleep!" I growled through clenched teeth. I had hit my head on the fall and focused more on nursing the rapidly growing lump on my forehead rather than paying attention to the person that had dragged me out of bed.
"I need to talk," the voice stated matter-of-factly.
Only one person would have the audacity to act in such a manner, and I sighed heavily as I pulled myself to my feet and plopped back down on my bed, slumping forward as I probed the knot gingerly with my fingers. I winced as a lance of pain shot from the blemish directly to my brain.
A pause. It was almost as if she were waiting for me to give her permission to continue, or to at least acknowledge I would listen to her. Had I not been in such a sour mood I might have found it a bit humorous, given her attitude.
"Well?" I mumbled, gesturing slightly with the hand that wasn't currently engaged in nursing the visible evidence that proved I lived with the moody German.
Of her own accord she plopped herself down on my bed, pulling her legs up to her so that she was sitting Indian-style. After a deep breath, I felt her eyes fall onto my face as I pulled myself up into a similar posture.
"Why did you help me today?"
Oh, for the love of Pete! I shouted inwardly. "Asuka, can't this wait 'til morning?"
She sniffed indignantly at me, and even though I couldn't make out her face I knew she had that arrogant expression—the one where her head tilted up and she looked at me down the sides of her nose. "It is morning," she declared.
A groan elicited from my throat and my head fell to my mattress. While the corner of the thing wasn't exactly comfortable, it was much easier on my weary body than trying to hold myself up.
"So why did you help me back there? What made you think I couldn't have gotten myself out of that stinking volcano?" Her hands flailed about as she spoke—like girls tend to do when they're talking about something they feel is important—and then gestured to herself. "Do I look like I can't take care of myself?"
I sighed heavily. Somehow a simple show of friendship and loyalty had turned to a mortal insult to the person I not only saved, but who I had lately found becoming the center of my attentions. How the hell did I do this to myself?
"It-it's not like that!" I sputtered. And how come I could never talk right in situations like this? Why did I always get so worked up when I was faced with confrontation? It was so frustrating…
Asuka stood, her hands balling into fists and planting themselves firmly onto her hips. Even if she wasn't much more than a silhouette from my angle, her slender frame and shapely curves were quite visible and I found myself a little distracted.
"So what is it like, Third Child? Just obeying orders like a good little boy?" she sneered.
"Ehhh…Uh." For some reason a coherent response evaded me.
"Cat got your tongue?" she chided, her voice going from that pompous tone that I so hated to the obnoxious one I despised even more.
Despite my anger, I felt myself slipping back into my clam's shell rather than retaliating. I didn't want to say anything that might hurt her—I know I'd regret it, and knowing Asuka in more than one way.
"Oh no you don't, Shinji!" the girl hissed, grabbing my ear a bit forcefully. "You'd better stay with me, or I'll make you regret it!"
"Ow! Hey! I wasn't going anywhere!" I protested.
"Yeah, nowhere except back in that stupid dog house or wherever it is you go!" she spat, releasing the lobe in such a manner that even that hurt.
There was a long and heavy pause as we both shifted back into our seating positions—her's being expectant and mine being more or less thoughtful.
True, I felt like doing nothing more than running away from this. Why couldn't she just know and accept the fact that I had helped her without being ordered? Can't I look out for the people I care about? Isn't that what friends were for?
Unbidden a not-so-distant memory of Touji and Kensuke showing up to see me off at the train station just after the Fourth Angel came to mind. Even though they had to depend on me to protect them and their homes, they had respected my decision to leave, and when my resolve had crumbled and I came back, they welcomed me with open arms.
Wasn't that what real friends were supposed to be like?
Maybe that was different where she was from. Maybe friends over in Germany weren't held in such high regards as they were over here. About the only thing German I was familiar with was some of their foods and a bit of the swear-words I learned from listening to my fellow Eva pilot curse.
"I'm waiting," the said female sang somewhat irately.
"I…"
Damn. You're going to screw up again. Pull yourself together, Ikari! You can do this!
"…umm…"
Spit it out! Don't be such a wuss!
"…it's because…"
I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away…
"…I c-…be-because…"
Before I realized it, I was standing. As I tried to speak my hands and arms were making slight motions, as if the movement would somehow coax the words to come out. I was so uncertain. If I said the words, I'd be admitting the fact that I cared for the girl, and I had no idea what her reaction would be. Would she laugh and scorn at me? Would she smile? Would she embrace my feelings and return them?
Would she reject me? Push me away as I had seen her do to so many other people in school?
God. The thought petrified me. It had to be that thought that held my tongue in such a bind. If I told her, she'd have power over me. She could use me. She could hurt me. She could abandon me.
Like father.
Now I found myself on the floor again, slouched forward with my hands clasped behind my head. My legs were curled up and I was rocking back and forth. My eyes had been open the entire time, I knew, but I don't remember seeing myself go from practically pacing into a practical huddled ball. It was like I blacked out, but more like I just blanked out.
I don't know.
I don't know.
"…Idiot."
The simple insult made me want to cry. Now she would reject me because I hadn't spoken. Not soon enough for her, at least.
I felt the air move, and heard the bed springs give an almost inaudible groan as they were released from the faint pressure the girl's lithe form had held them under. How I wished at that moment to be one of those springs. To have all my burden's lifted from my back and to be free. To feel my body uncoil from all this stress and tension.
But I wasn't a spring. My troubles were still on my weak and worthless shoulders and very real. The pain—physical, mental, and emotional—was still there. And there were no signs of any of it leaving soon.
Unless I…
My body drew itself to its full height, shoulders squared, and jaw firmly cinched in place. The fingers on my right hand softly drew in upon themselves, then released several times before clenching into a tight fist.
Unless I stand. I have to stop running—for real.
Not running and standing…there is a difference. I wasn't sure exactly where the line between the two was drawn, but maybe it would become clearer in the future.
By now the redhead was at my doorway, disgust so evident I could see it in her stride. I had disappointed her once this night. My only hope of redemption would be to surprise her now.
"Asuka!" I said a bit louder than intended. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't hide the desperation in my voice, but it was too late now. I just had to make sure I didn't screw up again. Not like I could really help myself. My ability to screw up was almost innate, I had noticed.
She stopped, and I heard a sigh of exasperation escape her lips. "What now?" she asked a bit forlornly.
"I saved you…! I did it because…" again I was louder than necessary in the quiet stillness of the apartment, but I couldn't really help it. "…because…you're my friend."
The last words had come out in a decrescendo, almost fading to a whisper at the end. My eyes had closed as I spoke them. I stood there afterwards so tense that my body began to tremble.
In those few seconds while I waited for her reply, I was more afraid than I had been in any Angel fight before. More afraid then when I had seen Rei almost die in the battle with the Fifth. I don't consciously remember ever being this afraid before.
Her reply wasn't immediate, and when it did come it was more than a little hesitant.
"…Do you really mean that?"
The tone was level and clear—not the slightest hint of a tremor that seemed to constantly haunt my own voice—the strong tone I was used to hearing from the girl, though the words seemed a bit foreign coming from her. She wasn't upset, which came as a relief. But most importantly, she hadn't rejected me. At least not yet.
I gulped audibly. She might not be nervous, but I sure as hell was.
"Y-y…yes…"
Another pregnant pause ensued. I opened my eyes and looked at the shadowy figure in my doorway from where I stood. Her back was till to me, head tilted back slightly, looking towards the ceiling. It almost seemed symbolic, but at the same time I wasn't overly familiar with Western cultures, so I might have just misunderstood. I think she might have whispered something, but if she did it was likely in German and even if I could understand it I could barely make out if she was speaking at all.
"…Asuka?" I asked a bit hesitantly, concern ringing on every syllable of her name.
She turned only enough so that she could grab my door and slide it shut slowly. The wooden frame scraped lightly against its track as her hand guided it by the small handhold. Just before she closed it, however, she pressed her face to the small gap between the barrier and the threshold.
"Good night, Shinji…"
I blinked. What the hell kind of reply was that?
A frustrating one, that's what kind.
Yet another groan escaped my lips as I slumped back onto my mattress. I reached down and grabbed my blanket, pulling it over me and curling up as I did so.
Sleep wasn't difficult to find, strangely enough—I may be a little confused, but I was still tired as hell. I rolled over, one final time just before I submitted myself to the dark oblivion, when a sound caught my attention as I adjusted my positioning.
The mattress creaked.
It was then I realized that I had somehow lifted a great burden from my soul. I had done something implacably incredible outside of Eva and saving the world. I had done something great, and it had been for myself.
Rather than sleeping on my side or in a curled ball as per-norm, my arms and feet splayed out, taking up as much space on the bed as possible, blanket haphazardly lain across my body.
I was a spring.
End Notes:
For those of you that don't get the whole spring deal, scroll up a bit and read Shinji's little thought about the springs when Asuka was sitting on them. If it still doesn't make sense…well…
Uhh…yeah, that…
Whoop-dee-doo and lah-dee-dah.
According to this file-thingie I wrote this July 14th, which mean's it's older than dirt. I know I wrote it in one sitting (as I'm so FOND of doing) within a three to four hour period, and after getting a bit of feed back I actually went and piddled with it.
Still, I'm way to lazy to mess with it any more than I have.
This one's dedicated to "DBigDMT", you big sack of manly STUD you! # wet sloppy kiss #. He knows what for.
Also, again Serena, thanks for being the inspiration you are. I really don't think I'd hold onto what little thread of sanity I have if you didn't keep me in line.
El Stupido Maximo, for all the laughs I get out of you. YOU'RE the one making Serena work so hard at keeping me sane at times.
SixString, for always talking and listening when I need it.
Tommy Rude did something, too…so thanks for whatever it was. # grins #
And of course, you readers. If it weren't for you guys, there'd be no point in writing at all. Ever. So thanks much for taking the time out of your day to read and review #coughcough hinthint#. I really appreciate it, as I'm sure the rest of the authors (with the exception of the ones that put no effort into their works) around here do.
Now…
Leave me alone.
--Avarice