"Look at me."
His voice was like a magnet, drawing my blue eyes into his dark and beady ones.
I stared into those pupils, insanity clouding them over.
Why?
How had I, a young woman successful in career fallen for him, a psychopathic maniac?
But I had, and now I had to live with him… and all of his many faults.
His voice was like a nails on a chalkboard somehow able to soothe me even in my darkest hours.
Even now, laying in a bed with red stained sheets an overwhelming sense of calm was wrapped tightly around me.
His chaos brought in security in a sense.
I would wake in the morning and he would still be crazy, still be psycho.
He looked at me in the dark, yellow teeth grinning like a crocodiles, white hands knotted in my blonde hair.
"I love you Mistah J."
I whispered, words hanging in the air like the stars that shone above us.
He chuckled.
"Good Harley, that's very good."
The silence enveloped me.
"Do you love me too?"
My voice was a whisper, as thin as a spider web.
I was fragile, ready to shatter.
The faintest blow from his hands would leave me in pieces on the floor.
"What kind of question is that?"
He chuckled.
I tightened my fists, hands shaking.
Tears bubbled in my eyes, threatening to spill over and reveal how weak I truly was.
How lost would be without him, his insanity.
He never answered.
Never said I love you too.
Deep down I had hidden a truth, a fear I was too afraid to face.
I was just another pretty face, just another accomplish to help him pull off crimes.
He hadn't loved me when I was my old self, Dr. Harleen Quinn.
He loved Harley Quinn, a woman in a jester suit that was just as maniacal as he was.
His hands tightened in my hair, pulling forth a whimper.
"I said what kind of question is that?"
He growled.
Shaky voice, shaky hands.
Every part of me was shaking.
"It's a dumb one."
I whispered.
He began to pull on my hair.
"What was that?"
He laughed.
"I said it was a dumb one!"
The pressure on my head stopped and I caught my breath.
He exhaled, rancid breath clouded my nose.
"That's what I thought, that's what I thought."
He released me and rolled over, done with me for now.
I let the tears roll down my porcelain cheeks, a memory in each one.
The look of pride on my parents face when I graduated college.
The tear exploded on the bed, memory shattering with it.
I couldn't be that girl anymore, the girl with the bright blue eyes and the love of animals.
I had to play the part.
Not for myself, for him, because if I lost him there would be no point to me.
I had given up my life, my past, present and future and to follow him into the deep.
So I tucked the blankets over my head and snuggled in and tried to pretend I was that little girl and not only a clown with tear drop stained makeup.