A/N: This takes place after the series was canceled. I don't honestly believe that the pairing of Hugh/Wayne is something the world ever wanted. I certainly didn't yet I found myself writing about it just the same. I don't ship these two together either because I think canon Hugh simply loved Wayne Malloy as a friend so I suppose you might call this a crackfic. Nevertheless.
Some PG-13 language and sexual situations. No outright sex.

"I had a...really strange dream last night," Hugh announced to a very collected yet otherwise preoccupied Wayne, who sat in front of the desk which Penetta leaned against and that creaked ever so slightly beneath his weighty, drunken gesticulations.

"And you were in it!" Hugh's cheery facade faltered for only a moment but it was enough to allow a peek at that small something behind it. If You blinked, you missed it. Something troubling in those often squinted eyes.

"I was?" asked Wayne, not very interested but humored before he sipped from a dixie cup.

It was way past closing at Panco and they were the only two left aside from security. Most of the lights were out.

Just doing his job, Wayne told himself. He had stayed to placate his boss but it gave him the chance to get a little paperwork done ahead of schedule and that was nothing to scoff at for a lawyer who wasn't a lawyer. He put up with Hugh's "riveting" executive tales, the occasional bout of self-pity. He just had to pretend to be Hugh's friend but he didn't want to admit that he actually felt sorry for this buffer son-of-a-bitch sometimes even if he was a monumental asshole. Hell, he could even admit to liking him if it wasn't for a few minor details. Maybe he could have been his real friend in some other life.

"Yeah. Yeah, you were. Wanna know what it was about?" Panetta's smile melted away, replaced by a furtive glance into his whiskey tumblr.

"Sure, why not." He barely made an effort to disguise his complete disinterest but Hugh was so used to talking out of his ass that he didn't even care.

"It was about sex."

Wayne gaped wide-eyed for a moment at his boss who returned a silent, almost scrutinizing gaze. Wayne's nervous snicker broke the silence and soon they were both laughing.
Shoving documents carelessly into a folder, Malloy rose with the intention of reaching the vending machines and said over his shoulder "You almost had me there for a second."

The coins clattering into the change receptacle further aided in dispersing the mind-numbing silence. The daytime sound of foot-fall, the unintelligible bickering and chatter, the clack of key boards and the fluttering of paper sheets. Noises that offered a hiding place for harsh whispers or under-breath swearing. Plan-hatching. A hiding place that wasn't even remotely useful at the time but brought Wayne the illogical feeling of a safety. A traveler's balm.

The only sound that he heard that night was the comforting hum of the snack machine and the awkward whistling of their noses.

Hugh entered the room as Wayne snagged a roll of Rolos. Wayne felt easy around him. Felt easy around a fool. The sloppy negligence of the wall once kept so neatly stacked led to a few bricks scattered around his feet.

"Dougie- Can I call you Dougie?"

"No," Malloy snorted amiably into a freshly poured cup of stagnant coffee.

"Doug. Have you ever given any thought to what it would feel like with a man?"

Wayne choked.

"I mean really thought about it. Not just daydreamin' or curiosity or whatever. I mean really thought about it."

"Well...I thought you said that you 'Weren't into that kinky shit', Hugh."

"No, we're talking about you. Come on, you kin' tell me."

Wayne felt incredibly awkward. His face was turning it's usual bright red as he fumbled with the foil wrapper covering the caramels. "Well...no. I don't think so, anyway." Lie

"Those gays must do it for some reason right?"

"I guess so. Is that really the time?!" Wayne glances at his wrist watch clumsily "Jeez, I better get home! I promised the kids I'd take 'em to the um...zoo tomorrow." Lie

"The zoo can wait, Doug. The zoo can always wait."

Penetta crept closer while Wayne popped a rolo into his dry mouth like it was an aspirin.

Holy shit, it's like that one time in Nashville. You were wearing a dress so that may have been the reason but you got out of that, Wayne. You can get out of this. Tell him you have something contagious. Something really nasty.

"You're an adventurous man, Doug. That's one of the things I like about you" Hugh shrugged "One of the things."

The taller man's mitts clutched at his friend's lapels, brushed down his suit front. "Little felleh, ain't ya? Figure you must have some kinda' short guy complex."

Wayne's voice is low and relatively calm despite his irritation "Wouldn't be the first time I've heard that." Every short male simply must have a complex. It's the only explanation. Never mind that his height helped him out of more than one scrape. Made him harder to catch. Less suspect to cause serious damage. Toughened his hide.

"Maybe that's why you're so moxy. It's kinda cute...if you really think about it."

"Hugh, this is ridiculous. You're drunk off your ass. This'll all seem pretty crazy in the morning so just sleep it off." Wayne felt his heart thudding in his neck, the counter edge digging into his ass. This kind of attention was entirely alien to him.

"No, no, no, Buddy! I've been thinkin' about this for a while."

Hugh hands searched over his friend's flat belly under his shirt, his wide chest before Wayne swatted them away. "What the hell are you doing, Hugh?!"

"Y'see, it doesn't mean you're gay if you like one man. Just if you like men in general. Ya' hear what I'm sayin'?"

So far, Wayne hadn't let his amicable attitude and bullshitery falture and he was determined to keep them intact, hoping they would get him out of the predicament unscathed "Don't do something you'll regret. Go to Gigi, make up with her. This could be your frustration talking. Lust makes people do crazy things!"

Panetta grabed a handful of Wayne's ass and pulled him closer. "Hoo, You got a nice little body under all them big 'ol suits you wear."

"Oh my god, STOP it! I can't see myself filing sexual harassment, that would be stupid, wouldn't it? You don't want to make me do that." Wayne was still frantically negotiating, trying to sound as understanding and good-humored as he could but he was frightened. That gang back in Nashville had wanted to humiliate him for being caught impersonating a woman but this was much worse. He fought his way out of that situation but he couldn't just biff Hugh, who wasn't as drunk as he originally thought.

Penetta's voice squeaked through congested airways, he was honestly trying to be seductive. Non-threatening. But 'Doug' had to be persuaded.

"Remember your cut, partner. Bayou hills. Thirteen thousand. And that spitfire wife. Those kooky kids. Remember them?"

"That's blackmail."

"So?"

Malloy couldn't worm his way out of this one. The Russians were out of the picture. He didn't know where Dahlia or the kids were but Nina knew. He just couldn't convince her to tell him.
All he had left was the dream of thirteen thousand.

There was Dale. Of course he knew that Dale wanted the thirteen million for his alligator bait lady friend but Dale didn't really have a choice in the matter with Eamon Quinn and his crew in the picture. Quinn was the only real threat now.
Wasn't he?

A thin moan erupted from Wayne as his boss tugged his nuts hard, kicked his legs apart just enough that Wayne couldn't knee him in the groin and jammed a thigh between them.

"Now don't fight me. I ain't tryin' to hurt ya. I just want to show you my gratitude."

"There are a lotta ways to do that. Have you thought about a fruit basket? A gift card?"

"Oh, shut up Doug. This doesn't have to be painful!"

Fear was overshadowed by anger for a moment. It didn't take much to deduce that Panetta could screw him over but Wayne didn't think he deserved such treatment. Not after all he'd done for this man "Is this some kind of dominance thing? Some kind of power-trip?"

"Hell no, man!..." Hugh's tone became more intimate, desperate "I just want you. I wanna take you right here."

"Oh God...Please let me go, Hugh. You said that you're my friend. Why would you do this to a friend?"

"Because...I can't think of any other way to get you to do it."

Malloy was genuinely panicked, his face was pinched. He didn't think Hugh was capable of this. Was anyone else ever dealt this hand under Panco employ?

Hugh Panetta was struggling, his forehead beaded with sweat. He looked as if he was about to burst into tears and Wayne's were already red with them.

"It doesn't have to be this way" Wayne hoarsely whispered. He couldn't believe he was doing this. Just how far would he go for Thirteen million dollars? Was it actually worth it? Was coming to Eden falls, assuming the identities of two dead rich people and living high for a few months really worth it either? If they had just given them a proper burial, never sent Pete any response, never tried to live a life that wasn't meant for them and wasn't worth living, they would still be together.

Dahlia always had told him that he ruined her life, essentially got her hooked on meth. That he didn't care about anyone but himself and it made him feel that he had to pay for his transgressions even if they were never his fault. Did she ever sell herself out for the drugs? Maybe this is what he had to do for her. For them. For his family's happiness.

They never had to know.

But is what he had become to get the money really worthy of being a father and a husband anymore?
He would get his family that money even if it meant that he wasn't part of that family any longer.

"Okay. Okay..." Wayne hushed. Hugh looked broken and pathetic and Wayne had never, ever thought of him in a sexual way nor did he want to. He'd seen the man in his stained tightie whities, puking and spitting and screaming like a maniac those late nights conferring drunkenly in his hotel room when Gigi had rightly kicked him out. He had heard all of his horrific stories about sex drive, libidinous antics and frequently impotency and Aside from all that, there was no way that Wayne could ever find him aesthetically attractive. Nothing personal but he just wasn't his type, like he once said. He hadn't thought that he would ever have to seriously think about that. Sex with Hugh Panetta? God, he felt sorry enough for Gigi. The man could be such a bag of shit.

But there they were. It was really going to happen.

Hugh's ringed finger brush against Wayne's lower lip "Thank you, Doug."