Culinary Adventures in Outer Space

"Edward is hungry," a plaintive voice moaned.

"We all are," Jet said sharply. Ed gave him a sullen look.

"We'll be passing by Mars soon," Faye offered, leaning back in her chair. "We can get food there, right?"

"Even if we could, we don't have any money to get it with," Jet muttered. Faye looked annoyed with the man's terse response.

A lanky, green-haired man ambled in from the ship's aft. "We're getting word on a new bounty," he said calmly. He pressed a few keys on a nearby console and an image appeared on the main screen, accompanied by the name Maron Argonnes.

The man wore an unusually refined look, exuding confidence. "They say he's been abducting people down on Mars. A lot of 'em were never seen again. Or if they were, it was difficult to tell."

"What's the bounty on this guy?" Faye asked.

"A healthy ten thousand woolongs. Enough for food and thensome."

"And you know where guys like that hang out, right?" Jet asked. Spike grunted. The other man smiled.

"Tijuana."

****

A large, well-worn craft called BeBop settled to the ground not far from a grimy Martian city. "What a dump," Faye said under her breath. The city beyond seemed to play host to a population composed entirely of bounty heads, vandals, and anyone involved in illicit activity.

"Wasn't so long since we were here last," Spike said, walking by. " 'Course, you wouldn't remember that."

"Good thing. Why'd I ever join up with you guys anyway?"

"Edward is hungry."

"We'll get food later!" Jet snapped.

"Ed wants to look for food!" the girl said. Ein barked and walked over to his companion.

"Just don't get yourself killed and I don't give a damn," Jet muttered. The next sound he heard was the clang of the door opening and the departing footsteps of a little girl and her dog.

****

"The ISSP put out a bounty on you, ya know."

"So what? I'm small fry compared to the other heads they've listed."

"So you'll get small fry bounty hunters after you. It's all the same."

"No trouble." The man cocked his gun, satisfied by the sharp click it made. "I can handle anything that comes my way."

****

Ed walked down the streets of Tijuana, listening to her stomach growl. Ein trooped faithfully behind her. "Ed wants food," she said.

A man stepped out from an alleyway and gave Ed a suave smile. "Did you say you want food? I know the best place to find it." Ed leaned nearer at the words. "Just come with me."

Ed nodded and followed the man down streets and backalleys, ignoring the gun holstered at his side.

****

Faye looked around at the dingy town. She made a disgusted face and kept walking. "Where'd that dumb kid go, anyway?" she muttered to herself. "She's always wandering off…"

Oh well, she thought resignedly. Maybe I'll find some food while I'm out here—or even a certain bounty head. She smiled at the thought and took a random turn, wondering if she'd ever find her way back to the BeBop through the maze of buildings.

A taxi sporting a vulgar word spray painted on its side sped by, operating as usual. Faye realized that the citizens of Tijuana had long ago given up trying to fight the crime of which most of them were a part.

Faye remembered someone describing Tijuana to her. They told her she would 'never find a greater hive of scum and villainy'. As she walked past defaced and dying buildings, she realized they were right.

****

Edward and her mysterious guide arrived at a large, abandoned warehouse. He guided the girl and the dog inside, where they were faced with a stunning amount of empty space.

"Is there food here?" Ed asked, looking upward at her aide. Ein barked.

"If only there was," the man said wistfully. "Then I wouldn't have to do this." He spun gracefully, drawing the gun from its holster. He pointed it directly at the girl before him, a pained look on his face.

Ed blinked once. "Shiny…" Ein barked.

"Do you realize the situation you're in!?" the man shouted.

The girl nodded. "Edward is hungry." Ein barked. With his free hand the man slapped his forehead.

"Kid," he said, sounding slightly exasperated, "my name is Maron Argonnes. Maybe you've heard of me."

****

"Ed isn't back yet," Jet grumbled. "And where's Faye?"

"Gone too," Spike said.

"Dammit. I don't believe this." Jet furiously punched keys on his console, trying to hail the woman on her communicator. Finally Faye's face appeared on the screen.

Her expression turned sour when she saw who had called her. "Oh. It's you."

"Yeah, it's me," Jet said, annoyed. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing running off like this?"

"Don't get so fussy. It's not like we can leave 'til Ed and Ein get back, anyway."

"I don't care! Just get some food and get back here so we can take off when the girl and the dog do come home." He abruptly cut the transmission.

"Women…what a pain in the ass," he muttered, closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair. "Isn't that the way, Spike?" He paused. "Spike?" He heard the sound of an engine roaring and the Swordfish II lifting into the air.

Jet leaned forward and rested his head on one hand.

"Dammit…"

****

Ed sat on a box Maron had dragged out from somewhere in the warehouse. The latter man leaned against the wall, his arms crossed and his eyes closed as if in meditation.

"Y'know, I've killed guys for less than this," he said. Ed reached down and stroked Ein's head. "You should count yourself lucky."

Ed looked up, seeming curious towards her new companion. "Food yet?" she chirped.

"No, kid, no food," Argonnes said.

Ein crawled into Ed's lap and she scratched him behind the ears. He panted appreciatively.

"Hey," Maron said, irked. "What are you anyway, some kind of idiot?"

The girl looked over at him. "Edward is Edward," she said. The man looked vaguely perturbed.

He looked at her, his expression softening as he watched her pet her dog. "What if I told you," he said softly, "that I didn't want to kill them?" Edward looked up at Maron. "Didn't want to, yeah, wouldn't have, if it weren't for my boss. I don't know about him, he's just got a need to rough people up or something…"

Ein looked at the man, too, wondering why Ed had stopped scratching his head.

"Must be insane, huh?" the man said. "But he's got my wife hostage, so what do I do?" He laughed humorlessly. "Look at me, pouring my guts out to some little girl I found on the streets. So why're you here, kid? Not many people like you in Tijuana."

"Edward is hungry," she said.

****

Faye sighed and leaned against a gargantuan building. She fished in her pocket and wished she had brought cigarettes with her. Suddenly she thought she heard faintly a very familiar bark from inside the building.

The woman walked around the structure, looking for an entrance. She discovered a small side door near a truck bay, and tried to open it. She found it locked and started mulling the problem in her mind.

Finally she gave up and pulled her gun from its place at her side. She handily blew the knob off the door, and it slowly drifted open. Faye shoved it the rest of the way and dashed inside.

From a foot away she heard another gun cock. "How kind of you to announce yourself," a calm voice said.

"FayeFaye!" Faye tried to crane her neck to see Edward behind her, but to no avail. She turned her head back the other direction to see who had accosted her. She gasped. "Maron Argonnes…"

"Correct," he said. He took a step closer and Faye felt the cold steel of the gun barrel press against her head. "Now," Argonnes said evenly, "I would suggest not moving."

In her pocket, Faye's communicator buzzed with an incoming hail.

****

Spike made an exasperated noise as he tried to raise Faye on the communicator. The Swordfish II blazed over Tijuana, Spike keeping a close lookout for one bounty head and two particular women.

His own communicator rang, demanding his attention. He pressed a button and Jet's face appeared in miniature on the screen.

"Spike!" he demanded immediately. "What do you think you're doing!?"

"Taking the scenic route."

Jet glared at Spike for a moment, and then his expression softened almost imperceptibly. "Yeah, well…just get back as soon as you can." He added an annoyed grunt.

Spike smiled slightly. "Will do."

He switched off his communicator and called up a small map of Tijuana. He pressed several buttons, illuminating small dots which indicated every heat source in the city. His screen was immediately covered in the tiny markers.

Spike started searching the screen for dots he might have been able to miss from the air. He picked up several faint readings from inside a sizable warehouse on a nearby street and pulled his ship toward it.

Spike twisted his neck, looking for a landing pad. Several blocks away was a large clearing. He sighed, irked by the impending walk, and brought his ship to the ground.

****

"If you don't struggle too much, I'll kill you quickly." Maron smiled. Ed rocked back and forth, cradling Ein.

"Why shouldn't I, if I'm going to die anyway?"

"You must trust that I can imagine far more painful ways to die than this. In fact—"

"Yo."

A gun clicked behind Maron's head. The man froze, and a slow smile crept over his face.

"What delicious irony," he said. "The hunter has become the hunted, as it were. I suppose, then, we have a showdown."

Spike grinned. "Just who's faster on the—" He pulled the trigger on his gun. Maron's body toppled forward, the sound of the shot ringing throughout the building.

"You know, we don't get the bounty if he's dead," Faye said.

"You're welcome," Spike said dryly.

Ein barked.

****

The good ship BeBop drifted through space, clutched in a blackness peppered by stars. Jet sat at the controls, watching as several screens displayed nothing in particular.

"We never did get food," he muttered.

"Yeah," Spike said.

"Tijuana's a dump. I wouldn't have wanted food from there anyway," Faye said.

Somewhere in the aft of the ship Ed sat with Ein and Tomato, gazing out the BeBop's giant windows. Pinpricks of light flowed past, present, and then were abruptly lost behind the ship as though they had never existed.

Ed sighed, thinking of the bounty head whose body was somewhere on Mars and whose spirit was somewhere else entirely. A shooting star slipped past the window, pulling the girl's attention from the darkened room.

Ein loped up and nudged his companion. "You're right, Ein," Ed said. "There's lots of stars, aren't there? Maybe there are other friends out there for Ed." The dog crawled into her lap and coughed contentedly as Ed stroked his back.

Despite her growling stomach, Ed looked out at the stars and smiled.

See You Space Cowgirl…