A/N: So I never thought I'd write a somewhat yaoi involving Hiruma as a main character...but there's a first time for everything. This is my first attempt at some sort of yaoi. THERE IS NO SMUT OR..OR...ANAL INTRUSIONS! So if that's why you're here well, get lost. This story is mainly about Musashi leaving and how it effected Hiruma...cause they kinda had a intimate relationship. Well anyway, this story is set to Rascal Flats song 'What Hurts the Most'. Oh and this is in Hiruma's POV and yes, he's very OOC.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Eyeshield 21 or Rascal Flats

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out

Same old practice but with a twist. We have new recruits and our team is growing stronger each day...but that isn't enough for him. I can recall the day, the very instant those somber words left his lips...

"If I take over his business...the old fool will lie back and concentrate on getting well. That's the only way." Musashi spoke in dismay. Kurita's eyes were overflowing as he looked down at the floor, holding in his urge to cry out. Hiruma just stared at Musashi with his usual look.

"Isn't there any other way...?" Hiruma spoke softly as Kurita started to whimper.

"No, there's no other way." Musashi said sternly, making up his mind.

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

That was nearly a year ago but it kept playing in my head like a broken record. All I could do was watch as he walked away. It pained the three of us to separate but there was no stopping him. When he set his mind to something, he would do anything to get it done...that's what I love about every practice, at every game, even looking at a football pains me. I hide it well from the others but I still feel it. And the fact that I see him almost every day doesn't help. I see him looking out onto the field with a strong desire to join the rest of the team...but unfortunately he goes back to his construction.


What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

He knew how I felt about him and, to my surprise, he felt the same. His touch, his kiss, his romantic words...they swooned me. Once he quit the team, he quit on us. 'I need to have my full attention to the business...nothing else..' was his quote when I confronted him. I understood that this was something he had to do but...it still hurt. I couldn't think of anything but that damn oldie. To distract me, I worked harder on the football team; training, recruiting, blackmailing. I tried to fill every waking hour with football so as not to feel the sting of rejection. But no matter how hard I tried or how long I trained, the memory of what we had wouldn't just disappear.

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Didn't I mean more to him? Didn't we feel the same? Sometime I think he was just toying with me...breaking the unbreakable so to speak. All the times we shared, both on and off the field...it's like they meant nothing to him. Though I knew it was hard for him he had to leave the team and me. I sometimes wounder if it really was all that hard...but then I see him with his dirty bandana plastered to his forehead and that damn old face. I can't help be be hopeful though...

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder

I have to stay strong though. If I were to let a tear shed every time I say him my entire reputation would be destroyed. Plus, I needed to stay strong for the damn fatty and the rest of the team. How can a team be strong if their captain can't keep his cool? At each practice and at every game I have to put Musashi in the back of my mind and try to forget. But after a victory or a loss...I can't help but to think 'What if Musashi was here? What if he was celebrating with us?' But the fact of the matter is that he isn't here, no matter how much I wish he was.

Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

There's still so much I want to say to him, so much that needs to be said. He just left so abruptly, both on the team and on me. Every time I saw him I just wanted to break down and cry and ask him why he left. I just wanted to be cradled in his arms and tell him all the thoughts my heart has whispered to me. Each day was a constant struggle, trying to maintain my image while having all my feelings well up inside me. I'd steal glances of him every chance I got. Some times I'd see him looking at me and I'd keep up hope. I want him to come back....back to me.

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

[2x]

At each game I'd scan the crowed, trying to see if the oldie was there...he never was. But I had a feeling that he was watching, maybe from afar or on TV but I just had to believe in him. He loved football, it was a part of him, he couldn't just give up on his passion. I'd play my heart out and pull every trick I knew, hoping that he was watching and praying that he'd feel the spark and come back onto the field. Another part of me hoped that he would watch me and be proud, that he'd watch me and feel the pain in his heart at the separation between us. I played my best just for him, hoping he'd come back. And after each game I'd celebrate and wait for the oldie...but he'd never come. I might see him after the game going back to work, only if I was lucky though. I would have so much anger in my system that I'd yell and blackmail and blow things up...Musashi could tame me. He gave me some self control because I didn't want to be a burden on him. Once in a while I'd try to get him back on the team, back into my life...but each time he'd refuse...

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....

Those two runts have been sneaking around lately...I saw them talking to Musashi though neither them or the oldie would tell me what they discussed. Maybe...just maybe there's a chance...maybe there's more hope now. Only time will tell. Until then I'll play my heart out because I know he's watching me. I know in my heart he'll come back to football and then...he'll come back to me.