Author's Note: I do not own the characters in Harry Potter. I also don't own the Fanfiction this is based on, My Immortal. Thank you Sitconesrevni for helping me with the grammar and spelling. Just kidding; you type backwards. How is that supposed to help anything?
Hello, universe offspring. My name is Noctis the Halloween Cat and I have a shimmering black coat that has been groomed to purrfection and eyes that are orange like jack-o-lanterns on a Halloween night. A lot of people tell me that I look like Umbreon, but I'm calling bullshit on that because Umbreon's a Pokémon, not a fucking cat. I wish I was related to Garfield because incest would be fun to commit on him. I'm a cat, but my teeth glow orange, probably due to the radiation in my catnip. I'm also a wizard, and I go to a magical school called Hogwarts in the land of Soviet Russia.
As much as I'd love to craft my wardrobe into a well developed essay, I can't because I'm a cat. Even in the coldest weather, I've retained enough dignity to shy away from such a notion.
As I walked outside of Hogwarts, I breathed in the cool winter air. The clouds cast a shadow across the campus, and sleet was falling heavily. Several humans made eye contact with me, and I stuck my tongue out at them. I wanted to flick them off, but I had no hands, being a cat and all.
"Hey Noctis!" shouted a voice.
I looked up. It was Draco Malfoy! What a lovely and perplexing surprise.
"What's up, Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said, looking down at his feet.
Wait…was he acting shy? I was certainly confused now. Why would Draco of all people be shy around me?
"Noctis!" shouted one of my friends.
Well, fuck this situation. I'd much rather find out why my friend is calling me. I left Draco behind and join up with my group of swag buddies.
Author's Note: How much does it suck? Please tell me! FANGS!