He had failed.
He had tried his hardest.
He had formed himself and worked himself and torn himself into a state of cationic psychosis..!
But still, he had failed.
It was unacceptable - inconceivable - to reason that he simply 'did not want it more.' That the only spark of resolve which could be found within his pure and vacant self, that his very core, was not entirely composed of the blazing want to accomplish the single goal which his precious Darkness had set out for him.
That his unending and unquestioning devotion to his precious Darkness was nothing compared to the fragile and fickle desires conjured by the filthy and heathenistic minds of man.
But how, he wondered. How?!
How could such fickle creatures trump him..? How could such a foul and lowly light dissipate God's sweet, soothing blackness..? Dissipate God's tranquil, live-giving ocean..?!
They had pleaded! They had begged for salvation over the course of eons! And when He had answered their prayers, when He had given them the rapture,they chose to resist the very thing that they had so longed for..?!
…How..?
It was disgusting, the maelstrom of feelings that he was being subjected to with each endlessly recurring thought; it was disgusting, being returned to the very churning and primordial cesspool of sorrow, guilt, rage, and self-loathing that had prompted his birth so long ago.
How he mourned the indisputable fact that, despite being a priest born of Darkness' endless grace, he held no forgiveness for the transgressions of man. How he mourned that within him now, only ravenous hatred blazed true.
How he wanted so desperately to slaughter them all for their unspeakable sins..! To poison their waters and ravage their fields and rape their women and--!
But, there was nothing.
Nothing for him to act on, nothing for him to act for, and nothing for him to act with.
There was no darkness, and there was no light.
There was only the purgatory of his mind, left to wonder for eternity - senseless, alone, and far too forsaken to even dare hope for the euphoric bliss of nihility.
He was the remnants of humanity's darkness. He was the sum of their hideous nature given shape.
If humans were capable of creating such impossible miracles with their weak and petty hearts, why could he, with Darkness' glorious blessing, not..?
…Why..?