His heart raced as he panted for breath, inhaling the sharp, frozen air eagerly. His bright red eyes stared into the gray sky before he shut them tightly, his hands moving to his snow white hair to tug on it as he screamed, alone and cold as he shook while his panic attack surrounded his pale body that blended in with the snow he was laying in, swallowing the Prussian whole. His screams pierced the air as anxiety after worries after more anxieties pounded themselves into his brain, making him feel colder and more alone than he truly was.
The sound of his screaming reached a home not too far away, making the violet-eyed owner jump to his feet, his small polar bear already rushing to gather the man's coat. He slipped into his warm snow boots and thick winter coat hastily before rushing out into the snow, following the sound of screams.
By the time he found the Prussian, the anxiety attack was almost over with, and the Canadian's glasses were completely fogged over. He could barely see an inch in front of his eyes as he rushed to the man on the ground, helping him sit up. He couldn't see who the poor man was, though, his glasses were too murky to identify the man whose labored pants slowly calmed down to normal breathing, and he let go of his white hair, slowly opening his piercingly bright red eyes.
"B-Birdie..." His voice cracked, hoarse from the strain of screaming for minutes on end. "I-is th-that you?"
"Gilbert?" Matthew recognized his voice immediately. "What happened? You're as cold as death, can you stand? It's not far to my home; let me take you there so you can warm by the fire…" He helped him to his feet, concern written across his pale features. Not only was Prussia probably sick from the cold, he had had a panic attack in the forest all alone with no one to notice. He very slowly started to walk towards his home, making sure that the Prussian could walk, even if he was putting most of his weight on the small Canadian.
Sunlight leaked out of the thick, gray clouds like liquid gold, pouring itself on to the grass that was glistened and shining with snow. The trees whispered to each other as the crisp breeze danced around the nation and ex-nation, making them both shudder from the frigid air. Matthew helped Gilbert up the icy front steps, Kumajiro opening the door for them. Prussia shivered, the cold having seeped through his thin jacket that was soaked with sweat, letting the cold air through its wet fabric and letting it settle against Gilbert's body where it began the battle through his skin, winning quickly.
Matthew hurried to get Prussia inside, and out of his wet jacket. He walked him to the couch, starting the fireplace while Gilbert wrapped himself in the thick throw blanket. He held it tightly around him as Matthew left the room to get more blankets and hot chocolate for the both of them. Kumajiro sat up beside him, cuddling the ex-nation to try to warm him.
"Th-thanks, Kuma…" Gilbert managed to stutter out, holding the cute little bear close.
"Here…" Matthew said when he came back; setting the hot chocolate down on the end table so he could wrap the thicker blanket around Gilbert's shoulders, who held it open for his Birdie to wrap up, too. Matthew smiled gently, getting the two mugs of steaming liquid before sitting down besides Gilbert, earning a shaky kiss to his cheek.
"Gilbert," Matthew said as he passed him his drink. "What happened out there?" Concern etched itself into his features as he cuddled into the older nation (Canada refused to call him an ex-nation. It made both of them too depressed to think about it.).
Prussia was quiet, drinking his hot chocolate slowly, letting the boiling liquid scorch his mouth and throat on the way down, thankful for the warmth it provided. He let his eyes close of their own accord, feeling the heat of the fire make its way towards them, and he pulled Matthew closer as if he could protect him from both the cruelty and kindness of the flames.
"Gilbert?" Matthew paused. "Well? Are you ok? What was it that happened to you?"
"I… Uh… Well, I…" His mouth had trouble forming words, his brain having trouble forming sentences. "Birdie, I…"
"It was a panic attack, wasn't it?" Matthew cut him off, turning away to stare at the murky brown drink splashing around in his hands.
"How…? How could you know that I—"
"Your brother told me. He said ever since the Berlin Wall was taken down, you've been having attacks. And that you don't let anyone know. He also said they're getting worse. He told me what to watch for and how to help." He whispered, as if saying such a thing quietly enough could mean that it wasn't true. It couldn't be true. Prussia's world could not be crumbling.
"West! Awe, damn it! I didn't want him to tell you!" Prussia groaned, putting his head in his hand that wasn't holding his cup.
"Why?! So that you could keep pretending that everything was fine?! That you're just as "awesome" as ever, even if you're falling apart?! WHY WOULDN'T YOU TELL ME?!"
Canada hadn't meant to shout.
He didn't even notice that he had been shouting, until he realized that he was standing in front of Prussia. He realized he had let go of his hot chocolate, and the mug had shattered and the liquid steamed against his dark wood floor. He stared into the other man's shock filled wide eyes, his own violet eyes swimming with anger and frustration.
"C-Canada… I…" He didn't know what to say. He'd never seen him so angry before. He'd never heard him raise his voice to anyone, not even his asshole of a brother. He was almost…scared.
"How could you let this happen without anyone knowing?" Prussia heard Canada's voice break as he watched his violet eyes flood with tears. They slowly began to overflow as Matthew sat back down on the couch, Gilbert pulling him in close and holding him tightly, wiping his tears away with tender, gentle, loving kisses.
Gilbert sighed as he thought up different ways to explain his reasoning for keeping his anxiety attacks a secret. He closed his red eyes, avoiding confrontation with Matthew's purple ones in this way. He swallowed the lump in his throat, holding Canada closer. "I… Matthew, please, you have to understand, I… I'm terrified. I don't know what's going to happen to me. I don't know if I'll be here tomorrow, much less in a year from now. I… I couldn't let anyone know. I used to be an empire, Matthew. And now, I'm falling apart. I'm not even a nation anymore… I don't know what's happening to be. It… It honestly scares me. Can you imagine how the other nations would react if they knew that?... That's why I couldn't tell anyone…because I'm going to be just as awesome as ever. Plus, I didn't want my cute little Birdie to worry about me…" He trailed off, hoping that the man in his arms could ever possibly understand.
He shook as the memories of his country falling, bit by bit, piece by piece, invaded his mind. He remembered every detail, and his breath stuck in his throat before coming out in raspy pants, his heart pounding in his chest. He was frozen in his place, clutching Matthew so tightly that the poor nation couldn't breathe either.
"G-Gil…" He managed to mutter out, trying to get his attention to calm him down a little. He squirmed his way out of the tight grip, sitting so that he faced Prussia, cupping his cheeks gently and forcing him to look into his eyes. Matthew searched the other's red eyes, watching the Prussian look right through him. Gil was stuck, shaking as his mild attack slowly got worse.
Matthew crashed their lips together, holding Gilbert tightly.
Gil blinked slowly, his lungs trying to regain normalcy with another mouth blocking the air supply. Gil slowly snaked his arms around his birdie's waist when he realized that Matthew had saved him from a panic attack, kissing him back in thankfulness. His eyes fluttered shut again, leaning back and letting Matthew kiss him, kissing him back tenderly.
When Matthew pulled away, he found that he had crawled into Gilbert's lap. He pressed their foreheads together, still caressing Gilbert's cheeks. Gil raised his hands, gently grabbing Matt's wrists, tilting his head up to kiss his forehead.
"Thank you," Gil whispered against his skin, his lips lingering like they would never move again, his breath tickling the fair skin of the nation sitting over him. "I'd probably be on the floor in the middle of another attack if it wasn't for you."
"It's a good thing that that didn't happen." Matthew whispered softer than his normal tone, afraid to break the perfect silence that had only been interrupted by the fire's cracking.
"Why is it?" Prussia asked, letting go of Matt's wrists to pull him closer.
"Because, you would've landed on my shattered hot chocolate mug," Matthew explained, a small smile tainting his lips.
"Oh no! We wouldn't want to double-break the poor cup, now would we?" Gil pouted, making Mattie's laugh pierce the once silent room. Gilbert grinned as soon as he saw Matthew's smile, and kissed him again happily.
"We should probably clean up the shattered mug…" Matthew whispered when they broke apart, his cheeks dusted with a faint blush that the glow of the fire couldn't conceal.
"Ja…" Gilbert whispered back; "after more kissing?" He wrapped his arms tightly around the other's waist, holding him there. Matthew squired a little, chuckling lightly under his breath.
"No! Gilbert, let go! The hot chocolate is going to soak into the wood and-"
Gilbert started tickling him.
Mercilessly.
Matthew's laughter shattered any peaceful quiet there once was, and as he squirmed to try to get away from the man pinning him, somehow Gilbert managed to flip them and stay on the couch so that he was on top of Matthew. Canada's torture continued until he couldn't breathe any longer; his face had long since turned red and then purple. Gil slowly let go of him, still grinning like a child on Christmas.
As Matthew tried to regain a regular breathing pattern, Gilbert started working on cleaning up the shattered mug. He picked up the larger pieces and laid them gently in his hand, going to throw them away, and coming back with a broom and wet towel shortly after he left. He swept up the remaining clay particles, using the towel to soak up as much of the hot chocolate as he could from the thick wooden floors.
"Hey, birdie?" Gil said smiling, leaning against a doorway after everything was cleaned up. "I just remembered that I have to call mein bruder before he freaks out too much. Can I borrow your phone…?" He used his 'irresistibly awesome' grin and slight puppy dog eyes, and Matthew gave in immediately, somehow managing not to swoon. He passed over his cell phone, kissing Prussia's cheek before he left the room to let his lover talk in private.
Prussia sat up on the kitchen's counter top, scrolling through Canada's contacts, till he quickly found who he was looking for. He hit call, and put the phone up to his ear.
"Hallo? America?" He whispered softly, afraid that Matthew might hear him. America's obnoxious yelling almost destroyed his eardrum. "Ja, ja, ja, whatever, can you be a little quieter for a bit? Danke…. I have something to ask you. Nein, it's not about a video game. Nein! It's not—It's actually important, okay?! It's about Matthew!"
Silence on America's end.
Silence on Prussia's end.
"What about my brother?" America finally asked.
Matthew couldn't hear a thing from where he sat in the living room.
He sighed heavily. What could be taking Gilbert so long? He just had to call his brother, right?
Gilbert walked back into the living room a couple of minutes later, a crazy grin illuminating his pale face.
"Danke, birdie! Here's your phone back." Prussia gave Canada his phone back, but not before dropping a small golden band into his hand.
"…Gilbert?" Matthew inspected the ring, confused as to why Gilbert had dropped it in his palm. "What's this?"
"Hey, birdie? How long have we been dating?"
Matthew looked even more confused at this. "What, even with you daily-awesome-diary, you don't know that it's been four years?"
"And we've been friends for even longer, right?" Gil continued, slowly taking Matthew's hand into his own.
"Yeah… Way longer. Why?" Matthew bit his lip, staring into Prussia's brilliant eyes and red clashed with violet as Gilbert grinned happily.
"Well, I haven't been completely honest… I wasn't calling mein bruder on your phone a minute ago. I was calling your bruder."
"My brother? Why would you call my brother?"
"He's your only family. If I'm going to do this, then I'm gonna do it the right way and ask the family's permission."
"….Permission?" Matthew whispered, softer than normal. He could see exactly what was happening now.
"Have you ever considered getting married, mein Birdie?"
.oOo.
Started: 8-17-14
Finished: 8-21-14
Word Count: 2,230
Yay! A new story, and my first PruCan! Hope you enjoyed!