What in a Hole?

By: Strange and Intoxicating -rsa-

Notes: this is officially part of the "Noctis has a Bad Day" series. Basically, just expect funny things.

"You expect me to to do what in a hole?"

Noctis was not having a good day.

Oh, it started off well enough. He had woken up in the comfort of his bed, albeit a little earlier than he would have preferred. There was a warm shower ready for him, and he had even gotten the chance to just sit under the steaming water until all of the muscles in his back relaxed. After, he ate a set of sweet chocolate chip pancakes with sugar butter, all but licking his plate clean. The chef even prepared a delicious slice of thick Lucian cake that bled chocolate when he poked it with his fork.

She was crying, wishing him the best for his wedding and the camping trip he would take with his friends on the way to Altissia.

Logically, he knew what camping entailed. He had gone along with his father's Glaives and Gladio enough times to get the basic gist of it. Gladio would put up a tent and the Glaives would stand in the background of the makeshift forest along the western wall. They would build a fire from scraps of magazines and kindling, and then toss a match on top. Next would come the hotdogs or if Gladio wanted to be a little fancy, beans in a can or Cup Noodle. There were always Cup Noodles as far as Gladio was concerned. Next would come s'mores and other snack food that would make Noct's teeth hurt for a week, and then bed time under the heavily warded stars.

So. Yeah, he knew about camping.

He just forgot about this part.

When he went camping with the Glaives and Gladio in the city, he still had an indoor toilet.

With plumbing.

So, logically, Noctis understood why Gladio just told him to go dig a hole.

He just didn't want to.

"Dude, are you stupid? Did you expect a golden toilet with a goddamn bidet to shoot at your asshole? We're men. Now go dig a hole, shit in it, and cover it up."

"Have you ever shit in a hole and covered it up?"

"Well-"

"That better be a 'no', Gladio, because if it isn't then you owe me five hundred bucks!"

Gladio' eye brow twitched. "Say what now?"

Ignis took this as a good time to cut in, saying, "I think Noct is talking about the littering fines in the city limits."

"Yeah, you can't just leave shit where you want-literally."

"Prompto, shut up."

"Dude, you can't just drop your pants wherever you want in Insomnia though..."

The tick in Gladio's brow was now a full blown spasm. "Prompto, go dig a hole wide enough for me to bury you in."

Prompto gulped. "Dude, no offense! I swear."

"The point is, Noctis, Gladio is unfortunately right. We will have to forgo the comforts of civilization for the time being."

"So. A hole," Noctis deadpanned.

"A hole."

This was not Noctis's day.

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