Title: A Secret to Tell
Rating: T
Summary: Killian tells Emma about his brother – prompt given by: Naiariddle
Things had finally calmed down after the Wicked Witch had finally been defeated. Regina was still livid that Emma had brought Marian back but honestly there was nothing that Emma or anyone with magic could do now. There was no way to go back and let her die. It just wouldn't or couldn't happen. Now that things had settled down Emma and Killian finally had time to get to know one another, like they ought to. It was so strange Emma had never done "slow and steady" all of her relationships were passionate and fiery, quick flames that died once the passion was gone, or smoldering embers of memories that kept her guarded even after she had forgotten the names.
Now though she could go slowly with Killian. He had made it abundantly clear what his intentions were. He wanted to court her, get to know her and spend more time getting to know her parents and after a respectable amount of time he wanted to commit his life to her and her life to his. He knew it was archaic but that was the gentleman that Killian was. He knew that telling her that would make her want to push him away so he just continued to spend time with her, taking her on outings and dates as often as her duties as sheriff could spare her.
On one such night Emma arrive home from work to find a hand written note on her door. It read: Dress warm and be prepared to be picked up at dusk. Please make the delicious hot chocolat for two. See you soon, your Pirate. Emma smiled down at the note. He had been doing this quite frequently as of late, leaving little notes telling her she was beautiful or letting her know he was thinking of her or setting up plans. Usually Emma didn't like being told when to be ready by and what to bring but with Killian everything was different. Checking the clock Emma took some time to relax from work before beginning to make the hot chocolat that had been requested. A little before nine o'clock there was a knock at her door. Instead of walking to open it Emma yelled, "Its open!"
Killian opened the door with uncertainty, he wasn't used to letting himself in. Still he opened the door widely before smoothing his coat and clearing his voice. Killian was a man of confidence, some would even call him cocky but David had taken him aside earlier that day and told him he needed to adapt to this world and so his wardrobe was going to have to change. He had had quite the experience going into the store that sold all types of clothing before settling on several choices of tighter fitting jeans, flannel shirts and a warm coat. He didn't feel comfortable in it. The fabric of his pants was slightly itchy though his shirts were soft and cotton. He pulled at the coat, feeling as though there should be more weight to it if it was going to keep him warm. Scratching behind his ear, Killian waited for Emma to turn around.
Turning slightly to confirm just who had entered her apartment Emma smiled at the pirate turning back to filling the thermoses with the hot beverage before completely stilling. Emma stopped what she was doing, making Killian nervous. He was wearing a grey coat, not black, and she distinctly remembered seeing the dark denim blue instead of black leather. Emma turned back around to fully observe her pirate in his new attire. She was so used to seeing him in his pirate garb that his new look was slightly unsettling. That was, at least, until Emma gave him a full look over and decided that whoever got him into modern clothes was a genius because he looked sinfully attractive. Emma could tell he was nervous, unsure of how to take her response.
"Wow." The words left Emma's mouth without a second though, her eyes had darkened and she seemed unable to look anywhere but at Killian. The modern clothes weren't as tight fitting but at the same time they revealed more of his build and how he carried himself. The black coloring of his clothes made him indistinguishable but now that there were other colours Emma could see the way Killian put his weight on one foot or the other because he was nervous or how he went into a rigid stance, almost like a soldier or sailor, when he was uncertain. However the words seemed to break the tension that was building in Killian's gut as he could tell by her eyes alone that Emma appreciated his new look, she was taking her time taking it in but Killian was fascinated by watching Emma watch him. Giving her a few more minute before clearing his throat Killian took too much enjoyment from watching the blush burn Emma's face as she turned around to finish with the two containers filled of the requested liquid.
"Hello Emma." He smiled gently
"Hey Killian, let me finish up with these and then we can go." Emma's words were hushed as she was still turned away from him.
"Alright, I came a little early and it'll take us a little while to get there so it won't be a problem, take your time." He responded before starting to scan the room, taking in the main living quarters.
"Where are we going?" Emma asked as she turned to face him, finally.
"It's a surprise. I want to show you something." He smiled at her in that way that made Emma know that it was going to be something special, it was going to be another thing he did to let her in to his heart and to his past. He didn't always go it, and it didn't always come willing, most of the times things between the two of them came out during a fight, but this was something Emma could was special and so she grabbed the thick blanket she had set out on the back of the couch before coming to stand next to him. "I like the new look, for what it's worth." She moved closed placing a chaste kiss on his cheek.
"I'm glad, I wasn't sure if I would look suitable enough in this world's clothing for you. Plus the material for the pants is itchy." Killian frowned like a child at the last part which made Emma smile reassuringly before opening the door and ushering him out.
"So, how are we getting to where we're going?" Emma asked as they walked down the main street.
"We are going on a little walk, one I think you will enjoy." He smiled before taking her free hand and continuing in the general directions of the Toll Bridge and woods. A silence fell between, both easy and light. It was one of the things that Emma really enjoyed about being with Killian; they didn't need to talk all of the time. Sometimes it was simply just nice to be able to be in the presence of someone and not have to fill the void with meaningless chatter. Though for her and Killian, nothing was meaningless. That's just how things were between them. Words were carefully chosen, places were picked with care and looks were exchanged with knowledge that the other would understand what it would mean. Killian and Emma had always been drawn to each other; they had always been able to read each other and had always been able to watch each other with an understanding that spoke of their mutual heartaches in life.
After some time, Killian broke the silence, "How was your day at work?"
Slightly startled from her thoughts Emma took a minute to answer. "Oh you know, the usual, dealing with an Ice Queen that has lost her sister, trying to avoid Regina and her death threats and more importantly trying to keep Marian from dying. All in all it's a pretty normal day." Emma gave a lopsided grin.
"Ever the saracastic one, aren't we?" Killian joked back.
"If you only knew how crazy all of this is to someone from my world." Emma explained.
"Explain to me, how all of this is so crazy. That sounds like just a normal day from my land." Killian inquired gently, he knew that she had had a hard time believing at first because they were all stories to her, children's stories, fables, folk tales. However Killian was hoping that Emma might explain why things of this nature happening so frequently still remained to surprise her.
"You have to understand, here in this world…."Emma took a minute. It was hard, she didn't know how to tell him that he wasn't real in this land. That he wasn't the man that he had worked so hard to become and that he was someone Killian hated. "In this world the stories are different. You are a villain that spends his dying breath trying to kill Peter Pan. Regina is an Evil Queen that is vain and has to be the fairest in the land and she dies. In my land, you are all stories that we tell our children, the villains always die and the heroes always win. There is no redemption there is no changing there is no becoming better." Emma sighed, it was hard for her to explain she may have been from the enchanted forest but there she wasn't of that world. It wasn't how she had been raised.
"I see." Killian said though he sounded distant, as if in thought.
"What is it Killian?" Emma asked as she continued to follow him through the woods. There was no need for flashlights as the moon's light was bright enough to light their way.
"Nothing, no worries love, we're almost there." Killian let his hand swing back enough to slip into Emma's before they veered towards the left abandoning the main path for what looked like a lesser used one that opened up into an open field. Emma stopped as the stepped away from the trees and they came out into the open. It was mesmerizing. There were a few candles and a small fire going, some blankets and she had the hot chocolate. It was so sweet. And the sky! Emma stared all around her in wonder at the stars above. They were brilliant tonight shining their brightest without a single thing in the sky to obstruct their view of them.
"Do you like it?" Killian inquired hesitantly after several long minutes.
"Killian, it's….I don't know if I even have words to explain what this scene before me is." Emma took another few seconds as she tried to take more of it in. The beauty, the space, it was all perfect. Simply perfect. Killian guided Emma to sit on the blankets next to the small fire as he allowed her to taken in the moment. He remembered when he was a lad and his first time on a ship had given him the most unimpeded view of the night sky. He had reacted quite like this. Unable to speak before such beauty as it removed words and breath. A while later Emma seemed to come out of her trance like state and became aware that Killian was watching her.
"How long was I quiet?" she inquired sheepishly
"A while, but I reacted the same way you did when I experienced it on my first ship. I spent the night staring at the stars and never able to sleep. After that I could help but learn their beauty and find their shapes. Now, as I look at them it feels like an old friend." Killian quieted after that feeling reminiscent about the past had brought memories, especially of his brother.
"Who taught you how to find the different constellations?" Emma leaned towards Killian lending her warmth and presence as she had a good feeling as to what the answer was but knowing that to answer would not be easy for Killian. He was quiet, sorting his thoughts while he took small sips from the thermos before answering her.
"My brother, he was the one that taught me how to read the stars and maps and sail a ship. He taught me how to navigate by the stars and to trust what was ahead of me and not behind." Killian's voice was filled with a thickness that Emma had not heard before. It was one part pain and one part memory. She knew the feeling, knew what it felt like to bring up memories of the past. Sometimes it hurt, but Emma could tell the pain was an old one, it had been a long time since Killian had lost his brother. He still mourned his loss and the pain was still present but time had healed the wound. All that was left was the ache of pain that ran deep.
"How long has it been since his passing?" Emma again moved closer to Killian, this time she was leaning against him letting her warmth seep through their coats and to his skin. She wasn't always the best with words but she hoped that her actions spoke louder that any of her words could.
"I honestly don't remember. Time ebbs and flows and it has been many decades since his passing." Killian was quiet again.
"I lost a sister…" Emma trailed the sentence while staring at the blanket they were laying on. "Not a biological one mind you, but a sister of the heart. I know it's not the same but when you are a child and you are all alone and you find someone that understands your pain there is a bond that is created and we had that bond. We could talk without speaking and we could know what each other was thinking without explaining ourselves to each other. We were at the orphanage, there was a fire and I tried to go back to get her but the fireman carried me out and by the time he tried to go back in the fire was so bad that he couldn't get very far." Emma's voice cracked, she was shaking though she was unaware of it. Killian's arm came around and soon after his body shifted to accommodate a closer position with her.
"How old were you at the time?" Killian held Emma in a tight embrace allowing her to feel his presence to anchor her to this world and not the memories that he could tell were flashing behind her eyes.
"I was eleven. How old were you when you joined your brother sailing?" Emma responded, it seemed tonight they had secrets to tell.
"I was fifteen when I first lived on a ship but I was legally allowed to join the navy until I was sixteen." Killian continued to play with strands of Emma's hair as they continued to talk. It seemed to be equally soothing to both of them.
"What kind of man was your bother like?" Emma inquired, Killian had never spoken much of his past and especially even more so of his youth and Emma had always wondered where he got his parental influence from. It seemed like it came from his brother.
"He was the best of men, Emma. He worked hard to be a good sailor and good man. He followed the rules and he often was victorious. He taught me what I know about having good form and being a good man, even if I didn't always use it. He was a patient man, and knew how to rein in my young spirit, though the navy did help with that as well. You would have liked him." Emma moved her head so she was looking at Killian, the conversation was heavy tonight but it was needed, they were moving further in their relationship together and tonight was a perfect way to let the walls down more.
"He sounds like he taught you well." Emma leaned her head back against Killian's shoulder, turning her face into the crook of his neck and allowing his scent to flow through her nostrils and relax her more. Thinking of Andrea was always hard, the pain no longer fresh but present all the same. Deep wounds may never fully heal, that was what a counselor had told her once.
"He did, including my education of the celestial beings. Do you know them?" Killian nudged Emma gently a silent way of asking is she was alright. Emma nodded once in response and he knew she understood and his heart beat faster. They could speak without words, they could read each other and understand their pain and joy. He marveled, he had an equal someone who saw him the way he could see her.
"I know a few of them, the major ones like the Big and Little Dipper, Orion, and a few others." Emma replied before grabbing a blanket to cover them.
"Show them to me?"
"Why, you already know where they are?" Emma teased.
"Maybe I just want to see you show me?" Killian retorted cheekily
"Liar, you just want to see if I really know where they are." Emma spun around facing Killian before sticking her tongue out and molding herself to him again. She enjoyed feeling the strength of his chest and his arm around her. They comforted her and though Emma was more than capable enough to take care of herself it was nice to think that for once she didn't have to be the strongest person around.
They stayed sitting up for some time as Killian regaled her of origins of the stars, their stories and how they had come to be. However after sometime they moved to lie down as Killian tucked Emma into his side as she lay her head on his chest. With the blanket covering them Killian lulled Emma into sleep as the beating of his heart and the melody of his voice blended together.
She would always remember that night to come. They allowed each other to understand the pain of losing ones they had loved. They had lost so much that after a while it didn't matter but the walls were thick and Emma always remembered that night as the night Killian broke the last wall down. He opened up and let her in. As he spoke of the stars he told more and more about his brother. Killian spoke of their adventures and their plans, what had happened with the Dreamshade and how the pain of losing his brother and turned him against his crown and he had become a pirate. Killian was a man that had lost just as much as she had and Emma couldn't help but think that they were equals. In grief and pain, love and loss, fear and walls, they had both lived hard lives and they both had gone through so many of the same things. These thoughts soothed the raging worried in Emma's head against her heart, she was with a man that understood her and though that was terrifying the idea that he was equally as scared as she was calmed her down. They were equals and so they would always have each other to understand what no one else could. Later, when they both had drifted off to sleep and the fire had died down did Fate smile down at two souls that were lost and broken had come together and started to mend.