Well every one this is my first fan fiction, so I hope you'll enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2 nor BeetleJuice, they respectively belong to Rumiko Takahashi and Tim Burton so please don't sue me.
SFX
"Talk"
'Thought'
Well that's done so enjoy.
It was a peaceful Day in Nerima.
Splash
"What did you do that for?!!" spluttered a very wet red-haired girl.
"You wouldn't wake any other way, answered a girl with short blue hair, now come on Ranma we're gonna be late!" she stormed out of the room.
"Stupid tomboy anyway!" muttered the red-haired.
She got up and walked to the bathroom in nothing but Boxer and shirt. Of course it stretched on her chest and fell loosely on her waist and her boxer barely hung on her thighs.
She put off her clothes and let them in the laundry basket. When she arrived, she filled the bucket with cold water and began to scrub herself with soap, hard. She was feeling uncleaned, tainted! While her skin was scarlet she eventually stopped and rinsed herself.
"Cold!"
The cold water helped her to regain her mind. She checked on her now abused skin.
'That's creepy, I know I'm not that upset with dirt usually!' She shrugged and began to head toward the furo already filled with hot water. She smiled thinking of the only one who gave a damn about her.
"Good ol' Kasumi!" This girl was definitely an angel except that real angels, while hard pressed, could scowl.
The red-haired sank in the furo, feeling the familiar tingling, she began to change, her hair darkened, her chest broadened and she grew six inches. All in all, the lovely pigtailed girl became a slightly lean pigtailed boy.
"Better!" He sighed. While relaxing, he let his thought drift.
He was a martial artist, living, thinking and breathing for the Art. While in a training trip, he happened to be in Jusenkyo aka "The pool of sorrow". He knocked his father in the Shonmaonichuan and discovered that anything who falls in a pool will take the form, spirit or mind of whatever drowned in first. His father knocked him in the Nyannichuan shortly after, cursing him to be a girl in body. After she was done chasing the panda, the guide explained to them that hot water would restore their birth form until being splashed again.
Since he came in the Tendo dojo a lot of things happened, crazy martial artists, forced engagement three times, blackmail and massive destruction.
His face grew stern while thinking of his first kill. Saffron, king and god of the phoenix people. He killed a freaking god for "her".
A smile crossed his features as he remembered his first meeting, the friendship offered and taken back after she had discovered his curse and the forced engagement, yeah they were pretty stubborn. He finally admitted his love to her inanimate body. And then the wedding happened.
He scowled, they were all so stupid. All happened too fast, trying to protect his fiancée for an insane gymnast, avoiding katana slash, chains, sword and all the insanity of Nerima, fighting for a barrel of Nannichuan, gulped down by… no better not think about him! That was six months ago, and nothing did change. Always the same battles, same rivals, same fiancees, same misunderstanding and fatally same malleting. Well this part could be avoided if only he didn't put his foot in his mouth.
"I know I should be weary."
This sentence reminded him of his dream, a really strange dream, but all dreams were strange. He knew it happened somewhere, but not in this planet anyway, there were not such thing as twin moons. After, all was fuzzy in his face.
"Well better not be late to school!"
Five minute later, he was wearing a red shirt, a black pant, blue bracers and a confidential smirk.
"Breakfast is ready!"
He made a dash to the living room and began eating at his vacuum-cleaner turbo X-6000 speed.
"Ranma! You jerk!!" growled the short blue haired girl.
"Huh?!" was his intelligent answer non-stopping the slightest.
"Could you at least try to taste it?"
"Vell, ya bow I ujually eat lag jat Agane, 'chides how gould I live your gouguing if I tried? (Well you know I usually eat like that Akane, besides how could I live your cooking if I tried?)
"Stop talking while eating! You're disgusting."
He shrugged and gladly oblige making her fume once more.
"Fine see if I care!"
Turning to a girl with a pageboy haircut "Where are you going Nabiki?"
Said girl was actually leaving by the front door.
"Well I have a few errands to run, see you later at school." She left.
"Come on Ranma we're gonna be late!"
The pigtailed boy finished his thirtieth rice bowl, patted his now happy but non-full stomach, sprinted to his room, came back with his book bag and put his slippers on.
"Thank's Kasumi see ya!"
He ran to his fiancée.
"Ya could have waited!"
She harrumphed and walked faster.
"Look Akane, I'm sorry for whatever I did."
Before Akane could answer, a big snowman fell with razors in his hands.
Ranma began to avoid his moves until he hit it with a kick in the face. The snow felt apart revealing a mid-aged man with curly hair topped by a little palm tree. He was wearing a Bermuda and a Hawaiian shirt with sunglasses.
"Aloha kiekie! Da big Kahuna is here cause you have been a bad brudda. So da big Kahuna gonna give you a nice haircut!"
In the same time he latched with a fury oh thrust that Ranma dodged.
"Foul sorcerer, today is the day I shall free my Pigtailed Goddess and the fiery Akane Tendo of your evil clutches. Fear the wrath of the Heave for I, Tatewaki Kuno rising star of Furinkan Kendo team also knew as the Blue Thunder of Furinkan, shall smith you!" screamed a man in kimono and hakama, bokken held in hands.
"I shall strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!" doubling the amount of attacks Ranma had to dodge.
Dring Dring
"Oh come on ya've got to be kidding me!"
Crash
Ranma got back up before receiving a new wave attack.
"Airen!"
Glomp
"You go on a date with Shampoo, yes?"
The bubbly Chinese Amazon was now glued to him.
"Get off! Get off!"
"Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! You Chinese harlot get your hands off my Ranma-Sama!"
'After Shampoo! Kodachi! Great just great!' The insane gymnast used her ribbon to yank Ranma, strangling him in the process, while he was busily avoiding razors and bokken.
She dodged several throwing spatulas.
"I don't think so sugar, Ranma is my fiancée." Said a girl with a furinkan male uniform, ribbon in head and a giant spatula strapped on her back.
"Ranma Saotome you enemy of the women, I will free Shampoo of you and she will admit her love to me!" claimed a man with waist length black hair, a long sleeved Chinese white robe, and coke-bottle glasses before launching spears, chains, sword, training potty, dodge balls, an half eaten ham sandwich and a plastic duck named "Winu" at him.
"Shampoo no love stupid Mousse" said the Chinese Amazon choking efficiently the pigtailed martial artist, who was miraculously except the blue face, unharmed, while fuelling the rage of the nearly blind man in the process.
That was when the nearest wall chose to crumble offering to the slightly pressed martial artist, he wasn't in any danger, no, not even a slightest bit, he was a man damn it, and a little lack of oxygen was nothing, still his legs weighted like steel and he began to see black points; the sight of a young man wearing a black pant, a yellow shirt, fangs and a shaggy mop of black hair held back by a yellow bandanna with black polka dots on his forehead, carrying a huge back pack, a red bamboo umbrella and very pissed off expression.
"Ranma Saotome for cheating on Akane-San, prepare to die!!"
With a cry of "Bakusai Tenketsu" he entered the havoc, making all hell break lose.
Ranma while dodging frantically was slowly losing his focus, his muscles and his lungs were burning and his moves began to slow down even at amaguriken speed.
"RRAAANMMMAAAAA!" growled the blue haired girl, "Why are you clinging in Shampoo!!!" her red aura now ablaze and a glowing Mallet-Sama in hands.
"Akane, I didn't do anything I swear! It's Shampoo who hangs on me and I have to grope her chest if I want leverage but I won't do that! I'm not a pervert! So I have no other choice than struggling vainly!" was his meaning while answering, unfortunately speaking while choking wasn't something he usually did, but he managed to put his tongue out.
"RANMA NO HENTAAAIII!"
Wham
"Why did violent-girl hit Airen?" asked the Amazon who had dislodged herself of the pigtailed boy before Mallet-Sama picked him under the chin.
"What did you call me?" seethed Akane.
"Violent-girl! Or violent-girl prefer kitchen-destroyer?"
Useless to say the Nerima Wrecking Crew destroyed a good part of Nerima before being sucked dry of their energy by Miss Hinako Nanomya who stayed in adult form the whole day.
Back to Ranma, the pigtailed boy was heading very high in the air. He was glad he could breathe again, sucking and gulping all this precious oxygen.
'Well she did it, she blew her record'
He knew the landing was going to be messy and hurt a lot worse than hic chin.
He finally began to slow down until he was floating, the sun was shining with all his might. 'Well here comes nothing!' Ranma closed his eyes. He knew the wind would burn them if he didn't. He wasn't afraid, nope, not a bit, he was a man! Not some weak sissy girl! So why were his knees buckling and his teeth chattering? He was surely freezing, yeah that was it! But men didn't freeze, did they!
"Damn it why does it take so long?!" he was now really eager to be claimed by the darkness. Darkness didn't jeopardy your manhood.
After a long time he opened his eyes.
Strange, he was in the sky but he wasn't falling, worse, he was getting higher! And if his eyes weren't tricking him, he was heading North-East. If he wanted to do something, he had first to understand how he was flying by scanning his surrounding.
He was on a white slippery and inclined ground, his back was currently leaning against a triangle thingy made of metal and really big. He could see some other structure more afar.
He casually crossed the distance on the slippery inclined plan, climbing all the more.
What hit him the most was the noise, it was a very loud sound, a combination between a humming and a grumbling, as if the Earth was shattering under his feet. Fighting the incoming headache, he detailed the new structure.
On each side under him was a strange shape very wide in the base while narrowing lengthwise. Hangings on the narrow edge were four cone shaped metallic thingies. But even this sight wasn't what was currently mesmerizing Ranma.
He could see an other sky under him. No that wasn't the sky, what he as saying was! Oh Kami-Sama on a bicycle! This was the Ocean! He lost his foot, falling flat on his bottom and rolling to the triangle thingy. He needed to thing about what was happening and fast.
'Let see, I'm on something that can fly! The things on each part look like kunais, and the well are those conics thingies for? And how does this, whatever that is, is flying anyway? Let say that those kunais allow it to fly, then it would be too heavy, so it would need some power, then the power could come for this cones, this would explain the noise.'
Ranma's face passed from prideful to aghast then appalled and finally horror appeared on his features.
"Ya've got ta be kidding me!"
He quickly jumped to the top of the triangle thingy and what he saw confirmed his deductions. But he was far to be pride of the Saotome's brain. Yes those Kunais were wings and these cones jet-engines. But that didn't help him to believe it! He was riding a plane an honest to god, flying-higher than he could fall, going to who know where, transcontinental plane!
He was currently thinking of leaving all this insanity but not like this!
First things first, he had to live this flight, after he would see. Well if he lived it, he would be the first man to quite literally ride a plane, that would make him the best martial artist ever, wouldn't it! Yeah, he could do it, he was Ranma Saotome, the man among men, and the best martial artist of his generation, and if a god couldn't beat him then a stupid plane wouldn't either.
The plane was now leaving Japan disappearing in a cloud ceiling with a gloating martial artist on board.
* * *
"Boring" whined a brown-haired girl wearing a conservative black dress and a high ponytail. Her make-up screamed Goth, her eye-liner was applied between her brows and her eye lids and she wore a black lipstick emphasizing her ivory like skin.
Said girl was currently twelve and laying on her bed. The reason of her boredom happened after she did nag on her best friend. Said best friend suffered Schizophrenia and wrecked efficiently Peaceful Pines. Shortly after being cured, he juiced everything in place and returned to the Neitherworld.
For three days long she was very upset with his behaviour. The fourth day she began to search for him everywhere in her realm. The fifth day she was angry at him for being so childish. And now, the sixth day she was waiting for any sign ready to ask his forgiveness.
As if on cue, the phone rang. She groggily reached for it, rolling in the process and falling on the floor while grabbing it and making it fall on her.
"Ugh! Hello"
A female voice answered.
"Call from the Neitherworld to a certain Lydia Deetz, do you accept the charge?"
"Of course I do!"
As soon as she agreed she received an electrical discharge.
"Will I ever learn?" she sighed while brushing her hair.
"Now do you accept the call?"
"I do."
"Hello Babes?" came a gravelled voice.
"B-Beetlejuice!" she hoped it was him, but hearing him shocked her to the core.
"Well yes! I know you give me the cold shoulder and all but it's pretty important!" she could fell the snow falling out of the phone and a little "I hate when it happens!"
She giggled "So what's so important BJ?" she said in a mock-stern voice.
"Well Lydia, Doomie has been stolen!"
Now she was anxious "Did you check the drive in?"
"I did but he wasn't here!"
Beetlejuice wasn't trying to do any corny joke, that was a bad sign.
"Maybe he is on a date with Pinkie."
"Nope, she is with me. 'sides I know when those two lovebirds need some times."
So much for the serious Beetlejuice.
"I'm coming right here!"
She closed her curtains and used her crystal ball.
"For I know I should be weary, still I venture something scary, ghostly hunting I turn loose, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"
Red lightning fall, the wall was torn apart revealing a middle-aged style wall with misshaped stones, wooden beams sprouted everywhere and a staircase appeared, joining a floating door. Some bats coming from nowhere took the tablecloth and put it on Lydia who raised her arms. In a display of light she was now wearing a red cloak with a spider web designed on it, black leggings and black finger length opera gloves.
She dashed across the stairs and opened the door. It was night to in the Neitherworld. She found a man with dirty blond wild hair, white and black stripped suit and pant, black boots, red fingertips, a really pale skin, glowing emerald eyes and crooked teeth. Next to him was a pink car with long eye-lash on the eyes like head light and lip stick around the radiator.
"Well Lyd's. Sorry to disturb you. As soon as we find him, I'll… send you back." Said the man grimly.
Lydia hugged him, surprising the ghost with the most who returned it eventually.
"I missed you too BJ!" she muttered.
"Well, said Beetlejuice embarrassed, shall we get started."
"I guess we shall!" responded Lydia laughing.
As soon as she released him, he changed into a 19th century detective style suit with a brown coat and a big magnifying glass.
"Well Miss Deetz, I'll be honest, this is one of the most nebulous mysteries I have to resolve, I'll say." Transforming into a cloud.
"I can see that, she was barely containing her laughter, also like last time there is oil on the ground."
"Well dear Lydson, it's a clue if I may say, while lying in the air and bending to the oil stain, and what is that? A foot print. Well, it seems the thief is using the same strategy and look! Even the place look like a twin of the first one!"
His head was flying skyward beheading him in the process.
"Come on Beetlejuice don't be so level headed, he was whole again, besides this place is one of Doomie's favourite parking, and he wasn't stolen the first time."
"Elementary my dear Lydson, that was what the thief wanted us to believe, he was smoking and iron pipe with green go and hairs leaking, really bright indeed, but he made a mistake and I shall bring him to the justice. These footprints are heading this way, we shall follow it." He was now on all four his nose on the floor and his bottom high.
"Well BJ you do remember that your back didn't take it quiet well last time."
"Fear not Lydson. I won't need to hold back against our enemy." Falling efficiently apart while his back removed itself.
"Put yourself together BJ, we should already be on the lead."
"But Babes I'm on the lids." He was sitting on a boiling pot so he screamed while heading very high, holding his bottom and crashed further away.
She smiled at his antics
"Well Pinkie, I guess it's just us girls."
The pink car honked and Lydia sat on the driver's seat.
"Let's find Doomie!"
Half an hour later, she found the private trying to decipher the same old clue they bought a while ago.
"This is a mystery indeed; I wonder what those two letters U, R and this picture of a donkey must mean."
Lydia sighed, this was going to be a very long night
"Indeed! Beetlejuice, I think I know who our first suspects are."
"Who shall they be?" He asked while facing a red circus.
"Why, Scuzzo and Fuzzo, of course."
"Well Lydson. That is something I could have said, and I'm glad you did success in my test quite well!"
"Indeed" she smiled sarcastically while rolling her eyes.
"I'll say now is the time to fight the crime. Come on Lydson time runs!"
"But Beetlejuice, I'm not sure…" she sighed. It was vain to try to reason the running hourglass, besides he was already in.
She followed, just in time to see a giant cage falling on two clowns while her friend appeared on the top standing triumphantly.
"Beetlejerk! What is the meaning of this!" growled the shortest clown while the tall one was honking his nose in protest.
"Well dear Scuzzo! Today is the day you are coming down. Also I must admit that you and your brother are some crime genius, you couldn't fight against my skill!"
"What are you talking about you moron?!!"
While Scuzzo was arguing with Beetlejuice, Fuzzo was busily trying to open the door, pushing, and drawing with all his might teleporting out of the cage before doing it again in the other side with the despair energy.
"I accuse you for the stealth of the Dragster of Doom due to the grudge you held against him for winning the race!" he said while pointing his finger to the boiling clown.
"WHHAAAATTTT???!!!!"
BOOOOMM
When the dust settled Lydia saw Scuzzo in the center of a crater with a blackened and smoking Beetlejuice, in the same position and a surprised expression on his face. Gone was the cage and Scuzzo had lost the upper part of his head and was currently poking him angrily in the chest.
'Deadlyvu! He really blew his top!'
"So that is what you think! I am a thief! And I stole this pathetic excuse of a car! Cause I lost to it!"
"Well I guess I overdid it a little! But that's nothing for two pals like us, right?" the detective was now sweating big bullets.
A sadistic smile crept across the clown's feature.
"Well I guess that's nothing between two friends like us. Besides you were just anxious for this car of your, he gave him a pat in the back, Beetle…juice you really gain to be known. Who could have thought that behind this manic prankster hides a saint?"
"You could say that!" He was now reassured and back to his usual boasting self.
"I mean it my friend, and since you are dead allow me to…"
He zapped "the saint".
"CANNONIZE YOU!"
BAAM
"WAAAAHH!!!!"
"YOU ARE NOT WELCOME ANYMORE BEETLEJERK!"
Turning to Lydia
"The same goes for you broad!"
"I know but as you can see we are looking for Doomie and any information would help us."
"I never knew how to say no to a broad, he grumbled. Well I was coming to the circus when I saw your crazy car chasing the dog of this hairy monster."
"Thank Mr Scuzzo, and sorry for the mess!" she said while leaving
"That's nuthing."
While out.
"Well Pinkie, it looks like Doomie was teasing Poopsie again."
"I'll say, we are on the right track." announced a striped worm with Beetlejuice head on Lydia shoulder.
"You sure know how to worm your way BJ!"
He disappeared and reappeared normal on the passenger seat.
"Elementary my dear Lydson, am I not the ghost with the most?"
"Now Pinkie off to the monster across the street's house!"
Some corny jokes later.
"Well my dear Lydson off we are!"
"Sure thing, sure thing."
He really was trying to make-up for the lost time but the thirtieth or was it the forty-fifth time wasn't that funny anymore.
"Well dear Lydson, this time I shall not attack head on."
"I'm glad you take it that way.
"Instead I must trap him!"
She sighed, of course, he wasn't going to ask politely, well all this time in the Neitherworld didn't let her with anything so she produced a pop corn bowl and site while watching her best friend and wondering how this plan would backfire on him ( Alzebra. Page 59 how to produce food."
The detective juiced the sand and smiled at his handiwork.
"Now to make it perfect, all I need is the bait, wouldn't you say so?"
"Inveed!"
"Poopsie would you please cooperate?"
The dog was currently barking, growling and howling.
"I'm glad you take it that way." he said in a Lydia like fashion.
And he juiced him in a birdcage.
"Howdy! What are you doing to my dog, Beetlejuice!" screamed a monster with a hat, cow-boy boots and gloves. Only his mouth could be seen in his hairs. He walked to the inspector when suddenly the floor gave way and his mouth was barely up the ground.
"What would you say, Quicksand isn't it. Now tell me where Doomie is and I may have mercy"
"What are you talking about Beetlejuice?"
He walked triumphantly to him.
"I'll say that upset of having your dog chased by my car, you decided to steal him! What pray tell would you add to your defense?" he announced smugly arms crossed on his chest and eyes closed.
"Are you accusing little ol' me?" asked the monster with calm.
"Indeed." he said while opening his eyes.
Something was wrong how he could be at eyes level with the monster. Trap the ground, check. Lead the monster in with bait, check. Walk to him and show-off. Shit the quicksand! He could have smacked his forehead if his arms weren't trapped.
"Oh really!" while frying his right arm.
"Well now that we are face to face, I wasn't serious, you know what I mean."
"I'll show ya how "not serious" I am!"
WHAM
POW
CRAAAC
Lydia watched raptly the beating.
"Honk! Honk"
Behind her was a yellow car that looked like a 1960 cab with eyes like headlight and a moving radiator.
"Oh Doomie here you are!" she said while hugging him.
* * *
"This is Jay Fearmenot to the Neitherworld! Announced a blue bald headed man. Aren't you tired of being treated like a whimp? Can't you stand some badmouthing? Then we have the solution! With "Grow a Backbone" you will be able to back talking. Just eat it and you'll see the difference!"
A mummy was sitting on the bench when a zombie came.
"Leave your dead-ass out of this bench, toilet paper!"
The mummy is shocked she is picking something.
Zoom on a bar with written on it "GROW A BACKBONE", she ate it with the paper.
"Dream on it stinky!"
"Old-prune!"
"Worm head!"
Eventually the two began to fight.
The bald blue man reappeared.
"Call now the 555-GBK BONE!" before being KOed by a punch.
Jingle
"Caution: may contain peanut."
The screen was black.
"Well I'm glad nothing happened to Doomie" said Lydia.
They were all back to the road-house, Beetlejuice was sitting on the couch mopping while Lydia was trying to cheer him up.
"I should have know still, today is Father's Day, I did offer an aftershave to my dad!"
"Tell me more about it." Beetlejuice grumbled darkly.
"Well won't you open your present?"
"I'd rather not, I have a bad feeling."
"Come on B.J., Doomie was gone to buy it for you!"
"Well ok, I'll do it if you top being on my hair."
Lydia felt something moist under her shoes, she didn't need to know where she was, hell she wanted to avoid it, she didn't want to have nightmares.
"Beetlejuice, could you please let me out of this deal!" while seeing straight forward.
"Oops! Sorry Lyds." He chuckled and dejuiced her.
"Weeelll?"
"Ok, ok! I'll open it"
He unwrapped his present, and stared at it before massaging his forehead for the incoming headache.
"Oh, how cute! she giggled, A Sherlock Bones costume"
Well that's it my first chapter, feel free to read it and re-read it, I hope you will take as much pleasure reading it as I had writing it minus the sore fingers ^ ^.
Please review.