Renegade
Never Coming Back Down

A Morpheus/Niobe RPG fic. After the events in Revolutions, they have a little talk and things get out of hand.

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"Zion was built on a principal: that no matter how bad it gets, we will survive, and learn from history to save ourselves. We may one day find peace above the mechanized earth around us, and that's why I fight," a long echo ensued as her powerful voice bounded from the metallic walls. "Now it's your turn to ask yourself… why are you fighting? What is there after these machines no longer oppose us? Fight for that, fight for what we have… and we will win."

Niobe's voice resonated about the room with a commanding yet passionate tone. Silence as thick as if no one was present swept the room. The speech run through the air, even as she nodded stiffly to her audience of Zion – "Thank you."

Echoes reverberated in her memory, each drifted about thought of the rise of great cheering from the soldiers of the last outpost of mankind.

"I look for truth," her voice of so long ago passed through her though. "That is all." It had been before she ever left the Matrix. This was her dream nearly every night she slept of late. The dream she had woken from to find herself no longer sleeping.

As fleetingly as the words came to her, she shook them off for the time being, looking back out to the crowd. This day of celebration and readiness was needed for all of them. For these soldiers needed more than just artillery to win any battle – they needed fire and spirit to carry them through it.

Morpheus raised an eyebrow at the approaching woman; let a smile grace his lips. Hands behind his back, he stepped forward and nodded once, then let his eyes roam her face. The cheering and hollering going on around them did not immediately abate, so he had to raise his voice above it to reach her. "That was an inspiring speech, Captain."

Niobe awarded him her quiet smile, an expression of thanks that said plainly that it got the job done with an undertone of there being more to accomplish than rousing the crowd. In that she was right and he understood fully. There was always more.

The smile pulling at her constantly stern features caused her to gleam with such a rare wonder. So few things made her truly joyous - and to give kindling to this war was one of them. Her strides brought her to the side of her fellow Captain. "Thank you..." for a breath of time, her eyes lingered in his gaze, "Captain."

Sharing a moment with her, Morpheus allowed his smile to slip away in wonder of the people she had spoken to. He watched the faces, conscious that she did the same. Many present were young, as recently awakened as three weeks ago. These were the most loud, the most excited. They did not know the hardships as intimately as he or the woman at his side. "Do you remember, Niobe?" She looked up and he met her gaze mildly. "Do you remember what it was to be that young?"

"Young?" Niobe raised an eyebrow in jest. "I don't think I ever was." Though the jest was apparent, the words actual rang true in her heart. She could never tell if Morpheus understood that or not.

Morpheus smiled gently at her expression. Impulsively, or perhaps even instinctively, his hand found her shoulder, remembering paths taken long ago. "Perhaps not that young. But I recall a time when your laughter was unquenchable and contagious." He let his hand drop as he looked back into the crowd. "When things were different. Perhaps I am feeling nostalgic. We've lost many friends."

"That we have..." she looked over the crowd. This was it: her everything. Eerily, the feeling of his touch lingered in the back of her mind, warm and welcoming. That was a place she swore she would never go again, yet she let her mind meander there for a fleeting moment. "Maybe we were younger once..."

Perhaps he had had a little too much to drink, enough to set loose his tongue, or perhaps it was the burden of many years of war beginning to ease, offering him new freedoms. He did not know where they were going to go now, none of them, nor what the future would throw at them. But the question on his mind, a musing he did not even known the full intent behind, passed his lips. "Do you think we could ever be that young again? Even after all we have lost?"

Already she knew where this was going. "Morpheus..." she breathed. During the war, she was caught between the stiff reality that Jason offered her - he was so firm and strong. He stood behind the facts and what he saw before his eyes.

Morpheus was his opposite. The Captain of the Neb was the dreamer searching for the answer in faith and hopefully where the strength would come from the most - from the people.

Morpheus let his eyes trail over her face, soft and appreciative. The light played pleasantly over her features, reflecting the truth those eyes had to offer. "Again, I am sorry if my nostalgia has taken me beyond my bounds." He smiled at her uncertainty. "But my question still stands if you have an answer someday."

He looked away, allowing her the privacy of reflection. He had lost too many people he loved to accept anything but the truth with an open heart, but his hopes lingered on, irrepressible as the storms that used to grace their planet before the wars. This future would be a bright one, whatever path he took. He would accept no less than that.

He had been right about all he had told her - what had driven her from him. How could se be angry now? How could she retain bitterness after all that? "Morpheus... Look... Let's just see what the answer is..."

Nodding gently, Morpheus kept his distance, not expecting any more than what she offered now. "We have time. Plenty of time for whatever may come. I believe in that."

"Life at last..." she sighed. This was the life she had struggled for all of her life. Silently, she wished the Logos would be around to be remembered forever, to be able to be old enough to be decommissioned, but that day would never come. Her life in those pieces and parts had gone on to do something much greater.

Yet even in that silent pain that only a Captain would understand, she looked to Morpheus, who knew the same sadness. The Nebuchadnezzar was his baby and his home.

Morpheus laughed--a quiet laugh. His eyes sparkled as they traveled the crowd that was lost in its inevitable night rhythm. There would be many celebrations of this type in the coming days. He thought on two young souls that should be there, mixed in the crowd, or off alone being young. He was grateful for all Neo and Trinity had sacrificed, but that was a hole that wasn't going to go away any time soon.

When he looked down, he saw Niobe watching him with dark eyes. Long ago he would have returned her steady gaze, trying to guess what was on her mind. Tonight he felt a little older, despite his hope. "Would you settle for telling me what you're thinking?" he asked gently, motioning her off away from the loud music and voices.

With a slight nod, she succeeded to his suggestion as she walked towards his motion. Steadily she breathed. In the crowd, she knew Ghost and Sparks wandered somewhere. Poor Ghost... she thought as she disappeared into the quiet room as her disquiet heart continued on.

Taking a seat in the otherwise unoccupied room, Morpheus leaned back and watched her make her way towards him. She sat in a chair opposite him, collecting her thoughts and probably quieting her ghosts. He knew he was certainly trying to silence his own demons. An image of Mouse flitted through his memory, as the old faces often did. Inhaling, he tried to bury them away.

"I suppose the question becomes, what do we do now? The machines retreated, but what now? There is one in the Matrix that may have an answer, but is it truly safe to attempt to go so soon?" He looked, wondering if she would catch his meaning. The Oracle. Her face above most filled his thoughts.

"Not yet... its too early..." she mused as she thought on it amongst other things. "Besides, I want to see what happens here in the Real World now... I've spent enough days lately plugged in."

Morpheus nodded slowly, seeing her point, but his curiousity remained. All he had ever known and thought to be true had been thrown into jeopardy when Neo had told him he was not, in fact, the One. And yet just as Morpheus had believed, even somewhere inside during his momentary lapse of faith, those things had come to pass. He longed to understand all that had happened.

"Maybe you're right," he agreed, listening through the walls to the music going on outside. Perhaps he could find those answers within.

"Maybe..." her thoughts drifted back to the Logos. What had happened to Neo and Trinity was so muddled in reports and stories... but she was glad to know she had given them the chance to finish it - even if it meant sacrificing her ship for it.

It was nice to simply sit. To enjoy life. Thinking back, Morpheus found he had not done that in a long time. Ever since the Oracle had breathed her vision into his being he had set his sights on finding the One, driving a himself as a machine of unshakable faith and unwavering purpose until at last he had done it. Rest would come then, he had always assumed, but that was infinitely not the case. When Neo was found the rate at which life moved only accelerated, leaving him breathless now in its wake.

Morpheus watched her rest her head back with her eyes closed and he imagined she must be thinking much the same thing concerning her own part in the grand scheme. And he said nothing to disturb that.

An open door did that for him. He looked up just as Sparks popped his head in. "Hey, sorry to interrupt the private party you two got going on, but anyone seen Link? He and I had a little bet going and he lost, but he seems a bit lax in the pay-up department." Sparks lifted his hand, wiggled his fingers and waited.

"I haven't seen him," Morpheus countered with an upraised eyebrow. "What sort of bet could you have made during all this?"

The younger man grinned. "We operators have secrets you mere captains cannot even fathom. I'll leave you two alone."

Without even opening her eyes, Niobe's brow raised, the immediate sign that she was either annoyed or joking quite seriously. Though she loved Sparks like a brother and trusted him endlessly, she at times was lost to the humor he found so entertaining. She said nothing, waiting for her operator to depart.

The sound of the door closing behind him reached her ears just as her eyes slid open. "Of course it would be my operator against yours..." she laughed to herself. Briefly she considered what it could have been they had been betting on, but when she finally reached the conclusion it had to do either with death, destruction, or mayhem, she let it be.

Morpheus smiled serenely. "I am quite certain that we would be better off not knowing," he suggested, folding his arms together. Niobe seemed to agree by her expression. She looked tired; not in a haggard way, but as if the weight had finally lifted from her shoulders long enough for her to seek true rest. Maybe he was only interpreting what he felt inside himself, but it was not an unpleasant sight. He could remember what her repose looked like.

Which brought him to another question. "How is Jason? I haven't seen him since returning. He is all right, I trust."

At the very sound of his name, she froze up for a brief moment - clearly caught off guard. Niobe scarcely ever showed what she was truthfully feeling inside, she would let others guess or give them a thin guise to gaze upon, but never the real thing. It was around Morpheus that she let it fall away. She could smile when she was happy or frown when she was upset. It was okay. But even the very mention of Jason Locke caused her to remember something she was working to forget at least for the evening. "He's doing fine," she spoke as if it were an off-handed thing.

Giving her a hesitant smile, Morpheus nodded. "I am glad to know that he survived," he replied honestly. He sighed, having not missed her momentary flicker of surprise. He could only hope all was well between them. While his sights were set upon a thing, anything, he would not give up, but in this case he would never insert himself between her and happiness despite the contention between he and Locke.

"He's... working..." she spoke softly. "Otherwise he would be here himself." She let her hopes cling to that. However, she knew within he would never come, even if he wasn't working. He had been wrong, and nothing hurt his pride more.

"No doubt," Morpheus replied, looking at a decorative weapon on the wall. "His first priority was always making sure our people were safe." And it was true. He could not be faulted for that, for despite everything Locke did genuinely care for the welfare of Zion.

It was just the way in which he cared for it that aggravated Niobe. More so even, it was the way he cared for her. She didn't want to be like the ornamental weapon on the wall - carrying the look of power and usefulness, but just there for show. "And he does it well..." Mostly...

A sudden look of regret washed over his features. It was a conversation untouched, for the most part, and perhaps that was for the better, but now that all was said and done, Morpheus felt he owned her this much. Leaning forward, he captured one of her hands. "I am sorry, Niobe." It was for a myriad of reasons. He was sorry how their relationship had ended, sorry for some of the paths their lives had taken, sorry she ceased to be his first priority once upon a time. He was sorry he had waited so long to say it.

Even as he touched her hand, she was taken aback. The words washed over her, and immediately she was breathless. Of all the things she imagined would come from his lips, that was the one thing she never would have predicted. Shocked and stunned, she blinked a few times. She thought of all the reasons in the world why he would say those words. Each of them made her feel more and more guilty. She had left him so long ago because she could not believe. She too had let them grow apart. She was even sorry herself. "Don't be, Morpheus... Nothing has been your fault." She paused, considering what to say. "I've been blind."

Morpheus nodded, giving her hand a soft squeeze. He wanted to say all the right words, to mend all broken paths, but he just did not have all the answers, no matter what the Oracle told him or what life told him. "We both made choices," he told her solemnly, looking at the hand in his. "Some of those were right. Some of them were wrong." He lifted his dark eyes to hers again. "I don't want those choices to remain between us. For a long time we said nothing to one another, content to make our own ways, but knowing what I have lost has shown me what I have not."

He exhaled and looked down. "There are so many things I wish I could have said to Neo and Trinity, that I can never say. I would hate for the same thing to apply to either of us one day."

"Morpheus, ask yourself, though, of all the choices you ever made, would you take back any of them?" It was on blind faith she asked, yet she knew there could not be too many things for him to regret. It was because of his determination that Neo got where he did.

He nodded, truthfully searching himself. "Knowing what I know now, there are things I could not change, no matter the cost. That is an inevitable truth that I cannot lie about. But there were things I could have done better. There are always things that can be done better."

He pursed his lips, looking up. "I was driven because I had to be. I had to be strong, faithful and dedicated. And I was. And in that I shut everyone out because I could not afford to stop even for a moment. I became alone. Perhaps I needed that to succeed, perhaps not. But I would have liked sharing some of those things with you."

"You did what you needed to do... I deserted you because I couldn't believe..." she shook her head. "I was too blind to see that you were right." Tenderly, she squeezed his hands with hers as she braced her free hand atop his. Everything she bottled up was coming out - things she shared only with Ghost on long nights sitting in the cockpit of the Logos.

Hearing that, he shook his head, not wanting she should continue thinking that way at all. "Niobe, you believed what you thought was right. You didn't bury your feelings and who you are, not even for me or my beliefs. Right or wrong, I would expect nothing less of you." His fingers began tracing her hands gently, instinctively. "You are too strong to be second in any man's life and I understand and respect that.

A wan smile turned her lips gradually. "You were always there for me, except when I thought it mattered most. I was selfish to want you there for me when you should have been doing exactly what you were doing," she sighed. "I'm not angry any more... I'm more angry with myself now than anything... I left you because I could not believe that the One would come, and I let that take me over."

He mirrored that wan smile, turning her hand up in his, looking at her palm. His eyes traced the delicate lines. "In another time and place I could have been wrong. You could not have known, not for certain, the ultimate outcome," he said. "So you did what you had to do."

He was grateful that they could say these things. In the beginning of the end, when so much destruction had happened, when the Logos was nowhere to be found, he had learned true doubt and true fear. He had had his faith robbed of him and thought she had gone with it. Now that both were intact, his faith justified and her safe and sound, he knew true appreciation.

Unsure of what to say, she looked to her hands, engulfed in his strong grasp. "Maybe..." Dazzling light gleamed back into his gaze, thankful that he was there to grasp her hands, that the barrier she thought she had built did not keep him away. "Maybe time will tell..."

Morpheus squeezed her hands a little firmly, letting his gaze roam her face. She was truly beautiful in the sultry lighting of the night illumination. Impulsively, he took one hand and parted it from the other. "I am thankful that we can still speak freely to one another. That is all I have ever needed." Lowering his lips to her skin, he kissed the top of her hand, relishing the closeness once more. He was sorely tempted just now to let it all go, the pain of the past year and the stress, to bleed it through tears or laughter. He was hard pressed to let go again, but released her hand before he let those floodgates of his soul open.

The stoic Captain of the Logos had not many things she would say could she get passed the safeguards she threw over her emotions and her bitter truths all the things that she knew an ambitious woman was not allowed to have. "I'm happy we aren't strangers, Morpheus."

He pulled away, allowing his smile to return. "As am I." It felt good to have said those things. A little more of the weight on his shoulders seemed to lift, offering him another glimpse of the true freedom that had haunted his dreams for as long as he could remember.

"As am I."

His hands about hers felt so warm, so strangely right - more than anyone's touch ever felt. There was something that captivated her about him, yet what it was, she knew not. Content in merely breathing in his presence, she squeezed his hands gently. For what seemed like an eternity she sat in silence, reveling in his company.

It felt good to sit here in silence. Morpheus could barely recall the last time he had merely slowed down, with nothing to do, no mission waiting over the horizon. Of course rebuilding Zion, repairing the damaged ships and repairing the emotional turmoil of the past few days lay before each and every one of them, but the urgency seemed dim compared to before.

He wondered what they would do; who would make the first move, the machines or them. Would they be content to allow Zion to endure now, or others try to stand against them? Neo had taught him that not all programs originating from the Matrix were indeed against them. That could only hold true in the opposite light, especially concerning the Merovingian. Not all programs would be aligned with the Mainframe, either.

Even if Zion stood unthreatened, what did that mean for captains like he and Niobe? Would they see movement of ships through the tunnels as an affront to their seemingly graciously offered peace? Was this based on the condition that they refrain from freeing more minds?

Exhaling, he looking into her face, seeking those answers and instead found himself pushing the questions aside. He needed rest; craved it like he had wanted to complete his task in this war. Turning his energy into attention to be given her, he asked softly, "What will you do now?"

Over and over again, she turned the question, searching for where to even begin. The war was over, yes, yet she knew not what to do with herself so abruptly. All she knew was obliterated so suddenly.

The Logos was her life. It was in the piping, the cables, her life pumped. The engine was the beating heart within her breast. Yet, strangely, in its absence, she felt oddly open and new - a feeling she was yet to assimilate into her consciousness.

"I... I don't know exactly..."

She once heard that a warrior's place is in war and no where else. Silently she noted how true she felt that was now.

Morpheus bit his lip, feeling the same disquiet her tone projected. "It is a difficult thing when you feel you must choose, but the choices are dark and unknown." He thought back on the Nebuchadnezzar, what his life had once held. "Councilor Hamann said he would like to have a word with me tomorrow. I can only hope he offers some insight."

He exhaled, watching her discomfort. It touched that deep part of him that still loved her. "There will be plenty for us to do. Zion will need rebuilding. And there is the Matrix to think about sooner or later." He knew coming back to that bothered her somewhere inside. She seemed hesitant about their return and perhaps she was right. Returning may awaken danger. They still did not have a clear picture of what had truly happened.

Which brought him to his next thought. "I had considered taking a ship and trying to find Neo and Trinity. If they are alive somewhere..." Her eyes were dark and patient. He exhaled and rubbed her fingers, letting it go.

"Morpheus..." Niobe quietly tried so hard to find hope within her that they were alive, yet it seemed so impossible. The thought of returning to the Matrix alone was unnerving. Never, after she was unplugged, did she sit quite right with the mechanized world. The irony hit her quite hard as she offered a wan smile. A hatred for a tool we created, that created us... Subconsciously, she rubbed her arm to where the cool metal was. She hated the feeling.

"I know," he said quietly, nodding his head. "A fool's dream. It is unlikely they endured and yet, I keep expecting them to return. He was the One."

Morpheus sighed and returned her soft smile. "She never told me what would happen after the war, after all was done." He listened to the raging music outside their shared room, the lurid rhythm of a slow song meant to entice enjoyment out of Zion. It lulled him into memories and his voice became distant. "I am wandering blind and alone now."

It was only for a fleeting moment that she hesitated. Tenderly, she reached out, taking his cheek with her small, slender hand. "Morpheus, you're not blind... You're awake for the first time, just as all of Zion is." After the numb, surreal feeling had passed away, Niobe realized that their world had been given a chance to be reborn.

He enjoyed the feeling of her hand on his skin, so caring and so present. It made those nights he had stretched out on his cot aboard the Neb or even returned to his home here to an empty apartment seem so vastly cold. He averted his eyes from hers, afraid to reveal what was inside. He had never let anyone see his doubts, his pain.

"When I had finding the One ahead of me, ending this war, I had a definitive purpose," he admitted in low tones, searching her dark eyes. "I knew where I was going, what I was supposed to do." He gave a wan laugh. "I suppose I became spoiled to that. I see a bright future, but I wonder where I will fit in now."

"You knew where you were going," she sighed. "And if you look inside yourself... you'll know where you are going." So suddenly she felt like Ghost and his proverbs. "The path is only unclear because you look over your shoulder."

"You are wise, Captain," he complimented her, inhaling deeply. Her way of deciphering his turmoil was a comfort at such a time as this. "Wise and kind to a tired old soul such as mine." He took her palm from his face, smoothing his hand down it. "Jason Locke is a fortunate man."

It struck the moment of peace hard, he saw her flinch, but he had to remind himself of that reality before doing something they would both regret. It simply was not his place and already he was fighting the old impulses. It was a battle he could not continue without fear of losing.

So Morpheus pulled back and stood up. "Perhaps we should return. We may be missed."

"Yeah... go ahead..." she sat, her eyes gazing to Morpheus, but her thoughts truthfully on but a moment ago. Maybe... just maybe... The turmoil of indecision spun through her mind, ravishing her heart.

Morpheus retreated to the doorway, his hand grasping the cold metal handle. One turn at it was open, but he held it closed for a moment longer as he returned his gaze to her. She was watching him, her eyes weighing him. His hand on the latch tightened slightly. "Will you accompany me?" he asked, meaning several things at once within the darkness of his heart. He was over crossing his bounds.

He gazed into her midnight eyes, searching for the strength to stop this, losing himself in the process. He had to leave now.

With a soft breath, she gripped the crimson sleeve that covered her arm. "Gladly," she smiled, rising from her seat, "Captain." Truthfully, even if Jason decided to show himself, she wanted this, and the rest of it could be dealt with later.

He allowed a smile to cross his lips as he held out his hand for her. She took it, coming to his side and they slipped out of the room together. The music had not diminished, the crowd still at it, still enjoying the youth of the night. Morpheus urged Niobe behind the crowd, away from the clamor, into the dark.

Forms moved beyond them, friendly faces greeted them with celebration glinting in their eyes until they were within the background of the party. He stopped, turning back to look into her face to be certain she knew what he wanted. "Is this what you would have of me, Niobe?"

The smile on her face faded away. "What do you mean, Morpheus?" Though she had a strong inkling, she dare not speak it unless she was positive that he spoke of it.

He trailed his dark eyes over her face and form, pulling her hand to his lips. "In all this time I have not stopped loving you," he told her nakedly, letting his full want reflect in his gaze as he ran his hand down her neck, pulling the fabric of her shirt back to touch the hot skin beneath. "I have never stopped wanting you. I want you again, Niobe."

He fingered the flesh beneath her shirt, his eyes becoming grave. "But I will not do this if you doubt what you want."

In silence she had taken what she felt within, unsure of where she was going to go with it. He offered it to her, spoke what her heart longed for so suddenly. But did she really want it.

Within she felt the churning of emotions, the arousal of the touch of his skin to hers, yet also the struggle she had so long left unresolved. "Morpheus..." Do I doubt? So deeply within her had she buried her pain in leaving him that she had a hard time finding words - for with it did she bury her love. Yet love him she did.

He looked behind her, into the crowd, scanning for one face in particular. There was no sign of Jason Locke, no hold barring them back. When his eyes met hers, his brows knit, his restraint crumbling, he knew he could not deny her if she asked anything of him. Not now. Loss and life had breathed too much of its intoxication into him in the past 72 hours.

Morpheus let out a tense breath, then moved forward, pressing close to her as someone passed too near him. They were painfully close and his resolve failed him. Looking down into her eyes he saw want there and that was enough. Bending down, he pressed his mouth against hers and drank in her kiss.

Niobe felt the kiss consume her - taking all else away as it swept over her. The thunderous noise within the Temple died away to nothingness. For a second she believed she had slipped from reality. Within, she knew she was awake, only walking in dream. Willingly, she fell into his kiss.

Wrapping a hand around the back of her neck, holding her steady to him, Morpheus opened his mouth to hers and ignited the fire between them. There would be no going back now. They had played with fire and lost. He could feel desire gripping him, shaking him to the soles of his feet. It had been long since he had held her this way.

When he let go, he licked his lips and kissed her hand, breathing, "Let's go." As they stepped from the cavern into the hallway the noise died down, leaving them in a tense silence. Quickly he urged her to the lift and pulled her back into his arms as the doors closed.

A curious smile crept over her face. "I think I may have wanted to do that for a very long time..." she murmured as she reveled in the last few moments.

He rested his forehead against hers, breathing a soft laugh as his strong hand molded to her shoulder, sliding down her arm, then back up again, only to repeat the process. "You know where I live," he said, enjoying the warmth of her against him. "You know where I stand." He gave her cheek a quick sweep with his mouth, then pulled away, conscious that the lift was stopping.

The lights of the empty city whirred on through what Niobe could guess should be the night. "I couldn't have then..." she rested her hands at the top of his pants, simply resting. "But now... now I see that the world doesn't need to be centered around rules and regulations..."

Morpheus touched her fingers softly, tracing the contours of each with his fingertips. "No, but you would be welcome to again if you have the need," he breathed, looked down at her hand, then into her dark eyes. "Anytime."

The door hissed open and he took a breath, his heart questioning every step he took as they entered the quiet, barren walkway that lead to his quarters. The metal sound of their footfalls echoed in the quiet, making their presense seem intrusive to the area, but he knew they were all alone. When they came to his rooms he backed against the door, fumbling for the handle as he kissed her. It opened and fate stood before them, waiting to claim them for good or ill. "No rules," he agreed, reveling in the sight of her, the recollection of what he used to have in his life. "Not tonight."

~~~~~~~

Matrix RPGing at: lotrmatrix.hyperboards.com – main characters still available – Trinity, Neo, Smith, Sparks, Ghost, Twin 1, Ect.

Authors:
Niobe – Estel – eriestel@covad.net
Morpheus – Ruse – jedinineofnine@hotmail.com