How I Survived a Bear Attack

'Niou, you're late... Again.' Sanada stated sternly. Niou was just practically asking for laps, damn it.

'...No, I'm not. Everyone's just early.' Niou said, a smirk on his face.

'Niou,' Sanada warned.

'Stop nagging me! I'm just a kid and my life is a nightmare! I'm just a kid and I know that it's not fair! Nobody cares 'cause I'm alone in-'

'I won't stop unless you give me a good reason.'

'Fine.' Niou crossed his arms.

'Wait! Let me grab a chair! These stuff are classic!' Marui cried out.

x

Soon, Marui came back, chair in hand. 'Say it, Niou. Just say it.'

Niou rolled his eyes, 'So, okay, I was in a petting zoo. And I went to,' Niou gulped, flushed. 'pet this chick's --- And by chick, I mean a hot girl --- ass. I mean, what's the point of not petting if you're in a petting zoo, right? Get what I mean?'

Both Sanada and Marui nodded.

'But when the chick turned around,' Niou's eyes widened unconsciously. 'She was actually... A bear. And then...' Niou paled. 'She growled and bit me in the ear.'

Sanada's bottom lip trembled.

'I know. So terrible, isn't it? Anyways,' Niou shifted uncomfortably. 'my ear bled like crazy. I cried out. I screamed. But then she... slapped my ass. But I guess I deserved it since I touched her ass, too, right?' Niou laughed. It was a bitter, unpleasant sound.

'When I saw the blood dripping off of me, I felt all nervous and uneasy. It was scary. So I ran. And ran. And ran.' Niou wiped sweat off of his forehead.

'Then what happened?'

'I outran the bear, of course.' Niou smirked.

'That's all?'

'Yup.' Niou nodded.

'When did it happen? Why aren't your clothes ruined?'

'Well, smarty pants, I took a bath.' Niou's smirk, if anything, grew bigger.

'You didn't answer my first question. When did it happen?'

Silence.

'Answer it. And may I see your ear and ass?'

'Only my ear. I don't like people looking at my ass.' Niou said, consciously.

'Fine.'

Niou nodded and put his hair behind his ear.

'Hm... So that's why you have your hair like that.' Marui murmured, amused.

'When did it happen?'

Niou looked down. 'When I was seven,'

Sanada sighed and rubbed his temples, 'Run... Just run your laps, Niou.'

Niou nodded and ran his laps.

Marui laughed, 'These things are classic!' He looked at Niou and yelled, 'Congratulations! You have just reached a new level of idiocy!'

Sanada sighed, 'You, too, Marui.'

FIN~

'Cause bears are awesome and there's no denying it.