"Noah wants to have sex," Rachel declares as she plops down across from Santana and Brittany in the crowded cafeteria.
Her companions cringe as they exchange an exasperated look. Santana motions to the horde of students surrounding them. "We're in public," she states curtly. "And this friendship of ours, or whatever it is, only works when we're inot/i in public."
"I'm sorry but I'm not sure I'm fully equipped to handle this kind of situation on my own. I mean, iNoah/i wants to have sex—iwith me/i."
"He's a boy," Santana replies like it's the simplest answer in the world. "And when your mouth's not running and you're not wearing those ridiculous animal sweaters you're kind of a babe."
Brittany bobs her head in agreement before adding, "All boys want to have sex with hot girls."
Rachel sighs in frustration before leaning in closer and whispering, "But I'm a virgin."
Santana barks out a condescending laugh that makes Rachel's cheeks flush a deep shade of red. She thinks maybe asking her former antagonists for advice wasn't the best idea.
"Look, Crazy Cakes," Santana sighs. "You like Puck and for some reason that's way beyond my understanding he likes you back. So, do the deed, Seal the deal, give him a little taste of your cherry, Berry and he'll be all yours."
"Besides," Brittany adds, "sex is how we control men."