Wag the Cabbit
The Revised Version
By: BGlanders
***
It was a beautiful, sunny day (as always) as Tenchi slowly awoke to
Ryoko's face before his own. After the usual screaming and fits of anger,
Tenchi composed himself and headed towards the bathroom. As Ryoko sat and pawed
at the washroom door, Aeka arose and began her usual morning ritual.
"Miss Ryoko! Really, that behavior is simply pathetic! If I had half a mind.."
"You'd be gifted!" Ryoko cut her off. As the electricity started to fill the
air, Sasami woke up and saw the usual morning chaos. "Do you two have to fight
every morning?" "YES!" The two screamed back. Sasami made her way downstairs
to a sleepy Mihoshi watching TV. "Morning Sasami, are Ryoko and Aeka fighting
again?" "Yep." Sasami made her way to the kitchen and greeted Washu, who was
busy typing on her see-through laptop. "Good morning Sasami. So, where's
Tenchi?"
Sasami took out the carrots and a knife and said, "He's trapped in the bathroom
right now, but he should be down soon." Sasami proceeded to chop the carrots
with a force that dented the counter. Washu walked over to her and put her hand
on Sasami's shoulder. "Sasami dear, don't you think we should do something
about all of this?" Sasami looked up at the greatest scientific genius in the
universe and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so, but do we have to?"
Washu nodded and said, "you know it's for the best, Sasami." With that, Tenchi,
Mihoshi, Aeka and Ryoko stormed into the kitchen. Tenchi tried to run for
cover, Aeka and Ryoko continued to scream at each other and Mihoshi was feebly
trying to get between them. Tenchi finally made his way over to Sasami and
Washu. "Morning ladies, how are you two?" Washu calmly grabbed Tenchi, pushed
him aside, and opened a dimensional pocket. From that pocket she pulled out a
rather large and shiny gun. Without delay, Washu leveled the gun at the
quarreling pair and pulled the trigger.
Instantly, Ryoko and Aeka were reduced to a charred pile of ashes. Tenchi just
stood in shock as Washu calmly sat the gun on the counter. "Wh..what was that?"
Washu cleared her throat. "That was the Mediator 6000. I built it especially
for a situation like this. Now Sasami, when will breakfast be?"
***
It was a bright, sunny day and the Masaki household was as busy as ever.
Tenchi was out in the carrot fields and Washu was typing/reading/watching
TV/spamming the Pentagon/the usual crap. Mihoshi was watching TV with Sasami
and Aeka, while Ryoko was nowhere to be found.
"Hmm, something seems out of place..." Mihoshi was the first to notice that
something was wrong. "Hey Aeka, where's Ryoko?" Sasami and Washu slapped their
foreheads at the same time as Aeka went into a rage. "Oooh! I bet she's trying
to seduce Tenchi!" Aeka screamed as she flew out the door.
Ryoko stood in front of the Masaki shrine door and knocked. "Come in," said an
aged voice from inside. As Ryoko slid the door open, Aeka's voice cut through
the air like a knife. "Miss Ryoko!" Aeka stood in full Jurian battle gear with
logs in tow. "What? I wasn't doing anything!"
"You were too! You were trying to seduce Tenchi!"
"Um, no, I was going to ask Yosho for some cash so I could go get some sake.."
"Liar! I bet Tenchi's in there!"
"Are you feeling okay, little princess?"
Aeka screamed and assumed a battle position. "Azaka! Kamadaki! Destroy that
slut!" "Yes ma'am," the two logs chimed in. "Here we come. Here we come. Here we
come." As Ryoko readied for battle, Yosho stepped out of the Shrine office with
2,000 yen in his hand. "Ahem." Both logs stopped in mid "here w-" and turned
to Yosho. "Now haven't we talked about this ladies?" Yosho said in his
grandfather-knows-best voice. "Yes Yosho," both girls said with bowed heads.
"Humph. I told you no fighting in front of the Shrine, but you just wouldn't
listen. Azaka, Kamadaki, punish these two trouble makers." "Yes sir," both
logs chimed in. As Ryoko and Aeka stood dumb-founded, Azaka and Kamadaki
unleashed their force bolts and fried the two girls on the spot.
"Tenchi. Tenchi!" Tenchi came running up to the Shrine office with 5,000
carrots on his back. "Yes grandfather?" Yosho brushed the two logs aside and
handed Tenchi a broom. "Tenchi, sweep up these two and then run down to the
store. I need some plant food for Funaho." "Hai." Tenchi bowed and proceeded
to sweep up his would-be-wives.
***
Tsunami stood in the royal garden and looked into her dimensional pool.
"Hmm, this just won't do," she said to herself. She pointed a small, black
remote control at the pool and hit the CHAN UP button. Instantly, the Masaki
shrine appeared before her once again, and as Tsunami sat down in her Lazy-tree,
she smiled and popped some popcorn into her mouth. "Today will be the day, I
just know it."
It was another beautiful, sunny, warm, fuzzy day at the Masaki shrine. As
Aeka, Ryoko, Washu, Sasami and Tenchi came down to the kitchen, Yosho greeted
them as he sat at the table, reading the paper and sipping tea. "Good morning
everyone." "Good morning Yosho," they said in one voice. Sasami set to making
breakfast while the others sat down. "So Tenchi," purred Ryoko, "do you have to
go to the fields today?" Tenchi turned a new shade of red as the other
characters let out a groan. "Miss Ryoko!!!"
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU! IF YOU TWO CAN'T BE FRIENDS, THEN I'M GOING TO
SEPERATE YOU!" With that, a force beam struck Aeka, frying her to a crisp.
"Hey than.." Ryoko was cut off as she was blasted as well. As Tenchi stared on
in bleak horror, Mihoshi walked to the living room to watch TV. Washu continued
to type on her computer and Yosho turned a page in his paper.
"Thank you Sasami. When will breakfast be ready?" Yosho asked. The smiling
princess set the Atomizer-6000 on the counter and happily got out some eggs.
"In about 20 minutes, grandpa." Yosho nodded and tossed a broom at Tenchi.
"Tenchi, sweep up our house guests, then I want you to go out to the fields for
18 hours. You look like you could use a workout, so when your done, stop by the
office and we'll practice until you can't move from the neck down..."
Yosho never got to finish, as Tenchi had just blown him away with the
Atomizer-6000. "So Sasami, when did you say breakfast would be?"
***
Washu was busily working on some new project as Tsunami appeared before
her. Washu noticed instantly, but decided to ignore her.
"Ahem," Tsunami cleared her throat and Washu glanced up. "Oh, Tsunami! I
didn't hear you materialize." "Cut the crap Washu, we've got work to do."
Washu was taken aback; this wasn't like the Tsunami she knew. "I'm getting
annoyed, Washu. We've gone through this three times already and so far nothing.
Zero. Zip. How long is this going to take?" Washu remained calm. "Take it
easy Tsu, when.."
Tsunami grabbed Washu by the collar and shook her. "Don't call me that! I hate
that name!" Washu took a breath. "All right. Tsunami. When we find the right
mixture, we'll commence with phase two, but until then we're going to have to
remain patient."
Tsunami composed herself. "You're right. I'm sorry for my outbursts, but this
is getting difficult to pull off. One? No problem. Two? A bit tricky, but
still not a problem. Three? Now that's pushing it. Four? How much longer is
this going to take? I have an empire to run, you know."
Washu nodded in agreement. "I know. We're just going to have to suffer and do
the best we can. Besides, my Jurian Power Amplifier should have taken some of
the stress away." Tsunami nodded. "Yes, I have to agree. If I was still doing
this on my own, I would probably be completely drained of energy, and the Jurian
fleet wouldn't be of much use if I weren't. Still, this isn't easy. At first I
was enjoying the show, but now...! I've had to watch the same damn magical girl
dream for four nights now! If this keeps up, I'm gonna snap!"
Washu walked over to her computer and punched up a spreadsheet. "Don't worry,
it takes 10 magical girl episodes in a row to drive an average terran insane,
for you it'll probably take twice as long." Tsunami smirked at the joke, even
though she didn't want to. "I guess you're right. However I'm still not
enjoying the repetition..."
"Hey! You've got no room to talk! 'Yesterday' I came up with a logarithm that
could increase the power output of a GP battle cruiser by a factor of ten! I
was gonna sell it for a king's ransom and then 'last night' I got a little tipsy
while celebrating with Tenchi and..." Tsunami smiled. "You forgot it?" Washu
slammed her fist down on a counter. "I found it by accident, all right?! Not
everything I do is planned, you know." Tsunami's smile grew. "But Washu, I
thought your lab wasn't affected by our little 'experiment'. So if you typed it
up here..."
"All right! I wrote it out on a cocktail napkin! There, happy?!" Tsunami
couldn't take it. She started laughing at the greatest scientific genius in the
universe's plight. She had known, of course. Sasami had come downstairs to say
goodnight as Washu and Tenchi were knocking 'em back and celebrating at
Aeka's/Ryoko's/Yosho's wake. Through her eyes, Tsunami had known of Washu's
discovery.
Tsunami suddenly snapped to attention. "Sasami's awake. We'd better get
started." Washu pulled out an egg-shaped device. "My Juraiagotchi says it's
only 6:00. You go watch while I set things up." Tsunami turned to go and then
stopped. "Did you say 'Juraiagotchi'?" Washu nodded and handed the egg to
Tsunami. "They're virtual pets. Your garden-variety virtual pet can be a cat,
dog, dinosaur, 'alien', penguin, you name it. I took the idea one step further.
In just three weeks, I sold over 10 million of these things on 30 Jurai-ruled
planets. You can raise a cabbit, tree, even a Ryoko." Tsunami gave Washu a
nervous smile and quietly phased out of the lab. Washu grinned and said to
herself, "Hmm, I wonder if I should have told her about the new fighting
Juraiagothci?"
It was a beautiful, sunny day as Tenchi rose to find his bedroom
surprisingly vacant. As Tenchi lay wondering how he could wake up so blessed to
have a 'Ryoko-free' morning, the sound of a battle could be heard in the hall.
"I should've known." Tenchi groaned and put his pillow over his head.
"Miss Ryoko, I most certainly DO NOT think Tenchi wants to see you naked first
thing in the morning!" A quite naked Ryoko stood ready for battle as Aeka
charged up her logs. As Tenchi emerged from his bedroom, he suddenly found
himself in the crossfire; literally. Ryoko's power beam and Aeka's force bolt
collided with Tenchi simultaneously, frying him on the spot.
As both girls stood in horror and bewilderment, Washu came upstairs to see what
was going on. "What the hell...?!" She screamed as she saw what had happened.
Ryoko and Aeka were still in shock as Washu quietly brought up her laptop and
started crunching numbers.
Tsunami slammed her fist down on her Lazy-tree and screamed. "Damnit!
Another day wasted! Why, for the love of heaven, can't they stop for JUST ONE
DAY?!? Heck, I just got here and already this one's shot! This is never gonna
work. I'm gonna be stuck with Washu for an eternity!" Grumbling, Tsunami
slumped back into her Lazy-tree and changed the pool. Instantly, the image in
the dimensional pool was that of a young man in drag caught in a tug of war
between a naked redhead and a lunch girl. "Mr. Fujisawa!!!!!" The boy screamed
as Tsunami watched with a somewhat-content look on her face. "Ahh, Makoto, you
never fail to cheer me up."
***
Washu sat in her lab, her attention buried in some experiment. Ryoko
slowly approached, not wanting to make her 'mother' angry, but at the same time
needing to ask her...
"Mommy?" Ryoko meekly chirped. Washu jumped a mile. "Waa???! What the hell
do you want?! Just stay away from me, will ya?" Washu resumed her experiment
while Ryoko started to cry behind her. "Don't you want me anymore, mommy? I
just wanted to know about...Te..Tenchi.." A flood of tears followed. "I..I
didn't mean to bl..blow hi up..it..it just kinda...happened..oh Mommy, hold
me!!!!"
Washu stopped typing on her computer and turned to her 'daughter'. "There,
there sweetie. Just hold still and mommy will make it all better." With that,
Washu jabbed a syringe into Ryoko's neck.
In seconds, the sedative started to take effect. "Wha? Mommy?" Those were
Ryoko's last words before she hit the floor like a ton of bricks. Washu set the
syringe aside and picked up a new one. "Well, since you're already here and
asleep, I might as well give you this..."
As Washu finished tucking Ryoko in, she checked her Juraiagotchi. "11:58?
Oboy." Washu made a hell bent dash for her lab as everything started to
shimmer. As she slammed the door to her lab, a quiet 'pop' could be heard from
the other side.
Tsunami was bushed. Today hadn't even started and already it had been
shot. Plus the power drain this time had nearly knocked her out. "Thank God
for that power booster. If I hadn't had it..." She didn't want to think about
what could have happened. As she slumped back into her lazy tree, she decided
to see what was on the pool. Before she could catch herself, she hit the PWR
button on her remote.
"Pretty mutation! Magical Recall!!"
Throughout the Jurian Empire, a scream could be heard.
***
Washu relaxed and smiled at the graphs before her. "Finally, I think I've
finally struck pay dirt." She chuckled quietly to herself as Tsunami
materialized behind her. "Washu, please tell me you've found it. I.. I can't
take this anymore... IF I HAVE TO WATCH THAT MAGICAL GIRL DREAM ONE MORE
TIME...!"
Washu took a deep breath and picked up a syringe. "Tsunami, have you noticed
your...behavior as of late? This is hardly how a Goddess of the Multiverse
should behave." Tsunami froze and suddenly everything she had said and done
over the last four days came back to her.
"Wha...what is going on? You're right, Washu. I've been on an emotional roller
coaster these last few days. I thought it was because of the enormous power
drain this was taking, but now... now I just don't know."
"I do." Washu walked over to Tsunami, and tested the syringe in her hand. "The
portion of the experiment that has been on Sasami has indirectly affected you.
However, as she wakes up refreshed each day, you've had this pressure compiled
on you for four days now. That's why I threw this together." With that, Washu
rammed the syringe into Tsunami's arm. After a surprised scream, Tsunami
composed herself and let Washu do her work. When she was done, Tsunami took a
deep breath and finally relaxed.
"The pressure, the pain, it's gone! Thank you Washu, thank you very much."
Washu bowed. "My pleasure, Tsunami. After all, we can't have the Jurain Royal
fleet wigging out on us, now can we?" Washu giggled and headed back to her
computer. "Check this out Tsunami, I think I've finally found the right
combination. With any luck, our worries will be over in 24 hours!"
"We shall see," Tsunami calmly said, "we shall see."
It was a bright, sunny, happy day in the Masaki household as Tenchi lay in
bed. It was 7:00, but he refused to move. From outside in the hall, Tenchi
heard something he thought he'd never hear again at this time in the morning;
silence.
Sasami and Aeka lay in their futons, staring at the ceiling and eating bon-bons.
Both were groggy and mumbling as bag after bag of fattening chocolate vanished.
"Aeka? Do you think we should stop? We might get really fat if we keep this
up." Aeka sniffed and continued to eat. "Who cares? Tenchi doesn't love me,
he never will. Everyone here hates me, so there's nothing left for me to do
except eat and get fat and EXPLODE." Sasami sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're
right."
Ryoko lay on the couch, watching TV and sobbing. Around her lay hundreds of
wadded-up tissues. "This show is so moving... oh God...!" A steady stream of
tears followed. Ryoko wasn't exactly sure what the show was called, who was in
it or what it was about. All she knew was that it was really really depressing.
Soon Mihoshi came downstairs. "Morning Ryoko. Ohh, Grave of the Fireflies! I
love this movie!"
FIVE MINUTES LATER...
Ryoko and Mihoshi lay on the couch, watching TV and sobbing. Around them
lay thousands of wadded-up tissues. "This show is so moving... I'M SO MOVED,
I'M SO MOVED!!!" A steady stream of tears followed as Ryoko and Mihoshi hugged
each other and let the tears fly.
Washu emerged from her lab with a broad smile on her face. It was going to be a
great day, she knew it. After all, after four days of failure (a record for the
greatest scientific genius in the universe) today was bound to go good.
Washu stopped as she saw Tenchi, Aeka, Sasami, Ryoko and Mihoshi sat in a row,
crying their eyes out. Then she saw what was on TV. "What the hell?!" She
sprinted for the remote and changed the channel. Instantly, the sobbing quintet
stopped and turned to face the mad scientist. "Okay, I'm gonna lay some ground
rules for today. First off, no sad movies. If you five are going to watch TV,
then it's going to be something light and happy. I'm talking total Kawaii, got
it?"
The five nodded and Ryoko spoke up. "Why are you yelling at us mommy? Don't
you love me anymore?" Washu slapped her forehead as Ryoko broke down in front
of her. The others, upon seeing Ryoko burst into tears, quickly followed suit.
Suddenly Washu snapped to attention and looked around wildly. "Where's Yosho?"
Tenchi stopped sobbing long enough to answer. "I..I think he went to the Shrine
office. Does that mean he doesn't love me anymore?" Tenchi broke out in a
fresh stream of tears as Washu bolted for the Shrine.
"My darling Achika, I miss you so much..." Yosho was in tears as hundreds of
pictures of his daughter lined the office. Hid bokken lay before him. With the
dignity of a Jurain noble, he quietly picked up the bokken, unsheathed it, and
placed it before his mid-section. "I'm coming, my daughter. Soon, we'll be
together." As Washu burst through the office door, Yosho plunged the bokken
into his stomach. "Damnit! Yosho you bastard! Why'd you have to go and do a
stupid thing like that?"
Yosho slumped over his weapon and closed his eyes. As Washu brought up her
computer and began crunching numbers, Yosho bled to death on the office floor.
As Washu yawned and started the final calculations on her next formula,
Tsunami materialized behind her. "Don't say it, I know. We failed. Hey, at
least Aeka and Ryoko didn't kill each other this time." Tsunami sighed. "True,
but they still went into serious withdrawal and retreated to their subconscious
for the last eight hours of the day. Sasami ate 15 bags of bon-bons. We don't
even LIKE bon-bons! And Yosho, you know he has to live through this if it's
going to work."
Washu nodded. "I know. So far we've hit both extremes of the emotional
spectrum, but in doing so, I think I've come up with a suitable medium."
Tsunami smiled and strolled around the lab. 'By the way, Washu, exactly what
did you give me this morning to make me so...level headed, as it were?"
"Let's just say its a little cocktail I mixed up in case of such an event.
Sasami's about to hit puberty, you know. Just imagine what that's going to do
to your hormone levels." Washu entered the last bit of data into her computer
and stepped back. Instantly, spotlights from every corner of the lab hit her
and We Are The Champions started blasting out of unseen speakers. "I've done
it! Quite possibly the greatest challenge of my career! Biologically speaking,
of course." Washu snapped her fingers and five syringes appeared before her.
"You know, this hasn't been easy, but in the end, I think it's really going to
pay off. With luck, this should be the last time we have to go through this
little ordeal. Tsunami let out a sigh of relief. "Good. The strain of
reversing Time is really starting to get to me. I don't think I could have kept
this up even if I wanted to." Washu nodded in understanding. "Of course I
could have done it myself, it just would've taken a little more time, that's
all." Washu grinned ear to ear as a sweat drop formed on Tsunami's forehead.
"Of course you could have, little Washu..."
***
It was a bright, sunny, happy day as Tenchi Masaki rose from bed. The sun
was shinning, the birds were chirping, it was just...good. Tenchi got up and
stretched, feeling better than he had felt in months. As he made his way to the
bathroom, Ryoko walked by.
"Good morning, Tenchi!" She happily said. To Tenchi's surprise, Ryoko's voice
contained no sexual overtones, just simple cheeriness. Tenchi smiled as he shut
the bathroom door. Today was going to be a great day.
As Sasami sat down to breakfast, she couldn't take her cheery eyes of the sight
before her. Ryoko and Aeka were...chatting with each other?! Had some great
cosmic shift taken place during the night? What possible galactic event, (short
of getting laid by Tenchi) could have made them actually nice to each other?
Sasami didn't know, and she really didn't care; this was kinda nice.
As Tenchi came downstairs, all four girls around the table spoke as one. "Good
morning Tenchi." Tenchi froze. Something was wrong here. Aeka and Ryoko were
actually sitting by each other. This was wrong. This was beyond wrong.
However, it wasn't at all bad. In fact, even though it was kinda spooky, it was
a welcome change.
As a completely worn-out Washu emerged from her lab and groggily made her way to
the breakfast table, she froze. Before her was a sight that, even though she
had worked long and hard for, she still couldn't believe. Ryoko and Aeka were
sitting side by side and, my god, could it be? Aeka was offering Ryoko a bread
roll? "Will wonders never cease?" She raised her voice. "So, how's everyone
feeling this morning?" She was met by smiles all around. "GREAT, LITTLE
WASHU!"
Suddenly, Washu looked around. "Where's Yosho?" As if to answer her question,
a smiling Yosho skipped into the kitchen. "Good morning, everyone! Tenchi, why
don't you take a break from the carrot fields today. Ryo-Ohki has enough for at
least a week, and I think a rest would be good for all of us."
As Washu slumped into her chair, a tiny smile of victory grew on her lips.
Tsunami looked into the pool and decided to respond in the best way she
saw fit.
Throughout the Jurain Empire, a cry of "YIPPIE" could be heard.
***
Washu sat on the couch staring into her Juraiagotchi. "Three...two...one.
EVERYBODY WAKE UP!!!!" As a rather-sleepy Tenchi and gang headed downstairs.
"What is it? Is it another attack?" Ryoko already had her light saber
activated and Aeka's logs were by her side. What they met was scarier than
anything they could have imagined; Washu smiling.
"Everyone, come down to the lab. I would like to announce the success of one of
the greatest achievements ever!" The others froze as Washu skipped through the
door to her lab. "Should we follow?" Tenchi asked. "Hell no," came Ryoko's
quick response, "that whacked-out bitch has something up her sleeve, I just know
it." "You're so right!" Washu said as she grasped Ryoko's ear and drug her
into the bowels of her lab. Not knowing what else to do, the others followed.
Tenchi, Aeka, Mihoshi, Sasami and Ryoko found themselves facing one of Washu's
super computers. In the corner, Yosho stood with a disturbed look on his face.
"So what's this all about Washu? It's pretty late at night." Tenchi stifled a
yawn and took a seat along with the others. Washu climbed on top of her podium.
"Ladies and gentlemen; I, the greatest scientific genius in the universe, have
done it! I have beaten the Ojuo-Wataru-kennosan!" Aeka, Sasami and Yosho sat
bolt upright and let out a simultaneous, "WHAT?!?" "Um, what exactly is that?"
Ryoko didn't know what Washu was talking about, and frankly she didn't care.
She had been having a rather nice dream about Tenchi and wanted to get back to
it as soon as possible.
"Yes! I, the great Washu, have defeated the hardest test of the Jurian Royal
family! And you, my dear housemates, were the guinea pigs in this little
'test'." "Now wait just a minute, Miss Washu..." Aeka was cut off by a
flowerpot landing on her head. "Quiet. Quiet please. Let me continue. Yes, I
have beaten the Ojuo-Wataru-kennosan, the test of marriage compatibility between
Jurain consorts. Now, for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about,
allow me to explain.
'The Ojuo-Wataru-kennosan is an emotional/behavior alteror. It isolates
different hormones in the body and 'tampers' with them for 24 hours. Often
times, this test can result in death or clinical depression, but I have beaten
it!"
For the next couple of hours, the group watched as Washu played back their
'deaths'. Several times Sasami had to leave the room to compose herself, but
they made it through the ordeal. When it was done, Ryoko was the first to
speak.
"Why? Why the hell did you put us through that, you sick, demented little
bitch?" Washu remained calm, despite the insults. "Simple. You are all going
to have to go through this test very soon in life." Everyone in the room
face-faulted. "WHAT?!?" Washu chuckled. God, there so dumb. Sometimes I
wonder why I even bother. "Come on people, you had to have guessed. As the heir
to the throne, Tenchi can have as many wives as he wants. Eventually he'll pick
three. You three." Mihoshi's eyes widened. "You mean Tenchi is going to make
me his wife? Oh wow! Thank you Tenchi!" With that, Mihoshi kissed him so hard
that he fell backwards.
Before Aeka and Ryoko could destroy Mihoshi, Washu used her cables to pull the
ditzy blonde of the first crown prince of Jurai. "No no. I meant Aeka, Ryoko
and Sasami." Mihoshi face-faulted. "But in the video.. I was acting the same
way as them..." Washu sighed. "No, you were acting the same way you always do.
In fact, you were the only on that wasn't administered a drug." While Mihoshi
puzzled over this, Sasami's eyes grew wide. "I'm gonna be Tenchi's wife?"
Washu smiled and patted the young princess on the head. "Yep, but not until
you're older. I had to run this test on all of you because you're all
different, so I knew the normal Ojou-Wataru-kennosan would drive you to kill
each other. I've been searching for a version that would make all of you
completely compatible with each other. It wasn't easy. First off, there was
Aeka, a pure Jurain. Then Sasami, who has Tsunami's powers mixed in with her
own emotions. Then Yosho, who is one-half Jurain, and Tenchi, who is
one-eighth. All in all, I'm surprised I found it this quickly."
Ryoko raised her hand. "Wait a minute. How come Yosho had to be included?
He's not marrying one of us, is he?" Ryoko nudged Aeka, who stuck her tongue
out in return. Washu continued. "No, but Yosho will be present as he will most
likely be the only immediate family when this ceremony takes place. All
relations must partake, but his role will be purely ceremonial. Now that I have
this thing licked, I can substitute it for the real Oujo-Wataru-kennosan when
the time comes. You can thank me after the honeymoon."
"This is all too much for me." Tenchi stood and yawned. "Well, little Washu, I
guess I should thank you for what you've done, but I don't approve of you using
Time to fulfill your needs like that." "Oh? Who says I was the one who
reversed Time?" Washu winked at Sasami. "You all go and get some sleep, you've
had a very long day. Six of them to be precise." As they left, Aeka and Ryoko
shot dirty looks at each other while Yosho calmly strolled out. Mihoshi was
still thinking about the drugs and why she wasn't included. "OUT, MIHOSHI!"
Washu screamed. With an 'eep!' Mihoshi took off running. Finally the only one
left with Washu was Sasami.
"Go on, Sasami, its time for you to go to bed." Sasami tugged on Washu's pants
leg and motioned for her to bend down. "What is it, little one?" Sasami kissed
Washu on the cheek. "Thank you," Sasami said as she ran to catch up with her
sister.
***
Epilogue
It was a rainy, dreary day as Tenchi Masaki rose from bed. Had it really
been six days? Tenchi shook his head. So much had happened in the last '24
hours'; Ryoko and Aeka had died at least four times (or was it five?), Yosho had
died twice, and even Tenchi had bitten the bullet once.
Tenchi suddenly sat bolt upright. "Hey! I wonder if those stimulant drugs are
still in effect? If they were..." Tenchi stopped as the sounds of battle arose
in the hallway. Tenchi leaned back and put his arms behind his head. "Figures.
Nothing that good could've lasted."
Washu sat back in her crab-colored Lazy-tree and sighed. The cup of tea
in her hand was warm and soothing. She took a sip. "Ahh, that hits the spot.
I see there's one more thing you and Sasami share; you both make great tea."
Tsunami leaned back in her own seat and sipped. "Thank you Washu. You make a
pretty good 'cocktail' yourself."
The two were sitting in the middle of the Jurain Royal gardens. All around
them, the Empire's mighty fleet stood in relative tranquility. Between the two
ladies was the dimensional pool, that was for once completely black. "I see
you've decided to tune out the outside world for once." Tsunami smiled and
nodded. "Yes, after recent events, I've decided to just sit back and relax.
Besides, the Jurain Royal fleet isn't fighting anyone right now, so aside from
tending the garden there's really not much for me to worry about."
Washu sipped her tea again and sighed. She had a rough time trying to get to
sleep the night before. Ryoko and Aeka wouldn't stop coming down to the lab and
asking questions about what had happened, who would marry Tenchi first, which
one he would marry out of love and which one out of commitment... When the two
started fighting and Mihoshi came down to chat all at the same time, Washu
finally put her foot down. While her mecha-Washus restrained the three
screaming girls, Washu injected them with a special memory-loss drug. As Washu
was putting Aeka to bed, she noticed Sasami was awake and staring at her.
"What's the matter, little one?" Sasami smiled at Washu. "Nothing Washu.
I was just thinking about what you said." Washu nodded and beckoned Sasami.
"Come out here, little one. I need to talk to you."
"Now Sasami," Washu said as the two sat down on the couch in the living room,
"about what happened earlier tonight; The Oujo-Wataru-kennosan won't happen for
a very long time. In fact it will probably be years before Tenchi asks you to
marry him, and in that time, you'll have lots of opportunities to date other
boys."
Sasami started to pout. "But I don't want other boys, I want Tenchi!" Washu
hugged Sasami and rocked her back and forth. "Sasami, all I'm saying is that
you've got your whole life ahead of you. It's a life filled with opportunities
and people. You won't have to limit yourself every time somebody comes along."
Sasami looked up into Washu's eyes and gave her a weak smile. "Yeah, I guess
you're right, but I still like Tenchi."
"I know Sasami. Don't you worry, someday he'll make you his wife, you'll see."
Sasami smiled brightly and got up. "Thank you, Washu. I really appreciate what
you did for us today. And I guess you're right about boys, too. Now I'd better
get to bed before Aeka wakes up and notices I'm gone." As Sasami was leaving,
Washu grabbed her arm. "Not so fast, there's something else we should discuss.
And don't worry about Aeka; I gave her enough sedatives to drop a rhino at 40
paces. Oh, don't worry, she'll be fine in the morning. I just had to give her
something to counteract the emotion stimulants. Now tomorrow Aeka, Mihoshi,
Ryoko and Tenchi aren't going to remember Iany/I of this. Only you, Yosho
and me will know anything about the last 24 hours. I need you to promise me
that you'll never mention this to anyone but Yosho and myself. Do you
understand?"
Sasami nodded and turned a pretend key in her lips. "Your secret's safe with
me, Washu!" "Good, now you run along to bed. Oh, by the way, this is for you."
Washu took out what looked like a plastic egg on a key chain. "Thank you,
Washu! Wow, it's a little Ryo-Ohki!" As Sasami went up to her room, Washu
smiled and promptly passed out from exhaustion.
By the way, Washu," Tsunami said after putting her tea down, "I want to
thank you for letting Sasami have that little Juraiagotchi. However, I think
the real Ryo-Ohki is getting jealous." Washu smiled and finished off her won
cup. "She'll get over it. Say, how are you doing? You were a bit...emotional
the last time I saw you." Tsunami shot Washu a look that could kill. "Yes, but
who's fault was that, may I ask?" Washu simply shrugged. "Hey, it's not my
fault the emotion stimulants affected you. Besides, I gave you that sedative."
"Yes, the sedative. And tell me, 'little' Washu, how long did you have the
sedative with you?"
"Oh, about six months, give or take."
"WHAT?!" Tsunami stood bolt upright as Washu calmly poured another cup of tea.
"Well, to be honest, I made it for later on. Remember, that nice, happy little
girl is going to turn into a unpredictable, emotional teenager with hormone
levels that you won't believe. Then again, maybe you would..." Tsunami regained
her composure and sat back down. "I've already looked ahead to our teenage
years. In fact, I believe the assimilation will keep our emotion levels in
check."
At this Washu laughed out loud. "Pluh-ezze! Tsunami, I know you're a goddess,
but I am the greatest scientific genius in the universe. Put a little faith in
this 'puny mortal', will ya?" Tsunami snorted and mumbled, "If you only
knew..."
"Eh? What was that?"
"Hmm? Oh, nothing. Continue, little Washu."
"Very well. You think that the two of you are going to have a nice,
emotion-free adolescence. The truth? You two are going to wig out faster than
Dr. Clay at an all-girl pre-school." Tsunami face-faulted as Washu sipped her
second cup of tea. "It's true, and if you think that a merger of wills is going
to help her keep things in line, then you're more thick-headed that these trees.
Nope, Sasami is going to need all the help she can get."
"But Washu...drugs?"
Washu sighed. "Look Tsunami, think of it as medication. Besides, who would you
prefer Sasami got drugs from, me or.... Someone else?" Tsunami shuddered.
"True, but I think that my will should be enough to control any...impulsive
decisions she may make." Washu shrugged. "Believe what you want, my little
blue-haired tree, believe what you want."
Tsunami stood and looked into her dimensional pool. Instantly the image of a
wedding appeared before the two ladies. A nervous-looking Tenchi stood with two
girls; one on each arm. To the side, Sasami stood with a basket of flowers.
Yosho presided over the ceremony as Aszua, Funaho and Masaki looked on.
Suddenly the image in the pool shifted. It was still the picture of a wedding,
but Tenchi looked older. Also, there was only one bride this time as Ryoko and
Aeka stood in the wings. Yosho was once again presiding over the ceremony.
"You may kiss the bride," he said as Tenchi lifted his new wife's veil to reveal
the smiling face of Tsunami/Sasami.
"Its going to be beautiful, Tsunami. By the way, what were Aeka and Ryoko
wearing in the background?" Tsunami smiled.
"Bridesmaid's dresses." Tsunami said as she poured another cup of tea.
*****
Hi.
About a month ago, I wrote Wag the Cabbit. When I wrote it, I submitted it as
seven separate pieces that were done in AOL's text program. It was un-spell
checked, hastily thrown together and just all around shoddy. This new version
is spell checked and cleaned up so all those annoying notes that you saw between
chapters have vanished.
I'd like to once again thank Gensao for all the help and encouragement he has
given all the other great authors and myself out there. Without his lack of a
life, we wouldn't have a place to put our fics. ^_^
Thanks for reading!
Tenchi & Co belong to Pioneer and AiC.