This is my first story, so please don't be too harsh on me, okay? PLEASE review! From before (I was writing FF on other sites) I know it means a lot to an authour. So be nice and click the green button.

I'm still in the choice of submiting more chapters or just ending it. You tell me. I've some ideas on my mind and I'm already writing some, but I'm not sure ... Well, think and tell me what you THINK about it. I'm reminding you, this is my FIRST story.

Spoiler: If you didn't read the last book, don't read this if you don't like spoilers!

XOXO BrinZaaa.

THIS IS THE END. OR IS IT?

Chapter 1.:The Inner Fight.

This was when I thought I lost it. I was at the rage of screaming, crying, smiling, even laughing, spatting ... I just didn't know what to do. I saw his face, his beautiful features. I had to remind myself this wasn't him ... And I had to remind myself that he was the one who wanted me, but yet not loved me. So this brought hatred to my mind and I hated that Strigoi who awakened him, who cut him from my life and changed him forever. I couldn't believe he came all this way from Russia to kill me, change me, whatever.

I felt so alone in this. I failed twice in my attempts to kill him, I've had enough. Although he wasn't the man I once loved, I still love, I just couldn't bring myself to try to kill him again. I knew I'd fail, why even bother to defend?

I was alone. Nobody was here, but us. In this dark forest, near our cabin we stood, motionless, both having a lot on our mind.

But he broke the silence and moved so he shortened the distance between us.

»Rose,« he said quietly, not needing to say more. I still stood motionless, feeling tears in my eyes. My Dimitri ... Why, oh why?!

Because I still haven't said anything, he stepped closer again. »Rose, why are you alone? Where are your friends, Rose?«

His voice was cold and I once again had to remind myself the he was a Strigoi, not my Dimitri Belikov. I stepped closer, too and at the same time I thought what the hell was I doing.

I'm going to die all the same, so what's the difference anyway? I let one tear on my cheek. His face softened and he almost ran towards me, but I lifted my hand up, to stop him.

»Don't,« I whispered. He stopped at that moment and stared at me with a questioned look on his face. »Please don't stare at me, like you care about me, like you love me. Please!« I cried. And then dropped on my knees. He was there at that instance.

»What is wrong, Roza?« je asked and held my face in his hands. I removed my head and stared at him for a minute.

»Don't call me Roza!« I yelled. »The man who called me like that is now gone and I had to figure that out, but now I know. Dimitri, you're not my Dimitri,« I whispered then.

He was shocked. »But you let me call you Roza in Russia ...«

»Indeed I did. And I'm sorry, for I was mistaken!«

I took the stake in my hands and showed it to him. »This is what almost killed you a month ago. This is what ripped my heart in further parts and you can't know how it hurt. It still hurts! I can't believe you're gone even though I can see you right now, but it's not you. This stake made my life more miserable twice in my life, now it's the third. Because I'm not going even to try to kill you. But promise me, you will leave my family and friends alone! I know you said they were no concern of your's, but I'd like you promise me. Promise, Dimitri!«

He didn't open his mouth. He just stared at me, not moving and eying me with his red eyes.

»But I don't want to kill you,« he said then. His voice was almost the same he had before he was turned. »I want you!«

Again the want part. No, it's not going to work. »Promise!« I yelled and then cried of pain.

He studied my face and then he held my face again in his hands. »When we'll be together, there will be no need to harm your friends.«

I closed my eyes and concentrated on his cold, cold skin. He was The Dimitri. Oh, I wanted to be with him, my body screamed for that, but my mind, my spirit told me not to. That all this was sick. Although it hurt, I had to agree with that. And knowing, Dimitri won't kill me, except if I make him kill me. And I had to. Because if I don't die, he won't be freed. I was willing to make this sacrifice. I just can't live like that anymore.

"Dimitri, you will not awaken me," I whispered weakly. I opened my eyes and found him staring at them. His were so red … he was furious now. Absolutely furious. And this was what I wanted him to be. It will be much easier for him to kill me.

Now I noticed I still had the stake in my hand and then I showed it to him again. "See this?" Then I threw it away, far away. When it hit the ground, it made a loud noise, but neither of us didn't hear it.

"Roza …" he said, angry now. I just continued staring at his gaze and he was about to burst. Yes, I said to myself. Kill me, Dimitri. I can't live now, knowing I can't free him.

"Roza!" he shouted. I remained silent and calm, calm as I could be. "Don't you want me?" His voice was pain-stricken.

Oh, bloody yes, I do. I can't breathe because of it. But instead of that, I said: "No."

My heart broke again, as I lied. But I lied with good intentions and I just prayed to God he won't see the lie, as he always – unfortunately – did.

"You're lying, Rose," he said slowly. Here went my lie! "I know it!" He doesn't know anything! "Would it have mattered if I said I love you?" he asked than, thoughtfully.

Yes, it would. But how do I know he means it? I know he doesn't, because Strigoi didn't have feelings. They just felt a small part of that they felt before they were changed. And I knew Dimitri didn't love me, he wanted me, which was the reflection of his old love for me. And that maybe hurt the most. "It would have mattered, if you meant it," I said after a moment of thought. He was starting to argue and I cut him off. "But I know you don't, because you're not Dimitri Belikov, the Damphir badass guardian God I once knew."

After that he was silent for a few minutes. "Roza …"

"Don't," I cried, letting tears fall down. "Don't call me Roza! Roza was the nickname the love of my life made up for me, not you!"

This was heartbreaking. I pulled myself off his so-called hug and moved few feet away. "And as so I couldn't kill you, you must kill me." I said it as the mater-of-factually, but a tear left me down. "Just do it, please."

"Killing you isn't that simple," he said, using the words he once said to me at Galina's estate. "I'd rather awaken you. Please, Roz- Rose! Please, let me show you my way of the life!"

I shook my head. No way! Although I wanted it so badly.

He was by my side in a split of a second. "You don't understand." He was right, I didn't. "What I feel for you isn't the same, I confess, but it's similar to that I once felt. So it's almost the same. I'd say I love you, but I'd lie. Do you want me to lie?" I shook my head again. "You're making this very difficult for me, Rose. Because I really, really don't want to kill you. I can't kill you. Not because I love you or something, but because you're signed in my heart and I could never let anything bad happen to you. You know this, although I'm Strigoi. I'm a Strigoi, so what? I'm still Dimitri you knew."

"No, you're not! You take innocent lives, you don't care about anything! My Dimitri gave his life to defend the innocent ones."

"Didn't I?"

"No," I whispered. It took him less than a second to kiss me gently. He was just kissing me and kissing and I was too weak to remove my head. It was a soft kiss, a kiss that made you forget everything and after – what I'd thought it was hours, days, and definitely too soon – he broke it and looked me in my eyes. All I saw there was sincerity. No, no, no! I mustn't fail AGAIN!

"Why did you do this?" I asked, horrified by my reaction. He smiled sadly. "I just wanted to make sure you were lying. And now I'm sure of it. If you really didn't want me, you wouldn't kiss me back."

That was so true. And I was totally speechless. That happened so rarely neither of us believed it when I said nothing but just continued staring at his beautiful eyes once dark brown, now red.

"It's not you. I'm just trying to comfort my feelings. I can't. Kill me, please," I begged him and dropped on my knees. "Please, Dimtri, you know we can't be together now. Our time is over. It's not you anymore. It's just not you."

He closed his eyes and at the moment he seemed so like my Dimitri. No, stop thinking like that!!!

"Let me awaken you. Please!" he begged now. He totally changed his way of convincing me. He was giving me the choice again, even if he knew it was hopeless. Now I just prayed he wouldn't choose to change me himself.

"No, and you know I won't give in!" I said. He looked at me with the defeated look. Pain crossed over his face.

"Oh, Roza," he whispered. I didn't correct him. It didn't matter now. "Why don't you want me to make you feel better? To awaken you?" All he said, he said totally truthfully.

"No. And you know why?" I made a theatrical pause. "Because I won't be myself anymore and I won't feel the same for you as I do now. I won't love you anymore. Why don't you just see it?"

He nodded, but refused to understand me.

"I'd let you do it, if I knew I'd feel the same. And I'd let you if I knew you'd feel the same. And because I know, that won't be the case; I won't let you make me a monster. Dimitri and you know it!"

He nodded again, hurt in the defeat.

"Feed from me, Dimka," I said then, challenging him. "But this time don't stop, just drink until I fall down into your lap. Do it for me, show me that much mercy, for old time's sake."

No, make me Strigoi, Dimitri! Awaken me! Make me the same! I fought with myself and I was slowly loosing the fight.

"Do it quickly, before I change my mind!" I screamed. And then I realized I said it out loud. The victory smile came upon Dimitri's face and he came toward me, this time slowly.

"Well, well, look who is fighting with herself?" he said. He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me again. After he broke it – again! – he moved his lips toward my ears. "If I hesitate a little bit longer, you'll give in." He said it so quietly and softly.

I closed my eyes. "Why don't you just kill me?"

"I already told you, it isn't that easy for me to do it," he said, his lips still pressed at my ears. "I'm trying to remember how to love. And if I remember, will you give in?"

Yes!

"I already said NO!"

"No, you are hesitating all the time. I can see it!" Then his lips were pressed at my lips and we kissed for a long time. It was so long before I broke it.

"No, Dimitri. No." Even I heard the indecision in my voice. How could he not. He laughed.

"Roza, Roza. I love you, I always will, I know it, if I can't just feel it, for now."

He moved his lips toward my neck and I began breathing heavily.

Yes!

No!

No!

YES!

I felt the pain and then I felt the endorphin in my body. It was like heaven. And then it stopped all of a sudden. "No," I moaned and I heard him laugh.

"Do you want me?" he said happily.

"Yes," I said, still under the impression of the endorphin. He laughed again and then something salty touched my lips. I touched it with my tongue and it felt good. So good, that I opened my mouth and expected to get more. I did. And I just continued to drink that liquid that was given to me and it just didn't stop until I fainted.