Wanting
by Kat Morrison
He missed her.
More than he ever thought possible. The constant emptiness was too much to bare so he struggled to forget. To fill his hours with mundane chores and obligations so he couldn't think.
Thinking made him yearn.
Yearning made him ache.
Aching made him hurt.
He jumped headfirst into the plans for a future he didn't want with a woman he wanted even less. His days consisted of business. Phone calls and conferences, meetings and lunches, whatever it took to avoid his uncle and his bride-to-be as well as their plans.
When they managed to trap him into joining them he'd sit quietly in a corner, politely agreeing with the decisions Lydia made. Anything to get through the ordeal and back to his solitude. Where he wouldn't have to push away images of soft, brown hair and beautiful dark eyes. Where he wouldn't have to imagine those eyes lighting up in anticipation. Where he couldn't hear her laughter.
Those moments where he couldn't keep his thoughts from turning to Emily were the worst ones. She was everywhere he went, everywhere he sought solace there would be a memory of her. Haunting him.
Suffocating him.
He took a sip of his cognac, taking a moment to enjoy the warmth that spread from the center of his stomache and out to the tips of his fingers. He glanced out of the window, sighing as he watched the sun disappear over the horizon. His eyes scanned the grounds, over the river and into Port Charles.
She was out there. Somewhere.
With Zander.
Like it was supposed to be.
He rubbed at the skin on his forehead soothing the pounding in his head.
Today had been a bad one. Stefan had insisted on picking out more wedding invitations and silverware and idoitic things of that nature. Even Lydia was cracking under the strain and she seemed to geniuely feel guilty for his situtaion. She never came out and said it but he'd caught the pitying looks she sent him ever once in a while. She understood that they were being condemned to a life without love.
It was the price they had to pay. She to save herself. He to save his family.
And to save Emily.
The moon rose over the skyline, casting rays of light onto the water and Nikolas smiled.
He loved the nights.
Nights meant sleep and sleep meant dreams.
That's where he was able to live again. To feel whole and happy. Where he could allow himself to hope and wish.
That was where Emily waited for him.
He'd close his eyes and she'd be there. Arms extended to welcome him. It was where he could gather her in his and protect her. Give in to his need for her. He could touch her lips, her hair, her face. Get lost in her warmth.
They could sway gently as one under the moonlight to music only they could hear.
Lay together on the sand and laugh as the waves tickled their feet.
Read to each other from their book and simply enjoy being there.
He could drown in her touch.
In her taste.
In her smell.
He opened his window letting in the sweet smell of the summer night. He took a deep breath and stared once more out over the skyline.
She was out there. Somewhere.
But when he closed his eyes, when he drifted off into the hazy world of hopes and wishes, she'd be with him.
For the briefest of moments he would be alive once more.
And that would be enough for him.
It had to be.