Author's Note : Hey,..... I wrote this back in 2008. I was very depressed over Season 4. I wrote some happy ff but DaLinds kept going down hill. So I thought why not just go with the flow and write something that's a bit (okay, a lot!) angst then maybe things will get better. Now two years later, I found this in my file and I thought why not share it with all of you.
Disclaimer : Uphill or downhill, I still don't own CSI NY.
Summary : Lindsay was sad when Danny forgot her birthday but it was not as bad as what she found out later.
From Which Episode : From the time where he forgot her birthday.
3rd April 2008, 0900 hours
"Hey Kiddo! Happy Birthday!"
"Thanks Stella." Lindsay smiled and let herself be hugged tightly by her superior and friend.
"What's this?"
"A present for the birthday girl!" Stella had given her a box wrapped in pink paper.
"Who's the birthday girl?" Hawkes asked as he walked in with Flack by his side. Angell walked in slightly behind them.
"The country girl!" Stella smiled.
"Phew! Good thing we got the name right!"
"What?"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDSAY!!!!" Hawkes, Flack and Angell shouted at the same time. Angell was hidden behind the tall detective as she was carrying a cake and now revealed the surprise to Lindsay.
"Awww guys! Thanks!"
"Hey Mac! Cake time!"
"Stella...." Mac gave her a glare that never deter his curly haired long time friend."Happy birthday Lindsay."
"Thanks Mac. Have you seen Danny?"
"He took off earlier. Something about Reu....." he stopped when Flack started shaking his head.
"What...?"
Mac was relieved when his phone rang called for his attention. Flipping off the phone a minute later, he looked at Stella. "Stella we have to go. Lindsay, enjoy and Happy Birthday." he gave her his rare smile and a pat on her shoulder. Stella hugged her again. "Call you later Kiddo!"
***
3rd April 2008, 2300 hours
Her phone sat still on her coffee table. Eversince she walked through her front door, she willed for it to ring and send through a voice or text from him. None. The phone lay quiet and still.
Sighing, Lindsay leaned her forehead on the cool window pane and watch the cars drive below on the street. Expecting a figure to emerge round the corner from the subway station, she had given up hope.
He had closed his door on her. He refuse her help or touch. The happy times clearly forgotten. Caught in his pain and loss, he had shut her out.
Sighing and letting her tears finally fall down her cheeks, she could only whisper his name to the dark night, "Danny."
***
4th April 2008, 1200 hours
"OWWW! Stella what the...was that for?"
"You idiot!"
"What? What did I do?!??"
"YOU FORGOT!"
"What?"
"Let me tell you a story Detective! A certain sweet and loving Birthday Girl came into the office this morning and I asked her what her charming idiot of a boyfriend gave her for her birthday. Know what? She said "a surprise". Not with a smile or a giggle, But with tears brimming her brown sad eyes! I'm not paid to be a CSI for nothing! You caused those tears Danny Boy!"
Danny stood shocked.
"Owwwww!" What was THAT for??!?"
"Coz it makes me feel better!"
***
4th April 2008, 2000 hours
"Hey, Lindsay"
"Hi."
He came close to her side and she could his heat from his body. Leaning his forehead on her shoulder, he took a deep breath. She stood still. Earlier at the lab he had apologised by making excuses about not being good with dates and they had left it off at that. But now the atmosphere is different. She's tense and quiet.
"Lindsay, I'm sorry ok? I screwed up. I admit I totally forgot about it. I knew there was something but when Rikki called I just had to go and help her through. I really forgot about you. I'm sorry."
She remained quiet.
"Lindsay, I know I'm not the best guy around. I was horrible to you and I don't deserve you. We've had good and bad times together and now I'm scared to love you. I've lost people I love and I'm scared to lose you too. I don't know if you still want to stay with me or even love me. I've done things that I'm not proud of and I don't know if you can forgive me. I..."
His phone rang and she saw the caller's ID. Rikki. He caught her looking at his phone. Their eyes clashed. He pressed the answer key.
Lindsay moved away from him and just before she closed the locker door, she turned and whispered . "I have fallen in love with you but now it's too late Danny." And she left him.
***
29th April 2008, 2300 hours
She was drawing circles on her notepad. Lindsay was at her desk, in her shared office. Alone after shift, she was clearing her desk. Feeling numb, silence surrounded her. There are sounds from the machines and gadgets from the lab but solitary silence was all she felt.
With her guard down, she did not hear or realize that she had company. Only when he stood next to her desk that she shook out of her stupor. Looking up, she smiled a tight smile and took a deep breath. Bracing for what was to come.
"Lindsay"
"Hey" she muttered softly.
"Good job on the case."
"Thanks." she briefly glanced at him and focused on her hands resting on her desk.
"It's not easy," he started "it's never easy. I saw things and I had hope for everything to be alright for you. You can't keep it inside. It's gonna eat you."
She studied his face but keep silent.
"You need to let it out. I can't stand seeing you like this. You're strong girl and you'll get over this"
"Can you give me a few days?"
"Yeah. Just tell me where you'll be".
"No. I need to... I ... I just..just want to be alone. I'm sorry. It's easier if you don't know. Please?"
He nodded and patted her shoulder gently.
"Thanks Mac."
***
3rd May 2008, 0940 hours
Lindsay had been sitting in the canoe since dawn. She sat herself quietly in the beauty and silence of the lake. Surrounded by the cool air and peaceful serenity, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and let herself fall back into the cold waters of the lake.
Water rushed around her and engulfed her small body into its depth. Unresisting and limp, she lets her body sank lower and lower into the dark waters.
Danny.
Images of their time together flashed before her.
Danny.
Their laughter, banters, jokes, stolen glances, hugs, kisses and finally confessions played in her mind.
Danny.
Her pain she felt in her heart was worst than the pressure of the water squeezing her.
Danny.
The need to let it out and free herself from both mental and physical pain was excruciating.
Danny.
She held her breath until the need for air forced her to finally open her eyes and kick her way back to the surface.
Breaking out of the water and taking her much needed air into her lungs she grabbed the side of the canoe and climbed back into it. Pulling her knees up under her chin, she curled into a ball to hug herself and finally cried. Weeks of holding back the pain was finally released. Lindsay let herself be at the mercy of her tears till she finally succumbed to a dreamless sleep while being surrounded and gently lulled by the rocking movement of the canoe and soothing silence of the lake.
Feeling warm and secure, Lindsay open her eyes and stared at the fire in front of her. Encased in a warm cocoon of blankets and loving arms, she looked up and stared at the night sky glittered with a million stars. Each shining brightly but reminding her of new home where bright lights obscure the twinkling heavenly lights. A new home where tall buildings and skyscrapers reminded her of conversations and a person.
Turning into the comfort that was holding her, tears that have dried streamed down her cheeks again. Next to her ear she heard words of comfort softly whispered.
"Let it out my child. Just let it out."
Clutching on to the sleeve of her grandfather, Lindsay whispered between sobs, "It hurts Grandfather. I didn't know that it will hurt so bad. I don't know what to do. I love him so much. I want to let go. I've tried but I can't. I'm so angry but I just can't let him go."
The heart wrenching admission and unstoppable tears of his only granddaughter, broke the heart of the old man. At sixteen, his Lindsay, was sent to him after her friends were killed and she had witness their unnecessary deaths. Locked in her mental state, she was slowly coaxed to freedom from shock, grieve and guilt. Her cries were of fear and lost.
But now, ten years later, she had come to him for comfort and understanding. The seasoned old man that had lost his wife of sixty years, understands the pain of loving someone and had them taken away. Love is a weapon that makes even the most strongest man fall.
"It hurts, I know, child. He cheated on you. But love works mysteriously. No matter how you hate. No matter how hard you try to forget. Your first love will always be your first love. I can't tell you to stop. Let time heal you. You are surrounded by people who love and care for you. But know that circumstances at times makes people do stupid things that change the course of one's destiny. But don't let pain and hurt change what you have become. Don't let anger control you. You are a wonderful, loving, strong and beautiful person. If he doesn't see that, it's his lost."
"I thought he loves me Grandfather. I really thought that he loves me. I shouldn't have fallen in love with him." Her tears started anew and even the gentle rocking movement in her grandfathers arms and his whispered chants could not keep her from the pain and hurt Danny caused her and the love that is still embedded in her heart for him.
THE END
Please, tell me how you find that piece. Should there be a sequel?