A Dream...

I'm having a dream that I can't wake up from...

A dream of many flavours...

A dream of sadness. A dream of happiness... of screams of laughter and screams of horror...

A dream of romance...

Slowly, gently, the dream begins to fade.

Is my dream... over?

Am I awake?

Brightness. Vivid light shone across my eyelids. A warm light... sunlight? The air was filled with the faint fragrance of flowers; The smell of the outdoors. I opened my eyes.

My eyes are open.

Not outside. A white ceiling lies above me, blocking the sky from my view. Sunlight streams in the window to my right, gently warming my face. I look outside. No... I can't look outside. I want to look outside, but my body won't let me. My body won't move. Slightly... I can turn my head slightly. Just a little bit; to face the sunlight. Moving my head beyond that is impossible. Moving any other part of my body is impossible. Still, I can face the sunlight. I can open my eyes.

I want to go outside.

I can't do anything. Even turning my head is difficult, now. My eyes are no longer open. Just for a moment, though, they were. I want more, but this is enough; as sounds resonate through my white-ceilinged room, I allow the dream to take me back.

Brightness again. Not the sunlight; the artificial feel of electric lighting. My open eyes see a field of black through the window. My open eyes.

It wasn't a dream. It's not a dream.

The sound of voices. Indistinct; there might only be one voice. Who are they talking to. I am being talked to. A woman sits in a chair beside my bed; I know this because I can turn my head. The woman's hair is black, her uniform white. Likely in her mid-twenties, at least twice my age. Probably not three times that, though. She's pretty; maybe I'll be like her someday. Probably not.

More from the voice. The woman's voice. I don't understand. My ears won't understand. I understand a single word.

Ayu.

My name. Ayu. Tsukimiya Ayu. Family name with the kanji for "Moon" and "Palace". Given name written in hiragana.

I try saying my name. I can't say my name. My own name. Tsukimiya Ayu. I can't tell this woman my name. She knows my name. She knows, but if she didn't, I couldn't tell her. This woman; Who is this woman? Why does she know my name, if I can't have told her myself. Why can't I say my name?

Why is dreaming the only thing I can do?

Brightness yet again. Not the electric light again, but neither is it sunlight. No... sunlight, but not on my face this time. The light from outside, but not directly. Indirect light. Ambient light? Did I learn this in school, once?

A woman sits beside me. The same woman as before. A different woman from before? A similar-looking woman to the one from before; she might be the same. She was already here when my eyes opened. Waiting? She doesn't know that I'm awake. I want to tell her that I'm awake. I can tell her. I will tell her.

Unpronounceable. No, it must be pronounceable. I said it, thus it is pronounceable. Unwritable, though; and not easily pronounced intentionally. It wasn't a word, at least not in Japanese.

I said something.

The woman knows I'm awake. Her voice again; I can recognize my name in her speech. I can recognize more than my name.

"Ayu-chan? Can you hear my voice, Ayu-chan?"

I know those words. I know the meaning of those words. I say yes. I can't say yes; the word that comes out of my mouth means nothing yet again. I want to say yes.

"If you can hear this, blink twice. Can you understand me, Ayu-chan?"

Blink. I don't want to blink. Dreaming is the only thing I can do; if I close my eyes, I may start to do it again. I don't want to dream again. I want to talk to the woman.

I want to talk. I blink twice. My eyes are still open. I'm still awake.

"Ayu-chan, I want you to see if you can move your body. Can you do this for me? Blink twice if you understand me."

Blink twice. I don't want to see if I can move my body. I want to move my body. I'm afraid that I won't be able to move my body. I'm afraid, but I can't be afraid. I have to try.

"Can you move your fingers?" I cannot. I want to cry.

"Alright, how about wiggling your toes for me?" I cannot.

I can move my neck. My mouth moves, though the sounds it makes are meaningless. I cannot wiggle my ears, but I never could to begin with. Couldn't I? I think I couldn't.

"Ayu-chan, that's enough for today. Would you like me to stay with you longer?" I blink twice. I don't feel like dreaming yet. I don't want to be alone. This woman, who I don't know... even she can keep me from being alone. As I listen to her gentle words, my eyes close.

My eyes are open again. The sun is shining on my face again, through the window. Is it morning or evening? It doesn't matter; I can't move from this bed. I want to be able to know, though.

The woman isn't here this time. I'm alone. I don't want to be alone. I call out to somebody. Anybody. My words aren't words. Time passes. My words have changed. The gentle scent of flowers fills the room. Who brings me flowers? The woman I don't know? Even she isn't with me now. I want to cry.

Time passes. I hear sounds; footsteps, and a door opening. The woman enters the room. My ears are good enough now that I can tell there are more than just her footsteps. She's not alone. My head won't turn far enough, so I can't see who it is.

"Ayu-chan, can you still understand me?" I blink twice. She continues her address. "I've brought somebody to meet you, Ayu-chan. Do you remember this person?"

He steps forward. A man, older than me. Much older. His face is worn, his hair graying. It might be more accurate to say that it's already gray. His eyes speak of a great burden, of sorrow. He's crying. He's smiling, though. Tears of sadness, but at the same time tears of happiness. He's happy that something happened. He's happy to see me.

The man is at my side. His hands grasp mine. I've never seen this man so happy before. I've seen this man before. I know this man. I want to call out to him. My voice won't call out to him.

"Ayu-chan, do you recognize this person?" I blink twice. He looks different from before, but I know this person. I definitely know this person. This very important person. This person to whom I should be able to call out to.

Dad.

I want to say it. I want to call out to him. I force my voice to call out to him. I am betrayed by my voice. Even so, Dad looks at me. He's openly weeping.

It's okay, Dad. I'm here.

Time passes. There's another person who came in the room with Dad and the women, but they say nothing. Nobody says anything. I want to say something, but I cannot. Dad won't let go of my hands. I don't want him to let go.

Time passes. Somebody speaks up. A man speaks up. Not my dad; this is the third person who came into the room. He steps next to Dad, allowing me to get a look at him. White coat. He's older than Dad, but he looks younger. Dad looks much too old for his age.

"Ayu?" The man wants my attention. "I am Dr. Itou Hirosuke. You're currently at a hospital; do you remember why this is?"

Hospital? I move my head from side to side.

"Ah... I see. You were injured falling from a tree. It was a very bad fall, and in an out of the way location. At this point, it's safe to say that your life is no longer in danger, but it may be many more years before you make a full recovery, if ever. I have high hopes, though, given the amount of progress that you've made in just two days since you first opened your eyes."

Years until I recover? Will I become an adult before I can leave this bed? At the very least, I won't be a child anymore. Many years... no, he said many more years. Dad didn't look this old when last I saw him; how old is he now?

How old am I?

The sunlight is on my face again. The woman from before, a nurse, tells me that that means that it's late afternoon. I still can't tell the passage of days; my cycle of waking from and returning to sleep happens too randomly. It must have been some time, though, because I'm a little better. Yesterday, Dr. Itou told me that I managed to move my fingers and toes. I still can't talk.

The door opens and the nurse walks to my side. Her name is Chihiro. She's nice; since she can't spend long periods of time with me due to her other patients, Chihiro comes to my room every day after she finishes work. She sits by my side in case I wake up. At least once, I've spent time with her while the sunlight wasn't on my face. I think she sometimes comes in early in the morning to sit by me, as well. I want to tell her not to trouble herself, but I can't. I need to learn how to talk.

I don't think this will help to motivate me, though. I like it when Chihiro sits with me.

"How are you today, Ayu-chan?" I'm fine. I don't need to blink to answer anymore, since I learned how to nod my head. "We've got a visitor for you today. He hasn't been able to come since you opened your eyes, but before then he was here almost every day!"

Dad? No, she wouldn't introduce Dad to me. Who is this? I don't know any oniisans like this. I'm older than I used to be, though... he might only be a few years older than me. How long was I asleep?

"Ayu?" The oniisan approached me. He's trembling. Have I met this person before?

"Do you remember me, Ayu?" I don't remember you. No, I don't recognize you. I don't know whether or not I remember you.

"Ayu... it's me. Aizawa Yuuichi."