Remus tried to make his way into the house quietly, not wanting to disturb Mrs. Black.
"Filthy werewolf, disgracing my mistress's house. Shameful." Came a small voice.
Remus rolled his eyes and looked down. "Where's Sirius?" He asked the dirty house elf.
"Last I saw he was in the kitchen, master is a dirty good for nothing he is." Kreacher said and he turned walking away from Remus and muttering, "Drunk. He is a shame to his mother."
Remus took a deep breath and made his way down to the basement kitchen. Sirius was asleep, his head in his arms, laying on the table and an empty shot glass in front of him.
"Sirius." Remus said gently shaking the sleeping man, who woke with a start.
"Oh nice of someone to come see me." Sirius stirred. "It gets lonely you know, but you don't care do you Remus?"
Remus made a glass of water and handed it to Sirius before sitting down on the other side of the table. "Molly asked me to take some time to come see you. She's worried about you we're all-"
"Worried about me!" Sirius roared, "What is there to be worried about? I just sit in this bloody house all day long!"
"She's worried because you're drinking so much. I'm worried too Sirius."
Sirius snorted, "I don't know why, I've always been a bit of a drunk, always sneaking off to the Hogs Head. I've drank my whole life, well besides those twelve years I spent in Azkaban. Sort of puts a damper on things doesn't it?"
"You weren't angry when you use to come back from the Hogshead and you know it bothered me then too Sirius."
"I had friends back then, now I have Kreacher, no wonder I'm angry." Sirius looked at the shot glass before pouring another shot.
"You have friends now." Remus said eyeing the shot glass, when Sirius caught him looking at it he quickly drank it with a smirk. Remus sighed, "I'm still your friend Sirius. You know I'd be here more if I could! I'm busy, I wish I could see you more. You have to know that."
Sirius made a snort of derision, and poured himself another shot, "You caring! What a laugh." He made to put the glass to his lips but Remus jumped up quickly and knocked the glass out of his hands, it feel to the floor with a crash.
"How dare you!" Remus said, "You act like some fucking martyr! Poor Sirius Black all holed up and no one comes and visits him! Do you ever stop and think that maybe we'd love to be here having a cup of tea with you? That maybe we're off risking our lives to fight Voldemort? Has the thought never occurred to you? I know it's awful sitting here Sirius but I'm not ignoring you and neither is anyone else! I had to beg Mad-Eye to do my work for me tonight so I could come see you and you're sitting here being an absolute wanker!"
Sirius was on his feet now, his face red "Oh I'm a wanker am I? A wanker and a martyr I believe you said. I was locked up for twelve fucking years! Twelve years! I know you worried I was the spy and I had the same worries of you but I thought once I got out you would at least mention that I loved you! And I thought you loved me too but I was obviously a great fool. You act like we were best buddies, good friends! WE SHARED A BED REMUS AND YOU ACT LIKE NONE OF IT MATTERED. NOW YOU'RE NOT EVEN A FRIEND! YOU DON'T EVEN COME AND SEE ME AND I'M THE WANKER! FUCK YOU REMUS LUPIN! FUCK YOU!" Sirius yelled, angrily knocking over the contents of the counter with a swipe.
Remus stood looking appalled, his entire face white. Sirius glared at him from across the kitchen daring him to say something. "I-I didn't know."
"Didn't know what exactly?"
"I didn't know how to act." Remus said looking him in the eyes, "I spent years thinking you betrayed Lily and James and killed Peter and feeling ashamed because I still cared about you, still loved you and I had no one to talk to. You can't just tell people that you use to secretly shag the mass murder who betrayed your best friends to Voldemort."
"I don't think it was much of a secret." Sirius said, something of a nasty smile on his lips.
"I still didn't know what to do, I was finally starting to move on when you escaped and then you didn't bring it up so I didn't."
"I didn't bring it up because I stilled loved you Remus and you, like you said, seemed to have moved on. I still love you Remus and I see that fucking girl trying to get all handsy with you, smiling and laughing and how am I supposed to act?"
"You still love me?" Remus said color flooding back into his face.
"Yes, more than that girl ever will, but I understand Remus. She's good for you, she's not a convicted killer, and well she's a girl. But it hurts and I don't like you flaunting it and the least you could do is come and visit me sometimes but you don't. So excuse me if I get drunk because I've never dealt with my emotions but then you finally come and see me and you yell at me about that too."
"You still love me." Remus repeated looking at Sirius.
Sirius smiled, and this time it lit up his whole face, "Yes you bloody wanker, I still love you."
"You still love me." Remus repeated again, this time more clearly.
"I love Remus John Lupin!" Sirius yelled, and Kreacher who was heading into the kitchen made a retching sound before retreating.
"I still love you too." Remus mumbled.
"What's that?" Sirius asked closing in on him.
"I still love you too." Lupin said looking up at him. "I still love Sirius Orion Black!"
Suddenly Sirius was close to Remus, their noses mere inches apart, "Say it again." Sirius said smiling, "I've waited years to hear it."
"I love you Sirius Black. And I'm sorry I haven't visited, and I'm sorry Tonks bothers you, it just hurts too much to see you and I really have been very busy but Dumbledore has been pushing me to come see you. I think he knows." Remus said without taking a breath.
"You talk too much." Sirius said, "And Dumbledore is the biggest poofter I know."
"You think?" Remus asked.
"Just keep telling me nice things and we'll discuss Dumbledore's sexuality later." Sirius said, getting closer to Remus until they were almost touching.
"I've missed you terribly, I missed you every day you were gone. I missed touching you and holding you."
"You can touch me now." Sirius said, pressing his lips to Remus' urgently and running his hands over every inch of his body he could reach. He quickly had him pressed into the wall, their bodies pressed urgently together.
Remus gripped Sirius hard, breathing heavy, the scent of firewhiskey strong, but he could still make out the scent of Sirius, something he had missed dearly. The feel of him, like he remembered but slightly different, was overpowering him and he could feel himself getting hard against the other man. "I need you."
Sirius let out a growl nipping at Remus' neck before taking his hand, "Then come with me." He said leading the other man upstairs. He hadn't felt whole in almost fourteen years. He felt like he could breathe easy again for the first time. "Don't leave me again." He said turning to Remus on the stairs, "Promise me, I can't handle it if I only have this one night."
Remus pressed his lips to Sirius', "Nothing, nothing at all, could make me leave you." Remus said before tugging on Sirius' hand. "But hurry up, the full moon is in two days and I'd like to get in as much shagging as I can before I'm incapacitated."
"You dirty werewolf you." Sirius laughed.
Now all Remus had was a picture and, once again, a secret broken heart. He sat in the bathroom of his new in-laws house, while his small wedding party waited, looking at the picture of him and Sirius. Both of them were smiling, it had been taken only days before he died. Remus wiped the tears from his eyes; it would do no good for his new wife to see them. She'd ask too many questions. And Remus did care for her, he wanted her to be happy, and he didn't want to be alone. Not anymore.
There was a knock on the door, "I'll be right out." Remus called looking in the mirror.
"Mind if I come in Remus?" Came a kind voice from the other side of the door.
Remus opened the door and Dumbledore smiled at him before stepping in. With the agility of a much younger man Dumbledore hoisted himself on the counter and sat looking at Remus who awkwardly sat down on the toilet.
"I once loved a man-" Dumbledore began as Remus gawked, "Oh yes, a man, who was accused of mass killings as well only, unfortunately he had actually committed those crimes."
"No!" Remus said, genuinely shocked, "Who? Wait! Not Grindlewauld! That's why you didn't want to fight him?"
Dumbledore smiled, "I know, very foolish of me, but the heart does not listen to the brain, no matter how rational the brain is. I loved him dearly and I think that possibly part of him loved me too, our time together was short and he is now locked up, defeated by my own hand. I will forever regret that I couldn't stop him sooner, and no matter how terrible it might sound, that I didn't have more happy time with him. Love can be one of the most hurtful things Remus, but also one of the most beautiful. What you and Sirius had was real, genuine love for one another which is a rare and wonderful thing."
"It ended too soon." Remus said, studying the pattern of the tile on the bathroom floor.
Dumbledore nodded, "It did, and it's a terrible tragedy and you have my sincere sympathy, but Remus he will always live in your heart. And you got more time with him, you got a second chance, which is more than most people have. You and Sirius deserved a whole, happy life together, but unfortunately Voldemort took happy lives from many people. But you have decided, perhaps not prudently, to marry a lovely girl who is waiting for you, and Remus she does love you. And I believe you love her too, and I came in here to tell you that loving her does not reduce your love for Sirius in any way. You are also lucky in that you found another person to truly love you, and it would be foolish for you to spend your entire wedding night in this bathroom reliving the past. She is waiting for you Remus and she is living and Sirius really would want you to be happy. He knew you loved him and he died knowing that. Nothing will ever change your love. Now go live your life Remus, while you are still young enough to live it."