She was a very defined perfection. A kind of perfection that a man would kill for. A man would die for. Even a woman, any woman, would envy that type of character, that...I thought I loved her. I thought she loved me. I guess we were in love. Sometimes. But most of the time, I guess it was just a game. That might be why I killed her. I wanted that perfection. I hated that perfection. It taunted me. It killed me. I needed it. I needed her.
"Society's a bitch..."
"Not so different from you then, right?"
"Why did you ask me to meet you here?"
It was 1992. In the library at my school. I sat across the table from none other than high school's pop diva, Samantha Reese. She was everything special. But no one understood her. I wanted to. I guess she liked having all the friends in the world but no one to talk to. I guess it comforted her. But I was a determined type of guy. I never liked her. She didn't even know my name, how could I? But I wanted to like her. There was more. She wasn't what everyone wanted, she was just something everyone thought they wanted. Miss Popular. Miss 1994 Upper Class-man Ruler. Miss perfect.
"You're delusional."
"What do you want from me?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I'm leaving.."
"Wait."
She had moved here just the year before. From Chicago I think. She lived down the street from me. I wish it had been closer. I lived in the alleged "Murder House". I bet she went on the tour. I liked my house. I liked my street. I wanted to go to her house. I never saw a moving truck when she moved in, though. She just appeared. Like a nightmare. Or a dream. I don't know which one she interrupted. Come to think of it, I never saw her family. Not a kid in site. Not an adult. She left every morning at precisely 7:00 and walked to school, arriving there 5 minutes just before the first bell. I beat her there by two minutes. Her first class was Math. Right next to my English. I followed her down the stairs and to our science class. I sat in the back, she sat in the front. I wanted to be closer.
"Let me come over after school today..."
"Ew, no, why?"
"Your house looks interesting."
"I could say the same about yours."
"Have you been on the tour?"
"Once or twice."
"You just barely moved in."
"I have a lot of free time."
It grew quiet. My eyes searched over her face but she didn't twitch a single muscle. Her eyebrows were softly arched, naturally, and her lips, pursed, with a woman like touch. Perfect. I sighed, rocking back and forth in my plastic chair, finally stopping the metal legs on the carpeted floor as I pressed my forearms to the table that sat between us. She talked first. Breaking the silence, only moments before I would have.
"Your letter was fucking queer."
"I never left a letter."
"Bullshit." She reached in her pocket, pulling out a piece of paper, sliding it across the table in my direction. I didn't bother to look down at it. I didn't need to. I've already seen it. After all, I wrote it.
"Aw, how sweet, you kept it.."
"Near my ass."
"Best part about you."
"Listen here, Nate.."
"Tate."
"What?"
"Tate. My name is..Tate."
"Yeah, that's what I said..."
"No, it's not."
"Then what did I say?"
"Nate. You called me Nate."
"Close enough." She shrugged, "I don't have time for your little game here. I just moved to town, I don't need friends, I don't need a boyfriend.."
"I'm not asking to be any of those."
"Then what the hell do you want?"
"I want to love you."
"I don't need love."
"You're weak."
"Excuse me?"
"Saying that...that right there. You're putting up a front. You want to seem strong,. Like you're fine on your own. Everybody..I mean everybody, needs someone to love, someone to love them. The happiest people are the one's dying."
"Be still my beating heart, you're gonna make a great parent some day," She sat up in a hurry, clinging to her purse as she tried charging out of the room. I was hard on her heels. I couldn't help it. I had her. So close. She was ready to break.
When you open someone's eyes to something they've been trying to avoid for so long, their first instinct is to run away. They can't help it. Their minds are adapted, trained, to swerve across that of which they don't want to collide with. But she...she was afraid. Not of me. She was afraid of what I had to offer. What I wanted to offer. I guess you could say I did scare her at the time. But I know I wasn't the cause. It was what I told her. What I opened her eyes to. Reality.
"Stop!" I grabbed on to her wrist and I don't know if I expected it, but I grabbed on to the other one that came swinging around at me. "Listen to me. I can love you. I can show you...I can make you mine, I can help you. I want to share this world with you. I want to share everything that I have, that I am, with you."
"What kind of boy are you?" She wiggled from my grasp, throwing her fists to her sides with a huff, stepping back slightly. Her eyes wandered over me. I could feel it. She was confused.
"I'm in love with you."
"You don't know me!"
"But I want to!" I raised my voice, closing my eyes briefly as I clenched my teeth. My fingers curled around my palm, straining in to fists as I tried to calm down. Mom, or should I say Constance, always told me I had a temper.
I don't get what made me like her so much. I guess I did kind of watch her everyday. But that wasn't much. She never did do much. I don't know. I suppose she was sort of my obsession. Something I could just claim as mine. Take in to my heart and never let go. I don't think I thought it through at the time. I didn't have anything back then. I had no one. I wanted some one though, I can tell you that. I guess I kind of take my own words some time...everyone needs someone to love them...to love. Sam was that someone. Just because, I guess, I thought I could get her to love me. Mom never loved me. My sister...I don't know. And my dad...ha. Relationships outside of the family were my only option. And those sometimes were too difficult. What with the house, my family, and my reputation. Sam was new. She didn't know any of that. I could be anyone I wanted with her. I could be what she wanted.
"Give me a chance. I see you hanging around those other kids here, why not me? Why would that be so hard? I'll show you, I can be better than all of them..."
"You don't know me."
"You keep saying that...yet here I stand. Obviously I know enough about you to get your attention."
"Don't you have a girlfriend...or a boyfriend...or someone?"
"I have no one."
She sighed, shifting where she stood as she looked around the room, "Listen...I'm not a big fan of love or loving or even being loved, so...can you just back off?"
"Why do feel this way?"
"Why do you feel this way?"
"Just one chance..."
We dated for over a year. I suppose it was my devilish charms or my persistence, but I got her to be mine. Actually, it was only a week or so after our first meeting that she agreed to go out with me. We've been inseparable since. I liked it. I think she did, too. But then again, I guess I didn't really know her as well as I thought I did. Turns out, I didn't know her at all. But I still loved her. And I had the best year with her. She gave me moments in my life that I'll never forget. Time I'll never get back. Things I'll never get back.
"Ugh...why do you have to go home so early every night?" She whined as I began to shift next to her under the bleachers of our school football field.
"You don't know my mom.."
"Then let me meet her.."
I paused, blinking in thought before laughing, my fingers latching on to hers as she crawled in to my lap, "You're cute."
"I'm serious. You let me meet your sister, why not Mrs. Langdon..or your Mr. Langdon?"
"She's the only normal person in my family."
"You consider her..."
"Don't finish that sentence." I cut her off, glancing over her face with a heavy sigh, "Besides, I haven't met a single member of your family. Don't you think that's a little unfair?"
"Do you really want to meet them?"
"Tell the truth, yeah. I haven't seen a single person walk out of your house..."
"Alright. I'll show you."
"Really?"
"Really."
Maybe I should have seen it coming. What happened when I went to her house. What was revealed me. Really, I should have seen it coming. She was always so distant..even when we were dating. She wouldn't sleep with me. Make-out with me. Touch me. Up until that point, I should have known. I felt so stupid. A year, wasted. Yet...after I found out, I only wanted her all the more. After I found out she was a...
"I'm sorry, Tate but my recorder has run out."
"It's cool, Dr. Harmon. Save it for next time?"
"Of course. And, hey, try not to forget where we're at in your story. I'd really like to get to the bottom of this Samantha case."
"Why? She's nothing special..just another memory.."
"But didn't you two just break up a few years ago?"
"Uh...I've gotta go, Dr. Harmon, I promise I won't forget!"
How could I?
