Down The Rabbit Hole
ATaintedStarsNightmare
DISclaimer: I do not own anything here but plot, possibly.
"Blurred Colors"
There's either too much time or too little, where does it go?
~ Now ~
I didn't know how to start the letter. The pen was sitting in my hand and the only thing on my paper was the little doodles I had drawn. They were starting to take over the whole sheet of lined paper in front of me. I could feel the minutes ticking away, a tiny bit of my life draining with each one. My mind couldn't seem to focus and that was starting to annoy me worse than this blank piece of paper. I looked over to the door, silently hoping for a knock, a real distraction but nothing came. I was alone in the world, alone with just my thoughts.
I figured I should start with how this began, but even then where would I start? Things were already too far gone to even try to make them right, how once they once were. How perfect everything seems now when then it was too bland and boring. I wish I could take it all back, but this is the real world and it had consequences and no time machines. I tried to shift through my memories, but they seemed to all blur together, even the colors blending. I felt like I had dropped into another world, a very different world with no way back in sight.
~ Before ~
I held on tightly to her hand, the crowd's loud roar of conversations beating at my ears and head. The blinking lights of the rides were slightly hypnotizing. I couldn't keep my focus on one thing and constantly looked all around me. All the bits of the conversations around seemingly blended together but no one but me noticed. The dark night sky made everything seem brighter and I didn't think I could keep up.
She looked down at me from the stairs she happened to be standing on, a smile on her face. Her red blush, lipstick, and hair stood out clearly. I couldn't look at her with anything but admiration, she was everything I wanted to be and everything I wasn't. She was simply perfection, if only to me. I smiled shyly back at her, knowing I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Cheshire. Cheshire was the one who brought us altogether and she the one who helped the colors blend together.
~ Now ~
I looked back down at the paper, still blank. The little movie in my head didn't translate to paper. The pen was still tightly gripped in my hand and the lights still buzzing. I knew I should write this story, for I might not remember it all together tomorrow. I started putting the pen to the paper when my distraction finally arrived. I couldn't keep the sigh of relief contained as I looked towards the door.
"Hey Alice, how have you been?" he asked. He looked slightly better than when I last saw him, but the signs were still visible, he hadn't learned his lesson. The dark circles under his eyes, the sores on his face and the bones poking through his skin clearly showed what was consuming him alive. But his trademark white top hat upon his head, making him very much like Cat in the Hat, was letting me know he was still in there somewhere. He was what I used to be, what I longed to be again. He was the Hatter, my Hatter though I doubt that meant anything anymore.
"Hello Hatter. It's nice to see you again." I gave him a small nodded and continued to look down at my paper. I didn't want to admit I was ecstatic to see him, but I'm sure he already knew the truth. I looked at him through my hair as he sat on the bed in the room. Or what they tried to say was a bed. He patted the spot before he sat down and looked around, trying not to catch my eye. He knew that I could tell that he was still using what we had dubbed 'the March Hare' and that even now it was coursing its magic through him.
I could suddenly hear Cheshire's voice once more; "the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won't be raving mad - at least not so mad as it was in March."
"It must suck being in this place, away from us…and away from her." His eyes looked curiously at me, almost as if looking for an answer to unasked question. "Do you feel the March Hare ever calling you back?"
I could my heart begin to race at its name already. It was as if I needed it to breathe in this moment and the air wasn't truly there. I turned around and looked at him straight-on, my chest pounding. My answer was simple.
"Always. I feel like a part of me is missing."
He just nodded and went back to picking at the blanket on the bed. I turned back around, but I couldn't shake the feelings he had brought up just speaking its name.
"You know, I don't know how you can be living without it. Cheshire and Queen say they miss you. And the White Rabbit sends their love. We all miss you. Do you think you'll be able to come back and be around while we've got the Hare marching through our veins?" The question he asked had been haunting my free thoughts and I had always tried to ignore it. But hearing the words float through the air on the silence seemed to make that reality look impossible.
"I don't know." I wasn't trying to have a deep conversation with Hatter of all people especially when I could the Hare so close to me. "Why hasn't she visited me, if she misses me so much?" I couldn't stop the question from slipping out but I stopped it from sounding pitiful.
"You know how she is. But Cheshire is afraid to let us come here, I had to sneak away. Though I think they've covered for me over at the Rabbit. I hope so, or else she is going to be very angry with me." His eyes got a very distant glazed look and I knew he was in immense pleasure. The March Hare was in its final stages though and I knew he would leave before the withdraw became too bad. It hurt me slightly, but I understood. My veins cried out to his, to share and give me what he was feeling.
"You'll have to be leaving soon." It wasn't a question, I knew the effects very well and how your body would call for more.
He just nodded and started to leave. He shuffled towards the door and looked like he wanted to stop and look back. He shook his head, his dreads shaking around looking like snakes. He walked back over to me and without looking at me, and placed a little glass vial down. The liquid in the vial was a swirling purple that turn into a light pink. It was March Hare, but in its weakest form. He walked once more towards the door without a second glance back at me. I was in heaven, just being so near to it. It had that effect. My breath was caught in my throat; I couldn't take in any air. He stopped right at the door frame, facing outwards with his hands on both sides on the doorframe.
"Now it's up to you to choose."
Then he simply left.
~ Before ~
"Come on Alice!" Queen's voice rang clearly in my ears even through the crowd's loud roars. She held her hand out to me, a smile still on her face.
I looked up at her, excited about being around her and feeling the excitement in the air. We were standing in line for the chair swings. They were swing high in the sky above us, the laughter from above made me keep looking up. We shuffled a tiny bit more forward though we still had some time to wait.
Cheshire was right beside us, tapping her foot impatiently. But her eyes looking a bit glazed over but I didn't take much notice, I never had. She turned back to me with a grin on her face and winked.
"I've got an idea you might enjoy. Close your eyes and open your mouth." I looked towards Queen, but she just smiled and nodded. Cheshire dug something out her pocket and motioned for me to come closer to her. "Trust me Alice; I would never do anything to hurt you."
I moved closer to her and did what she asked. Suddenly I was hyper aware of all my senses and everything around me. As I stuck my tongue out and waited, I felt incredibly stupid. But I felt something hit my tongue and it started to dissolve instantly. It tasted slightly of vanilla and I couldn't stop rubbing my tongue against the top of my mouth.
"You've just had your first taste of the Hare. I hope I didn't give you too much for your first time."
Then it suddenly hit something so pleasurable I can't even really describe it now. I could feel every pulse of my heart throughout my body, it was an amazing feel. Suddenly the line moved forward and it was our turn to get on the swings. Flying in the air while it was flowing through me was just the beginning of my wonderful downward spiral.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
So, this is something new I thought I would give a try. I'm pretty much just going wherever it takes me. Tell what you think though.
-atsn