An Important Question

Main Pairings: Bangel and Spuffy references in between, but who hasn't already figured that out lol? ;)

Timeline: Early Season Five. Takes place after immediately "Lineage".

Disclaimer: All the Buffyverse characters and it's universe belongs to Joss Whedon. This is strictly just for entertainment. For if I ever had any involvement, this one-shot probably would've been a scene, Buffy would've crossed over during season five, and Angelus definitely would've appeared more.

A/N: Just a fun 'what-if' story loaded with humor and glorious Spangel banter. I originally posted this on tumblr, but after a while I figured I turn it into a one-shot for anyone else would wanted a laugh. I know I did. xD Enjoy. :)

Constructive Criticism/OCCness warnings/Positive feedback always welcome! :)

An Important Question

Angel leaned against the front of his desk, his hands in pockets and brooding. Spike stood on his right, arms crossed around his chest and sober. Silence was thick between as they absorbed what had happened.

"Wes say when he was coming back?" Spike asked suddenly.

"When he wants to." The dark-haired vampire said simply.

The younger vampire scoffed and uncrossed his arms, turning to face him. "Don't see why Potter needs to throw a hissy fit. It wasn't like it was his real pop. He might as well suck it up and stop crying the blues."

Angel regarded Spike's unimpressed face. " ... You ever wonder why you don't have friends?" The dark-haired vampire said pointedly, his tone flat.

The bleached blonde glared, then jerked away from him. "Do we know where it came from?" He pressed, going back to the subject. "And don't tell me it's a commission by some angry Mensa that still lives in his parent's basement." Spike said with sudden feeling, giving Angel a meaningful look.

The older vampire hesitated. "We ... 'upset' a lot of people after taking over this place."

"So it's the do-gooders now." The younger vampire interpreted quickly, his tone casual. "Fabulous. Always gotta drag everyone down with you, eh Angel? It's like watching a bloody Shakespearean tragedy." Spike went on mockingly, moving away from the desk.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" Angel grumbled.

Spike turned around, looking at him through narrowed eyes. "Plenty! Unfortunately I'm stuck as an incorporeal ball of air that can't throw a bloody punch and I have no tele, so for now you're my idiotbox!" Spike said in a rush as he pointed at him, his words getting angrier as he continued.

Angel rolled his eyes, starting to walk away. "Well, find another one." He muttered.

"Can't. You're the only one showing Jackass, jackass." Spike snarked scathingly.

The older souled vampire stopped, taking in an unneeded breath. " ... I'm calling a meeting. Try and figure out who sent the cyborg so we can make sure it doesn't happen again." Angel told him, voice level but tight with irritation.

"What, putting down the Robocops now?" The blonde vampire taunted.

The older vampire ignored him. Just as he was about to walk out of his office, Angel caught a hint of Spike's muttering. "You know, whatever happened to the Penthouse variety? The worst thing the Buffybot 1.0 could've done was ..."

"What?" Angel cut him off, looking back incredulously.

"What?" Spike repeated, his expression the pinnacle of innocence.

The dark-haired vampire turned around, giving Spike a weird look. "You said Buffybot." He said matter-of-factly.

"No. No. I said ..." Angel could see in Spike's eyes he was searching for explanations. There was an awkward silence and finally the younger vampire gave up with a huff and just glared. "What's it to you?" He responded defensively.

Angel narrowed his eyes at Spike, unable to speak as the unpleasant dots connected together one-by-one. " ... Penthouse ... Buffybot ... " Each word Angel ground out more angrier than the last. "Spike ..." He said in a growl, advancing towards the bleached blonde vampire.

Spike shook his head. "Bollocks."

**Outside Angel's Office**

Fred walked casually down the aisle, carrying paperwork on the experiments for her labs she had to report to Angel. Just when she was no more than two yards away from her objective, shouting and noises broke through the bustling activity. Startled, Fred halted. She looked around in bewilderment until she was led to towards Angel's office.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, SPIKE!" Angel's voice, furious and raised, pierced through the air so harshly several people stopped what they were doing just to stare in it's direction.

Spike's voice, more muffled but not entirely indistinct, answered. "Good luck with that, mate! Already dead!"

Fred's face fell. Utter tiredness swamped over her so suddenly all her energy was gone. Not again. More shouting and sounds of breaking followed and with it the sinking feel in her stomach. Knowing she'd better act now before Angel destroyed his entire office, the brunette sighed and continued walking over.

Hands grabbed her shoulders. Fred turned around, frowning at who it was. "Charles?"

Gunn shook his head, pushing her shoulders to steer her down the aisle past Angel's office. "Just keep walking." He told her meaningfully.

Fred stumbled, glancing back in even more confusion. "But—"

The demon hunter shook his head again, still steering her away. "Just keep walking, stay out of it, and do what you gotta." He insisted.

Gunn looked behind them. Many people were still staring at office in bewilderment. A few were even trying to peek inside. "Hey!" He shouted. All immediately froze in their tracks. "What do you think you're doing? Don't y'all have work to do?!"

**Angel's Office**

Spike half-heartedly side-stepped. Angel's fist phased harmlessly through his side, causing nothing but a smirking Spike. The older vampire gave him a scorching glare, his fists tightening instinctively as he struggled to keep his anger in check.

"Now this is just funny." The bleached blonde vampire mocked. Angel tensed and advanced towards him again, his flood of fury reawakening. Spike stepped back, raising his arm. "Now, now, now. We've been over this. Can't hit a Casper, remember?" The British vampire said in mocking sympathy.

Angel still glared death. "I really wish you were corporeal right now." He growled.

"Don't we all." Spike said flatly. His amusement quickly returned. "Would you like to try again? Or is your desk next?" He nodded his head towards the shattered lamp. He smirked smugly. "Try again. It gives me a tickle." Spike suggested brightly.

The older vampire straightened, his common sense finally winning over. The anger in his eyes, however, was still unmatched. "You had a Buffybot sex toy made for you. Spike, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Angel accused, tone filled with unbridled disgust.

The bleached blonde rolled his eyes. "Didn't have a soul then, mate. A bit more experimental back then." Spike pointed out matter-of-factly, looking bored. At the scorching disapproval in the older vampire's eyes, he snorted. "Please. Like your darker half was any better and didn't have a few nasty fantasies. As I recall, your Buffy tunnel vision drove you insane ... literally."

Angel shook his head. "There are so many things wrong with you, Spike."

The younger vampire looked at him exasperatedly. "Like you were any better." After a beat, a condescending smile touched Spike's face again. "Like you're any better now." He clarified, giving him a pointed look.

"What are you talking about?" Angel snapped.

"Look who's preaching to the bloody choir!" Spike went on as he gestured to him, making a noise of contempt. "As if you wouldn't want your own Buffybot. Since you rightfully can't have the real one."

Startled, Angel pulled back with a frown. "What?"

"You heard me!" Spike said energetically, pointing at him. "Single, Buffyless for god knows long, suddenly up pops a Buffybot. As if you wouldn't want it." The bleached blonde said contemptuously as he turned away, a unimpressed look on his face.

Angel followed after him, his expression twisting incredulously. "I don't! I'm not that desperate."

The younger vampire raised his brow. "Oh, really? Life-like ..." Spike gestured with his hand to imitate Buffy's height. "Bouncy hair, tanned skin, complete with her little walk and little talk? And obsessed with shagging you? Bollocks, Angel. You'd be tempted and you know it."

The dark-haired vampire made a disbelieving sound in the back of his throat. "There's no way you can recreate all that."

Spike raised his brow. "Mr. Percy Roboto passed well enough, didn't he?"

Angel frowned, silent as the information sunk in. He looked almost confused. Spike smirked broadly, utterly entertained by the mental gymnastics he was putting his grandsire through. Finally, the older souled vampire snapped out of it with a shake of his head and glared. "It's wrong!"

"Right. And running an evil lawfirm is all sunshine and teletubbies." The younger vampire said dryly. His face lit up in mock realization. "Oh, hold on. It isn't."

The older souled vampire narrowed his eyes at him, clearly irritated, but said nothing and went to clean up the room. A frown was on Angel's face as he threw out debris and readjusted things, thoughtful enough to not match what he was doing. Spike looked on.

Angel leaned against the side of his desk, his arms crossed over his chest and frowning deeply now. Spike was beside him once again, looked bored with existence as he always did. Silence passed between the two souled vampires, though neither cared.

Angel cleared his throat. "So ... what? It just ... does whatever you want it to or something?" He asked casually, keeping his face nonchalant.

Spike didn't look surprised by the question. "Like a bleedin' broken record. Only you can't really turn it off."

"That's boring." Angel sounded suddenly indignant. "Too predictable and easy. And not Buffy."

The younger vampire rolled his eyes. "Well, yeah. There isn't anyone in the whole universe like Buffy, let alone a soddin' machine. I was talking about appearance, O Wise One." Spike remarked irritably. He turned towards Angel and pointed at him, his expression lighting with challenge. "Admit it, Angel. If you ran into a Buffybot programed to shag you, you'd have to think about denying it at least a little."

"If I did what you did, Buffy would never speak to me again. Or stake me. Both painful."

At the blatant matter-of-fact tone, Spike gaped at the older vampire. "I knew it!" The bleached blonde declared, pointing at him. "I knew it. I knew you weren't 'the perfect gentleman' you pretend to be!" He said passionately, his blue eyes sparking with triumph.

Angel didn't react, crossing his arms and deep in thought again. A long silence stretched between them once more, but the challenging light in Spike's eyes as he waited didn't waver one bit.

" ... I wouldn't want a Buffybot enough to sleep with one, Spike. The thought wouldn't even cross my mind." Angel said calmly, stone-faced.

The bleached blonde vampire scoffed. "Yeah. Keep telling yourself that."

A throat cleared somewhere ahead on their left and the vampires immediately turned their heads. A startled Fred was standing in front of the office doorway, holding paperwork against her chest. She just stared at them wide-eyed, speechless and looking severely uncomfortable.

Spike seemed unfazed, his hands in his long duster and regarding her with casual innocence. Angel, however, was horrified.

"Fred ..." Angel addressed quickly, his voice a slightly higher pitch as he made his way over to her. The brunette pulled away when the vampire stood in front of her, giving him a weird look. Angel hesitated, then cleared his throat. "How—how much of that did you ...?"

" ... I heard enough." Fred said simply. She stared at the two disbelievingly. "You guys aren't, y'know ... drunk again right? Or are you really this Buffy-obsessed?"

Angel lowered his head, discomfort and shame etched in every line of his embarrassed body. Even Spike looked now uncomfortable, avoiding the brunette's eyes. Tense silence slashed through the office. Fred just shook her head.

"Definitely the second one." A voice suddenly chimed in. Harmony popped out from the hallway, surveying the two vampires. She turned to Fred in mock pity. "Sad, isn't it? The two biggest, baddest vampires in history are practically The Slayer's bitches." Frustration filled her eyes and she threw out her hand. "I mean, god! What is so great about her?!"

Spike rolled his eyes and looked over at the dumb vampire, deeply exasperated. "Well. If I'm the bitch, what does that you make you then?" He said cuttingly.

Angel glared at her. "Harmony. You're fired."

A/N: Done! :) This version's longer and more put together than the original tumblr version, but that's why I like this version more. I thought one day what would happen if Angel found out about the Buffybot and the potential for hilarity it would bring was just too strong to ignore so this was the result. xD As always, I hoped I portrayed the characters well enough but more than anything, I just hope you got a laugh out of it. xD Spangel is literally the greatest gift Joss could ever give to the fandom lol.

Reviews and favorites are always appreciated. Thank you for reading! :)