I would greatly appreciate reviews))
Passing through Wisconsin
During one of the recruiting missions Eric and Charles drive through Wisconsin. Eric gets a glimpse into his friend`s past and, Charles, in his turn, gets a few hard truths about himself and the way he treats Raven.
Charles gave a start and hurriedly rubbed his eyes with both hands- for the fourth or the fifth time this hour. It was getting monotonous, Eric thought idly, throwing a brief glance at the heavy- eyed telepath beside him. The man was evidently fighting with sleepiness and getting the worst of the battle, too. In fact, had been doing it for two days- ever since they drove into Wisconsin. It must be a part of his inexplicable antipathy to the state, displayed first 4 days ago when he had suggested they leave Wisconsin for the last stage of the trip. Now that he was here, he had been unusually silent, retired
early and in the morning had appeared from his room looking much tireder than the evening before. Eric, actually, rarely was curious about other people`s fancies, so he just set Charles`s behaviour down to some inexplicable idiosyncrasy of a fellow who could read minds et cetera.
Charles, now deep asleep, moved slightly and muttered a few words. Eric threw a brief glance at him and concentrated back on the road- not that it was a difficult track, but...
Suddenly a thin film seemed to obscure for a second his vision - the road melted away, revealing, instead, a spaceful mansion. Almost immediately the hallucination was over, but Eric stared blindly at the road, staggering mentally under the gust of emotions set loose on him.
Ache...Like a blast of cold wind - neither freezing, nor cutting, just moderately and hopelessly cold...And pictures - single shots, fading in and out, pulsating with quiet, half- forgotten, half- stifled pain...Not his.
Charles.
It took Eric a few more moments to realize that Charles was projecting. He must have lost control - so that was what he had been apprehending all the way. Well, very thoughtful of him, damn him!
The pictures were gone, but the coldness remained. Charles was still dreaming- his eyes shut, his mouth screwed tightly, his forehead contracted. Eric stifled both his irritation and the wish to wake telepath. If he woke now the chances were high that his control would slip once more - and at night and in a motel with a lot of people within the range of his telepathy things could become pretty awkward. And as for Eric - he was used to unpleasantness of all kinds, so he could well afford another dive into Xavier`s childhood experiences.
Well, it was nothing so very horrible, either. An ordinary enough childhood, with no nightmares and no
dayterrors...Some people would in fact call it the acme of carefree existence.
And yet the subtle and cold, the faint, but ever- present, unyielding ache still lingered in the back of his mind, wiping away the wish to sneer at the so- called troubles of pampered kiddies.
He gave Charles another quick, searching glance - it was difficult to reconcile the ever- ready-to-help- everyone- and- not -needing- anyone`s –support Charles with the loneliness and lostedness that kept gnawing at Eric because his hard luck had thrown him in this guy`s path when he happened to be in trouble.
Eric did try to sneer, but it did not work very well. Most people look vulnerable while asleep. Charles - Charles was no exception.
Eric withdrew his gaze. Let Charles guard his secrets. So far as Eric was concerned, at least.
In a minute Charles woke with a violent start. Drawing a hand across his forehead, he blinked uneasily at Eric. Eric was unresponsive.
" Shall I take my turn?"
Eric shook his head silently and glanced at Charles with indifference. Naturally he knew it would take Charles a couple of seconds to dive in his mind and ascertain if he had caught glimpses of anything, but somehow he felt Charles would not do it.
Charles muttered something about a slight cold and settled back into silence.
Altogether it was a very silent drive.
During the evening things were much the same way. Eric rather casual and short, Charles untalkative and retiring.
It was time to break up for the night. Eric reached the door with a brief "good- night" and paused on the threshold at Charles`s quiet "good- night" and more hesitating " and thank you".
"For being so nasty, " he added in a lighter tone and Eric turned around with an answering grin.
"Anytime."
Charles almost succeeded in smiling in much the usual way, and Eric almost involuntarily added:
"I did not actually see much."
Charles glanced away almost sheepishly , but something in his air prompted Eric to continue- almost against his will, so that he was half- angry with himself. After all, why should he meddle with this fellow`s trauma or the nearest thing to it?!
" But I felt a bit. A lot, actually."
" I am sorry." Charles answered softly.
He was silent for a few seconds, then he continued, trying to speak lightly:
"Children tend to dramatize, you know. My... memories, the ones you overheard, were a good deal - touched up".
"I see. You lived here?"
Charles nodded.
"Before moving to New York. My nother was - married from the house here, in Wisconsin. After that we three moved."
The dry informativeness of these words did not deceive Eric.
"Don`t imagine I feel sorry for you, " he, nevertheless, remarked.
"No, you should not, " Charles answered simply. " Things were not that bad."
He turned away and went on in a detached tone:
" It was rather like... being out on an October evening, wearing no overcoat. No danger of freezing , almost no pain - but you are never actually warm."
The eternal cardigans, flitted across Eric`s mind , so that was it.
"No, things were not bad. Except for..."
" Being lonely," finished Eric in a low, carefully emotionless voice.
Charles nodded wordlessly.
" I was not long that, " he went on softly. " Not since Raven came. I was luckier than she," he went on with a wistful smile, " I gave her home. She gave me family."
" She did not seem to get much in return, " Eric said with dry irony.
"What?" Charles glanced up in a puzzled way.
"The way you treat her, " Eric went on relentlessly. " Damn it, Charles, has it ever occurred to you she has been screaming for help for quite a time now? And you don`t even try to shut her up, oh, no, you are far too decent for that, you just politely don`t hear her."
"Eric, this...
"Because you are scared that you would have to help her."
Eric would continue, though he himself barely realized why he had plunged into this lecture at all. Taking a deep breath, he went on in a quieter, weightier tone, " You know, Charles, you are the one people- all kinds of people- always will trust. Willingly or not, but they will. But, " he paused, " you will always let them down".
Charles slowly looked up.
" I have not let Raven down," holding tight to his own belief in this, answered he.
" You are doing it every single day, " was Eric`s short answer. " Really, one would expect more- from a telepath."
Charles`s face changed. Eric walked to the door.
When he was almost out of the room, Charles called to him once more - this time with evident effort.
"You said just now everyone trusts me. But you don`t. Or do you?"
Eric was silent - part of him wondering why he was taking so much time pondering over the question, another part angry over answering at all. Finally he turned to face Charles.
" I wish I did not. And I will not."
Something folded in Charles`s eyes.
" But you do." The same hope in each word…
" We all need a friend." Eric quoted, grinning . "But," his face settled back into defensive, harsh indifference, " It will pass. Eventually everyone is on his own - though it will take you longer than most people to realize this."
'You forget. I started with that." in Charles`s voice there was a barely perceptible touch of pain.
" And will finish with this lesson. Sooner ," Eric opened the door," or later."
Next morning neither of them spoke of the previous evening.
Three weeks later they both will recollect it.
The lesson will have been taught once more by then.