The boys… the girls, they all like Carmen. She gives them butterflies, bats her cartoon eyes. She laughs like God, her minds like a diamond. Auto tune lies, she's still shining. ~ Lana Del Rey , Carmen
Chapter one~ Prologue of some sort.
People always say they remember the day they fell in love, the very second they fell in love. If you don't they will scoff and say it's not true love. I remember the very moment I meet her, but I don't remember falling in love with her. I guess you could say it's not true love, but the drummer who plays that Dubstep fast beat in my heart would beg it different. But I mean, you can argue what you want it felt real. I mean you could go all philosophical and question to what it means to be real. But I'm not going to bother you with all that, it doesn't seem worth it really. Life is so fleeting, moments are so fleeting. The funny thing is I never one used to think about this, think like this. I used to be 'normal' I guess. Small town folk, from an average family. (Once again, I'm not going to question the meaning of such.) But then I meet her. I suppose in Lana Del Rey's words she was my Carmen. This person that the world seemed to love, even though there was this odd darkness that surrounded her. But that wasn't what you would notice when looking at her. You wouldn't notice such, you would not notice the dead look in her eyes. Because you would be to busy listening to the joke falling from those ruby coloured lips, that would enthral all. I know it seems stupid to fall for someone and allow that person to define you, but it was more than that she changed me. Made me realise the uncertainly of life, how we should all make the most of it all. No, I don't mean in the Y.O.L.O sense where some one is living their life by not wearing a bra, or where they drink their selves in to oblivion. I am talking something deeper than that. Where you learn that life can be snatched from you in moments and you should treasure and love each one.
Love is one of those moments, a moment that you never know it's coming, but when it does it should be treasure and loved. To quote John Green "I fell in love the way you fall asleep: Slowly, and then all at once." I know I said I did not remember the moment, I don't. I feel for my Carmen second by slowly painful second. Then all so quickly. But there was never one definitely moment, I remember when I realised. But that's different.
This is the story of how I fell in love, how I feel for my Carmen. The woman who seemed all so perfect, sickeningly perfect. But also a woman, a girl really who was also deeply full of darkness, it eat at her like a disease for years. Till it eventually claimed her. Much like the way you fall in love, It eat at her slowly, then dissolved the rest of her.
I started off so very normal, like ever other hopeless romantic in the books you read. I know how silly this all sounds. I'm not that ignorant. But it's the truth. I grew up in a small town in Kent, an estate. A council estate. My dad had been a black smith, but you know with the fact it was the twentieth that eventually came to an end. So he started in construction, till he got to ill to work anymore. So we had to move from our nice little suburban home, to the terror of the inner city houses which resembled hands pulling from the soil and reclaiming their space in the sky, like the volcanoes of old. The buildings clawed their way up to the very top of the sky's. The very epitome of a concert jungle. Flats dominated the skies, as in the distance you could see the glamour of the city of London. You could see the very tantalizing gleam of success just out of reach. (I won't go in to the many metaphors that stem from that image.) I remember once She referred to it as a photographers wet dream. My brother Eylan ran off with a girl he got pregnant when they were both sixteen, leaving father and me to fend for ourselves. My mother died young. I still fear to ask my dad how, they were close. My parents I mean. Each others first love. So I can not force myself to break his heart once more just from the words that would flow from his lips.
So we moved to the dim after burn of this council estate. The flats were old, an after burn of the war, too many people too little room so they rose this concrete cages to hold them all. It was not a bad place to live is suppose, it had a certain charm… I suppose and I was with my family. I guess that in itself is a treasure. The next day I found out the school I was to be going, after all my sixteen year old self was hardly likely to get a decent job. So college was the better option. My Nan. (It was always Nan, never grandmother, or nanny. Always nan.) Thought I was merely avoiding adulthood, I suppose in a way I was, but after having to care for my father full time since I was fourteen it felt nice to be able to settle down and make real friends. I hoped at least to make a few. But I was hardly the most popular person I knew, with my mousy brown hair, dark skin, dull eyes and gangly body I was hardly a looker, I mean, I personally didn't mind. But most are not like me, not that I expect them to me mind you. But I hoped I could make one friend. One something. But when you have a love of books and a vast history addiction that option dwindles a little. I liked the legends of old you know. It all started as I read 'Mist's of Avalon.' The idea of these people thrilled me. The gave my boring mundane life meaning, as if I was part of their world. That is the joy of reading is it not? To get away from the life you lead and living the life of someone else.
But the college was basically my only hope for company that was not my father. So it would have to do. I mean, it was not like I did not enjoy his company, I did! But It was stifling to be around someone thirty years older thank yourself all the time. And he was a man. It would be nice to have some company, who did not refer to my period as having the painters in. Although charming, my father could not understand me sometimes. I loved, love, the man, but I need some female company.
So college was my hope for such. It was a large college, by college standards. Also by my standards. My old school only had five hundred people in total. This college had four thousand. By comparison that is rather daunting. All things considering. This was my last fleeting thought as I succumbed to the sleep that had been calling for the past two days ad the exhaustion of my muscles due to the burden of moving. I allowed myself to submit to this word of painless unconsciousness.
I do not own Merlin.
So what do you think? Please review, I'd like to know whether to continue or not... But thank you for even reading this.