"I'm sorry." She says it with her mouth and with her eyes. She says it with her tongue and with her body. She's back, right in front of Him and all he wants to say, all he has to say, is stuck in the last two years they've been apart. It's stuck in the years they were together.
-/-
"Hi honey, it's not Wednesday or Sunday yet. Everything ok? Is it finals seasons already? I thought that didn't start for another few weeks."
She wants to tell him but words are just lost to her. "I'm ok dad. I thought I could call anytime… I know we set our phone calls for Wednesdays and Sundays but I thought your favorite daughter could call anytime…"
"Sure you can honey, but you're messing with my game here!"
"Eww dad! Don't say that. You got no game, what are you talking about?"
"I have a date!" He says and she can hear his smile and his little jump of joy.
"Since when do you go on dates? Is there a new dating site for the bald and beautiful?"
"You know you gotta eat, right? And your food money comes from me… Wanna go on a diet?"
"Don't even joke about that! Come on, tell me, who is she? Do I know her?" She's doesn't even notice but she's genuinely happy for him until she remembers her… "Wait, dad, tell me it's not Harmony, please!"
"No, Veronica, it's not Harmony." And he can hear the relief coming from inside of her. "It's Cliff's cousin, can you believe that? Patti just moved here. She's a lawyer too, divorced and no kids. I think you'll like her."
"Cliff has family? There's more like him in the world?! She sounds great dad. I can't wait to meet her. Actually… I'm thinking of coming to Neptune for a while…" It's out now and she doesn't know if she's relieved she said it or if she should be afraid of what she was sure would come next.
"Like for the weekend?"
"No dad… for like… a while… I'm thinking about taking time off from Stanford…" Here we go, she thinks. She hugs herself with her free hand and closes her eyes, waiting.
"I'm sorry, but what now Veronica? No you're not! You're not leaving Stanford. What the hell is going on?"
"I need time, dad. I don't know… I need to get out of here for a while." She doesn't tell him how she's been miserable for the last year and a half. The first six months at Stanford were okay…ish. She liked her classes and even though she missed everyone, everything was new and she could handle it. Until she couldn't. Until now. She missed Him. "I miss everyone and I need to come back home for a while." The last part of her sentence is so low he can barely hear her.
"I don't understand, Veronica… Did something happen? Did someone hurt you?"
"No. I just want to come home."
-/-
She comes back on a Sunday. After the 10 hour drive, where she barely stopped to eat or go to the bathroom, she parks her car in her spot at the Sunset Cliff Apartments. She feels a little relieved but she knows she won't be ok until she sees Him and even though it's 8 pm she knows she needs to do this now.
After bringing the essentials up to the apartment, she'll get the rest later and instead tries to come up with a plan. Is he still living at the Grand? And suddenly a chill runs from head to toe, what if he left too? What if Gory did do something to him? Oh God, oh God, oh God… She tries to think but she can't. Her lungs have suddenly forgotten how to take oxygen. MAC! She was his business partner. She should know where he is, right?"
Five minutes later, she is calmer. She dials Mac's number and feels some form of relief when she hears the phone ringing.
"Veronica?! Is it really you? How are you Bond?"
"Hi Mac. I'm ok, you?" She doesn't even give Mac a second to breathe let alone talk. "I need to… ummm… ask you something, kind of a favor, ok?"
"Where have I heard this before…? Sure Veronica, what do you need? A grade change? Someone kicked out of a class or a dorm for some mysterious reason?"
Veronica laughs and says in embarrassment "Nothing illegal this time Q. Ummm… do you by any chance know the whereabouts of one Logan Echolls?"
"Any particular reason you want to know, bond?"
"I… uh… I need to talk to him."
"He hasn't changed is number, Veronica. You could just call him." Mac says defensively. She knows how this story goes. She's had front row seats for the whole Veronica and Logan show since high school. Sure, Veronica is still her best friend but she has become good friends with Logan, too, and doesn't want to see him get hurt. And she is sure that if someone is coming out wounded from this, it will be him.
"Face to face, Mac. I need to talk to him face to face."
"For one" Mac begins, "I know he's not anywhere near Stanford so that's going to make things difficult…"
"I'm here, Mac" Veronica says breathlessly, "I'm in Neptune."
"You're here? Why didn't you say you were coming? When did you…" Mac starts again but is quickly interrupted by an impatient Veronica. "I just arrived. Like five minutes ago. Please, Mac can you tell me where I can find him?"
Mac is confused, very confused. For the last two years Logan was an off-limits subject to Veronica. Any mention of him had been taboo whether by phone or live conversation." Mac reluctantly tells Veronica Logan has bought a condo near the beach and promises to text the address. Veronica barely lets Mac say goodbye before she's hanging up the phone. She picks up her bag and car keys and has just started writing a note to her dad when the door opens.
"Honey, you're here! Why didn't you call when you arrived?" Keith asks.
"Because I'm not really here. I'm a figment of your imagination," she deadpans before adding, "I have to go, dad. Talk later. Bye!" She kisses him on the cheek and doesn't hear him calling her name or sighing.
Her phone beeps and she checks the text Mac sent her and starts her car. She's happy, nervous, excited and edgy all at the same time. She wants to see Him and touch Him, hear His voice and feel His eyes on hers. Being rejected is not even in her mind. It can't be.
-/-
The condo is right in front of her. She hesitates a little getting out of the car. Looking at the beach she doesn't see him and she takes this as a sign of good fortune. "She's at the door in an instant, repeating the speech she's been practicing under her breath. She lifts her arm to knock, not even realizing how much that arm is unconsciously aching to touch the man she hopes will open the door."
Logan had been watching some surf videos and gets up with a sigh when he hears the knock at his door. When is Dick gonna learn to bring the fucking keys I gave him… But nothing could have prepared him for what he sees when he opens the door.
He almost closes it right away. What, am I in a sitcom now? Did I hit my head last night on the night stand and I'm dreaming?
"I'm sorry."
It talks. This vision talks. Great, Echolls, I think it's time to cut back on the booze. But he knows she's not a vision. He knows she's here and all he wants is to hug her and kiss her and scream at her and kick her out. No words come out of his mouth even though he has so many things to say.
"I'm sorry, Logan," She says again, "Can I come him?" He's still mute and takes a step back as he opens the door a bit more to let her in. She steps inside and he closes the door, barely moves as she takes in his new place. "She waits for him to take the lead but he doesn't move so she turns around instead."
"Hey," she says again, then repeats what she's said before, "I'm sorry, Logan. I'm so so sorry…"
"Yeah, you've said that already," He responds harshly while mentally kicking himself for the way he sounds, for the fact that she's there, for how she still makes him feel.
"I know," she agrees softly, continuing on earnestly because she has to, "I am, though, and you should know that. I should have never left like I did. I should have never ignored your calls and texts. Logan, I'm so sorry. I've missed you so much. I was wrong."
His mind goes blank. It's the only reason he has for what comes next. He's too close. She's too close. Their mouths are a breath apart. And then they aren't. He's picking her up. She's holding him for dear life. She's home, she finally feels like home and she's so happy she starts giggling.
He pulls back, startled at her laughter, and gives her the most confused look she's ever seen. She manages to calm herself down enough to try to explain, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh. Logan, I'm just so… I can't believe I'm here. I'm sorry and…"
Putting her down, he says, "You've said you're sorry now about 57 times. Care to clarify what 57 things you're apologizing for?"
She smiles and tilts her head "I'm not sure where to start…"
"Well, you said you were sorry for leaving and not answering my calls or texts," he pauses then says with a teasing grin, "And then I think I heard you say the words 'I was wrong' but that can't be right. Veronica Mars is never wrong…"
"Yes, that, all that. I… I was so lonely and I…" She lowers her head and starts whipping and like Pavlov's little dog Logan is embracing her and pulling her to him.
"It's ok, you don't have to talk. We don't have to talk. What's wrong Veronica? Something happened at Stanford?"
She fights against herself trying to talk without tears. "Yeah… no… You weren't there?" It's not really a questions but he gets it. He gets her.
"I thought that's what you wanted. Me not there, not anywhere near you."
"I was wrong."
"Wait, no. Are you a clone? The good twin sister? Where's Veronica?" He lightly shakes her and she giggles.
"I thought that's what I wanted too. And then time came, distance… and it kind of put things in perspective… I should have never left. I'm so sorry I did. I want to come back. I want to come back to you, Logan."
He kisses her, slowly. Taking his time to get acquainted with her again. Even if he was doing the exact same thing not five minutes ago. He guides her trough his apartment never letting go of her. He doesn't stop until he's right by his bedroom door. He jolts awkwardly and she looks around her and exclaims "Oh…"
It's his turn to say he's sorry "I'm sorry Veronica… I don't… We don't… I…"
She takes a step back, holds his hand and starts walking backwards towards his bed.
"Veronica… really… we…" She doesn't let him finish and jumps to his mouth as they are near the bed. They fall clumsily onto the bed and suddenly they are a rumble of arms, legs and clothes.
They don't talk for the next few hours. They just lay there, taking in every little inch of each other again. Getting to know each other as if it was the first time.
Veronica knows she has to explain herself to Logan, to her father, to Mac and Wallace but all she can think right now is how she feels in absolute bliss. She'll tell them how everyone at Stanford was so pretentious. How when they found out who she was and her sex tape, they didn't let her live it down. How even if she was enjoying the classes she wasn't enjoying her new college life, her new life.
She was coming back home. She had a lot to unpack. Lots of bags and boxes and a whole lot of baggage... Who cares if Logan was her first one?
He was dozing off when she called him "Logan?" He hummed without opening his eyes.
"I love you. I'm sorry."