TITLE: Harsh Lessons
AUTHOR: M. Edison
FEEDBACK: Oh yes please! Be gentle though. ;-)
CATEGORY: AU. Post Ep.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Spoilers for Reunion
SUMMARY: Pinnichio's thoughts about leaving people behind.
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters or concepts of Harsh Realm or The X-Files belong to me.
Chloe does.
--------------
Harsh Lessons
by: M. Edison
--------------
Damn it, Hobbes. Why'd you have to go lookin' for that damn house? If you'd left
well enough alone we'd've never ended up in that damn work camp.
I get that you're trying to keep connections to the real world and all that,
good for you but leave my connections out of it.
Just once will you accept an explanation I give you and have done with it? Your
mother was a VC not the real deal, yet you wanted to risk *our* necks to take
her out of there. I get that's how you think, Mr Love-and-Honour, a
no-such-thing-as-a-lost-cause kind of guy. Y'know, if you can help anybody -
especially someone close - you'll move heaven and earth. Even if it is only a VC
not the real deal.
But damn it! Just once will you take my explanation, nod like a good boy and
then go off and do whatever the hell it is you want anyway? Why is it I keep
pounding the truth into that iron clad skull of yours? I might as well beat my
head off a wall.
I guess I can't blame you. Its not like you could know that explaining how your
mother was a VC and not the real deal, how I'd encountered people here that I'd
known outside, would dredge up memories I'd rather leave buried.
When I said I'd met people here, people I'd known outside, I neglected to
mention *who*. See, you're not the only one who left somebody behind. Someone
you loved.
Believe it or not, I was a very different guy before...Before I stepped on that
damn landmine. That explosion did a hell of a lot more than blow off a leg and
scar me up. It ripped out a big part of me. I lost a hell of a lot more than a
limb and my good looks.
Okay, back a few years...four to be precise. When I got back from the Gulf in
'91, I took a little downtime, then a posting in Virginia. Teachin' if you
believe it. Yeah, me, Mike Pinocchio, teaching the army's finest. It was fine,
kids reminded me of you actually, maybe that's why I'm so good at yellin' at
you. Had plenty of practise at Ft. Monroe.
Anyway, one night one of the privates I was teaching finds a girl on the
outskirts of the base. Dead. Murdered. Poor kid, he'd never seen nobody killed
like that...Even I had to admit it was pretty gruesome.
Turns out to be some serial killer and of course, that brings out the feds.
There was plenty of arguing over jurisdiction when they got there too. They got
pretty caught up in it, the brass. Right out in front of the main offices.
Yellin' at the top of their lungs. Didn't even notice me leanin' against a
building, listening.
And that's how I met Chloe.
I'm watching them argue, it was pretty funny actually. The base commander
arguing with some FBI agent, the two of them looking like they were about ready
to blow a blood vessel or somethin'. Anyway, they were too busy arguing to
notice when one of the fed's people slipped away. A pretty redhead.
Chloe.
Now being the healthy, young, red-blooded American male that I was, I followed
her. Struck up a conversation with her, offering to show her around the base and
the like. Really, I was making my best attempt to impress the pretty girl. Damn,
I must've come off looking like some pimply-faced teenaged kid. Chloe probably
laughed her ass off at me - and a damn cute ass it is too - not that she said
anything.
I didn't know she was a psychologist, thought she must've been a personal
assistant or somethin', she was only about 24 then. I guess that's why I didn't
think she was an agent. No badge or gun, just an id. She was a consultant then.
Too young for Quantico but the fibbies weren't about to let her get away. So
imagine my surprise when I realize she's headin' for the crime scene.
I tried to convince her she didn't want to see it but Chloe just gave me this
wry smile, made her look years older than what she was, and told me it was her
job to see it.
Could've knocked me over with a feather. But Chloe had a talent for doin' that,
surprising me. Made things interesting to say the least.
After that first meeting, I tracked down some friend of hers at the BSU, guy by
the name of Mulder and managed to find out her favourite flower - daisies - and
sent a bouquet of 'em over there, right before I showed up to invite her to
lunch.
And that started it.
We were dating pretty regularly by January of '92. That friend of hers, Mulder,
he didn't like me much; fine by me, I didn't like him much either. But we had a
*little chat* about it and called a truce. Both of us cared about her and both
of us wanted her happy. Since I could take care of that he didn't have any
complaints.
Pity neither one of us saw what was coming.
Christmas '94 I popped the question. Shocked the hell out of the guys, sure they
liked Clo' just fine but me? Mike - eternal bachelor - Pinocchio? Married? I
think, for a while, they thought I was kidding. Wasn't though. First time in my
life I was dead serious about something.
Well...the gettin' married part I was. But the actual proposal was another
story. With a last name like Pinocchio, you can bet I got some teasing. All
right, I got a lot of teasing. Ain't gonna tell ya what the guys in the unit
called me. Let's just say none of 'em ever dared say it around Chloe.
Anyway, the proposal was just me and Clo'. Christmas eve dinner at her folk's
place. We were out on the back porch, watchin' the snow fall. Yes, *watching the
snow fall*. What can I say? Chloe brought out the romantic in me. And yes, there
is a romantic in me. Not that I have much use for it these days.
So, while Chloe was watchin' the flakes out I pull the box. I might have a
romantic side but I ain't much good for sayin' anything fancy so I just grinned
at her and asked if she felt like makin' me a real boy. What can I say? If
people are gonna make fun of my name I'm damn well going to enjoy it too.
Y'know, I already knew Chloe was a knockout but I'm tellin' you she never looked
better. Snow in her hair, big green eyes all wide and sparkly (Christmas lights
reflected real nice in 'em too) with this little smile on her face. She said
yeah of course.
We were just getting into the wedding planning stuff when I got the call.
Yugoslavia.
And that's when everything went to hell.
Chloe didn't want me to go. I think she might've had a feeling something was
gonna happen. Something bad. Boy was she bang on.
So y'see why I said that landmine destroyed more than my military career? It
blew all my plans for me and Clo' to hell and back. I had it all planned out
y'know. Get a nice house off base somewhere, have a couple kids, dog maybe...And
with one click that all vanished.
No way was I gonna saddle Chloe with some gimp for a husband. She deserved way
better than that.
I remember, when they shipped me back Stateside...when I woke up she was sitting
next to the bed, smiling at me.
God, she was gorgeous.
Lookin' at her I knew no way was I letting her do what I knew she was planning.
No way was I gonna let her throw her life away. That mine destroyed my life...I
wouldn't let it wreck hers too.
She tried to convince me it didn't matter. That she didn't give a damn about me
not havin' a leg or my face being all scarred up. I know she believed that but I
knew what would happen, I knew better. Chloe'd try, my girl was nothing if not
stubborn, but even she can't pull off a miracle. It would've never worked. I'm
not gonna get any better physically so why dream? Dreams just shatter and
there's more pain.
I didn't like having to say those things to her. I got nasty. Just lashed out at
her. I knew if I tried to explain the reasons behind it...she'd argue. Probably
win too and I couldn't let that happen. Like I said, no way was I going to let
her marry me out of sympathy or loyalty. She deserved better and I was damn well
going to make sure she got it.
I still can't get the look on her face out of my head. The look she got when I
told her it was over and to get the hell out of my life. I know that broke her
heart but ya gotta be cruel to be kind right?
She was crying when she left but at least she left.
In a way I'm glad they told me about Harsh Realm when they did. Now Chloe thinks
I'm dead and she can move on. Its been almost five years...I hope she's moved
on. I hope she's happy.
That's why I'm so hard on you Hobbes. About the VC's. I made the same mistake
you did.
I met the VC Chloe Alexander while I was still working for Santiago. She worked
in one of the hospitals...a therapist. After all, Santiago's brave new world's
got no need for forensic psychologists. Or FBI for that matter.
She *looked* like my Clo', smelled like her, smiled like her. I'll be damned if
I know how they managed to get all that right. Makes a guy nervous, how closely
did they watch people before they put this place together?
I couldn't stop myself. I fell all over again. This Chloe didn't remember any of
our relationship outside. It was easy to forget for a while. Pretend this was my
Chloe.
But I got a rude awakening. Courtesy of Inga. The dumbest thing I've ever done
in my life was have an affair with that bitch. I thought we'd broken it off well
but I was wrong. She was waiting...All the time that passed, she was waiting to
get back at me. Hurt me. Knock me down to size.
I came home one day and found Inga and Chloe sitting down having a cup of coffee
together. Pretty innocent looking right? Well it was...till I saw the look in
Inga's eyes. It was then I realized she was going to take away the one thing in
Harsh Realm that I had that meant anything.
She'd poisoned Chloe's coffee. It was painless. Clo' didn't know what was
happening. When she collapsed into my arms I just kept whispering I loved her
until she digitized and I lost her.
You see Hobbes? You see what happens when you let yourself forget? Forget
they're not real? You give *them* an opening. Inga or Santiago...one of 'em'll
alway find a way to use you or hurt you.
Emotion in Harsh Realm, especially love or mercy, it ain't smart. Whoever said
love conquers all was either a fool, a damn liar or never dreamed about a world
even remotely like this hellhole.
Caring about anything or anyone in Harsh Realm isn't a strength. It's a
weakness. And a fatal one.
Love doesn't bring you life in Harsh Realm...it brings you death. Emotional or
literal...either way you end up dead.
Sooner you learn that the safer you'll be.
Finis
AUTHOR: M. Edison
FEEDBACK: Oh yes please! Be gentle though. ;-)
CATEGORY: AU. Post Ep.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Spoilers for Reunion
SUMMARY: Pinnichio's thoughts about leaving people behind.
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters or concepts of Harsh Realm or The X-Files belong to me.
Chloe does.
--------------
Harsh Lessons
by: M. Edison
--------------
Damn it, Hobbes. Why'd you have to go lookin' for that damn house? If you'd left
well enough alone we'd've never ended up in that damn work camp.
I get that you're trying to keep connections to the real world and all that,
good for you but leave my connections out of it.
Just once will you accept an explanation I give you and have done with it? Your
mother was a VC not the real deal, yet you wanted to risk *our* necks to take
her out of there. I get that's how you think, Mr Love-and-Honour, a
no-such-thing-as-a-lost-cause kind of guy. Y'know, if you can help anybody -
especially someone close - you'll move heaven and earth. Even if it is only a VC
not the real deal.
But damn it! Just once will you take my explanation, nod like a good boy and
then go off and do whatever the hell it is you want anyway? Why is it I keep
pounding the truth into that iron clad skull of yours? I might as well beat my
head off a wall.
I guess I can't blame you. Its not like you could know that explaining how your
mother was a VC and not the real deal, how I'd encountered people here that I'd
known outside, would dredge up memories I'd rather leave buried.
When I said I'd met people here, people I'd known outside, I neglected to
mention *who*. See, you're not the only one who left somebody behind. Someone
you loved.
Believe it or not, I was a very different guy before...Before I stepped on that
damn landmine. That explosion did a hell of a lot more than blow off a leg and
scar me up. It ripped out a big part of me. I lost a hell of a lot more than a
limb and my good looks.
Okay, back a few years...four to be precise. When I got back from the Gulf in
'91, I took a little downtime, then a posting in Virginia. Teachin' if you
believe it. Yeah, me, Mike Pinocchio, teaching the army's finest. It was fine,
kids reminded me of you actually, maybe that's why I'm so good at yellin' at
you. Had plenty of practise at Ft. Monroe.
Anyway, one night one of the privates I was teaching finds a girl on the
outskirts of the base. Dead. Murdered. Poor kid, he'd never seen nobody killed
like that...Even I had to admit it was pretty gruesome.
Turns out to be some serial killer and of course, that brings out the feds.
There was plenty of arguing over jurisdiction when they got there too. They got
pretty caught up in it, the brass. Right out in front of the main offices.
Yellin' at the top of their lungs. Didn't even notice me leanin' against a
building, listening.
And that's how I met Chloe.
I'm watching them argue, it was pretty funny actually. The base commander
arguing with some FBI agent, the two of them looking like they were about ready
to blow a blood vessel or somethin'. Anyway, they were too busy arguing to
notice when one of the fed's people slipped away. A pretty redhead.
Chloe.
Now being the healthy, young, red-blooded American male that I was, I followed
her. Struck up a conversation with her, offering to show her around the base and
the like. Really, I was making my best attempt to impress the pretty girl. Damn,
I must've come off looking like some pimply-faced teenaged kid. Chloe probably
laughed her ass off at me - and a damn cute ass it is too - not that she said
anything.
I didn't know she was a psychologist, thought she must've been a personal
assistant or somethin', she was only about 24 then. I guess that's why I didn't
think she was an agent. No badge or gun, just an id. She was a consultant then.
Too young for Quantico but the fibbies weren't about to let her get away. So
imagine my surprise when I realize she's headin' for the crime scene.
I tried to convince her she didn't want to see it but Chloe just gave me this
wry smile, made her look years older than what she was, and told me it was her
job to see it.
Could've knocked me over with a feather. But Chloe had a talent for doin' that,
surprising me. Made things interesting to say the least.
After that first meeting, I tracked down some friend of hers at the BSU, guy by
the name of Mulder and managed to find out her favourite flower - daisies - and
sent a bouquet of 'em over there, right before I showed up to invite her to
lunch.
And that started it.
We were dating pretty regularly by January of '92. That friend of hers, Mulder,
he didn't like me much; fine by me, I didn't like him much either. But we had a
*little chat* about it and called a truce. Both of us cared about her and both
of us wanted her happy. Since I could take care of that he didn't have any
complaints.
Pity neither one of us saw what was coming.
Christmas '94 I popped the question. Shocked the hell out of the guys, sure they
liked Clo' just fine but me? Mike - eternal bachelor - Pinocchio? Married? I
think, for a while, they thought I was kidding. Wasn't though. First time in my
life I was dead serious about something.
Well...the gettin' married part I was. But the actual proposal was another
story. With a last name like Pinocchio, you can bet I got some teasing. All
right, I got a lot of teasing. Ain't gonna tell ya what the guys in the unit
called me. Let's just say none of 'em ever dared say it around Chloe.
Anyway, the proposal was just me and Clo'. Christmas eve dinner at her folk's
place. We were out on the back porch, watchin' the snow fall. Yes, *watching the
snow fall*. What can I say? Chloe brought out the romantic in me. And yes, there
is a romantic in me. Not that I have much use for it these days.
So, while Chloe was watchin' the flakes out I pull the box. I might have a
romantic side but I ain't much good for sayin' anything fancy so I just grinned
at her and asked if she felt like makin' me a real boy. What can I say? If
people are gonna make fun of my name I'm damn well going to enjoy it too.
Y'know, I already knew Chloe was a knockout but I'm tellin' you she never looked
better. Snow in her hair, big green eyes all wide and sparkly (Christmas lights
reflected real nice in 'em too) with this little smile on her face. She said
yeah of course.
We were just getting into the wedding planning stuff when I got the call.
Yugoslavia.
And that's when everything went to hell.
Chloe didn't want me to go. I think she might've had a feeling something was
gonna happen. Something bad. Boy was she bang on.
So y'see why I said that landmine destroyed more than my military career? It
blew all my plans for me and Clo' to hell and back. I had it all planned out
y'know. Get a nice house off base somewhere, have a couple kids, dog maybe...And
with one click that all vanished.
No way was I gonna saddle Chloe with some gimp for a husband. She deserved way
better than that.
I remember, when they shipped me back Stateside...when I woke up she was sitting
next to the bed, smiling at me.
God, she was gorgeous.
Lookin' at her I knew no way was I letting her do what I knew she was planning.
No way was I gonna let her throw her life away. That mine destroyed my life...I
wouldn't let it wreck hers too.
She tried to convince me it didn't matter. That she didn't give a damn about me
not havin' a leg or my face being all scarred up. I know she believed that but I
knew what would happen, I knew better. Chloe'd try, my girl was nothing if not
stubborn, but even she can't pull off a miracle. It would've never worked. I'm
not gonna get any better physically so why dream? Dreams just shatter and
there's more pain.
I didn't like having to say those things to her. I got nasty. Just lashed out at
her. I knew if I tried to explain the reasons behind it...she'd argue. Probably
win too and I couldn't let that happen. Like I said, no way was I going to let
her marry me out of sympathy or loyalty. She deserved better and I was damn well
going to make sure she got it.
I still can't get the look on her face out of my head. The look she got when I
told her it was over and to get the hell out of my life. I know that broke her
heart but ya gotta be cruel to be kind right?
She was crying when she left but at least she left.
In a way I'm glad they told me about Harsh Realm when they did. Now Chloe thinks
I'm dead and she can move on. Its been almost five years...I hope she's moved
on. I hope she's happy.
That's why I'm so hard on you Hobbes. About the VC's. I made the same mistake
you did.
I met the VC Chloe Alexander while I was still working for Santiago. She worked
in one of the hospitals...a therapist. After all, Santiago's brave new world's
got no need for forensic psychologists. Or FBI for that matter.
She *looked* like my Clo', smelled like her, smiled like her. I'll be damned if
I know how they managed to get all that right. Makes a guy nervous, how closely
did they watch people before they put this place together?
I couldn't stop myself. I fell all over again. This Chloe didn't remember any of
our relationship outside. It was easy to forget for a while. Pretend this was my
Chloe.
But I got a rude awakening. Courtesy of Inga. The dumbest thing I've ever done
in my life was have an affair with that bitch. I thought we'd broken it off well
but I was wrong. She was waiting...All the time that passed, she was waiting to
get back at me. Hurt me. Knock me down to size.
I came home one day and found Inga and Chloe sitting down having a cup of coffee
together. Pretty innocent looking right? Well it was...till I saw the look in
Inga's eyes. It was then I realized she was going to take away the one thing in
Harsh Realm that I had that meant anything.
She'd poisoned Chloe's coffee. It was painless. Clo' didn't know what was
happening. When she collapsed into my arms I just kept whispering I loved her
until she digitized and I lost her.
You see Hobbes? You see what happens when you let yourself forget? Forget
they're not real? You give *them* an opening. Inga or Santiago...one of 'em'll
alway find a way to use you or hurt you.
Emotion in Harsh Realm, especially love or mercy, it ain't smart. Whoever said
love conquers all was either a fool, a damn liar or never dreamed about a world
even remotely like this hellhole.
Caring about anything or anyone in Harsh Realm isn't a strength. It's a
weakness. And a fatal one.
Love doesn't bring you life in Harsh Realm...it brings you death. Emotional or
literal...either way you end up dead.
Sooner you learn that the safer you'll be.
Finis