'I'm not gay' John would always tell himself. Convinced himself...Tried to at least. But he was right, really; he wasnt. He was just gay FOR someone. But that didnt really make him gay, right? A lot of straight people fall for their best friends regardless of sex, right? John justified his feelings for his flatmate pretty much everytime he saw him.
"John?" Sherlock's voice broke his train of thoughts. "So what do you think?"
"About what?" He asked completely lost. He had spent the past ten minutes of Sherlock's rambling thinking too hard about the way Sherlock had made him fall so hard. Yes, John could never really deny it for long; he was completely head over hills for Sherlock. He admired him so much; put him on a pedestal, higher than anyone else. Nothing came before Sherlock in his eyes, not even his very own life. Not to mention he was very jealous. Anytime something or someone intrigued his friend a little too much he would feel these painful, angry tugs at his heart. None of this was really a secret though. John had somehow always made it obvious that he was jealous. He would also leave subtle hints and little accidental touches. It didnt matter though...Sherlock never picked up on them. And it hurt john. Why must Sherlock be so naive? Why must he reject John so many times without even trying, without even knowing? John was almost at his breaking point by now. It was getting to be too much.
"John?" Sherlock snapped him out of deep thought again. "What could possibly be running in that dull brain of yours. Are you finally learning how to think?" John snorted. No matter how cruel or insensitive Sherlock's words were he still couldnt stop his heart from beating a little faster at the thought that Sherlock had noticed something about him.
"Oh, its nothing," John replied. He always said this when Sherlock questioned him. "Just unimportant stuff."
"Like what?"
John was taken back a little bit; Sherlock almost never asked him about exactly what he was thinking. "oh, um...nothing..." Should he just tell him? He might as well; it was only a matter of time before Sherlock were to figure it out.
Sherlock turned back to the window, "ok."
"Actually," John started. Sherlock turned back around to see his colleague get up and walk closer to him. "There's something i need to tell you."
Sherlock furrowed his eyebrows; genuine confusion in his eyes. What can John possibly have to say that he already didn't know?
John took a deep breathe and mustered up all the courage he could, "I know you dont feel the same way, but I just have to get this off my chest."
"What?"
"It hurts knowing you will never see me more than a friend and honestly i cant take it anymore." Emotion was starting to leak into his voice. Sincerity crawled into his face and all he could do was get it all out. He paused a moment.
"John?" Sherlock didn't understand what was happening, what was being said. He was confused.
"You'll probably never really understand, but…"
"John..."
He took a deep breath, "Sherlock, I love you." He sighed heavily. Oh, God did that feel good. It's like all the weight was lifted off his chest. He hadnt realized how much he needed to say that.
Sherlock closed his eyes a moment but then stared straight into John's eyes, "Love me how?" Of course. He was not going to make this easy for John.
"What do you mean how?" He knew Sherlock didnt feel the same, he knew he would not simply just reply with 'i love you too, John'. He knew this was going to end badly. He knew all that...What he didn't know was how much he didnt believe any of that. "Love." His voice shook. "You're more special to me than anyone else. I hold you closer to my heart than anyone else. I have a desire to be more than friends and I want to hold you and kiss you and be with you and make you happy. Most of all I want to be what you think about all the time. I want to be one of your obsessions." That's the best way he could put it. He was breathing hard now and pain was written all over his face.
Yet Sherlock's face didnt change. He understood what John was saying now. "John..."
"It's fine," John cut him off. He knew where this was going. "I'll go pack my stuff. I'll be out of your hair by sunrise."
"You dont have to leave," Sherlock scoffed. No, he didnt feel the same way toward his flat mate, but to him it still didnt really change anything.
"Yes i do," John turned away from him. "For me. It hurts being around you, Sherlock, it really does. I think it would be best for both of us if I just...leave."
Sherlock sighed, "Where will you stay?" He didnt argue. He was slightly disappointed at the fact that he now had to return talking to a skull that would never have anything to say back. But really, he knew John was right.
"I'll go back to my old place," John said as he started walking to his room. "Alone will be good for me again." He was starting to feel closure. "Who knows, maybe I'll even get over you."
"Will you come back if you do?" Sherlock almost sounded as if he was hoping for it. Almost.
"If you want me to," John actually smiled. As crushed as he was, he wasnt rejected; not completely.
"I'll be here." It was Sherlock's last words to his friend.
John started packing everything he owned, which really wasnt much. He'd be able to carry everything without help. Just like he said, he was out by sunrise. He called for a cab with tears in his eyes. He knew even if he did get over Sherlock, which was unlikely, that he would never be able to come back. No, he would only end up falling for him again. This was the end to this chapter in their lives. It was for the best though. Soon, both John Watson and Sherlock Holmes would fall back into a regular routine without each other. They coped, they moved on, they lived.
Of course, not a day went by without them thinking about each other. It was a fun time that was bound to end. A clean cut though. No fighting, no regrets, No hard feelings. It ended with honesty, harmony, and love.
umm dont hate me? probably didnt go as most of you have thought...but this is what happens when memories start to crush you...this story was actually based on something that happened to me with my best friend...a lot of the dialogue was real words that me and my now ex-best friend exchanged that night...but anyways...this has nothing to do with my other story that im writing..there is all the love and fluffiness in that one..lol.