Tony stood in front of the floor to ceiling windows in his private suite in the Tower. He stared out at the city laid out before him, taking in the sunset, enjoying the way the lights seemed to come to life as day gave way to night. Tony was waiting for someone, someone he hadn't seen outside of work, for almost six months. Six months in rehab and therapy had helped Tony see that maybe what was going on with him wasn't necessarily all their fault. He wasn't finished with his counseling, far from it but he knew that the first step was to forgive himself and to do that he needed to ask the forgiveness of the one man he'd hurt above all others. Sighing softly, Tony closed his eyes as he pressed his head against the cool glass. He rubbed a hand across his chest, feeling the scars that were still there, hidden beneath his button down. He wasn't aware that anyone had entered the suite until he'd heard someone whisper his name.
"Tony?"
He turned to find Steve standing in the doorway, a look of wary confusion in his sky blue eyes, his face devoid of all emotion. Despite this, Tony couldn't help but admit that Steve still looked as gorgeous as the day he first emerged from the ice. Stepping away from the glass, he gave him a small smile. "Hey, uh, come in, wasn't to sure you'd show up. Do you want something to drink, I've got juice and water?" Tony moved towards the small kitchen off to the left of the living room.
"Water is fine and you have a kitchen now?" Steve looked around the room, noticing the changes Tony had made. "You've, ummm, you've made some changes." He couldn't help his curiosity. After six months of silence and watching Tony from a distance, Steve had been surprised to get a message asking him to join Tony for dinner.
"You don't like it? I was going for a modern chic lived in type of feel. Pepper says it's a mess and Nat thinks I'm going hippie but..." Tony shrugged a shoulder as he opened the fridge and reached for two water bottles. "I'm comfortable here, you know? I can relax and be me." He handed Steve a bottle, giving him a small smile when he took it, their fingers brushing briefly. He didn't miss the heat that spread from the brief contact nor the blush that bloomed on Steve's cheeks.
"Thank you, Tony. I, uh, I-I wasn't expecting to hear from you, honestly." Steve looked down at the bottle in his hand, resisting the urge to press the cool plastic against his hot face. Looking up at Tony from beneath his lashes, he could feel his face heating at the look in his eyes. Turning back towards the living room, Steve took a deep breath. It wasn't lost on him that Tony could still make him blush, make him feel like a nervous kid again. "This is really nice Tony, I like the colors and the furniture. It feels like you're comfortable here." Steve turned back to the man behind him, a shy smile on his lips.
Tony nodded, "I am. I feel...safe...here." Tony moved past Steve, towards a large dark blue couch with red and gold accent pillows. Sitting down, he motioned for Steve to do the same. He watched as the tall blond tentatively sat on the edge of the couch. Chuckling, Tony took a drink of water, his eyes not missing how Steve watched him. Clearing his throat, Tony looked down at the couch then back up at Steve. "Ok, first off, I'm not going to say I'm going to apologize for everything I said. You know me and you know how I feel about you." Tony looked down at his bare feet, a small smile curving his lips as he looked up into the sky blue eyes he loved. "I've been doing a lot of things to take care of me. One of which is learning to forgive myself. I have to forgive myself before I can forgive anyone else. Or even ask forgiveness from some one else and trust me Steve, I want that from you, more than anything." Tony sighed, his therapist had been against him being so open and honest about his feelings. He understood why but he'd never really been able to lie to Steve, hide things maybe but outright lying, no. "I want to be able to move forward with my life and, uh, well that includes a number of things." He was scared of telling Steve that he wanted to include Steve in his life again. In his future, if Steve still wanted that. He just wasn't sure in what capacity that would be.
Steve sat in front of Tony, surprised at his words. "I, ummm, w-what do I say?" Steve floundered as he stared at Tony. "What, uh, what changes are you making?" He wanted to ask if he were included in his plans. Was there a chance for them to salvage something out of what they once had?
Tony sighed, "Well, I'm not saying we should get back together, immediately. I, uh, I-I'm pretty sure there are some things we both need to work through on our own." He looked down with a sigh, running a hand over one of the pillows in his lap. "It's really been lonely, these past six months. I mean, yeah we see each other and everything but..." Tony broke off in frustration. He missed Steve, their conversations, movie dates, late night dinners at Steve's favorite diner. He missed falling asleep with Steve next to him. The strong arms wrapped around him, protecting him from the dangers of the night. "It's just not the same and I know it never will be but I guess, what I'm saying is, I'd really like to try." He looked up at Steve, waiting for some type of reaction from the now silent, unmoving man in front of him. "If, uh, if there is a chance for that to happen, I'd like to take it."
Steve blinked, Tony would like to try, what? At them being friends, at them being cordial? What is it Tony meant? Steve wasn't aware he'd asked the questions out loud until Tony answered.
Giving a soft huff, Tony smiled shyly at Steve. " I, uh, I mean us. Maybe relearning each others habits and routines would help. I'm sure you don't do everything you used to do because god knows I don't. As hard as it is not to have that first glass of scotch or to just grab a bottle and hide, I don't. I mean, I can but what's the point? I didn't really like that person back then, not as much as I do now and they treated you rather badly in the end." He looked down at the pillow still in his lap. "I just, it would be a little comforting if we could at least work things out, somehow."
Steve couldn't catch his breath, all the waiting, the pining for Tony had come down to this. A chance to be in Tony's life in anyway possible and Tony was offering more than just mere friendship. "What type of relationship, Tony? I don't, ummm, I-I don't want to cause any damage to what you've already got going on here." He looked around the room, melancholy at the fact that these had been the colors they'd chosen when they were going to redecorate, the furniture being the same set they had picked out.
"If you haven't noticed, I did this thinking about you, Steve. It's not that I didn't love you, I do, god knows I do and only he knows why you'd love a fuck up like me. But, uh, I'm hoping that maybe we can work on something. Again, I'm not asking for a life time commitment and I understand that what I said hurt. Trust me, I've had everyone on my ass about it so I know it hurt but..."
"Tony, don't apologize. All the blame can't be put on you, if I had been listening to begin with we never would have ended up here." Steve looked around the room again, this time noticing the small things. The Captain America memorabilia on one wall and the Iron Man mementos on the other."You, uh, w-why would you want to do all of this, Tony? Besides feeling comfortable here, we picked all of this out..."
"Together, we did this together and I miss being able to do...together. Nobody does it better than we do and I, honestly, need to make things right. I mean, again I won't apologize for everything but..." Tony paused, taking a deep breath and looking up at Steve. "I'm sorry for saying I hate you. I don't, not really, I hate a lot of things. You know, maybe your self righteousness but I also love it because it makes me want to do better...for you. But I don't...I could never hate you."
Steve looked down at the bottle in his hands, a small smile curving his lips. "Would, umm, would you like to go to Sal's? I think tonight is bacon cheeseburger night." He glanced over at Tony, stomach twisting at the grin he received. "Maybe we can convince him to make those bacon cheddar fries you like?"
Tony grinned, already moving to grab his socks, shoes, wallet, and keys. "You're driving the bike, right? Haven't been on the back of one in a while."
Steve flushed, standing up and smoothing down his jeans. "Yeah, we can take the bike, you'll have to hold on to me though." He knew what the words sounded like, saw the moment Tony realized what he meant.
"Yeah, ok, not a problem. You're Captain America, you'd never let anything happen to me." Tony grinned as he walked past Steve and into the waiting elevator. "Get to moving, sweet cheeks, bacon cheeseburgers await!"
Steve grinned as he followed Tony onto the elevator. Things weren't perfect between them but this was a start. If anything, he was being given another chance to make things right between them and this time, he would.